Though we have modern science, technology and research; no one other than a mother can explain what she goes through during the pregnancy process to the birthing process and how it may change her chemical balance. She is naturally attached to something that was once inside of her body as an egg. Her body grew to accommodate the growth of a fetus as it turned into a newborn baby. If you are like me, you breastfed, which created even more of an attachment or bond because you know that baby relied on you for food and nourishment. The bond that you were building was a bond that your child was creating as well. You became known as mommy. To your infant/toddler, you were the one who rubbed his head, feet and legs, held his hand, kissed his cheek and showed affection. You are the one who rubs his tummy when he has gas and gives him his warm baths. You place him on your chest and rub his back as he fell asleep in your arms. You are the reason he doesn’t have to worry about anything. You are his protector and you wouldn’t let anything happen to him. You held his hands as he began to walk and dusted him off each time he fell. You encouraged him to get up and try it again. You rewarded him with a kiss.
How does it feel to be a puppet of the court and have someone who knows nothing about you, your upbringing, house whole values and moral system; order you on how to parent? How do you feel about having someone who could care less about your child, tell you when you are to spend time and how much time you can spend when your child lives in the same city? What if I told you that the same judicial system that is potentially screwing up your child’s life right now, will be the same judicial system that throws him in jail one day and wonder where the parents went wrong? I am going to reach here and say that no one would be ok with this except the deadbeat parent. That is the parent who does not think about the temporary orders that may have a long term effect.
Constantly changing your child’s environment and toggling between household do not give your child a sense of belonging. And so, at an early age; he develops anti-social behavior, he withdraws, does not know how to fit in or feels like he doesn’t fit in. He is not able to find a place of security and stability. He is caught between bickering parents whether it’s one sided or two sided and it’s unhealthy. He’s confused, does not understand, and he’s not able to call any place home, or even get comfortable enough to just be at peace. The seed of not belonging grows inside of him and you get a child who tends to act out. You can’t even discipline this behavior because it truly comes from a genuine place of confusion. The deadbeat parent does not consider this. They do not realize the damage that they are doing to their children.
My child was recently taken from my home for absolutely no reason other than his deadbeat father wanted to settle a score of not paying child support. With the Hook Line and Sinker approach, he was able to convince just enough people that my child should be with him. Keep in mind, he wanted me to abort my child, didn’t show up for the first 8 months of his life and wasn’t much of a father when he finally did show up. Because he is not able to see past child support, he cannot think about the long term effects that he is causing by removing my child from the only home he has ever known.
For instance, when my child left he was potty trained. He’s been on sole care of his father for 3 months and in that amount of time his father has managed to UN do everything I have done in the name of my child. I received a message a few days ago that my child has a diaper rash. I am wondering, how in the hell does a child 2 months short of three years old have a diaper rash. Simple: He still wearing diapers or pull-ups. Not only that but he’s obviously wetting himself and not being changed. How can he not understand what is happening. Why is my child wearing pull-ups? Why is he not going to the potty? And most importantly, why in Jesus name is someone neglecting to change him regularly if they are going to have him in pull-ups. Why would his father leave him in the care of such a negligent daycare (children’s lighthouse, Copperfield) my child has completely reversed in progress. His behavior pattern has also been affected, his sleep time his schedule has totally been altered. I’ve video-taped my child at daycare as well as spoke to the teacher about his progress. In a recorded conversation she expresses concern as well as explains how he acts out to the point that she has to keep him separated from other children. Among other things, this, something his father would totally deny. Denying is not helping our child. I have the recording. Again, a temporary order that may cause long term effects. Lying about your child’s progress just to cover up the facts about how he’s really adjusting does not help your children.
Any mother or father who interferes with custody for no reason, is a deadbeat. The only exception to this is of it is completely unhealthy for the child and it is proven not just said. I hate bitter parents. Those are usually the ones who become deadbeats. They are not satisfied with the way a relationship ended so they take it out on the child.
My child’s father has abruptly interrupted the bond that my child had with me as well as his life. This change came drastic to my child and was literally overnight. I cannot understand how he does not notice or even care that it is happening. I continue to pray for my child and that he is able to deal with this change, but I know this time is extremely hard for him. I absolutely hate to know my child is going through this.