- Does not maintain Contact: She is clearly trying to let you know that she doesn’t want to move you from the friend zone, when she doesn’t respond to your text, she has never called you on the phone, doesn’t talk to you on a regular and doesn’t invite you out- nor to her home and she ignores your advances. Her response to your mushy text is: “awww” plus a “friendship proof” emoji.
- You never see her: She never makes you a priority. She’s constantly busy or out of town when you ask to see her or meet up or take her out for lunch/dinner etc. she always “has something to do.”
- When you do see her, several months have passed or maybe even a year. The two of you have never come close to being intimate and she pulls away from you, when you hug her too long. Her conversation with you is on a diet, in that she only talks to you about lite issues, and never gets too heavy or goes too deep with you. She does not share your optimism in a future of being together, when “the time is right.”
- She said it: She has told you that she doesn’t want to move forward with a relationship with you. She said that she’s too busy and has too much going on in her life, to consider a relationship- Yet you make it hard for her to be honest, so reasons 1,2&3 came to exist, because you just don’t get it.
Men- please stop trying to move yourself out of friend zone with a woman who has made it very clear that she doesn’t want to move you. If she wants you, she will make time and she will also make that clear to you. She’s not playing hard to get, she truly doesn’t want to be got by you. It’s not really worth the chase, if she makes it tremendously hard for you, just to get a hug from her. You wouldn’t have to force it if she wanted it.
Advice: Aggressiveness seems very thirsty and it’s not attractive. Well, not to someone who is into you. So if she’s not reciprocating that, stop. If she is not embracing that, stop. If she’s not doing anything to invite that, stop. When you come on so aggressive, she puts you even further back in the friend zone, with impactful gestures to let you know- she’s not interested in being more than your friend. Your behavior comes across as uncouth.
Allow me to pause and say this, because some people are backing away from the story and shouting, “The Nerve of Her Siddity Ass!”
No, she shouldn’t be flattered: Personally, I am not someone who feels that I am not deserving of a compliment, which screams, I am so lucky that you are interested in me. I do not believe that I should accept advances, just because someone complimented me. While I humbly accept your compliment, and sincerely appreciate your comment; I don’t have to solidify my thanks, by going out with you. Nor by leading you on, in a reply that says more than Thank-You. No one gets upset at a compliment. It’s when its over-bearing with more gestures to follow up that compliment, about “getting together” “going out” doing something to build on a relationship with you, while you know that she doesn’t want that- its annoying.
So, for the women: (I’m guilty) … And I own my part.
- Stop accepting his invites and going on outings with him: It doesn’t matter that it was just one time in the last 12 months. If he thinks you’re “The One” and you think he’s just “Another One” you absolutely should not ever go out with him on a special holiday, if you want him to remain in friend-zone. Every time you accept an invitation to go for food, coffee, dinner, drinks… he’s hopeful. Even though its just coffee to you, it’s a date for him. It’s an opportunity to him. It’s a foot in the door to him. When someone is interested in you, and you know that, he doesn’t take your minimal interest in him, into account. That’s because you’re leaving a door open for him, in his eyes. Having heard this reasoning from a male perspective – I can appreciate the reasons why this should STOP.
- Don’t send what you think are, friendly proof mojos: Because to him it’s still a response. Some men only understand the concept of faith, the size of a mustard seed, when it applies to you responding to his “hello” text. When he’s head over heels, that’s an invitation to him. Everything you do, can be viewed as interest to him- so even though you don’t take calls and ignore text, your response at any point gives him hope when he’s still pursuing more than a friendship with you. He has made his motives clear to you. He has told you what his intentions are. He has made it just a clear to you, that he wants to be with you. So, when you accept any invitation, he assumes that there is some interest. Your actions should line up with what you say, just like his actions line up with what he has said.
- Discontinue Contact/Contract: He does not adhere to your Friend Zone rules. Therefore, you need to terminate the contact. When nothing you have done, in obvious fashion, has clicked for him; he’s either: 1. Not picking on the clues. 2. Ignoring the clues. 3. Continuing to overstep friendship, then its time to cut him off.
Let me not forget to address the men who are reading this, who may feel that this was an attempt to crush their ego, it’s not! And I realize that the same rules can be reversed and applied to a woman. Neither is this a faux fantasy. It’s all the things that she wants to say, but cant, without hurting your feelings. Salute.