Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Travel, Uncategorized

Why Moving Out Of My Home Was Bitter Sweet and Why My New Situation Is Sweet As Pie

I moved into my home, in the Sienna Plantation Subdivision of Sugarland, Texas; in April of 2012. I had every intention of making it home for at least the following 5 years. I wanted a place for my son to grow, to call his own and to run around with all the freedom a One-Year old could want. I wanted a community, where extra-curricular activities, in a family-oriented environment and a family-friendly neighborhood; were in plethora. I wanted the security of knowing that my son was in a safe neighborhood (as safe as it could be anyway – little to no crime) and in a home where he had a large backyard, to run wild in the grass. I thought of that land that our home sat on when I was in grade school, and how we could go outside in the backyard and have the time of our life, without being in harm’s way. I wanted this for my child.

I accomplished that when I picked out the house, April of that year. Even though the move was a sudden and quick move, only looking at two other homes before deciding on this one, I was completely satisfied. I found the house on a Friday and I had moved in within a week. When I looked at this house, I saw myself in the kitchen being able to see the entire backyard, as my child was playing outside.

As I walked through the downstairs, admiring the open kitchen and bar area, the entertainment living room, which had floor to ceiling windows that stretched over 16 feet, allowing natural light to illuminate the entire downstairs area; I settled at the fireplace. I gazed over the backyard, from corner to corner, while standing indoors, at the fireplace. The whole back of the home, was wide-open. I envisioned a flat screen TV above the fireplace, accompanied by fancy art, which would anchor both sides for symmetrical purpose. I am a person who often seek balance, and it penetrates each part of my life. The living room was just one. I fancied the idea of raw paintings, that would adorn the collar bones of the home.

The walls had yet to be painted. Just the way I like it… A blank canvas. I knew that I wouldn’t paint them either, because there’s something about the look of clean, white walls, throughout a wide-open home. I took noticed the multiple options that I had, for placement of family portraits and moments, which would be captured between my son and me, for the duration of our stay.

I moved beyond the living room, into the downstairs Master Bedroom, which had a window seat and another large, open window area. It was just the right size, just what I was used to. The Master-Bath was to my liking, as well as the walk-in closet that would support alllll the clothes, shoes and purses that I would be bringing. From there, I moved throughout the breakfast area and dining room, just before heading upstairs. Once upstairs, on the catwalk, I had a choice to go left or right to decide which room would suit my son. But I took a pause, for that breath-taking moment, as I looked down, over the living area. The tall windows allowed me to see beyond the fence in the backyard, into the bayou. The privacy was just what I needed.

I took the right… Headed right to the room that I knew would be perfect for the little one. It was just off the open play area, where if I were downstairs in the living room, I could look up and see him always. The other side of the house, seated two additional bedrooms and a full-sized bath. So, there I was. 4 bedrooms, large walk-in closets, plenty of room, open kitchen, entertainment living-room, dining area, breakfast area, large laundry, open floor plan with lots of natural light, large, fenced-in backward, 2 car garages and the home was located at the end of the street, last house in the circle… on Story Book Trail. I was good. I was home.

Fast forward 5 years later, after I had hung my coat, and settled in over the years, making this home my resting place; I wondered through some old photos. It reminded me of the first day that I moved in. I sat in that timeless moment of nostalgia. I cried, I laughed, I danced. I thought about the reality of it being March 2017, and how the close of my custody trial had also brought a close to my story, on Story Book Trail. I would be moving out of the home in a week. I needed to get away. I thought about some not so great moments that happened in the home, which caused me to view to home a little differently, 1-year into being there. I loved the home, but shortly after I moved in and only after I revealed my address, some random acts of vandalism began to occur. At that moment, I wanted out of the house, but I had to make the best of the unpleasant situation and remain put, until the time was right to leave.

I was getting so much negative energy about being able to live in such a lovely home, (how could she afford it, that’s not her home, who’s paying for her home, it must be a rental or did she purchase it, she doesn’t have a job, she needs to get a job). (And the best one of all, “she’s using child support money to pay for it” ALTHOUGH, I wasn’t getting child support, I was paying child support) and all of this was creating a ball of hate, which was beginning to grow legs, arms, eyes and vicious teeth. It was hovering over my life unwarranted. It was crawling through my home, disturbing my peace. It was killing the spirit of joy throughout the walls of my home. Every time I looked around, something else was occurring.

It was almost like watching an apple decay. A beautiful apple, turning from red to black. From plump, to a soft and fetal position. A series of events were tarnishing my home. From break ins while I was out of town, to tampering with my phone lines and security systems, to people showing up disguised as delivery services and phone company representatives, who only wanted to get inside my home to plant wires… to the home being rummaged through while I was away. Even installing a security system didn’t work, because through the phone lines and my computer, my space had been invaded, violated and my privacy was destroyed.

But then I thought to myself, this is the 5th year, and all that I had planned for. Everything that was pushing me away from that home, was pushing me into the direction of something so much greater. I did not understand while it was happening. But I understand it now. I understood it while I was packing up and getting ready for greater. I had my last dance with the home, entertaining my son and his friends as they ran about outside, playing in water wars and washing the cars. I had my last rendezvous with the home the last night over a bottle of wine. I had my last affair with the home as I sat in the soaker. I walked the home corner to corner, as I had done when I moved in, taking in all the precious moments that were spent there- from room to room. I sat in each room and prayed. I walked upstairs and downstairs closing all the doors, as you would, a book once finished. I turned off all the lights, disconnected all services, closed all the blinds and locked the door for the last time. I was smiling and I never looked back, as I drove away.

Had I moved, prior to the season for me to move, I would be in a repeat situation. I am convinced, that it was by purpose, that I remained in that house until all the court hoopla came to a head, where I was then able to move at my leisure, unbothered and unfollowed. GOD is still good.

“There is always a sign that Precedes the move of GOD” That was the sound of those doors locking, one last time. That was the sound of me driving away from Story Book Trail, as that story was over.

Walking out of the house, I could hear only “One Sound.” That was the sound of “The Anthem” featuring Gospel Singer, William Murphy and the Full Baptist Church. Halleluiah, you have won the victory. You have won it all for me. Death could not hold you down, you are the risen king, seated in majesty, you are the risen King! I am grateful that GOD kept me in the valley, hid me from the rain… forever, he will reign.

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Lifestyle, Parenting, Uncategorized

3 Of My Sons Favorite Things To Eat And What I am Doing About It Because Frankly, I am Tired Of The Repeat

Have you ever heard the sound of a broken record playing? And if so, do you remember how you couldn’t get into the room quick enough to take the needle off the record? That is how I feel at dinner time these days, when it comes to feeding my 6-year old son. He’s a growing child, who needs to eat and as much as I care about his nutrition, it’s a challenge some nights to win. To my surprise, he is the one who is the cause of this broken record getting air time at the house. I thought he would be as tired as I am, about re-runs and threepeat meals.

It has nothing to do with that fact that I grew up eating chicken on what seems like was every night of the week, even though it wasn’t every night. Ok… who am I fooling? Yes, Yes. It has everything to do with that. I became tired of chicken as a child, and so, I can’t understand this phenomenon at my dinner table. Why would a child want the same thing, night after night, when he has choices? I guess when you like what you like, you just like it. Of course, this is not what keeps me awake at night, but should I be concerned? It’s not that he doesn’t like anything else, because I have witnessed him indulge in everything from BBQ to Pasta. But he doesn’t seem to want it anymore. He doesn’t seem to want a variety. Which is why………………….

I am even more tired of the following 3 Things That My Son Loves To Eat. Those things are: Rice, Macaroni and Cheese, and Mashed Potatoes. All of which find their way to my dinner table at least 4 nights per week, during extended periods. There’s only so many ways I can cook and prepare rice, even with there being variations of rice, such as: Long-Grained, Brown-Rice, White Rice, Spanish Rice, Dirty Rice, and Jasmine Rice. I am all cooked out of rice! I like rice, I just don’t want to eat so much of it during one week time.

I remember when my son ate everything as an infant and toddler. It made my life and decisions on dinner so much easier, to be able to pick whatever I wanted, and to know that he would eat. I cannot explain how my son grew out of eating, rather than to have grown into eating more and more of it. Is this normal? I remember when people used to tell me how lucky I am that my child would eat anything that I put in his face, and that most children his age were so difficult when it came to finding something that they like to eat. I miss those days. I miss them because now, it’s more work involved and lots of food that goes to the trash. Well, unless it’s rice, mashed potatoes or macaroni and cheese. rolls eyes because I do not want another grain of rice, nor another mac n cheese noodle and I could care less if I see another potato. Not to mention the amount of starch!

However, I did find some pretty awesome recipes online that made me second guess my decision to go on a rice, mashed potato and Mac n Cheese strike. See them below. Perhaps if you are in this dilemma as a mom, you can benefit in making something that you’ve never made before, with the food that your little one insist on having. Since rice is on the top of his list, I found a few recipes that were worth sharing- that I will try before giving it the final boot…..It’s coming though.

BAJA Black Beans, Corn and Rice: Serving size 6 Cook Time: 45 Minutes

Ingredients: 6 cups cooked brown rice 1 (15 ounce) can black beans, rinsed and drained 1 (15 ounce) can corn, drained 4 fresh tomatoes, diced 1⁄2 cup red onion, chopped 1⁄2 cup cilantro, chopped 1 jalapeno pepper, seeded and diced 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice 1 tablespoon olive oil 1⁄2 teaspoon salt 1⁄4 teaspoon fresh ground pepper 2 dashes hot sauce

Directions: Cook brown rice. In a medium bowl, combine black beans, corn, tomatoes, onion, cilantro, jalapeno, lime juice, oil, salt, pepper and hot sauce. To serve, Place a scoop of hot rice in a bowl or on a plate, top with a generous scoop of the black bean mixture. Stir together before eating.

Easy Fried Rice Ready in 30 Minutes, Serves 5

Ingredients: 3 cups cold leftover cooked rice 1⁄2-1 cup oleo (or butter) 1 medium onion (chopped) 2 stalks celery (chopped, or just use 3 cloves of garlic and) 2 carrots (diced) 1 cup frozen peas (or a small-medium part of ginger) 3 eggs (beaten, or 6) 1⁄4-1⁄2 cup soy sauce (to taste, and chicken msg) Pepper

Directions: Melt oleo in large non-stick skillet. Add onion, celery, and carrots. Saute until onions are transparent and carrots are crisp tender, about 5 minutes. Add peas and cook one minute more until peas are thawed. Push veggies to one side of skillet. Scramble eggs in empty side of skillet after the oleo spreads from veggies. Mix eggs into veggies and season with pepper. then put in small amount of rice and then. Add soy sauce. Then slowly mix in rice by the spoonful until all rice is added and all ingredients are well blended. Fry until steamy hot stirring often.

Jamacain Rice and Peas cook time 2 hours serves 8

Ingredients: 8 ounces small dried red beans or 8 ounces red kidney beans 1 quart water 16 ounces chicken broth or 16 ounces chicken stock or 16 ounces water 1⁄2 cup coconut cream 2 teaspoons fresh thyme leaves 1⁄2 teaspoon ground allspice 2 scallions, finely chopped 1⁄2 cup white onion, chopped 2 minced garlic cloves 1 teaspoon black pepper 1 1⁄2 teaspoons kosher salt 1 scotch bonnet pepper (left whole) 1 teaspoon brown sugar 2 1⁄4 cups uncooked long grain rice

Directions: Rinse and sort beans and place in a stockpot. Cover with several inches of water and soak overnight,-or- bring to a boil, boil gently for 3 minutes, then remove from heat, cover, and allow to sit undisturbed for 1 hour. Drain and rinse beans. Bring to a boil with chicken stock, water, and coconut cream. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer for 1 1/2-2 hours or until beans are tender and creamy. Add the thyme, allspice, scallion, onion, garlic, scotch bonnet, brown sugar, uncooked rice, salt and pepper. Check the level of liquid over the rice and make sure there is at least one inch of liquid (if not, you may add water or broth to cover). Bring to a boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 20-30 minutes or until rice is tender. Serve hot as a side dish, with Jamaican hot sauce as a condiment, if desired. For Vegetarian use water not the chicken broth or stock.

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Travel

What if The Word Why? Came With A Dollar? I would be rich off my one child alone.

One thing’s for sure, and that is, I am tired of hearing the word Why? So much, that I have considered telling my child that he has a one why maximum on the usage of the word why, per day. Or, if he uses it more than twice in a day, I am entitled to have the exclusive right to say, “I don’t know” even when I really do know. Plus, I should get to say, I don’t know, at least one time per every two why’s. Yea, that sounds like a plan. I think when you are over a certain age, your why’s should come with an Excel spreadsheet and payment on every third why in a day. Maybe, us parents can conduct a WHY Convention, where we answer all the children’s why’s in one day…. Headline: Bring your children on Friday to the Summit Beach House, and don’t ask us why. Boom! That’s it

Truth be told, I love my son’s thirst for knowledge, and the fact that he always asks me; even though it challenges me to channel my inner 6-year-old child, in which most cases, I find out that I am not smarter than a 5th grader. Juuuust kidding. But I really cannot remember anything from 5th grade. Does that make me less smart though? Hummm… I will have to think about that one before fully deflating my ego. At least when he asks why, I am forced to go into those rooms that have laid dormant in my body’s northern hemisphere, in the brain region. So, it’s not all bad. I do get a kick out of seeing if I can beat him to an explanation that will cancel all the following why’s. Just searching for something good enough for him, without having to tell a lie… and of course before resorting to saying that I don’t know. I think we should limit the times we tell our children that we don’t know something, to prevent them from growing up thinking we are dumb as a box of rocks. Or, to prevent them from asking other people and getting the wrong answers all together. I think if we do not know, we should try to find out WHY.

“In learning you will teach, and in teaching you will learn.” ― Phil Collins

As moms, we have all heard the expression that children are like sponges. All to say that they soak up a lot of knowledge as they grow into their personalities over the wonder years. It’s never a terrible thing that our children have so many questions about how things work, what they do and what they are used for. I am happy that my child wants to know if there are people in the back of the television. I am not so happy that he wants to take the TV apart just to find out. I am also happy that he wants to know exactly why he can jump up and down on the bed and bounce high. However, not too pleased when he tests just how high he can bounce, when it’s followed by a big fall off to the side of the bed.

I totally get it, that it’s extremely annoying to hear the word why, when it’s in response to something where the only answer is: Because I said so! Because there may not be an answer other than that to: Mom why can’t I go outside right now. Well, maybe it’s too late in the evening, maybe he’s already had his bath, maybe you are too tired to go outside with him and watch him, maybe you’re too busy to go out at that moment, maybe you don’t feel like getting him dressed appropriately to go out in certain weather conditions…. These reasons will still be responded to, with a why. Therefore, when he asks, why can’t I go outside, the answer is simply, Because I said so.

See, you must be smart about your response to the questions of why, because they have already planned their next why. You need to find ways to beat them to the punch and shut it down or it can go on for hours. Some children, like my own, will sit and deliberate on the answer, and use the Scientific Method without even being taught that in school just yet. He will began thinking it all the way through, forming a hypothesis, making an educated guess. And here we go again. Most recently, he asked to go outside and it was hi-noon in Houston. It was 58 degrees in the shade. It was a dry heat and no wind was blowing. Even your breath blew stifling air. If you saw anyone holding hands, it just made you hot because you are already sweating, shirt sticking to your back, your shades are even hot while they rest on your noses to see someone hugged up, was like scratching a chalk board. Yes, that hot. So, when he asked, I told him that it was ‘fainting weather” He asked what’s fainting weather. I explained and told him that it’s too hot, and it’s the kind of weather that you are liable to pass out in (faint) heat stroke. I told him that we needed to get some water so that we could stay hydrated while out in that kind of weather.

The next day, as a consolation prize for being indoors for the afternoon, on the day before; I took him to the park. It was just as hot. On the way, he asked, “Mom, is this fainting weather.” Me: Yes, baby. 40 Minutes later after silence in the car, he asked, “Mom, why did GOD make the sun so hot? Why would he want to kill the people he created?” I literally felt my mental elevator crash somewhere between my heart and head. I was totally defeated. I answered, He did not do it to kill anyone baby. He made it hot because the trees and grass need it. So, he asks, “Why?” By now, I am in the front seat banging on the dormant doors to my brain. No one would answer. I just told him that the trees and grass can take it. We can’t. But if we stay hydrated, we will be fine. He then asked, “Well, why can’t the trees and the grass stay hydrated?” All I know is, I was so happy to be pulling up to the park right around that time!

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships

What Makes This Mother’s Day As Special As It Was The Last Six Years

What Makes This Mother’s Day As Special As It Was The Last Six Years

Throwback Thursday, I am in my closet, rummaging through some things and I found a Mother’s Day card that my son made for me last year. I had it hung up on our bedroom wall, until a few weeks ago when I decided to move out of our home. I came to it, while searching through a bag for something else, altogether. I stopped to reflect on the hand print that was within one of the cards, that he documented with finger paint. There was another one where he wrote, “I LOVE YOU” But, Love was in sign-language. On the inside, a special note: Happy Mother’s Day.

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I paused, yielding to a few tears of joy… lending my heart to some more than welcomed memories and thoughts that flickered through my mind, followed by revelations, of how I blessed I am to have someone call me MOM. It is such a wonderfully incredible and indescribable feeling all at once. What an Awe-Amazing place to be at 4 months before I turn 40! I am Mother. I am still Mother. And why in the world am I crying right now? LOL…. Those emotions are something that comes with being a mom. In fact, my best friend witnessed me cry once and I was 34 years old then… He starred at me, without saying a word. Then he finally said, I am trying to figure out what to say, because I have never seen you cry. LOL…. Anyway, in this most precious and beautiful moment of seeing these cards, feelings of joy rush in.

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So, when people ask the question, what do I want for Mother’s Day, I am still stuck in such a place, where my answer is, I already got it. My child. What do you give a woman who has everything she wants and everything she needs, loves and desires, whereas the answer is simply, love, love, love and love? I get it, and I understand that the entire world does not revolve around the happiness and joy that my son brings to me and that some people might argue that it could be unhealthy …. Please understand that I am truly just speaking about the overflowing love I have for my son and the gratefulness that I show to my creator for making it possible. I realize that a woman can find love and joy in many other things…but hey, for the record… I got that covered too – and everything is all good. But I am talking about the bean-misters right now. I don’t praise him, I just love him.

The last 3.5 years have been extremely bumpy…where my child was concerned, as his father and I, were in and out of court of some of the pettiest things you could ever think a pompous narcissistic and controlling father could do to the mother of his child. A 4-year cycle of erroneous motion after erroneous motion, which his father filed, almost made me throw in the towel.  However, when I look back on the fight that I put up, to save my son, I have no regrets. When I look back and see that I truly still came out on top- I am even more thankful that I could have had that kind of love in my heart to go as far as I did for my child. To look at him, is to see a reflection of me… and to know that it was all in the name of love, love, love love, and so, it was all worth it. Love is a language that stretches across barriers, breaking levies, steering through mountains, trudging through treacherous paths and untrodden territory; by which is only understood by people who have experienced motherhood… and people who have experiences true love, and for those who know what unconditional love is.

I was made for this. It only strengthened me and encouraged me, to be strong and to be here for my son. The struggle…It helped me survive. The sleepless nights…they are still here, and from what I hear, they will always be here, so long as I am a loving mother. With that, I rest in knowing that it’s only because I care so much and because I love him so much, that I want to make sure that he is ok, wherever he is and with every breath he takes.

I am happy today. I am happy knowing that I survived some of the worst times of my life. I survived some of the most devastating and heart breaking news, but I am still a Mother and I still have my child and that is the best Mother’s Day gift I could possibly ask for. When someone loves my child, and someone cares for my child and shows a vested interest in his well-being, that is the best gift I could receive as a mother. When someone ask, how my child is doing, and they call him by name or have been around long enough to know the nicknames I have given him (Prince Cornelius, Bambino, Bam-Bam) it makes me feel good all over again. When my friends ask, how’s Lil’ C doing, how’s Big C doing… my heart melts.

It is a pleasure and an honor to have been commissioned with the task of being a Mother. It is a Pleasure and an honor to have been assigned to this little boy. I could not imagine life without him. Even when I think about how much easier it would be, I reflect on the wonderful times we have shared over the years…I think of all the times that he has made me laugh, all the times he made me think outside the box, overcome some of my own fears as well as the times that he made me realize how much he needed me to survive….and nothing, not even peace, could replace that. I live for the chaos that the four- foot tornado brings. And though I cry a lot behind some of the things he does, this is my first stab at this parenting thing, so I can only imagine what he’s going through, taking his first stab at this co-parenting thing…So I have loosened the reigns a little. But what he doesn’t know is, my grip isn’t on the reign anyway. It’s on GOD, and GOD’s promises, to protect him, guide him and keep him safe. I am so fortunate. I am so thankful. And I am so blessed, to be celebrating my 7th Mother’s Day, as the mother to Deon Cornelius Kenny, AKA, Prince Cornelius …. Bam-Bam …My Bambino!

Parenting, Relationships

FREEZE! Drop The Assumption, Put Your Hands Up And Slowly Back Out Of The Room (as seen on cafemom.com)

As seen on CafeMom.com

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It is clear by my response, shown in the image of the message which is featured here in this article, that my blood began to boil, behind what I was being accused of. It would be “reasonable to conclude” that I appear to go off the deep end here. However, what you do not see, is how it lead into this. Typical… typical to conclude one thing, based on the part you do see. (and then he ends it with, “Please do not receive this with malice) wow! How  should I receive it then?frustrated

This would be the reason, as to why I used this as an example. It’s the classic “Poke The Bear” moment, where someone pokes the bear, then they jump back, and hide themselves, so that the reaction of the bear is what’s on display.

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It can also serve as an example of: The Straw, That Broke The Camel’s Back. I used this example in writer’s workshop, to show a range of things and the points were all made clear, when the rest of the information was shared. In doing so, it teaches the students how major and minor details are important to any story. It shows how any little detail, be it added or omitted details, can change the overall read of the story. A few more strokes of the pink paintbrush, can change the portrait.

So, lets back up to 55 days ago. Everything was going great, as I would describe it. I’d written about the closure I had in finally having a “final custody order” in place. RELATED ARTICLE

Even though I did not necessarily agree with the way it turned out, all I was in seek of, was something final-so that I could continue without my life being in limbo. I would be able to finally do what I needed to do, without restrictions of living in one place over the next, or going and coming as I pleased, to make a living for myself. I obviously wrote about the lies that were told in court and pointed to legitimate reasons to conclude that it was an injustice. (Related Article)

However, it was the end to a 5-year ordeal, which had been stifling in my career and personal life- as it hung over my head. It had costed me everything from time with my child, to having many strikes on my record, stemming from erroneous and false charges and claims as well as accusations that were made about me- by my child’s father. And I was happy to finally be out of it all! I had zero qualms. Living life and loving someone.

Everything to do with it, was detailed in articles that followed my custody hearing. (Related Article) Once I wrote it, I left it there and moved into my new place in life- and was happy to be there. I was having pleasant conversations with my child’s father- and truly thought we moved into a place, where we could be civil on the phone, instead of conversing via email all the time. I worked with the father on using my weekends with my child to have him in sports, which the dad scheduled on my weekends with my child. I sacrificed the enriching and extra-curricular activities I had planned for my child, to fulfil the dads request. I even transported my child to those events. Doesn’t seem like much huh? Well, if you knew the gravity of the estranged relationship that we had, you’d realize how BIG something like this, was, to me. (Related article) 

(Related Article) 

My life was beginning to get back in order, kid was doing good and his dad appeared to be refraining from falsely accusing me of things, and placing the bad behavior of my child on me. (Related Article)

I thought that maybe he finally realized that it’s kind of impossible for me to be the blame, for behavior that happened on his watch. As I only see my child on the 1st, 3rd and 5th Friday-Sunday. That equates to 48 hours every two weeks, 18 of which the child is asleep = (overnight X 2 Days) Child attends school of dad’s choice on dad’s side of town, which is 1.5 hours away from me, on a good day. All of this, under dad’s court order. Not my choice- but that’s what I was ordered.

Nonetheless, I speak to my child about right and wrong. I explain to him what acceptable behavior is. I am constantly nurturing his growth and taking part in his affairs, as they relate to school and play. When I speak to my son on the phone during the week, I always ask how his day went and if he says he got in trouble, I ask why. I listen to why, and I make it a point to correct it the best way any mother can, from the “telephone” as I do not have another alternative. Dad is strict on the order and constantly tells me about the “expectations of the court” so I cannot diverge from the order. Now do you understand the example, of why “I thought it was working out” Because the order says that we are to communicate using email. And here we were, having short snippet conversations about my son, so that we could show our son that we were on the same team. Well, I was duped, apparently.

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The day in question- with is the featured image here- shows dad flat out accusing me of something out of the clear blue sky. I was taken aback. Why would he say those things? Where is, he going with this? What’s his problem now? Was it that he became aware of the moves I was making- while he’s stuck being the parent he didn’t sign up to be? Reminded me of TRUMP…running for president, no idea he’d win, being elected, and not having the slightest clue on what to do. Let’s blame the other parent for our “parenting-fails”

My son called later that evening to say that he got in trouble again at school. Dad jumps in on the conversation and I screamed bloody-Mary (mistake? Eh’ perhaps) because I absolutely did not want to hear anything he had to say, while he was making this accusation and continuing to do so over the phone. I did not want to have any words with such an infidel, who would say this, for no apparent reason. I was insulted, to say the least. I was saddened that I thought we made all this progress, only to step back so many steps.

And so, the rest of the story unfolds below. It’s when the pot just boiled over and it all spilled out, into an email to dad:

Be careful with your accusations:

1.       You do not live with me.

2.       We do not run in the same circle

3.       You don’t go anywhere with me

4.       We never engage in conversation aside from OFW

5.       You are not my friend, or significant other

6.       You know absolutely nothing about what I do or say to my child

7.       You aren’t around when I talk to my child

8.       You have absolutely no grounds for the things you accuse me of doing

9.       I have shown nothing but support for the situation -never needing to change anything

10.   Meaning, no motive for telling my child anything in the nature of which you accuse

11.   It’s ALL IN YOUR HEAD

12.   YOU ARE PROJECTING

13.   YOU ARE BEING IRRESPONSIBLE

14.   YOU ARE A BAD PARENT, per xxxx

15.   YOU CAN NOT FACE REALITY

16.   YOU NEED CLOSURE, Per xxx

17.   YOU NEED TO MOVE ON

18.   YOU NEED HELP

19.   YOU SHOULD STOP

20.   All good reason for me to tell you that you are wrong, for making accusations that you are making

For you to say that “I need to get on board” or  “as soon as I get on noard”  is extremely WEAK and TIRED. Especially when I have nothing but proof that I have been on board. Down to the last email I sent to the school, requesting information about why my child was moved from his class. You have no life and nothing better to do with your time? Why is Deon not in counseling anymore? Why? Are you going to continue to blame this on me, when it did not start until YOU TOOK OVER? (4 school changes, due to behavior – kicked out of a Monnosori school, underwent molestation, a fake pre-school, no discipline, bouncing from sitter to sitter/nanny to nanny, transported to and from everyone house under the sun who could babysit while you went to work… neglected at home and kept away from his mother…

Please do not think for a moment that you will be able to chart yourself into court again with these falsities. It will never happen again, as I have given you your last chance to do that and get away with it. I will not walk away, to try to save your butt the next time. It will all come out.

I know that you feel invincible now, because of all that has transpired in your favor. But you do not have any more opportunities to get away with this behavior. And if you are looking for a reaction… or a rise… well, here it is. STOP. At first, I was going to keep my position- in giving you a heads up- but, because you are my sons father and I do care about you destroying yourself; I am obligated to ask you to stop- or to warn you of where you are headed with these lies, and how they will affect your life and I care, because that will ultimately affect my sons life. Stop thinking those people care about you or your son. They don’t. They would be happy to know that the whole family fell apart and that the kid is destroyed, as a result. They aren’t helping you. They are destroying your child and they are using you to do it, because you are allowing it, because you want control at all cost.

It is not practicing good parenting nor co-parenting when you come directly at me, with the things you said…..All accusations…pointing the finger…looking for a way out, to excuse your bad parenting, by placing the blame on something else. The Direct and accusatory statements are, without cause or warrant. It shows me that you fail to grow in this situation. It shows me that you are still sad and mad – but for what? It shows me that you cannot seem to move on with your life. You have complete charge, over all the things that happen. You and you alone, have created this storm. However, you got all that you bargained for- and you are still upset, looking for ways to attempt at stealing my joy. It won’t happen.

How does a man walk away with everything that I: 1. GAVE YOU 2. YOU TOOK and 3. WERE REWARDED; and still insist on tampering with my life even more? That is called UNHAPPY MAN, BITTER AND SAD MAN, Pxxx OFF MAN WHO CAN NOT CONTROL THE SITUATION ANYMORE.

Do you schedule this stuff? Like, are you home with your messages on a timer- to send on every Monday- or when things seem to be going well? Or do you still troll my social media and find that I have not missed a beat in moving on? The tricks should have been stopped at his point. The mere reason it has not, shows how unhappy you are. What else do you want? You got everything you asked for…what else do you want?

This is what you got: You got my money, raised child support, my time that cannot be replaced, you were able to stifle me for a moment, you have my child, you are the custodial parent, you have a portion of my life since I cannot get out of dealing with you until my child turns 18… you got judgement after judgement, I don’t see my son when I want or as much as I want, you have all the time with my son- I cannot do a lot of the things I used to do with him, I cannot give him the things that I used to give him,  you hold the court order over my head, you’ve given me a criminal record based on false allegations, and while it was dismissed… I STILL have a criminal record now. You’ve alienated me as a mother- giving permission to teachers to keep information from me, you have given permission to your selected caregivers to not notify me of my child’s whereabouts and I cannot talk to him when he is with them, you’ve brought great hindrance to the things I could have done, you did not have to pay for anything, you’ve convinced everyone who doesn’t know me- to believe that I am a bad dead-beat mom, you have an unfair advantage in court because you dealing with a woman who will not stop reporting the truth about the system, you stole your child’s college fund that was set aside, you cost me a lot of deals, you got every motion you wanted….why are you so mad??

Yes, I will continue to use my platform. And when that one is swiped from under me, like …Modern Mom or The Examiner (you know exactly what I am talking about) There will always be another one, waiting in the wings, because people like “Real ish.” Stop doing it, if you want me to stop writing about it! I would not have anything at all to write about, if you stop feeding me content. It is as simple as that. Quit, if you don’t like it.

My son is consciously aware, that he goes to xxxxx, Elementary. He doesn’t think in any way, that he is going anywhere other than a school that his dad chooses. You cannot use this as a reason. My son also knows that we moved. He does not talk about another school at all! Period! You’re child is acting up, because he cannot process why he is with you and not me. That is NORMAL. Any kid would want to know what’s up and he will act out until he understands. This is how a child expresses himself. You just choose to keep ignoring the truth- because you want total control.

My son and I have never discussed his teachers or principle outside of him telling me that he had been hit by the principle, in which he also advised his dad of. I absolutely told him that if it happened again, that he should let me know, and I will call the police and make a complaint- especially if his dad does not handle it. This is still true to this day, as I most certainly will! We have never talked about this ever again. He knows that no teacher should ever hit him. And in telling him this, it DID NOT convey NOR come with an impression that he can act up or hit anyone, and be without repercussion. All of this is very clear! You need to sell that toxic crap to someone who’s not smart enough to know. I don’t buy it. It is real sad that you will go from this point, and again hand your power over to an outsider, in order to see me hurt. But guess what, you’ll never have my smile or my happiness…and the tears that you will see, are still tears of joy.

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

That’s Just My Baby Momma

I would have never understood the things that men go through, with a “baby momma” and “baby momma drama” had I not experienced it first hand, with a male baby momma. Yes, Tupac said it first: Niggas can be Bitches too.

Witnessing for myself first hand, how a man can be as bitter as the infamous baby momma, when it comes to baby momma drama; has given me new perspective on the topic. I can see clearly now, how a man could ultimately arrive at a forced decision to stay away from their child for periods of time. They realize that the other parent will stop at nothing with their games. She makes it extremely hard for the father to be in his child life, and not to mention the things she will do, to make sure that he will suffer more at her hands, if he chooses to be in the child’s life. I have seen this happen myself. The lies they tell are amazing and too much for a normal person to keep up with. It’s exhausting, so those parents reach a point where they simply wait until the child is old enough to understand what is going on.

Some parents have truly come to this decision, only as result of the consequences that they face, when dealing with the other parent. Such as: being accused for things that they did not do, being denied visitation, being denied communication with the child, being denied health and education information, regarding the child. They are excluded from knowing anything about the child and are left off emergency contact lists as well as not added, as a parent who can seek information from the school that the child attends, without the other parents consent. To add insult to injury, they are accused for not caring about the child, and not talking care of the child or having a vested interest in the overall well being of the child; when this has never been the case.

I can now see why the scenario could play out as the truth. When you are not around to hear these things being said, and not able to call that parent to the rug on their shit, you are hung out to dry in a tainted perception and manipulated opinions. The other parent can sabotage you very easily. No one knows what’s going on behind the stage or off the record. People don’t know that, the parent who is perceived to be the deadbeat, does not have access to the child. They don’t know what the proclaimed, deadbeat parent is really doing to have the connection and bond with their child. No one realizes that one parent is putting on an Oscar performance, of pulling strings, at the best ever stage performance of Puppets. They are superior at poking the bear in private, and then stepping back to show their audience, the reaction of the bear. The audience gets to see a “re-action” only, while never seeing the “action” which caused the bear to howl.

The real issue is that one parent, simply does not want to be with the other and because of that, the parent will use children as bait, collateral and leverage- almost like a ransom in a hostage situation. I know some people are saying, there’s no way, no matter what, I would not see my child. However, those same people are not in the same situation. I know that the one thing that is absolute fact is that you don’t know what you would do, unless it was you. So if it has been you, right down to the nature of the circumstance, be honest with yourself about the fact that you absolutely, positively don’t know what you would do.

From where I’m standing, it has nothing to do with their lack of loving a child or being responsible for the child. It has nothing to do with selfishness and neglect, which encompasses all the things, that I used to think about men who tell me that they haven’t seen their child a month of Sunday’s. Once upon a time, I was that girl who told men, that there was no reason at all, to be away or stay away from their child- and I didn’t want to hear anything they had to say about it.

Do I find this new perspective refreshing? No. Not at all. Disgusting? uuuum… maybe a little harsh, but it’s not an overstatement. In keeping with a self provided example, in order to speak from my own experience- I restrict myself from disclosing my full opinion; due to the “reasonable person” concluding that this song is about them or someone they know.

But I digress to say, I apologize to any man, that I spoke ill of, when it came to them being in or out of their child’s life. I am certain that if they are not, it’s because your baby momma, just like my baby momma, makes it very difficult. I realize that you have probably done everything that you can, but you are not here for the games. I truly understand what it feels like to have a “BABY MOMMA”

As seen on CafeMom.com

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships

5 things that will make you cringe to hear your child say, following, “My Momma Said”

There are a lot of revelations that my son has repeated to me, after hearing other people say. I cringe for them, as those individuals would be so humiliated to know that I have that information.

I learned this the hard way myself, when my son repeated something back to me, that I knew for sure I said… It wasn’t just variation of what I said, but verbatim of what I said. All I could think of is, geezus, I hope to GOD he didn’t say this to anyone else.

Thoughts of that cute Disney Cruise Line commercial, comes to mind now. There’s a woman in the elevator with her children, along with others… her child is telling the story about their adventures and he says, “That’s my baby brother. His name is Joe, but my mommy calls him a little souvenir.”

I am included in the group of parents who’ve cringed when running into Ms. Alton, on isle 8 of the community grocery store. I am one of those who have broke out into a sweat, while experiencing slight anxiety, all while praying to GOD, that my son doesn’t repeat something I may have said in his presence, without consideration given to the fact that he was nearby listening. I never know what he’s about to say, when he says “My momma said…” nor how I will explain or clean it up, after it’s said.

I’ve had to clutch my pearls a few times. I have had to force the frog from my throat and turn, to inconspicuously race to another isle in the grocery store, in an attempt to escape a potentially humiliating situation, brought on by an “out of the mouth of a babes” moment.

Here are 5 things that will make you cringe, after hearing, My Momma Said:

  1. My momma said she doesn’t like my dads mom: Even if we once loved or hated our in laws, or if we love or hate them now, what we really don’t want to happen is, for them to ever know if we hated them. No matter what, if you’re still married into the family, this is still top-secret information. It’s one thing if the hatred came after the divorce, but if this is shared while y’all are still married- get ready for hell! Every married woman can tell you, that she’s had her run-ins with her mother -in- law at some point. We know that there are some who have gotten along just fine, but then there are those who had one son, who’s a momma’s boy, who can do no wrong in the sight of his mother. His mother is his biggest fan and cheerleader. She doesn’t want to hear or know anything bad about her beloved son. She will go to hell over ignoring her son’s bad behavior to simply support him in his foolishness, while she’s on this earth. You may have made this comment while chiming in on a discussing with your own mom or even cousins or close friends. Your child happened to hear bits and pieces and concluded that you just don’t like grannie, because “grannie is a pushover.” Haven’t had this to happen to me personally, but that may be because I’d already learned this lesson in the example provided in, number 2.
  1. My momma said she was never attracted to my dad: or when a child says to the new husband (My mom said she wish she met you first) Once again, something we hope our children have never heard us say, because we don’t want to discount his dad in his presence…) and more importantly, never repeated, if heard. When a child repeats something of this nature, the core details and substance to those conversations, are often absent. The child caught the tail end of a conversation or the beginning of a vent session and all else was lost. There’s no way to recover from this once it’s said. The little one could tell dad that you said you aren’t attracted to him, and if you are still married- there’s a possibility that you’d never live this comment down. No matter what the context was, in which you said it. Men have egos that are easily crushed and a comment like this, will take you into a realm of hatred that you didn’t know existed. Men can be pretty foul and extremely petty, when their egos are bruised. They serve malicious, like you’ve never seen. They hit low and below the belt. The phrase “All is fair in love and war”, came from a man, for GOD’s sake. Once you allow a comment of this nature to leak, it blazes into the esteem of a man, and you better be prepared. All of their inner thoughts, belonging to the complex that they have and have had about themselves come rushing into play, such as: (short, dark-skinned, skinny, little, fat, ugly etc.) It all comes out in their response to you, for making the comment that they heard the child repeat.
  1. My momma said our neighbors make her sick: The neighbors that usually make mom sick, are the ones who keep up loud music after 10:00pm, on a weekday- and who crowds the cul-de-sac on the weekends, making it impossible to check mail, if you live in those subdivisions that have community mailboxes. They are the neighbors who don’t keep their lawn cut or manicured and is always the sore spot on the street. They have that old, beat up cutlass 442 that they’ve been working on for the last 10 years. It’s sitting on bricks in the front of the house. They are the neighbor who you feel, are bringing down the property value. They are responsible for the loud, out of control parties on the weekends, where at any moment, their uncle Lou is going to grab some chick on the ass and try to get her number. She calls the police to take a report, after-which, she decides that she doesn’t want to press any charges. These are the neighbors who are always going at it as a couple. The guy can be heard outside, on many nights, banging on the windows and doors, pleading for his wife to answer the door, hollering “just give me one more chance” The wife has also been seen entertaining other men, while her husband was away at work on Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s. Imagine running into either of them, at the neighborhood store and asking the general, “How you been?” to which your child jumps in and ask, “Mom, is this the neighbor that make you sick?”
  1. My momma said I can’t come to your houses that, because y’all are nasty/dirty: This would be the family who allows their dogs to sleep in any bed in the house, lick their owners in the face and on the lips. Their dogs hang around in the kitchen, slobbering around the areas where the food is being prepared for guest. They feed the dog with the same hand that’s being used to prepare dinner, without washing…. This comment is not at all what you intended it to be, but yea it really is. You did say that you don’t want to eat there, because their dog is always in the kitchen or on the counter and sometimes in the hands of the person who’s preparing the meal. However, you didn’t mean it in the most negative way. You simply wanted whomever you were speaking with, to know the reasons that you personally don’t want to eat there. But when a child gets ahold of that comment, it goes full press down the court and there’s no way to rebound it once the child has made such a comment.
  1. My momma said your mother (you) always trying to sell something: One day she’s selling Avon, the next it’s Mary Kay and diet pills at the same time. She’s been known to sell everything from QVC products, to electronics, to spanks, to bibles and self help CD’s. She sells Girl Scout cookies, the newest in healthcare nutrition supplements, a cure for aging, age spots, wrinkles, and skin care. She’s selling a cure for cancer, a cure for headaches, a cure for high blood pressure, a cure for energy, a cure for fatigue and they all help with estrogen levels, mood swings, migraines and depression. And it’s an “opportunity” for a “real forward thinking” entrepreneur, to own business that will earn them “residual” and early retirement from working for someone else. It’s an “opportunity” to take control of your life. You set your own hours and work as much or as little as you’d like, where if you sell enough product, you can make a million dollars in 5 months. It’s an opportunity that you’d be crazy not to buy into. And if you say no, they respond angrily. Their hook is, “So you’re saying you don’t need extra income?” They say that you are missing the deal of a Lifetime and it’s a sign from GOD, that y’all to meet, so that she could bless your life with this product.

At the end of the day, the lesson is to watch what you say in front of the children. Make sure the children are not within earshot of your adult conversation. When you’re with the girls, laying your problems on thick and discussing guilty pleasures over a bottle of wine, cheese and great music; just remember to keep your voice down. Make sure the children are nowhere around, if you do decide to voice an opinion that you have, or a problem that you’re having…

as seen on cafemom.com