There are a lot of revelations that my son has repeated to me, after hearing other people say. I cringe for them, as those individuals would be so humiliated to know that I have that information.
I learned this the hard way myself, when my son repeated something back to me, that I knew for sure I said… It wasn’t just variation of what I said, but verbatim of what I said. All I could think of is, geezus, I hope to GOD he didn’t say this to anyone else.
Thoughts of that cute Disney Cruise Line commercial, comes to mind now. There’s a woman in the elevator with her children, along with others… her child is telling the story about their adventures and he says, “That’s my baby brother. His name is Joe, but my mommy calls him a little souvenir.”
I am included in the group of parents who’ve cringed when running into Ms. Alton, on isle 8 of the community grocery store. I am one of those who have broke out into a sweat, while experiencing slight anxiety, all while praying to GOD, that my son doesn’t repeat something I may have said in his presence, without consideration given to the fact that he was nearby listening. I never know what he’s about to say, when he says “My momma said…” nor how I will explain or clean it up, after it’s said.
I’ve had to clutch my pearls a few times. I have had to force the frog from my throat and turn, to inconspicuously race to another isle in the grocery store, in an attempt to escape a potentially humiliating situation, brought on by an “out of the mouth of a babes” moment.
Here are 5 things that will make you cringe, after hearing, My Momma Said:
- My momma said she doesn’t like my dads mom: Even if we once loved or hated our in laws, or if we love or hate them now, what we really don’t want to happen is, for them to ever know if we hated them. No matter what, if you’re still married into the family, this is still top-secret information. It’s one thing if the hatred came after the divorce, but if this is shared while y’all are still married- get ready for hell! Every married woman can tell you, that she’s had her run-ins with her mother -in- law at some point. We know that there are some who have gotten along just fine, but then there are those who had one son, who’s a momma’s boy, who can do no wrong in the sight of his mother. His mother is his biggest fan and cheerleader. She doesn’t want to hear or know anything bad about her beloved son. She will go to hell over ignoring her son’s bad behavior to simply support him in his foolishness, while she’s on this earth. You may have made this comment while chiming in on a discussing with your own mom or even cousins or close friends. Your child happened to hear bits and pieces and concluded that you just don’t like grannie, because “grannie is a pushover.” Haven’t had this to happen to me personally, but that may be because I’d already learned this lesson in the example provided in, number 2.
- My momma said she was never attracted to my dad: or when a child says to the new husband (My mom said she wish she met you first) Once again, something we hope our children have never heard us say, because we don’t want to discount his dad in his presence…) and more importantly, never repeated, if heard. When a child repeats something of this nature, the core details and substance to those conversations, are often absent. The child caught the tail end of a conversation or the beginning of a vent session and all else was lost. There’s no way to recover from this once it’s said. The little one could tell dad that you said you aren’t attracted to him, and if you are still married- there’s a possibility that you’d never live this comment down. No matter what the context was, in which you said it. Men have egos that are easily crushed and a comment like this, will take you into a realm of hatred that you didn’t know existed. Men can be pretty foul and extremely petty, when their egos are bruised. They serve malicious, like you’ve never seen. They hit low and below the belt. The phrase “All is fair in love and war”, came from a man, for GOD’s sake. Once you allow a comment of this nature to leak, it blazes into the esteem of a man, and you better be prepared. All of their inner thoughts, belonging to the complex that they have and have had about themselves come rushing into play, such as: (short, dark-skinned, skinny, little, fat, ugly etc.) It all comes out in their response to you, for making the comment that they heard the child repeat.
- My momma said our neighbors make her sick: The neighbors that usually make mom sick, are the ones who keep up loud music after 10:00pm, on a weekday- and who crowds the cul-de-sac on the weekends, making it impossible to check mail, if you live in those subdivisions that have community mailboxes. They are the neighbors who don’t keep their lawn cut or manicured and is always the sore spot on the street. They have that old, beat up cutlass 442 that they’ve been working on for the last 10 years. It’s sitting on bricks in the front of the house. They are the neighbor who you feel, are bringing down the property value. They are responsible for the loud, out of control parties on the weekends, where at any moment, their uncle Lou is going to grab some chick on the ass and try to get her number. She calls the police to take a report, after-which, she decides that she doesn’t want to press any charges. These are the neighbors who are always going at it as a couple. The guy can be heard outside, on many nights, banging on the windows and doors, pleading for his wife to answer the door, hollering “just give me one more chance” The wife has also been seen entertaining other men, while her husband was away at work on Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s. Imagine running into either of them, at the neighborhood store and asking the general, “How you been?” to which your child jumps in and ask, “Mom, is this the neighbor that make you sick?”
- My momma said I can’t come to your houses that, because y’all are nasty/dirty: This would be the family who allows their dogs to sleep in any bed in the house, lick their owners in the face and on the lips. Their dogs hang around in the kitchen, slobbering around the areas where the food is being prepared for guest. They feed the dog with the same hand that’s being used to prepare dinner, without washing…. This comment is not at all what you intended it to be, but yea it really is. You did say that you don’t want to eat there, because their dog is always in the kitchen or on the counter and sometimes in the hands of the person who’s preparing the meal. However, you didn’t mean it in the most negative way. You simply wanted whomever you were speaking with, to know the reasons that you personally don’t want to eat there. But when a child gets ahold of that comment, it goes full press down the court and there’s no way to rebound it once the child has made such a comment.
- My momma said your mother (you) always trying to sell something: One day she’s selling Avon, the next it’s Mary Kay and diet pills at the same time. She’s been known to sell everything from QVC products, to electronics, to spanks, to bibles and self help CD’s. She sells Girl Scout cookies, the newest in healthcare nutrition supplements, a cure for aging, age spots, wrinkles, and skin care. She’s selling a cure for cancer, a cure for headaches, a cure for high blood pressure, a cure for energy, a cure for fatigue and they all help with estrogen levels, mood swings, migraines and depression. And it’s an “opportunity” for a “real forward thinking” entrepreneur, to own business that will earn them “residual” and early retirement from working for someone else. It’s an “opportunity” to take control of your life. You set your own hours and work as much or as little as you’d like, where if you sell enough product, you can make a million dollars in 5 months. It’s an opportunity that you’d be crazy not to buy into. And if you say no, they respond angrily. Their hook is, “So you’re saying you don’t need extra income?” They say that you are missing the deal of a Lifetime and it’s a sign from GOD, that y’all to meet, so that she could bless your life with this product.
At the end of the day, the lesson is to watch what you say in front of the children. Make sure the children are not within earshot of your adult conversation. When you’re with the girls, laying your problems on thick and discussing guilty pleasures over a bottle of wine, cheese and great music; just remember to keep your voice down. Make sure the children are nowhere around, if you do decide to voice an opinion that you have, or a problem that you’re having…