If you can, picture a glass that is filled with water. If you drop a paperclip into the glass, the paperclip will sink to the bottom. It will not float, because it’s too heavy. When you move the glass, or turn it around, you’ll notice the paperclip move just a little. It will only move between the confines of the space in the glass. If you shake it up a little, you’ll see that paperclip move around like a whirlwind almost.
Love is a heavy emotion, and when not met by and equal, the difference in the chemistry causes one person to sink.
Falling in love with or being in love with someone who does not love you back, is like dropping that paperclip into the glass of water. With the glass being love, water being one person, and the paperclip being the other person. People say love is love, but they fail to see that love can take many forms. Love for someone can manifest itself in different ways. So, we are both inside this glass, calling our feelings love, stating that were are in love, just because we are in this glass together… However, the form that one person’s love took, was in the form of water. There’s no way for water to support the paperclip. He loves you, but he’s not in love with you. When that is the reality, you could drown.
The constant feeling of being shaken, and moved by the twist and turns of the water, causes sickness. But you think the water is paying attention to you. Those movements are what are called mixed signals and mixed emotions. You equate the movement with progress. You equate the movement with a pulse. The feeling of sinking and loosing control, as you fall to the bottom, begins to permeate. You cannot breathe under water, you cannot move inside the glass.
So, if this is what falling in love with someone who does not love you back feels like, imagine being on the opposite end of that spectrum, where you fall out of love with that person. Shake the water out of the glass, turn the glass upside down and set yourself free. Fall out of the glass, into a place where you can breathe. Somewhere, that you can love again and find love again, or at least just experience the quiet moment of peace over pain. By falling out of love, this is what you will find:
- Your Voice- You can’t talk under water. You weren’t able to express yourself fully, because the water could never understand your feelings and that is because he didn’t feel the same. He was not experiencing the same thing as you, so he could not relate. He always shut you down, or made you believe that his love is the way love is supposed to feel. You were afraid to say much, because you didn’t want to loose him or turn him off by anything you said. You retreated to the bottom of the glass and suffered in silence. Go get your voice back!
- Your dignity/self-respect: Forget that song about “If loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right.” You have loved someone and have been holding on to something that you knew, was not right. All you’ve done is damage yourself, by allowing someone to damage you. You had so much love for the person that you used to see in the mirror. You gave all that love to someone else, to the point that you forgot about loving yourself. You began to rely on him for love. You stepped outside of who you were, and left yourself behind. You began to treat yourself how he was treating you. Go get your Dignity and Self-Respect back!
- Your Strength- You fell into a place at the bottom of that glass, which you didn’t think you’d ever make it out of. Part of that was because you weren’t trying to get out. You were trying to breath underwater instead. After a while, you became so weak, you couldn’t fight your way to the top. You would love a little, and then fall back in. You weren’t strong enough to finally dump the contents of that glass and move on. As hard as it was for you to stay at the bottom, you fought against yourself. Go get your strength back!
- Your Grounding-Footing-Bearings-Direction– You lost your way. You drifted away from all the things that you knew. From the top of the glass, to where you finally sunk. That included wavering in faith. You found yourself in a place that was foreign to you. It was a place you’d never thought you’d be. The bottom of a glass… drowning and too weak to do anything about it. You often ask yourself, “why am I even here” Then the glass would shake you some more and cause you to forget where you were standing, distracted you by the movement- it threw you off course and you found yourself sinking again, each time. Go get your bearings back!
- Self Esteem – You lost confidence in yourself. Began trying to find things to do to your face… make-up, eyebrows, skin lightening, face/body toning, different color lipstick, weave, wigs, curls, straight hair, shaved head… You began to look at your body and consider things like liposuction, plastic surgery, butt lifts, tummy tucks, breast implants, porcelain veneers, weight-loss… all the things that you thought you had to do, to make yourself someone more ‘desirable for the one who did not love you back.
- Your Peace– You couldn’t sleep, you couldn’t eat and you couldn’t focus. You struggled with your health. Because your mind was never at rest about why you were at the bottom of a place that you thought was love. You knew how love was supposed to feel, but because you’d lost your voice, your dignity, your strength and you bearings… you also lost your perspectives. You could not find peace in being apart because your low self-esteem made you wonder about all the things he was doing and all the things he’s said to you. Go get your peace back!
- Yourself: You have now found yourself! Welcome Back
MEN, This message is for you too. Get back to loving yourself. It’s not the end of the world.