As I sit and ponder all of the things that I have told my child over the years, and all of the things I would like for him to know, there is no shortage in the material. There are many things I would like for him to know, but I start by depositing messages of love. In that, I would like for him to understand the power of love and the need to spread it. Kid’s, who are loved, will love. What you put into them is usually what will come out. It is as simple as this: If you take a sponge and filled it with water, when you wring it out, water is what will come out.
It’s almost like sending him off to school, and making sure he has everything he needs, double-checking his backpack and lunch box, to make sure that he hasn’t forgotten anything. Checking his shoes, clothes and socks to make sure he’s appropriately dressed for the weather… making sure he brushed his teeth, cleaned his ears, and put on deodorant and has money for a snack. Making sure he’s got his list of emergency contact numbers, he knows his home address and phone number, parents full name and his own full name…Except, I am sending him off to life, in the bigger picture. So, day by day, as I send him off, I make sure that …I am taking in to account, his health and wellbeing, making sure he’s equipped for the assignments, reviewing his homework and making sure he stays on course.
Of course, as he grows from a grade-schooler, to a teenager and young- adult, those messages, points and checks, checks and balance systems will naturally, alter and tailor themselves accordingly.
For now, I start by showing him how much I care for him. I always make sure that I am mindful of a growing child, who’s absorbing all that I say and do. I realize that those things that are going into him are being registered as memories, which will be processed at some point in his life, toward necessary situations that may arouse in his life. I try to make that as positive as possible, so that when the time comes, where he uses what he’s learned, he will be able to apply knowledge and wisdom.
I would want my son to know that being a child to a single mom, does not make him any less capable of achieving his dreams. I’d make it very clear to him that, while his father and I were divorced at the time of his conception, his father and I were friends. We were friends of over 20 years. I wouldn’t want my son to look at the dynamic of this situation, and feel that he should strive to leave the mother of his child one day, his wife, or even deny a child belongs to him after he’s been intimate with a female- so I will make sure to address that. But I also know that things can change between husband and wife, girlfriend and boyfriend, and even friends, when you tally in all the outside factors, deeply seated issues of the past and the irreconcilable differences that are produced in the process.
My son has a unit and an example to use as the blueprint, when he wants to know how to make a relationship work, as well as what a family make up traditionally consist of: Mom, dad and children. While it has not been the unit in our home, with his dad and I being estranged friends, he still has many examples to follow or mimic, in my own parents, my sisters and my brothers. He is very familiar with that. I would want him to know the importance of honesty, integrity and helping others. I would continue to impress upon him, ways to be a good person, a good man, and a great father, mentor and leader.