Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships

The Ghost Of Christmas Past

It’s that time of the year to spread a little Christmas Cheer! Don’t you just love Christmas time? Everyone is in the spirit of giving and sharing, while embarking on a realistic and sometimes achievable New Year’s Resolutions. For many, it’s the end of an era and the beginning of something new, symbolic in the way of the year turning over. I absolutely love getting together with family and friends during this time, celebrating a season which brings so many people from afar, together around the tree or fireplace; which is where they share memories of Christmas tradition’s past.

I thought of a cool game to play with the students in my writer’s workshop class, and one that I will be doing over the Holidays with my family. It made for a great bonding experience as well as an outlet for everyone to be transparent about their life, their goals and how they will implement a change in their life, if any at all. I would like to pass it along and share with everyone else. It may create a blog idea for you to share with your readers as well as create a wave of participants. It’s called Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future. This could ultimately end up being a 3 to 9-part blog post. If you had this experience, as scrooge did, who would be your ghost? Share the story.

There’s a couple of ways that you can present this game during Christmas. In matters of time and depending on how large/small your group is, you can ask of each participant to share:

  • If 1 ghost were to visit you, which one would it be and why… what’s the story and lesson
  • If all the ghost came to visit you, what would be the story of each
  • You may also divide into 3 teams of participants, (if there’s a larger group) having the group leader to pull straws for a ghost, where each member of that team will share a story about that ghost visiting.
  • Pick a theme of which your ghost will take you: Relationships, Employment/Business, etc.

But first, acquaint yourself with the story of each Ghost’s purpose if you are familiar with it, so that you can remain as close to topic as possible.

Ghost of Christmas Past: This angelic spirit shows Scrooge scenes from his past that occurred on or around Christmas, to demonstrate to him the necessity of changing his ways, as well as to show the reader how Scrooge came to be a bitter, cold-hearted. (Your story does not have to be surrounded around Christmas) Although in the movie, it was to show why scrooge came to be who he is around the holiday. You can share about experiences as it relates to how you are or who you were and who you became period.

My Ghost of Christmas Past’s employment/business scenes would include:

2001- I worked for a Real Estate and Property Management Company. It was my first position as a Corporate Receptionist…. and an opportunity to finally dress up for work instead of wearing tennis shoes, as I did in previous managerial positions in the retail management sneaker industry. I performed well in my position, but was asked to resign shortly after one of the big wig clients in our building complained that I didn’t deliver his mail, which had been mismarked and delivered to our office by accident. Turns out, he was a head honcho at Mercedes Benz Corporation. We had an exchange of words, which entailed me advising him that I delivered his mismarked mail as a courtesy, and him stating that I delivered it too late. This spat resulted in the CEO of the company I worked for, in so many words, reminding me that I was to submit to a man of power and not to talk back. I learned that the world can be cold, and even colder in the Heart of Dixie. I began to develop a hard shell absent of compassion when it came to business.

2007, My Ghost of Christmas Past is showing me a call center that I worked at, in which I was recruited from another company and invited to go work for. I was ecstatic about my job, and the evidence was in that it was the longest time I had remained with a company, until I was terminated after 18 months of employment. It happened 2 weeks before Christmas. I was always on-time for work, stayed late when necessary, met company goals and for a lengthy period, I was leading in the number of intake calls. I was fired because a customer complained that I was cold-hearted about not being able to do something for her. I believe my hardened exterior which developed years earlier was the catalyst for me not having compassion for the customer’s request.

2010 is the last place that my ghost of Christmas past would take me. I was working for a Real Estate Company. I was successful at what I did but had a lot of people, upper management included, who did not appreciate my challenging work. I stayed at work late, went in early, went in on my off days, filled in where necessary, and I also maintained one of the highest closing ratios for leasing. Having the success that I had, brought along my share of envious co-workers. I stumbled upon an email one day that was from the District Manager, which was written to the Manager (her BFF) of the property of which I worked. In the email, it stated that she was to “Find ways to write Niedria up” Basically, create a paper trail so they could solidify reasons for terminating me. It became a hostile work environment, having to work with a manager who was deliberately looking for a reason to fire me. And it happened. I was asked by a male resident to follow him to his apartment, carrying a box for him that he could not carry because his arm was in a sling. First thing came to my mind was, Ted Bundy. I told the resident that I would have a male member of the maintenance staff help him. The manager overheard me. She then fired me for refusing to assist the resident with his package.

My Ghost will reveal to me that these were just a few things that happened to me in the business world, where I demonstrated hard-work and loyalty to companies, where I was discarded in a heartbeat. Furthermore, why I then burned bridges which I never knew would need to be crossed again. And lastly, why I need to rebuild where necessary.

Ghost of Christmas Present: The second of the three spirits that haunt the miser Ebenezer Scrooge, in order to prompt him to repent.

My Ghost of Christmas Present will transport me around several cities, showing me the thriving of professionals in my line of business, along with those of which are not so successful who may have been terminated under my management or employment with companies of the past. My ghost will transport me to the living rooms of Customers and Clients who were wounded by some of the cold-hearted things I have said, as well as the foul language I used with some of them. My ghost reveals to me how vicious nature of words have scorned people and in some cases, damaged them for a lifetime. I will ask, “Are they going to be ok” to which my Ghost would respond, “If these shadows remain unaltered by the Future, they will not” – adding a heartless comment that I have made in the past… (I won’t say) … and he leaves me with this: “Most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom unless the writing be erased.” I still hold tightly to my reasonable explanations as to why some were so deserving of the comments I delivered.

Ghost of Christmas Future: The Third and Final Ghost and the most fearsome of the Spirits. It represents what the future holds for Scrooge if he does not change his ways.

My Ghost of Christmas Future will show a funeral as well… one in which only people would come just to see and have something to talk about. “Oh, she kicked the bucket… that’s what she gets, for the way she talked to so many people” …they would whisper. How about that?!

Upon request, my ghost would show me ‘tenderness connected to death’, in the form of another funeral. One of which resulted from a suicide committed under the spell of words that I spoke which haunted the life and days of a woman/man where I told them that they should slit their wrist.

Once it’s established that the funeral is my very own, I discover that I must repent and correct the language that I use, being more tactful and compassionate, even when I feel that they are less deserving. In doing the right thing, I open my heart to seeing the human in everyone that I will meet; knowing that a kind word can make someone’s day, giving them the motivation, hope and inspiration they need to be successful. And all these things, to be reminded of and to be remembered, are what is supposed to help us transform into better people. I plead with the ghost to, “sponge away the writing on this stone”

I think in this story, as well as the Grinch that stole Christmas, we can see how both characters came to be who they are. We understand a fraction of their existence through their eyes. However, we understand that it is still also necessary for us to be the change we want to see in the world and that goodness prevails, whereas the momentum of evil can penetrate our futures, wreaking havoc on our quality of life while damaging a sum of others in the process. Change is necessary. This exercise may inspire your New Year’s Resolution.

 

 

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Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships

A letter one lady wrote to her 30- year old self, that’s worth reading

A letter one lady wrote to her 30- year old self, that’s worth reading
Dear 30-year old self,

It will be the first weekend in November. You are going to be 2 months into the finalization of your divorce, after spending 2-years requesting a divorce and refusing to date anyone until it was final. You are going to put on your little silver dress which will adorn your new and improved size 4, lean, tight, fit and toned body. You are going to step into your fish net stockings and your black alligator stilettos with the chrome heel. You’re rocking your pixie cut and your new carefree attitude as you head off to a fashion show. You’ll sit front row, VIP, with a swag bag and there will only be a few in attendance once you arrive. However, after a few moments, you will meet the gentlemen to your right, who are sitting at the end of the runway. They call themselves photographers and head of a magazine.

After the show, you will have small talk with one of the gentlemen and you will exchange numbers. Amid speaking to the attractive, nearly 7-footer, you’re going to slip, stumble backwards and almost take a fall, in the most literal and figurative way. The same gentleman who sat at the end of the runway, who you are engaged in conversation with, will demonstrate sharp reflexes as he instantly reaches out to save you from the embarrassment of falling while in your tiny silver dress. He will extend his arm and catch you. You will thank him and notice his smile. Pearly whites and broad shoulders will draw you in. While you stay to enjoy the after party, with other friends and make acquaintance with other attendees, you will anticipate the call from the gentleman who reached out to catch you earlier, whom you’ve given your number to.

He will waste no time. He will call you 24- hours later to suggest hanging out and spending time together. You’ll accept his advancements and extend an invitation. You will invite him over for drinks, on the heel of his suggestion that since you’re doing nothing this evening, “Maybe we should do nothing together.”

You’ll open the door and welcome him in, speaking silently to yourself that you made no mistake in giving this one your number, as he looks just like you remember. You will share drinks on the sofa for a few, while watching TV and chatting about the show, the after party and life in general. You’ll share similar background stories, but he will omit one important thing just before you ask him if he wants another drink.

The next morning, he will still be in your home. He will stay for another night. After-which, he will invite you over to his home to continue getting to know each other. You’ll make a run to the gas station, suggesting that the two of you eat breakfast first. That will become the hilarious hallmark conversation for the next 10-years, as to how you had the audacity to recommend eating breakfast at a gas station.

Within that first month of meeting him, you will invite him to your hometown 3-weeks later to meet your family at Thanksgiving. You will share some amazing moments while collecting a lot of memories together. You will take a couple of trips together in which you will determine that something is going on that doesn’t add up. You will be a little gullible and naïve. He will even tell you this at times, as you ignore the obvious, allowing him to get away with things that only a fool would. There will be good times, tough times, explosive times, a lot of secrets, a lot of disappearing on his part and a lot of lies. You will ignore all the flags at first, and long enough to get in too deep. But then, you will begin to see all the writing on the wall that you missed, as it begins to illuminate and emerge from the darkness that covered it, while the lights were off.

After the paint has dried, it begins to peel. That is when you’ll discover that he also has two more children by a third girl. You will ignore that as well, and determine that it happened during a break up, but the mathematics shows that it happened a day or so after the break up. Things are adding up. But you’re already 10 years in.

What I would like you to know is that once you step into the fashion show, it is important for you to know that the handsome, nearly 7-foot gentleman to your right, who says he owns a magazine is also married. He’s separated of course, and he lives apart from his estranged wife, but he has a 16-year old son and a baby on the way by his mistress, that he will not tell you about when you meet him…and you will discover on your own, nearly two years later. Should you engage in conversation, you will become another name in the little black book. Though you will last 10 years in the game, you need to know that this is all it is to him: A game. There are things you will never know about him, even after 10 years. There is a part of his life that he will never bring you into, even after 10 years, because he knows it will expose the rest of the writing on the wall.

You should know that should you decide to have small talk, leave it at that and leave it at the fashion show. I know…he’s attractive and he’s saying all the right things but he’s not saying anything at all. Do not exchange numbers and do not invite him over.

If you feel yourself about to take a fall, reject his advances to catch you and just take your fall gracefully. The embarrassment from the fall in your tiny silver dress will result in everyone seeing your underwear, but will be no match for the embarrassment that you will see in 10 years, should you allow this man to catch you.

Seen On Shesavvy.com

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships

Pulling The Plus On Your Own Life Support

Wellbeing

Is there ever a time where you say, I need to get away from everything and everyone that I know to get back to myself? Yes. There is. Finding yourself in a place where you’re not allowed to be an adult, because you must follow everyone else’s rules, is the time to get away. Run away, go away, stay away.

Do you feel like you’re fulfilling the life of someone else? By which you must do exactly what they say, or else? Or else meaning that they will cut you off financially, or give you the silent treatment, or dis own you or anything else along these lines, if you don’t do exactly what they say or if you express a difference in opinion?

You don’t get to make your own mistakes, and you don’t get to make your own decisions because you’re following someone else’s rules and demands…. So, then you never know where life could have led you if you followed your own path or submitted to the divine intervention that you feel that you have been subjected to because against your better judgement, you did what someone else demanded you to do because they had control over you. You had to do what they said to do because they felt as though they had all the answers to your life and because they thought they had all the answers- you had to do it, because you’re in no position to not do what they tell you to do.

However, you’re the only person who will suffer from the circumstances/consequences that come on after the demand to do something you didn’t want to do, but only did because someone else demanded that you do it.

The demand comes in several different outfits. It can be that the person who is telling you to do something, will change their demeanor toward you if you don’t do it. It can come in the form of that person discontinuing an affiliation or association with you. It can come in the form of someone treating you differently after you refused to heed their command.

For instance: A parent tells a child to take the trash out on Tuesday afternoon, but the child knows that vicious dogs are out on Tuesday afternoon and insist that they take it out on Tuesday night instead. The parent tells the child, “No, I said take it out right now…” and when you fail to move… the parent spends that time ignoring you or giving you the silent treatment and making you feel that they will no longer be your friend/confidant/parent/mother/father… until you take the trash out like they told you to. Never considering the age of the child being an adult in this instance. Never considering how it may affect their child.

The only principle they are practicing is that if they tell their child to do something, that the child does it. Or, they feel that you should just do it period, because they are the ones who are supporting you. You must do whatever they say, even when you know it’s not good for you. You must heed their command because they are the ones who call the shots. You do not have the right to make your own decisions about what you feel is the right thing to do in life or your situation- because they are looking at you as if you’ve made bad decisions in the past and that’s why you’re in a situation where you need them. And because you don’t want to point the finger or go tic for tac, about details of those decisions, tarrying into the past and opening old wounds, you accept it. That adage which says, “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.” Or the scripture, “Honor thy mother and they father” … you just grin and bear it.

The parent feels as though their instruction is law. The parent feels as though the child should do what they tell them to do, because it’s what they should do. The parent has no regard for what the child may feel is right, because it may be contradictory to their instruction. The parent has no regard for the feeling that the child has about the assignment and they have no regard for the divine instruction that the child says he/she may have received about what should be done, because all they can see is that they have a child who they are taking care of. As if GOD only communicates with the parents and not the child, because the child is not worthy of communication with GOD if he/she is in a position where they need help.

Mom knows best and if mom says do it, you do it. That’s the underlying factor. And even though the parent has witnessed the attacks of the vicious dog on Tuesday afternoon, they still tell you to take the trash out-and they stand on the belief that the dog will not attack you. (because they are uber religious) never-mind the nature of a vicious dog.

So, next week you decide… OK, I am going to take the trash out on Tuesday afternoon because this is what my mom/dad says, and I know that they are the ones who are supporting me, so I better to exactly as they say or else… (because that’s the feeling they give if you go against your better judgement) So, you take the trash out and you get viciously attacked by the dogs.

I pause to say…You can have all the empathy and sympathy in the world for a person who has been viciously attacked by a ruthless dog, but if it wasn’t you who lost an arm, a leg, and you have not been hospitalized for the wounds… or paralyzed from the waist down, you cannot under any circumstance relate to the pain. But the child is stuck with it. So, what now?

Now your child resents you and doesn’t want to take any instruction from you at all. They see you differently, because of the way you move. They cannot trust that you have their best interest at heart. They are not as willing to make information readily available about their life and life choices. They truly want to exclude you from anything that they do, because it seems better that way. They don’t really want your support anymore because your support comes with the caveat of you telling the entire world about their problems with no discretionary discernment. They see that you will deliver them right into the hand of the enemy (the dog) only because you believe that no weapons formed will prosper but you don’t understand that if that was true in totality, that good people would not suffer. (beyond saying that everything happens for a reason. Because the point is that if the dog never had the opportunity to attack, the child would not be a paraplegic.)

Parents, Christian parents especially, sometimes feel that it’s their natural born right to discuss the affairs of their child, with anyone that they feel comfortable with. But sometimes, especially in old age, they put their trust in people who are not deserving. Mostly, the pastor of their church, who they may praise or see as “the good guy” since he’s the pastor…He must be the upright, honest, sinless, perfect, without fault, born again do no wrong man of GOD. They do not do a critical analysis of an individual’s motives and intent, when discussing their child. (Throwing them to the wolves)

Listen: Doing exactly what someone else says to do is not always the best thing to do. Even when is your mother or father, big brother or big sister. And especially when you hear that voice deep within speaking to you about what to do. Some decisions you must make in your own. Being in the position where you feel like you must, knowing it’s not the best, is toxic. Get to a place that’s edifying to your spirit. If you are in a place where you feel that you cannot make your own decisions and you are being told what to do or forced to things you don’t want to do, it’s not a good place by no stretch of the imagination. You will have a deeper battle ahead, in which you will need to create a means of financial stability if this is the strain you’re under, but you can. I don’t want to make it sound easy because I know that it’s not. It’s the hardest thing to do if you ask me. I am just saying that it can be done. Whatever you need to do to get you out of this kind of situation, just do it.

Originally Published on SheSavvy.com

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Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships

How Your Unsolicited Public Relations Role Can Have Negative Impact In Your Child’s Life

My son will be turning 7-years old in December. I am guilty of looking at him sometimes and only seeing my precious little toddler who needs his mother to hold his hand in everything he does. I cringe when he swings too high on the swing set, for fear of him falling. My heart beats a bit faster when he charges across the Monkey Bars, what if he misses a step? What if he scrapes his knee? What if he bumps his head? What if he knocks his teeth out? In the past I have been known to run to him, attempting to prevent the inevitable. Sometimes I’d run when there was no possibility of an accident, because I could always ‘imagine’ a possibility. Think about the term imagine for a moment, I will come back to that.

My beautiful baby boy is growing up. He does not need me to step in and catch him from falling on the playground turf made of rubber mulch.

What am I teaching the other kids about my child when I do this? I am teaching them that my son is dependent on me. What I am doing can quite possibly in his eyes be interpreted as showing all his peers that he needs his mommy, he can’t do it without his mommy, he needs mom to hold his hand, he’s incapable of doing this and he will likely fall because he’s not skilled.

He then appears disabled or even crippled and somewhat impaired. When the truth is, he crosses the monkey bars better than I do. He has more energy and resilience than I do. He’s a beast on the obstacle course. No one gets to see this if I am there showing/telling/suggesting to people that he needs me to do it. I also steal away the moment for myself to see what he’s capable of doing, so long as I am standing in his way.

When I watched my son take on the monkey bars one day I was in total and complete awe! I didn’t even know he could. I was happy to have caught it all on a video. More so, I was proud that he was not only great at it, but that he was showing the other kids how to do it.

If you are standing too close to your child and watching their every move, you won’t know what they can do. Even if you have doubt, you don’t have to tell the entire world. Because when you do, you shape and mold the perception that everyone begins to have about your child. And then you end up putting something in their lap to overcome or prove, which they didn’t ask for.

For Example: What if I am out there on the playground watching my son while having small talk with the other parents and I am saying things like, “Oh my child is so clumsy… Oh I must watch him, He’s a dare devil. I have to keep my eyes on him, because he might fall.” Do you see how that translates into a perception that someone may gather about my child? It would speak volumes about my lack of confidence in my son.

There have been times where my child has missed the step while I was standing back, after-which I watched him get up and continue as if nothing ever happened. But when he notices that I see him and that I am hurt or uneasy- it affects him. He is hesitant to try new things or to be as daring- because he’s worried about me. So, I am inadvertently teaching him not to be a risk taker and I am showing him that I don’t believe in him. I think he will get hurt. I think he can’t do it. I am lessening his self-confidence. I watched him take off on a scooter one day and because it was a wobbly start, I panicked and screamed, “jump off, get off, let it go.” He let it go alright. And he fell on the ground only because I caused him to panic, when all the while he had it. He refused to get back on. So, all his courage to give this scooter a try and to keep holding onto it even while it was wobbly, I had completely crushed. Lesson: Have a little faith in your children. Or at least, have the faith in them that they will do it, like you have faith in all the people you talk to about your child when you think telling them something about your child will be safe with them and that they possess a skill to help your child. Have that same faith and trust in your child.

In the same Breath: It thinks it’s fair to say that by nature, moms will always possess the innate desire to think, speak and act on behalf of our children when it comes to protecting them But it can go left if we don’t stop and think it through

Parents: As parents we sometimes take it upon ourselves to not only speak on behalf of our children, but we speak about our children. We don’t realize that we should be mindful about the energy we are entertaining. We need to be mindful of what we are putting into the atmosphere about our children.

(Adult Children/Parents) Sometimes parents without all intentional purpose of putting their child in a bad light, take on the role of Public Relations without note given to whom they are sharing intimate details, private affairs and personal information about their child. At the same time, because they feel comfortable with the people they are sharing the what’s-what with, they speak very passively about their children. For example: The parents friend may ask, “So what’s Amanda up to these days?” The parent may reply, “Same old Same old, she’s going to get it together soon” following with a smirk, a laugh, maybe even a shake of the head. Seems innocent, right? Especially since they are speaking to a friend and they didn’t exactly dog the child out. And while saying “they will get it together soon” could mean that you’re hopeful and that you are co-signing the fact that they are moving in the right direction, you are also implying that they “don’t have it together.”

So now, your child’s reputation precedes them before they have an opportunity to carve out one of their own. They are viewed as the child who doesn’t have it together.

I know parents who’s children are having a hard time, but you still won’t hear that parent saying anything negative about them or in any way putting them in a bad light regarding the way people see them. It clearly shows that you can keep your child lifted in the eyes of others until your child “gets it together” so that in the process their reputation is not tarnished. And so that in the meantime, people aren’t discounting their abilities or reducing them to the child that doesn’t have it together. This way, when they do get it together they have a fair attempt at doing something right. They have a vote of confidence from their peers.

However, when they walk around feeling plagued by an impression that their own parent has shaped for them, they feel hopeless and giving up seems easier because no one can unhear all the things that they have “heard” from the parent, since people view a parent’s opinion of their child as law. IE: If their own mother said it, it must be true.

Furthermore: It’s even more damaging when the parent speaks off assumptions. Meaning the information is not even true-or it’s information created by the parents who are entertaining their own thoughts. “Imagine” Because parents always imagine the possibilities.

When you assume that the child must be hurt from the fall they took earlier, because they are walking slow- you call 911, create a scene, the paramedic arrives only to determine that the child was just dehydrated, and it had nothing to do with a fall. Something you could have determined before creating a scene if you bothered to ask or even notice that the child hasn’t had anything to drink or eat all day.

Parents sometimes speak about problems that don’t exist. In turn it creates one more issue for the child. Overall what ends up happening is the child is walking around not even knowing what has been said about them. People will move a certain way, based on the information that they have. All the while, the child knows nothing.

There is a scientific notion: Formally stated, Newton’s third law is: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The statement means that in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object.

Picture this: You walk into a room very excited and you can’t wait to see everyone. You have eaten a great breakfast and last night you had the time of your life. Once you get into the room, you’re being the social butterfly that you’ve always been, and you make your way around the room to hug everyone and share your contagious smile. However, people are giving you half hugs and side eyes and you soon realize that they are also whispering something about you.

You cannot tell me that this would not influence how you then react. Suddenly your fun-loving spirit withdraws, you are deflated, and you begin to wonder what the hell so going on. In some cases, no one in the room will believe that your smile is real, due to the information that they have about you. In some cases, no one on the room will want to be around you because of the information they have. And because they haven’t had the opportunity to get to know this child outside of what they have been told, that’s the authentic impression that they have. So, they are looking for that type of behavior and when they don’t see it- they don’t end up saying, “oh momma must have lied- this child is awesome.” Instead, they say, this child must be putting on a show.

Last Thing:I have a home girl who had her adult daughter living with her while she was transitioning from job to job, finding her place in the workforce. My homegirls’ daughter stayed with her for about 7 years. All I knew at the time was that her 29-year old daughter was living with her. I never knew the girl was unemployed and I never knew she was struggling to find a job. While I could assume, those assumptions were never confirmed from her mother. That’s because her mother was careful about the information she shared about her daughter. She was mindful about the impression she would give anyone about her adult daughter living with her.

When her child did find a job, it was an awesome job. The best part about it is that I didn’t look at the situation as, wow you got a job? (as if you were incapable of working or finding a job or being worthy of anyone hiring you) My understanding of who her daughter was and my perception of her abilities and quantities were never warped by anything her mom said. My perception of her was that she was always capable of securing such an awesome job, because her Mother never made her feel like she was less than what she was.

In my opinion and experience with this close friend, she never shared with the world the information that she had pieced together from possibilities in her own mind that came to exist about what her daughter could have, may have been thinking or going through and she never tainted it with her own diagnosis.

I have had to put many things into perspective about the details of my child’s life that I too, have shared.While I think it’s my story because I am witnessing it along with him, I have been unintentionally reckless about how it may be viewed later in his life. So, I get it. And once you know better, you do better. I have learned to stand on the sidelines while my son is at play. When and if he falls, he will let me know if it’s bad enough. That’s when the momma-bear comes out. Other than that, he got this!

Article Originally published on Mom Bloggers Club

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships

When What They Meant For Bad, Turned Out For Your Good, But Now They Mad

Have you ever found yourself in a place where something tragic happened, which turned out to be something as equally good? When it happened, you were devastated on many levels and you could not get your mid around it. You couldn’t not believe the betrayal involved, the dishonesty, the manipulation, the evil and vindictive ways of someone and how their action caused you the friends that were lost, loss of employment, loss of career in which stunted your growth for a while and brought on many hindrances in moving forward in your career by staining your reputation and ultimately demolishing everything you had worked for, achieved and built. Their action caused the loss of your business connections and weakened your opportunities in the process. You couldn’t believe how something so impossible could happen to you. It was downright wrong and no reasonable explanation as to how it could have happened, was in your line of view.

You were in a place that you could not explain it to anyone, and even when you did, they didn’t believe you because it was so impossible that they could not phantom it for themselves. So, in the end, you looked as though you were making it all up. You appeared as though you were leaving something out. You were viewed as the one who was not being honest and forthcoming about all the details of what transpired. This impossible action brought on grave circumstances in which you never thought you would overcome. You were in a place where you could not see the beginning from the end. You were stuck in the middle of just existing in life. It was no way to unravel what had been done.

I bet you never looked at it as GOD’s way of cleaning house. Have you ever heard the expressions, “I asked GOD to protect me from my enemies and I started losing friends?” or “We Plan. GOD Laughs?” “When You Are Down To Nothing, GOD Is Up To Something”

Here’s an example: He got you pregnant and then decided that he didn’t want a child. So, you became a single mom overnight. You still smiled, and it bothered him that you accepted the challenge. After-which, he fought you in court to gain custody and to evade paying child support.

He told you that you would be nothing without him and his money and he added that no man would want (A woman with a kid) He dug deeper into your flesh when he said that you’ve been tarnished because you are now a single mother.

He stood on his title, stability in the workplace and financial status to solidify his claim as the better parent. He won in court.

Now, he has all the responsibilities that you had but he doesn’t like that. He doesn’t want that kind of responsibility. He especially doesn’t want the responsibility if it means more freedom for you.

He told you that he wouldn’t need child support from you if he had custody, because he has all the money- but now he’s not only begging you for child support, but he’s requesting it be raised.

He hated you and called you out for being a single mom, but now he has the burdens that he said no man would want you for; which is that he now dates a woman who has two kids of her own.

He didn’t want to pay child support, but now he see the cost of food, education, entertainment, school, clothes, medical, travel and daily expenses of having a child- but he also has the additional two kids, plus the woman, that he must do for in his new relationship. (way more than he would have paid in child support to you)

He can’t walk away from his relationship, because he used it to show that he had a “stable family at home.” Also, if he walks away or allows her to leave, he will look like a double failure and all the truths will be exposed. So, he must continue to buy/purchase her company to keep her around. He must keep her there to keep up the façade. And he hates it. (This cost money)

He dogged you for being a single mom all to find out that a relationship with a Single Mom, is all that he qualifies for, for himself. SIDEBAR: I am no rocket scientist, but its beginning to look like I am being hated because what he once told me, is happening to him. No woman wants a Single father- unless she’s a single mother herself. So now he has exactly what he criticized me about. And perhaps he has come to the realization that there aren’t many women out there who don’t have kids at our age. Perhaps he realized that those women without kids, aren’t looking for a man with baggage.

He invaded your professional spaces with slanderous statements and libelous actions that caused you to lose your place. He constantly pushed for corruption over your life, so that you would not be able to provide for yourself or your child and he won that battle. But he was not happy to see you smile through it all.

When someone wins everything that they asked for and they still are not happy with the outcome, it is because all that they took from you, was meant to paralyze your faith, steal your smile and cripple your existence. And it may have been the case for a while, but you kept smiling and believing. You found your footing and your bearings in life to do it all over again. You continued to smile and that irked the mess out of those who came to kill, steal and destroy. So, they are unhappy about your happiness and your success and most of all, your existence. Because for them, they know that you get to look at them being unhappy in a situation that was meant to bring you that kind of unhappiness.

You went on to secure a better position in the workforce. You remained grounded in faith and your prayers availed. You realized what the ultimate plan on your life was and how all of this was not in vain. You realized that vindication was not yours. You realized that there’s a reason for everything happening in your life, when all those connections and bridges were cut and burned. You begin to see the path. You went on to find happiness in a relationship with someone who loves your child. You went on to have the freedom and luxury that comes from not having the responsibility of having to look out for a child every moment of the day- While he, inherited the curse that he attempted to place on you.

He ended up with triple the hell from what he stole from you and now he’s drunken with hatred for you. He is feasting on his own insides, as he staggers and slowly fade away.

My advice to you is to remain humble. Forgive him, as you probably have which is why he has no more power over you and you have been able to keep it moving. Keep believing. Never stop smiling. Continue to move forward and trust the slow and steady process. Don’t gloat. Don’t brag. Just wait. Just watch.

Charity, Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Travel, Uncategorized

What You Should Be Talking About, When You Choose To Talk About People Word Of Mouth Travels Faster Than A Speeding Bullet – Make It Count

It can be awfully frustrating to learn that people you love and adore, are using their time to “talk about you” instead of to encourage, inspire, motivate and support you in ways that would not cost them a dime. All the same, when you know that if they were to use that time supporting you in the ways that you need them to, that you would be more successful. And in turn, you can do something for the greater good of humanity, by blessing others with your talents, skills, and by being able to financially provide for yourself and your family.

Personally, I think that when you are not contributing to someone’s success, you don’t have the right to talk about them at all. At least not in a negative way. I don’t drive down the street and talk about homeless people, when I have not offered them any food, or when I have yet to ask them if there’s anything that I can do for them or if there’s anything that they need. And I certainly don’t do a drive by, just to determine and make sure that they are still homeless, to satisfy myself. I do not talk about them, because I have not offered them a room in my home. While that may be an extreme example, if you consider that approach, it may ward off any negative conversations that you begin to indulge in, in the future; with regards to other people. If you are going to talk about someone, make sure that you are contributing to their success, or toward sincerely seeing to it, that they are doing well. Here are some ways to be productive on your own

When you know that someone is asking you about the statuses of another person, and they have no good intentions, except but to spread the information they get, around town, you should make it your priority to answer them with something worth sharing, such as: XYZ is trying to start a business and I think they will be tremendously successful at it, with proper guidance and support from family and friends… would you like to contribute? That will shut down all that negative-speak.

I made a mention of this once, during a time where I was filtering friends, to determine who was in the thick of it with me- versus those who were just there for the show. After-which, I found out exactly who those people were. Someone asked me why don’t I just block them. Well, here’s why: Because they are still fans, and fans deserve a seat- just not one on the front row. In other words, they are still a part of the audience. They too, inspire you to write about certain things, which may assist another person on how to tackle similar issues with people who are not there for the win.

Which leads me to the next point, which is how it is sometimes a challenge to pin articles such as this, because your real supporters must read and filter through it. They may get a bad taste, that you are even responding to such behavior. However, I do believe that many people go through this, which is why it is important to address and mention. Perhaps it does challenge growth to a degree. It encourages you to use discernment in business relationships as well as how to find ways to handle such instances, and how to move beyond the wanna be threats in your life. Dear Haters, I still want you to win

While I may “unfriend” someone in life as well as on social media, I don’t block them. I just revoke full access to front row and back stage and terminate their VIP access.

Take their seat away and give it to someone else who will applaud your performance, and offer positive reinforcement. Give the seat to someone who’s interested in being in the front row. Allow the others, to sit in the nose bleed seats. They don’t get to sit down here where the drinks and food are free-flowing and they don’t get the swag bags that are full and plentiful, when they have chosen to neglect the fact that they had full access, when they chose to go sit in nose bleed seats and talk about what they think they can see from afar. Since they act like a nose bleed seat audience, give them a seat in that section, and be done with it.

For those who run out of things to talk about, and get to the point that they feel the need to discuss the affairs of others, take the time to assess how you can be a part of the solution, rather than the problem.

Example: If you know someone who blogs for a living, and their blog is monetized, meaning they are paid on views etc., then talk about that to everyone you know. You should be telling everyone that you know, that XYZ has a blog, and that they should check it out. Instead of sitting around, wondering how much money they are making and if they are making money at all. Invest in them, by sharing their business, with everyone that you know.

Example: Someone owns a dealership. Instead of talking to people about how they may not be selling any cars,** tell everyone that you know that if they are in the need for a car/motorcycle in the near or distant future, that they should consider XYZ’S business.**

Example: If someone you know is unemployed, and actively seeking full time work to support their family – instead of spreading the word about how they lost their job, share the qualities that they have and what they can/will bring to the table to any future employer.** Speak to everyone that you know who may be hiring, and speak positive things about how this unemployed person would be a great fit.**

Choose your words wisely, when you spread other people business. Word of mouth travels faster than a speeding bullet. Make your contribution count.

http://www.workingmother.com/what-you-should-be-talking-about-when-you-talk-about-people-you-know