Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships

How Your Unsolicited Public Relations Role Can Have Negative Impact In Your Child’s Life

My son will be turning 7-years old in December. I am guilty of looking at him sometimes and only seeing my precious little toddler who needs his mother to hold his hand in everything he does. I cringe when he swings too high on the swing set, for fear of him falling. My heart beats a bit faster when he charges across the Monkey Bars, what if he misses a step? What if he scrapes his knee? What if he bumps his head? What if he knocks his teeth out? In the past I have been known to run to him, attempting to prevent the inevitable. Sometimes I’d run when there was no possibility of an accident, because I could always ‘imagine’ a possibility. Think about the term imagine for a moment, I will come back to that.

My beautiful baby boy is growing up. He does not need me to step in and catch him from falling on the playground turf made of rubber mulch.

What am I teaching the other kids about my child when I do this? I am teaching them that my son is dependent on me. What I am doing can quite possibly in his eyes be interpreted as showing all his peers that he needs his mommy, he can’t do it without his mommy, he needs mom to hold his hand, he’s incapable of doing this and he will likely fall because he’s not skilled.

He then appears disabled or even crippled and somewhat impaired. When the truth is, he crosses the monkey bars better than I do. He has more energy and resilience than I do. He’s a beast on the obstacle course. No one gets to see this if I am there showing/telling/suggesting to people that he needs me to do it. I also steal away the moment for myself to see what he’s capable of doing, so long as I am standing in his way.

When I watched my son take on the monkey bars one day I was in total and complete awe! I didn’t even know he could. I was happy to have caught it all on a video. More so, I was proud that he was not only great at it, but that he was showing the other kids how to do it.

If you are standing too close to your child and watching their every move, you won’t know what they can do. Even if you have doubt, you don’t have to tell the entire world. Because when you do, you shape and mold the perception that everyone begins to have about your child. And then you end up putting something in their lap to overcome or prove, which they didn’t ask for.

For Example: What if I am out there on the playground watching my son while having small talk with the other parents and I am saying things like, “Oh my child is so clumsy… Oh I must watch him, He’s a dare devil. I have to keep my eyes on him, because he might fall.” Do you see how that translates into a perception that someone may gather about my child? It would speak volumes about my lack of confidence in my son.

There have been times where my child has missed the step while I was standing back, after-which I watched him get up and continue as if nothing ever happened. But when he notices that I see him and that I am hurt or uneasy- it affects him. He is hesitant to try new things or to be as daring- because he’s worried about me. So, I am inadvertently teaching him not to be a risk taker and I am showing him that I don’t believe in him. I think he will get hurt. I think he can’t do it. I am lessening his self-confidence. I watched him take off on a scooter one day and because it was a wobbly start, I panicked and screamed, “jump off, get off, let it go.” He let it go alright. And he fell on the ground only because I caused him to panic, when all the while he had it. He refused to get back on. So, all his courage to give this scooter a try and to keep holding onto it even while it was wobbly, I had completely crushed. Lesson: Have a little faith in your children. Or at least, have the faith in them that they will do it, like you have faith in all the people you talk to about your child when you think telling them something about your child will be safe with them and that they possess a skill to help your child. Have that same faith and trust in your child.

In the same Breath: It thinks it’s fair to say that by nature, moms will always possess the innate desire to think, speak and act on behalf of our children when it comes to protecting them But it can go left if we don’t stop and think it through

Parents: As parents we sometimes take it upon ourselves to not only speak on behalf of our children, but we speak about our children. We don’t realize that we should be mindful about the energy we are entertaining. We need to be mindful of what we are putting into the atmosphere about our children.

(Adult Children/Parents) Sometimes parents without all intentional purpose of putting their child in a bad light, take on the role of Public Relations without note given to whom they are sharing intimate details, private affairs and personal information about their child. At the same time, because they feel comfortable with the people they are sharing the what’s-what with, they speak very passively about their children. For example: The parents friend may ask, “So what’s Amanda up to these days?” The parent may reply, “Same old Same old, she’s going to get it together soon” following with a smirk, a laugh, maybe even a shake of the head. Seems innocent, right? Especially since they are speaking to a friend and they didn’t exactly dog the child out. And while saying “they will get it together soon” could mean that you’re hopeful and that you are co-signing the fact that they are moving in the right direction, you are also implying that they “don’t have it together.”

So now, your child’s reputation precedes them before they have an opportunity to carve out one of their own. They are viewed as the child who doesn’t have it together.

I know parents who’s children are having a hard time, but you still won’t hear that parent saying anything negative about them or in any way putting them in a bad light regarding the way people see them. It clearly shows that you can keep your child lifted in the eyes of others until your child “gets it together” so that in the process their reputation is not tarnished. And so that in the meantime, people aren’t discounting their abilities or reducing them to the child that doesn’t have it together. This way, when they do get it together they have a fair attempt at doing something right. They have a vote of confidence from their peers.

However, when they walk around feeling plagued by an impression that their own parent has shaped for them, they feel hopeless and giving up seems easier because no one can unhear all the things that they have “heard” from the parent, since people view a parent’s opinion of their child as law. IE: If their own mother said it, it must be true.

Furthermore: It’s even more damaging when the parent speaks off assumptions. Meaning the information is not even true-or it’s information created by the parents who are entertaining their own thoughts. “Imagine” Because parents always imagine the possibilities.

When you assume that the child must be hurt from the fall they took earlier, because they are walking slow- you call 911, create a scene, the paramedic arrives only to determine that the child was just dehydrated, and it had nothing to do with a fall. Something you could have determined before creating a scene if you bothered to ask or even notice that the child hasn’t had anything to drink or eat all day.

Parents sometimes speak about problems that don’t exist. In turn it creates one more issue for the child. Overall what ends up happening is the child is walking around not even knowing what has been said about them. People will move a certain way, based on the information that they have. All the while, the child knows nothing.

There is a scientific notion: Formally stated, Newton’s third law is: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The statement means that in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object.

Picture this: You walk into a room very excited and you can’t wait to see everyone. You have eaten a great breakfast and last night you had the time of your life. Once you get into the room, you’re being the social butterfly that you’ve always been, and you make your way around the room to hug everyone and share your contagious smile. However, people are giving you half hugs and side eyes and you soon realize that they are also whispering something about you.

You cannot tell me that this would not influence how you then react. Suddenly your fun-loving spirit withdraws, you are deflated, and you begin to wonder what the hell so going on. In some cases, no one in the room will believe that your smile is real, due to the information that they have about you. In some cases, no one on the room will want to be around you because of the information they have. And because they haven’t had the opportunity to get to know this child outside of what they have been told, that’s the authentic impression that they have. So, they are looking for that type of behavior and when they don’t see it- they don’t end up saying, “oh momma must have lied- this child is awesome.” Instead, they say, this child must be putting on a show.

Last Thing:I have a home girl who had her adult daughter living with her while she was transitioning from job to job, finding her place in the workforce. My homegirls’ daughter stayed with her for about 7 years. All I knew at the time was that her 29-year old daughter was living with her. I never knew the girl was unemployed and I never knew she was struggling to find a job. While I could assume, those assumptions were never confirmed from her mother. That’s because her mother was careful about the information she shared about her daughter. She was mindful about the impression she would give anyone about her adult daughter living with her.

When her child did find a job, it was an awesome job. The best part about it is that I didn’t look at the situation as, wow you got a job? (as if you were incapable of working or finding a job or being worthy of anyone hiring you) My understanding of who her daughter was and my perception of her abilities and quantities were never warped by anything her mom said. My perception of her was that she was always capable of securing such an awesome job, because her Mother never made her feel like she was less than what she was.

In my opinion and experience with this close friend, she never shared with the world the information that she had pieced together from possibilities in her own mind that came to exist about what her daughter could have, may have been thinking or going through and she never tainted it with her own diagnosis.

I have had to put many things into perspective about the details of my child’s life that I too, have shared.While I think it’s my story because I am witnessing it along with him, I have been unintentionally reckless about how it may be viewed later in his life. So, I get it. And once you know better, you do better. I have learned to stand on the sidelines while my son is at play. When and if he falls, he will let me know if it’s bad enough. That’s when the momma-bear comes out. Other than that, he got this!

Article Originally published on Mom Bloggers Club

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Charity, Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Travel, Uncategorized

What You Should Be Talking About, When You Choose To Talk About People Word Of Mouth Travels Faster Than A Speeding Bullet – Make It Count

It can be awfully frustrating to learn that people you love and adore, are using their time to “talk about you” instead of to encourage, inspire, motivate and support you in ways that would not cost them a dime. All the same, when you know that if they were to use that time supporting you in the ways that you need them to, that you would be more successful. And in turn, you can do something for the greater good of humanity, by blessing others with your talents, skills, and by being able to financially provide for yourself and your family.

Personally, I think that when you are not contributing to someone’s success, you don’t have the right to talk about them at all. At least not in a negative way. I don’t drive down the street and talk about homeless people, when I have not offered them any food, or when I have yet to ask them if there’s anything that I can do for them or if there’s anything that they need. And I certainly don’t do a drive by, just to determine and make sure that they are still homeless, to satisfy myself. I do not talk about them, because I have not offered them a room in my home. While that may be an extreme example, if you consider that approach, it may ward off any negative conversations that you begin to indulge in, in the future; with regards to other people. If you are going to talk about someone, make sure that you are contributing to their success, or toward sincerely seeing to it, that they are doing well. Here are some ways to be productive on your own

When you know that someone is asking you about the statuses of another person, and they have no good intentions, except but to spread the information they get, around town, you should make it your priority to answer them with something worth sharing, such as: XYZ is trying to start a business and I think they will be tremendously successful at it, with proper guidance and support from family and friends… would you like to contribute? That will shut down all that negative-speak.

I made a mention of this once, during a time where I was filtering friends, to determine who was in the thick of it with me- versus those who were just there for the show. After-which, I found out exactly who those people were. Someone asked me why don’t I just block them. Well, here’s why: Because they are still fans, and fans deserve a seat- just not one on the front row. In other words, they are still a part of the audience. They too, inspire you to write about certain things, which may assist another person on how to tackle similar issues with people who are not there for the win.

Which leads me to the next point, which is how it is sometimes a challenge to pin articles such as this, because your real supporters must read and filter through it. They may get a bad taste, that you are even responding to such behavior. However, I do believe that many people go through this, which is why it is important to address and mention. Perhaps it does challenge growth to a degree. It encourages you to use discernment in business relationships as well as how to find ways to handle such instances, and how to move beyond the wanna be threats in your life. Dear Haters, I still want you to win

While I may “unfriend” someone in life as well as on social media, I don’t block them. I just revoke full access to front row and back stage and terminate their VIP access.

Take their seat away and give it to someone else who will applaud your performance, and offer positive reinforcement. Give the seat to someone who’s interested in being in the front row. Allow the others, to sit in the nose bleed seats. They don’t get to sit down here where the drinks and food are free-flowing and they don’t get the swag bags that are full and plentiful, when they have chosen to neglect the fact that they had full access, when they chose to go sit in nose bleed seats and talk about what they think they can see from afar. Since they act like a nose bleed seat audience, give them a seat in that section, and be done with it.

For those who run out of things to talk about, and get to the point that they feel the need to discuss the affairs of others, take the time to assess how you can be a part of the solution, rather than the problem.

Example: If you know someone who blogs for a living, and their blog is monetized, meaning they are paid on views etc., then talk about that to everyone you know. You should be telling everyone that you know, that XYZ has a blog, and that they should check it out. Instead of sitting around, wondering how much money they are making and if they are making money at all. Invest in them, by sharing their business, with everyone that you know.

Example: Someone owns a dealership. Instead of talking to people about how they may not be selling any cars,** tell everyone that you know that if they are in the need for a car/motorcycle in the near or distant future, that they should consider XYZ’S business.**

Example: If someone you know is unemployed, and actively seeking full time work to support their family – instead of spreading the word about how they lost their job, share the qualities that they have and what they can/will bring to the table to any future employer.** Speak to everyone that you know who may be hiring, and speak positive things about how this unemployed person would be a great fit.**

Choose your words wisely, when you spread other people business. Word of mouth travels faster than a speeding bullet. Make your contribution count.

http://www.workingmother.com/what-you-should-be-talking-about-when-you-talk-about-people-you-know

Lifestyle, Parenting, Travel, Uncategorized

Dear Readers, Lets Get This Basic Stuff Out Of The Way

I do solemnly swear to bring you content from the most interesting and not so interesting parts of my world, that everyone and no one at the same time, would possibly want to hear all about, to include: Past, Present and Future hopefuls, as well as those that didn’t make it on a brain numbing reality show and stories which wouldn’t possibly make it to a theater near you, anytime soon; due to extreme language and content that has placed it on a (what to do with this) list, until a rating can be created for approval of its release.

I will also do my best to see to it that the sentence that precedes this one, is the last run on sentence that you will ever read again. If I fail, charge it to my head and not my heart. No, actually charge it to the University that I graduated from. It wouldn’t be the first time they billed me for an education that has yet to equal the pay I made in Corporate America.

It is my humble desire and number one goal to make you happy, smile, laugh, cry, relate, and never be offended. Should you find something offensive, read it again, until you realize that I am not smart enough to offend anyone and that there’s a strong possibility that you over analyzed it and read it all wrong. If you are still offended, then please accept my deepest condolence in advance, for your dead heart. I mean, my deepest and most sincere apologies, for it is never my intent to make you think outside the box. Should I find myself in a position where I cannot share anything exciting, I will make it a point to mess up along the way, just so that I can show you that I am perfectly imperfect and extremely apologetic for being so. I’ve found that to be an excellent crutch and makes a great fall back plan in life. In fact, I am writing a course right now, titled: 101 ways to completely overrate your failures, so that sympathy will get you a good grade.

This is my first time on the Mommy-Merry-Go-Round, so I will depend on all of you to pick me up after the swift turns have thrown me from the ride, discombobulated and confused me. But only after you’ve had a good laugh about me being oblivious about “what just happened”. The contingency here is, so long as you assist me back to life, you have the right to laugh out loud.

Every day is a tryout. In my world, the ten-step program is learning to count down to one, after my child has asked me, why? more than 10 times in 20 minutes. I have this thing called MB, Mommy Brain – was diagnosed with it on December 24th, 2010 and I have had it for 6.5 years. Well, 6 years 5 months and 12 days and I was told that its malignant, invasive and uncontrollable, but that I will live – and I will live with it for the rest of my life. When I use big words out of context, it’s because I have been entertaining a kid who seems to be smarter than me, and it’s just my desperate attempt at assuring and affirming to myself, that I am still intelligent.

It is my intent to balance the universe, by showing you who the real wonder women are in the world and what our costumes look like, even if it does include an apron with words “All I Need Is Wine, stitched across the front.

You are going to see days where I walk in a pretty high stiletto, because I can’t find the other one, and other days, I will be seen in sandals or flip flops. There will be days where I simply don’t feel like wearing any shoes at all. I have flaws, but all of them are flawless. My little dirty secret is that I own a large Beauty Queen Crown.(A real one) I purchased it for myself when I turned 39 last year, to remind me that I am Queen. At least in my castle. I can’t say that too loud because I don’t want the beehive after me.

I will do my best to lead you blindly, under my classic old maid frames, which are in dire need of replacing. I hope to connect with like-minded people who also mess up this thing called life, on a daily- just so that I can be reminded of how extraordinarily normal, I am.

Should you agree that I live a very boring life, I invite you to call me so that you can tell me all about yours. If you follow, I follow back. If you lead, I will follow. If you follow, I will turn around and ask you, where are we going?

Disclaimer: I realize that there are commas in the above manifesto, in places it shouldn’t me. I realize that it was random and all over the place. I realize that some people never made it to this disclaimer.

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Travel, Uncategorized

6 Things A Writer Is More Than Likely To Have With Them At All Times

Note Pad / Journal and Pen: As a writer, I can attest to the fact that sometimes thoughts will hit you while standing in the crowded line at the neighborhood grocery store, while purchasing Broccoli for the evening, to cook along with fried corn and steak. Your inspiration can come from anything as small as seeing a toddler crying in the store, a customer dispute with the store manager, to the smell and aroma that’s chasing you down from the deli, all the way to the car that almost hit you, as you were leaving the store. People always ask me, where does my inspiration and ideas come from.

It’s really this simple: I am already inspired to write, I remain in a constant state of being inspired to write, because I love the art of expression. The only way that I know how to do that, is through writing. My ideas come from anywhere and from anything. Every day, there’s a story to be written. I keep my note pad ready for those moments. I jot down ideas as they come and even if they don’t make the final cut, I don’t throw them away. I save them, and often find myself back on that page, building from that thought when and if have a momentary block. I have been known to pull off the road, just to write an idea down or to complete notes and bullet points I want to cover once I begin to write about it.

Camera: They say pictures are worth a thousand words. I think they meant to say, photos can be worth a million bucks. Because sometimes that “money shot” is real! Aside from being in the right place at the right time and having the once or twice in a lifetime opportunity to be the author behind that money shot, having a camera allows you to capture moments that you will never be able to reproduce. That may be your child swinging on the swing, taking a leap into mid-air and landing on his feet. It could be your child taking on the monkey bars, backwards or making rocks jump across the lake. It could be spare of the moment, candid photos that will last a lifetime, in which you can share with readers, who are then able to see the event that you attended, as something worth attending for themselves next year.

It may be at an outing, where you’re having the time of your life and you want to share it the next day, but words could never describe the fabulous time that you had, whereas a photo, nails it. Candid photos also make great talking points and writing prompts. You can present a photo and ask readers to give you their rendition or version of events of what transpired that evening. In this, comes inspiration, because everyone’s answer may be different, and it may spark an entirely different article or blog post for you. Plus, it increases engagement.

A Snack: Because we all like a little protein snack while we are on the go. Truth is, while we are fed very well at events, sometimes we find ourselves talking the entire time and forget to eat. Between events, especially when you get to the point that you schedule yourself for 2-3 different appearances or editorial assignment, which are happening back to back, you don’t have time to stop for food. The lines are too long at the drive thru’, the traffic is too thick to get off the freeway and chance being late or even a no show, so you need to have something in your purse that will carry you from point A to point B.

Plus, it’s an excellent idea anyway to have an extra pick me up to rejuvenate yourself, refresh and hit the reset button before arriving at the next event. As a writer, you may end up at the park a little longer than planned because you found something inspiring to write about, after meeting a mommy of 6, who’s recently widowed or divorced, who just made a move to the city. And because you don’t want to interrupt that stream of thought, behind your belly rumbling, you will tank yourself that you had something right there to snack on. People always ask about writer’s block, and while I have only experienced it once or twice in the last 10 years, I can say that the reason I don’t deal with it now is because I never stop writing. My thoughts lead me. If something says write, right now, I don’t put it off.

Calendar/ Planner: Keeping a calendar and planner keeps you on point. It prevents you from double booking yourself at an event, or for any programs, tours, conferences or workshops that you have a desire to attend and take part in. If you have reached out to tourism bureaus and PR companies about events, it’s an innovative idea to write it down immediately, upon approval to attend, so that; Number 1. You don’t forget, and number 2. You don’t end up somewhere else, when you should have been at the event you obligated yourself to. A calendar and planner keeps you organized and if writing/ blogging is what you want to do, organization is a must when it comes to attending events or taking on press trips and Editorial assignments.

Plus, it puts things into perspective to where you’re able to see deadlines, to make good on your promise to companies to provide them with reviews and or ratings of their product and or services. It helps you plan accordingly, not to take on too much. You do not want to tarnish your rep, by forgetting or not delivering in a timely or promise, because the competition is thick. There are other writers out there waiting in the wing for an opportunity like that. Don’t mess it up, by not having logged it from the jump. Forgetting does not send the message that you take their brand serious or that you’re responsible enough to handle an assignment.

Cell Phone /Recorder: This is because sometimes it is not as convenient to pull off the road and jot things down. You may also be in a position where it’s better to record your own thoughts and ideas, versus writing them down for later review and consideration of a topic to write about. You can use a recorder as a sounding board Listening to yourself helps to break even with what deserves a title and what goes on the back-burner for a later date.

As a writer, there’s also many opportunities that may arise where you have either planned to interview someone or the impromptu opportunity arises, and you always want to be prepared! Cell phones also offer the option of easy posting. If you have something that is worth sharing in the moment, whether it’s in conclusive with an all-out article / post or the picture that’s worth a thousand words to let your audience to #StayTuned, A cell phone with wi-fi capabilities will help you achieve this.

Tablet/Laptop: There comes a time when you spend countless hours at your local coffee shop or lounge, conveniently located at the entrance of your subdivision; where all the notes that you’ve kept on your recorder or the notes that you’ve jotted down all week, in your journal will need to be transferred or transcribed into a post.

Everything you have done all week to accumulate thoughts and ideas, will not be front and center, ready for a place on your writing list. Is it a book, a chapter a book, an outline, a post, a blog, an article, a thought that will inspire an outline for a story? Whatever it is, you now are face to face with your tablet or laptop and it’s time to get to writing. What are you waiting for?

Uncategorized

If you were looking for me— these are the words that would lead you to me: Super Single Mom, Mother, Mommy Moment, Parenting, Love…

If you were looking for me— these are the words that would lead you to me: Super Single Mom, Mother, Mommy Moment, Parenting, Love…

Google is a wonderful tool for not only looking up dates of past, present and future events, or finding the correct answer to some of our health-related questions. It’s a major source for locating people also. It’s as easy as plugging in a name and a few key words about the person, and you are then directed to their blogs, their newspaper clippings and even their company and affiliation with companies in a lot of cases. While google has been under scrutiny for the information that can be found, as it relates to privacy and security; it is not google who releases that information. Googled is like the holding cell, for all public information that was placed on line.

Do you remember the infamous line, “Google Me” said by Model Jessica White …on the once a hit reality show; The T.O. Show? The world fell out laughing, that someone said that out loud. We knew that we could just “Google’ someone, but it was not something that we wanted everyone to know that we were doing. However, the shame in that is a thing of the past. It is no secret that you will possibly be “Googled.” Employers do it now and so do potential suitors. Women have used it as much as Men, and it appears that men are leading the game in “googling” people. I am surprised at the amount of times a guy has mentioned, “Well, I saw on line that…” “I googled her and…such and such” Sorry to bust you guys, but it wasn’t a secret anyway. It’s ok. We know you want to know as well and you deserve to google us, just like we google you. Don’t be ashamed. It’s not really snooping when it’s all out there, right? Hummm…The Jury is still out on that.

Anyway, I became aware of the amount of times my name has been googled, as well as by who in some cases; with the help of sophisticated technology. It’s like LinkedIn. LinkedIn can tell you who’s viewed your profile, and so can Google, when plugged in to these pretty savvy apps and programs that allow for you to see this data. You are also able to gauge which words or phrases have been used to search for you, so that you can determine better usage of the tags you use for anything that you post online, you’re your intent is to drive traffic. It took some trial and error for me to learn all the ins and outs and it was a personal situation that drove me to become interested in finding out exactly how people were locating me and how they were finding certain things online. I had to self-teach myself a lot and it took a lot or reading and researching. It all paid off though, after about a year when I had everything I needed, to show that most of my traffic was driven from my Tumblr.

For no rhyme or reason, maybe the ghost followers thought it was the safest place to search and stay up to date, as Tumble lagged in providing their customers with this data. It’s not that it wasn’t available, it’s just that it had to be requested and there was a lot of red tape involved, for me to collect it from them.

I am a woman of many words and as described by Opposing Counsel once, “You do a great deal of writing, don’t you…” To which, I held my tongue for the sake of remaining in compliant with the court…but I wanted to say, “Yes, and you do a great deal of reading, don’t you?” The fact of the matter is, long as you are reading, I will be writing. I thank people like him, and other cyber bullies, ghost followers and stalkers; for driving traffic to my blogs, so I can’t be mad at him and I can’t help it that he stumbled upon some truths about himself, which he found to be offensive. It was something about the shoes he wore, which seemed to rattle his feathers and put his panties in a wad…I can’t really remember…

I’d say it today if it hadn’t already been said. And because I like to stay current, and avoid repeating the same things, and causing my audience to become board with redundant articles, I just wave at him from afar, as I see that he’s still reading. It’s nice to have fans.

I had to learn that over my 8 years in blogging. It really shouldn’t matter who’s viewing your public blog. That’s what you want, especially if it’s monetized. Views equal $$. So, I encourage you to keep reading. I encourage bloggers to keep blogging. I encourage writers to keep writing, and Journalist should keep reporting. You cannot worry about “being found” because “being found” is your best friend in the world of blogging, writing and reporting. Find your voice, so that they can find you.

With that, it has become ideal that I use the same tags and search words for all post and all articles I post anywhere, for easy finding, navigating and linking from site to site and blog to blog. It’s like a chain linked fence…the more links in your chain, the mo…. When I have special post like say, for Father’s Day, then of course I would add that tag, but I would still use all the other tags that I have been using that helps my audience and potential readers find me at any point online.

And last, the song “Here I go” by Mystikal comes to mind: “You looking for me” Well, some key words that are sure to lead you to my front door will be: Super Single Mom, Mother, Mommy Moment, Parenting and Love…

Lifestyle, Parenting, Uncategorized

3 Of My Sons Favorite Things To Eat And What I am Doing About It Because Frankly, I am Tired Of The Repeat

Have you ever heard the sound of a broken record playing? And if so, do you remember how you couldn’t get into the room quick enough to take the needle off the record? That is how I feel at dinner time these days, when it comes to feeding my 6-year old son. He’s a growing child, who needs to eat and as much as I care about his nutrition, it’s a challenge some nights to win. To my surprise, he is the one who is the cause of this broken record getting air time at the house. I thought he would be as tired as I am, about re-runs and threepeat meals.

It has nothing to do with that fact that I grew up eating chicken on what seems like was every night of the week, even though it wasn’t every night. Ok… who am I fooling? Yes, Yes. It has everything to do with that. I became tired of chicken as a child, and so, I can’t understand this phenomenon at my dinner table. Why would a child want the same thing, night after night, when he has choices? I guess when you like what you like, you just like it. Of course, this is not what keeps me awake at night, but should I be concerned? It’s not that he doesn’t like anything else, because I have witnessed him indulge in everything from BBQ to Pasta. But he doesn’t seem to want it anymore. He doesn’t seem to want a variety. Which is why………………….

I am even more tired of the following 3 Things That My Son Loves To Eat. Those things are: Rice, Macaroni and Cheese, and Mashed Potatoes. All of which find their way to my dinner table at least 4 nights per week, during extended periods. There’s only so many ways I can cook and prepare rice, even with there being variations of rice, such as: Long-Grained, Brown-Rice, White Rice, Spanish Rice, Dirty Rice, and Jasmine Rice. I am all cooked out of rice! I like rice, I just don’t want to eat so much of it during one week time.

I remember when my son ate everything as an infant and toddler. It made my life and decisions on dinner so much easier, to be able to pick whatever I wanted, and to know that he would eat. I cannot explain how my son grew out of eating, rather than to have grown into eating more and more of it. Is this normal? I remember when people used to tell me how lucky I am that my child would eat anything that I put in his face, and that most children his age were so difficult when it came to finding something that they like to eat. I miss those days. I miss them because now, it’s more work involved and lots of food that goes to the trash. Well, unless it’s rice, mashed potatoes or macaroni and cheese. rolls eyes because I do not want another grain of rice, nor another mac n cheese noodle and I could care less if I see another potato. Not to mention the amount of starch!

However, I did find some pretty awesome recipes online that made me second guess my decision to go on a rice, mashed potato and Mac n Cheese strike. See them below. Perhaps if you are in this dilemma as a mom, you can benefit in making something that you’ve never made before, with the food that your little one insist on having. Since rice is on the top of his list, I found a few recipes that were worth sharing- that I will try before giving it the final boot…..It’s coming though.

BAJA Black Beans, Corn and Rice: Serving size 6 Cook Time: 45 Minutes

Ingredients: 6 cups cooked brown rice 1 (15 ounce) can black beans, rinsed and drained 1 (15 ounce) can corn, drained 4 fresh tomatoes, diced 1⁄2 cup red onion, chopped 1⁄2 cup cilantro, chopped 1 jalapeno pepper, seeded and diced 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice 1 tablespoon olive oil 1⁄2 teaspoon salt 1⁄4 teaspoon fresh ground pepper 2 dashes hot sauce

Directions: Cook brown rice. In a medium bowl, combine black beans, corn, tomatoes, onion, cilantro, jalapeno, lime juice, oil, salt, pepper and hot sauce. To serve, Place a scoop of hot rice in a bowl or on a plate, top with a generous scoop of the black bean mixture. Stir together before eating.

Easy Fried Rice Ready in 30 Minutes, Serves 5

Ingredients: 3 cups cold leftover cooked rice 1⁄2-1 cup oleo (or butter) 1 medium onion (chopped) 2 stalks celery (chopped, or just use 3 cloves of garlic and) 2 carrots (diced) 1 cup frozen peas (or a small-medium part of ginger) 3 eggs (beaten, or 6) 1⁄4-1⁄2 cup soy sauce (to taste, and chicken msg) Pepper

Directions: Melt oleo in large non-stick skillet. Add onion, celery, and carrots. Saute until onions are transparent and carrots are crisp tender, about 5 minutes. Add peas and cook one minute more until peas are thawed. Push veggies to one side of skillet. Scramble eggs in empty side of skillet after the oleo spreads from veggies. Mix eggs into veggies and season with pepper. then put in small amount of rice and then. Add soy sauce. Then slowly mix in rice by the spoonful until all rice is added and all ingredients are well blended. Fry until steamy hot stirring often.

Jamacain Rice and Peas cook time 2 hours serves 8

Ingredients: 8 ounces small dried red beans or 8 ounces red kidney beans 1 quart water 16 ounces chicken broth or 16 ounces chicken stock or 16 ounces water 1⁄2 cup coconut cream 2 teaspoons fresh thyme leaves 1⁄2 teaspoon ground allspice 2 scallions, finely chopped 1⁄2 cup white onion, chopped 2 minced garlic cloves 1 teaspoon black pepper 1 1⁄2 teaspoons kosher salt 1 scotch bonnet pepper (left whole) 1 teaspoon brown sugar 2 1⁄4 cups uncooked long grain rice

Directions: Rinse and sort beans and place in a stockpot. Cover with several inches of water and soak overnight,-or- bring to a boil, boil gently for 3 minutes, then remove from heat, cover, and allow to sit undisturbed for 1 hour. Drain and rinse beans. Bring to a boil with chicken stock, water, and coconut cream. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer for 1 1/2-2 hours or until beans are tender and creamy. Add the thyme, allspice, scallion, onion, garlic, scotch bonnet, brown sugar, uncooked rice, salt and pepper. Check the level of liquid over the rice and make sure there is at least one inch of liquid (if not, you may add water or broth to cover). Bring to a boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 20-30 minutes or until rice is tender. Serve hot as a side dish, with Jamaican hot sauce as a condiment, if desired. For Vegetarian use water not the chicken broth or stock.

Lifestyle, Parenting

Here’s 10 Ways to win the heart of this woman, just in case you were wondering

There is no skeleton key for opening my heart. There are some things that may work with some women, which does not work for me. This is due to differences that we may have in our priorities, prioritizing, responsibilities, my age, my culture, my background and upbringings. I do feel that my list of things, fall in line with what a woman should require, but who am I to tell anyone who never asked me, what she should require? There are characteristic requirements that I seek in a gentleman, in which another woman may not require or she may not put the same amount of weight on it, when it comes to doing what it takes to get into her heart. To each his own, and for me… it’s this:

respect

  1. RESPECT: I am coo-coo for coco puffs, over a gentleman who has respect not just for me, but for other women. He can’t degrade any female while in my presence and especially not his mother or the mother of his child. A man should always treat a woman like a queen. She should carry herself as such, but when he sees that she is not, I believe that he should encourage her to do better, rather than to perpetuate her unladylike characteristics. I think he should always hold her to a higher standard, by respecting her. This is demonstrated in the way he is to talk to a woman and the way he treats her overall. Never being a misogynistic A-hole or a male chauvinist.
  2. LOVE for my child: There are many women who choose to date and have a separate life, apart from the one where their child is involved, because the person they date, does not want to be involved in the child’s life- or the woman doesn’t really want him to be around her child. I think when it comes to me, the reason I chose not to do this, is because I am not a serial dater or a casual dater. When I date, it is because I have a real interest in something developing between the person that I give my time to. I don’t care for a man who wants a life with me that does not include my son. Meaning, we can’t play house during the week, but then you disappear when I have my son, because you don’t want to “have anything to do with” children. I have a child. And so, I am a package deal.
  3. MANNERS: A man who has good manners when it comes to sitting at the dinner table in a formal setting breeds a second date. When he knows that there is a time and place for everything, without me having to break it down, it’s less work for me and I don’t feel so much like I have a project or a fixer-upper. When out in public, where the need for etiquette skills to be demonstrated, are done so, with ease… it gives me the sense of comfort that I need to continue entertaining him. I love to see a man treating the waiter and waitress with respect, saying please and thank you. The topper is when I see a man who knows that it is necessary to address my parents as, Maam’ and Sir…. saying Yes and No Sir, when asked a question.
  4. CHILVERY: While the above manners, fall under Chilvery, there are more things that do so as well. Opening doors for his lady, adorning her with cards that read sentiments of his love and respect, honor and commitment to her, in addition to flowers for no reason, are a few simple things that go into the metal ingredients, which makes up the key to my heart. When a man knows these things without me having to tell him or ask him for it, it’s bonus! I do not like when I must tell a man how to treat a lady. I do realize that there are a small society of men who may not truly know or realize and understand that this is what a lady might require, due to what he has been allowed to get away with in other women.
  5. COURTING: Maybe I am just from the South and I am addicted to the ways of the South, where courting a girl first, was a way of life. Courting, I believe goes hand in hands with chivalry. Courting requires getting to know a woman on a deeper level, and showing her that you care, and are around for the long haul. This included “dating” her…taking her out. It’s like a try-out. If you want to be the MVP, you must do the work of an MVP. You must show her the value of having you, show her that you are a man who knows what to and will do what it takes, instead of just being another player. Show her that you want the ball. It’s making your intention clear by treating her like the lady she deserves to be treated as. It’s having a vested interest in taking it beyond dating, and into something serious.

chilvery

To piggy back a little on chivalry, respect, good manners: If a man offers to take me out to dinner, I expect a man to know that he will be picking up the bill, unless I offer and/or insist on paying for my purchase. If a man gets up for a bathroom break when he knows the bill is coming, he should also know that he will never be seeing me again. If a man fumbles his wallet when the check comes, giving any indication that he was not prepared to pay, he can make it the final payment that he will ever have to make when it comes to me.

washed car

  1. Wash my car and take out the trash – without me asking! When a man is around and the trash is still sitting in the garage, the hallway or the kitchen and any other part of the house, I think he’s a lazy boy, off the rip. I should not have to tell any man that he should stop walking by the trash and take it to the garbage outside or to the street for trash pick-up. Lastly, I should not be driving a dirty car, when there’s a man in my life. I expect him to know that he should always make sure that my car is clean and up to date on service. I need a man who knows this.
  2. Converse and listen– I said it before, I love a sociable guy and one that can hold his own in a conversation or in a crowded room, where the need for diversity in communication skills are needed. However, I do not like a man who goes on and on about himself, other people and never takes time for a breath. I do not like a man who does not listen, for the sake of him talking too much. A man who doesn’t listen, is usually holding on to his next thought, and is the reason he did not hear anything that you said. I can’t tell you how annoying it is for me to have to repeat myself- due to someone not listening.

date

This is where the list gets a little shorter, as the last 3 things are that I require, I wouldn’t quite consider to be red flags. It doesn’t make a man a bad person, if he doesn’t possess these qualities. But they are certainly things that I still consider and account for, when taking a closer look at accepting his offer for a relationship.

  1. Take Heed to The Things I Like and Don’t Like: Such as: Niedria prefers carnations over roses. Niedria prefers fresh seafood over frozen. Niedria prefers red wine over white wine. Niedria prefers silver jewelry over gold jewelry. My sister dated a guy once, who kept a list of her likes and don’t likes in his phone. His list grew as he got to know her. When holidays came around, he knew just what to get. When invited to dinner, he knew just what to say. When going out for a night on the town, he knew just where to take her. When she was upset, he knew just what he did.
  2. Sense of humor – He’s got to crack a joke or two, or at least able to take one. A witty and intelligent guy is attractive to me. When he can jump right in, with rebuttal jokes, against my random joking spells, he has what it takes.
  3. TATTOOS: Yes, it’s a little-known fact. It’s not a deal breaker, if the man is of a certain age- but I do love tattoos.  See Full Article on CafeMom