Tag: communication
On Love and Marriage
Committing to someone until death … is not for the faint of heart. ❤️ Rich or Poor, Better or Worse… Personally, I prefer handwritten vows, rather than traditional vows. I also believe that counseling (at least months) should take place before marriage between the couple and a trained/skilled/experienced marriage counselor. It is important to get rid of the “representative” that usually shows up initially – be real, transparent and honest about your expectations and goals with one another and in life. Your job will be to encourage and motivate your partner to remain committed to those goals while building one another up, pouring into one another, supporting and being a confidant. Inspire one another. Build together. Date each other into the marriage and through the marriage. Keep lines of communication open. Grow together. Release the need to control everything. Release the need to be right about everything. Release the need to have your ego stroked constantly-
A person should never find out vital, life-altering and shape shifting information about their partner AFTER they enter the marriage. Stop with the shenanigans. Everyone deserves to know who they are marrying and should have the option to marry or not marry based on the information. You should never want to trick a person into marrying you.
Apologies aren’t for everyone and are at risk of extinction.
…Watched a lady in the grocery store make the mistake of telling the cashier that she charged her twice for an item. She wasn’t mean about it- she simply thought she saw the item being swiped twice and requested to be shown that it wasn’t charged twice. When the receipt was printed, it was investigated, the clerk only charged once.
The woman apologized, sincerely. She owned her mistake and kindly asked the cashier to forgive her.
Instead, the clerk gave her the death stare from hell and took the boastful approach at letting everyone in the line know how wrong the woman was. She was loud and obnoxious and said to the woman “Its all good, whatever, anyway…nah don’t apologize! See, you fucked up.”
If you ask me, this is the reason people don’t offer apologies.
As I stood behind this woman in line and watched her, I empathized with her because I too have experienced times where I have truly thought I was right about something (a Bible verse, a direction to take in travel, an item misplaced in my home, etc.) after which I immediately apologized when I was proven wrong and I got this same reaction whereas the other person wasn’t willing to accept the apology or they turned their head up and or away, rolled their eyes or simply didn’t say any thing as they walked away mumbling derogatory remarks aimed at me as I profusely tried to right the wrong with a sincere apology.
I’ve even been hung up on by CSR’s in the midst of offering the apology to CRS’s over banking disputes. I’ve even apologized to admins over things that I was RIGHT about, but was apologizing for how I reacted. Revenge has been enacted upon me for things I had immediately apologized for when people were unwilling to accept the apology and went on subsequently cause substantial loss in my business, my relationships, my reputation, and greatly affected my livelihood all because they couldn’t accept the apology. People do the most!
So, tell me again why we should apologize to people?
Disclaimer:… if you’ve been LOUD and WRONG in your accusation, I do understand when a person matches your energy in the response to their apology. But also, I repeat; take the fucking apology.
I could understand if the offended party received an insincere apology and it was obvious that the person who offended them was not compassionate about their error or if they weren’t owning it or if the accusation caused detriment to someone’s life- then sometimes it’s hard to just say Ok I forgive you. I could also see if the mistake caused someone life-altering circumstance in which it’s a struggle to forgive afterwards. But when it’s a simple ass mistake over a scanned item, a dispute over a price, a dispute over what happened in a movie, a dispute over minor details in all other things, there’s absolutely no reason to not forgive someone and further cause a scene or bring destruction on their lives afterwards.
But this is how unapologetic people are born! It’s not their pride that’s keeping them from apologizing, it’s your potential pride reaction to their apology.
The Book of Dionne 1977: 20-23
I met a formidable man name Jesus. We quickly became friends the moment he told me that he was the son of GOD because who wouldn’t want to be friends with the son of GOD and all the Grace and Mercy that must come with having such a close and intimate relationship and opportunity to live and learn from the source, how-to walk-in favor. “Nice to meet you,” I said. “Search me, GOD and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalms 139:23-24. “Come to me.” he said. “All you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden in light” Matthew 11:28-30. That is when I accepted him as my lord and savior.
As he walked with me through seasons, in and out of times where I felt weak and tired; he was my strength just as a friend should be. His loyalty to me never wavered and has often been demonstrated through his presence in those times of despair as well as celebratory moments where we together share the joy of life teaching me to “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
Having him as a friend has presented stark differences between the friends I once had in this world. He teaches me to walk away from conversations that involve hate and gossip in James 4:11. He teaches me to walk away from unnecessary drama through Proverbs 11:9. He demands that I walk away from the table and exit the room if respect is no longer being served in Exodus 23:1. He understands that I am a work in progress. “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24
Yet, he never judges me, rather softly but swiftly corrects me when I am wrong. He never abandons me, rather shows up to comfort me when I am feeling down. He does not use me, abuse me, or try to control me- only advises and directs me on what he would do in situations like mine. He encourages me and His word is bond! He is my rock! The only thing he ever asked and wanted in return for me was to draw nearer to Thee and to walk worthy of my calling, to be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love, to make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4: 1-3)
I love the fact that his intentions are made clear what he wants from me, and he helps in getting me there while providing the necessities for the journey. IE: A coat in the winter, food during the famine, shade in the summer, protection from the rain, a foundation to stand on and he even has a secret tabernacle for me in times of trouble. Preach! Talk about being a protector and a provider!
He does not sidestep in discussions or gaslight issues; he always makes it clear with his words. He doesn’t walk out and leave me and slam the door on my decisions or give me the silent treatment when I do something he doesn’t like and he doesn’t retaliate against me by hurting me, rather he is always there for me when I suffer through the pain that comes from making decisions without allowing him to guide me through consistent principles and plans.
He wants to see me successful, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 and he contributes toward the goal of glorifying GOD through what we do together and what he does through me. He is not stingy with his resources. He is not withholding his knowledge and he fights for me. “The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace. The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent. The LORD himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” Exodus 14:14.
I am never in the dark about where we stand and what kind of a relationship we have. It’s not complicated, we aren’t in an entanglement, we aren’t friends with non-edifying benefits, we aren’t on a trial or under a 90-day rule, we aren’t “just kicking it” I am not an easy, late night booty call, I am not just another option for him, we are not “just seeing where this can go.” I am not confused about who I am to him. I am not random. I am not just a homegirl. I am not someone on the side nor am I neglected and unprotected because Psalm 91:1 says Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I am a decision. He loves me and I know this because he would lay down his life for me and his word says so. “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” John 15:13.
I love the mistic that embroils our relationship because it keeps it fresh and brand new every day to watch him make things happen that other people cannot explain. His ability to save me from things that could have taken my life. His ability to pull me through unexplainable terrors, his ability to put things into place when no one can understand how it all came together.
Throughout our journey together as friends, we have had times where I withdrew, isolated and simply did not want to talk or follow him to the places that he wanted me to follow him to. On occasion I would commit to going and would then back out in the final hour as I became ridden with anxiety and blinded by distractions. That is when he says to me to cast all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully. 1 Peter 5-7.
I have not been as good a friend to Jesus in the past as he has been to me. At times, I called on him to ask for material things. But then, I was not always present and available when he needed me to do something for him. I was not consistent in my prayer for thankfulness nor in worship in happy times, but I was front and center requesting favor in those times. Even through this, he extended Grace. “For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age.” Titus2:11-12.
Our relationship has been quite an intimate one, speaking often, sometimes early in the morning, late in the evening and during the midnight hour. He is always available to take my call and show up when I need a friend. When I feel far from him, he gives me Romans 8:38-39. When I feel as though I am in danger, he gives me Psalm 46:1. When I battle with temptation, he answers the call and gives me 1 Peter 5: 8-9. When I struggle financially, he sends me a bird with the message of Matthew 6:26. And most noticeably, when I need it to rain, he sends rain.
“The Lord will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none. The Lord will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the Lord your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom. Do not turn aside from any of the commands I give you today, to the right or to the left, following other gods and serving them. Deuteronomy 28:12-14
And for this, I will never walk away again. I will continue my journey, motivated and encouraged. I will be the friend to him that he has been to me and will give praise all day long, calling on the great I AM:
Jehovah Jireh: The Lord our provider
Jehovah Shalom: The Lord is my Peace.
Jehovah Rapha: The Lord who heals.Jehovah Nissi: The Lord is my banner, mighty, warrior, victory.
The She-Sheet as to why she is single. The architectural blueprint
I am not speaking for anyone else with this list and I warn you before reading that you are the one who asked me why I am single and / or why I am not dating. And I warn you, the list is long.
2. I have so many idiosyncrasies and most aren’t known until it happens. It often happens because its normal things people do, in which may not present a problem to others whereas I cringe.
3. Stepping out of the shower with wet feet, I do not like it. I hate stepping on wet surfaces barefoot or with my socks on from water left behind by someone else.
4. Men peeing all around the toilet and on the floor when they use the restroom. At least clean it up before you leave my bathroom.
5. People who do not wash their hands often or at least before eating and after using the restroom.
6. Dirty nails – overgrown hair – no deodorant, musty, bad breath (typical hygiene and grooming things)
7. I do not like it when guys show up and do not present themselves in the best light: You asked me to come see you, but you open the door with a wife beater on, you need a hair cut and you are tipsy/drunk.
8. I do not like to be ASKED OUT to dinner/lunch and be expected to pay not only for myself but them too! Annoying AF!!
9. I do not like it when someone first gets my number in a business setting or as they see me busy and then immediately begin motor texting me about what I am doing or any type of conversation. Relax, give me a few hours to finish up unless we agree to speak immediately following our initial meeting or run in.
10. I am really annoyed when guys talk badly about their children’s mother. Work that out. Set some boundaries and make it happen.
11. I hate when guys meet me and immediately ask me to send them pictures of myself (excuse often used: so that they can add it to my contact) ok whatever.
12. I do not like to be called last minute for anything that takes more than a minute to prepare for (that speaks volumes about where I was on the choice to call list.
13. I hate to be called late at night, followed with a text “are you awake?” Because if the call didn’t wake me, now the text will.
14. I hate it when I have mentioned to someone that I am usually up late doing work and they take that as an invitation to call at all sorts of times through the night. 10pm-11-12am Buzz Kill for sure.
15. I generally don’t want to be on the phone talking for hours and hours. And if you call me, please be prepared to talk. I hate dead silence and rambling for conversation. Otherwise, you could have sent a text.
16. I don’t like when people, make plans for me that start after 8pm. (I don’t care if you have been at work) Unless it was planned for.
17. I really don’t like men who smoke cigarettes and black and mild. Cigars are ok. Don’t ask me why!
18. Don’t ask me my favorite food or what I would like to eat and then take me to the opposite. Just go there from the beginning.
19. I really despise the person who goes to the internet for their information about me (that’s not so much a problem as it is when they don’t tell me and act according to something they think they know) and get it ALL WRONG. Just be open, upfront… I don’t have secrets.
20. I do not like sharing food under any circumstances. Please do not eat off my plate. Please do not assume you will try my food when you order something else. Please do not order the family pack/portion for us to share a hot meal at a restaurant.
And these are most of the reasons that I am happily single and don’t mind. And there’s more. OH YOU THOUGHT WE WERE DONE
21. I hate when people make jokes about my idiosyncrasy while doing it. -EX: when I have already said I don’t like something, and you do it just to get a reaction out of me because you think it would be funny. You never know what someone’s trigger could be- just stick to the script.
22. I hate it when people stare at me and do not say anything.
23. I hate to be cut off in conversation/dialogue.
24. I hate non-active listeners.
25. I hate it when someone asks me out and does not have a plan on where we are going or what we are going to do.
26. Random facetime calls are annoying. Do not facetime me.
27. I get off work at 6, does not mean call me at 6 on the dot.
28. Don’t eat on the phone with me at all.
29. Always talking about same thing- every conversation (tony) IE: My house, my house, my maid, my renovation, my house, my stairs, my chandelier
30. I sleep in late most days since I am up late and when I inform someone, but they start texting and calling early in the morning. Leave me alone. Not trying to talk to you on your way to work.
31. People come to my house and help themselves to anything in my refrigerator. I mean, who raised you. Makingyourself at home does not mean this. It means sitting back and relaxing on the sofa, I will offer you something if I have it and if I want to offer it.
31. I send you a text with short info no need to replay, I hate when someone immediately calls me as soon as I send the text.
32. If I’ve never given you my address, never show up. That’s creepy AF
33. If you know my address and I’ve never given it to you, but you went through great lengths to find it, it’s creepy AF.
34. Never show up at my house without an invite ever. That’s reason to call the police.
35. Calling me within 20 minutes of meeting me is annoying AF! Especially when you met me in a setting where you saw that ai was conducting business. Do not motor text me (back to back to back) without getting a response from me in the middle there somewhere. Chances are, I’m busy and you’re being a nuance – such a turn off
36. I absolutely cringe when someone interrupts my workday when I’ve explained my work hours, and have no regard to my time or that I’m working for my living. I don’t date men who don’t value my time when they aren’t paying all of my bills
37. Do not call me when you have a million things going on in the background. That’s not phone etiquette. I can’t hear you and you probably can’t hear me. That’s how important details get missed.
38. Never invite yourself to my house. That’s my call and my call only! insisting on doing so before that time is creepy and weird and cause for a pause, because why??
If “I just don’t want to was a person” 🤣
If “it’s not you it’s me, was a person”😂
Normalize this! A petition to normalize and bring back these things
Hey moms… we are all adults here, right? Can we normalize not believing everything we hear and running with it?
When I was young someone shared with me the quote or expression, “Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see.” This was long before the facades on the internet.
It made sense to me then even as a child and it made more sense to me as I grew older and began to understand that we should not be so fast to believe someone’s word when judging someone’s character.
The quandary with presuming everything we hear to be true is that you run the risk of obtaining your information from a non-credible source or the President and CEO of the hate-a-person fan club. That propaganda is then circulated and could tarnish an innocent person’s reputation. I personally know all this so well.
Many moons ago, I wrote and published an article with a well-known news outlet, where I particularized the time, I parted ways with an employer and how after-which the manager with that company began to deceitfully advise potential employers not to hire me amongst the tight-knit industry that I was once a part of. I elaborated on how I was unable to find and secure work in that industry for nearly 5 years before I was conclusively made aware by a hiring manager, that I was being defamed, slandered, and sabotaged.
Another time, I was the victim of a false police report filed against me in which I spent years fighting to clear my name of but in the time that it took to do so, my reputation was tarnished without me ever having the opportunity to speak on my behalf about it.
In another instance, The Greatest of the All -I was informed by one of my editors who was kind enough, brave enough and intellectually inclined enough to do her own thinking when she informed me that an attorney sent doctored up court documents and threats to our team to have me fired. Fortunately, their scarytactics didn’t work as she encouraged me to blog the entire ordeal instead so that I could vindicate myself. Rogue, right! But we don’t come across this kind of bravery every day in people who will fight for us, defend us, and give us an opportunity to tell our story… The True Story.
Can we normalize fact-checking if it’s something that we are interested in learning or knowing more about? Perhaps we could even go directly to the source when we have direct access, as my editor did.
Still today, I live with the menacing ideas that people harbored after hearing false information about me in both instances. I speak from experience when I stress how important it is to have a support system and how when you do not have one it will literally drive you to a dark place having nightly meetings with the committee in your head.
Normalize surrounding yourselves with like-minded, career-oriented, go-getters like yourself who are generally happy people with no desire to tear the next person down; but toinstead, empower and uplift one another. Applaud and celebrate your successes together rather than being envious or jealous.Speak edifying words about your friends and help promote positive interactions and development within your circle.
The last person any of us need is someone befriending us for the sake of divulging information and transporting that information back to someone they know we are not friends with over their gossip and wine session.
I heard a joke once: What do you call a group of broke people sitting around gossiping about someone? A non-profit organization. Be careful with what you share with people outside of the group of trusted people.
It’s important to trust your friends and the ones you share information with. Assure them that they can trust you also. When this bond is created inside and outside the workplace, in and out of the community, you form allies so when and if the time comes where you encounter a situation where someone is sabotaging you behind your back, you have friends who will stand up for you and at the very least, come to your defense of character.
I admire people who have lifelong friendships with people they can trust, who have always looked out for their best interest and supported them as well as encouraged them during good and badtimes.
These days, people have become bone collectors, traveling from one group or person to the next carrying bones. What does this do for a person? How does this behavior add value to their lives, I wonder sometimes. Are these people the ones who would otherwise have no friends unless they were showing up with the tea?
We’re older now and with that comes the responsibility of using discretion and being able to discern good from bad, truth from lies, fake from real and things as such. We’re too seasoned to be talking about what he said, and she said, continuing toperpetuate something we heard without any facts.
Normalize, making your life better instead of making someone else’s worse.
Normalize being so concerned with making the world a better place that you have no time to keep up with destroying someone else.
Normalize reading 📖
Normalize thinking for yourself.
Bring honesty and the honor code/ honor system.
Bring back integrity.
Bring back the moral compass.
Protected: Why I will never go broke spending love
Inspiration for the last day of July #MentalHealth
“Mental health needs a great deal of attention. It’s the final taboo and it needs to be faced and dealt with.” — Adam Ant
“Take a deep breath to remember you are the child who lived through survival mode and the empowered adult who chose their healing.” — Dr. Nicole LePera
“Anyone can be affected, despite their level of success or their place on the food chain. In fact, there is a good chance you know someone who is struggling with it since nearly 20% of American adults face some form of mental illness in their lifetime. So why aren’t we talking about it?” — Kristen Bell
Just in case you needed a reminder ..
The word for the day
If no one is willing to help, people will soon stop asking and searching. That’s the detrimental part. Read that again. – Freely Speaking
Why is our Mental Health System Broken? “Factors contributing to the dilemma include the fragile safety net of local and state programs; lack of adequate insurance coverage for mental health; limited access to and utilization of quality mental health services; high costs of psychotropic medications, psychotherapeutic treatments, and behavioral rehabilitation; …lack of attention to the specific needs of vulnerable populations; and a dearth of mental health professionals who are members of racial/ethnic minorities.” – Mending Our Broken Mental Health Systems- Kisha Braithwaite, PhD
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Niedria Kenny, Influential Scribbler 