Lifestyle, Relationships

The Harsh Reality is, Sometimes You Just Have To Move On. Leaving Behind, The Things That Are Meant To Be Left Behind

To the woman/man who cannot move on from an unhealthy relationship:

Alarm Clock, Coffee Cup, Time Of, Arouse

How long will it take, for you to finally walk away from that emotionally abusive relationship and stop telling yourself that you’re staying for the kids? How long will it take before you scream NO more to the physical abuse and the mental abuse that you claim in the name of generational curses?

How long, before you: Walk Away. Close the door. Stop Chasing. Leave him/her alone. They have shown and proved time and time again that you are not important, they do not love you, he does not want you. She is not interested in a future with you. Stop waiting for signs. There are no more signs. You have received every single sign, that is known to man.

You have exceeded your limit in signs, in that she does not call, he disappears for days, he does not apologize, he continues to hurt you, she continues to dissapoint you, he is unwilling to communicate about anything serious, she does not let you in, he always closes you out. You are a settlement for him. Anytime something that he perceives as better than you, comes along, he will always leave you.

Stop taking him back. Sometimes when the signs stop revealing themselves, it’s because you are beyond the point of a sign. You are headed for the crash. Have you ever seen a sign on a at the bottom of an embankment, after you have fallen off? NO. That’s why you don’t see any signs anymore…. But you know this! Yet, you keep saying, “OK, one more sign then I am done.” Does this sound familiar?

To the Man who won’t let go of an ex-wife:

Divorce, Separation, Marriage Breakup, Split, Argument

How long do you think you can mask the fact that you’re truly unhappy, long as you are still engaging in things that will ultimately affect everything you love and live for? Do you not see how that it has a stronghold over your life?

You have found yourself incapable of living a genuinely happy and healthy life, even though you have all the ingredients; because you can’t let go of the woman who walked out of your life. You can’t let her live her life, without interruption and interference from you- because you can’t stand the sight of her being happy with anyone else or doing anything else that brings happiness to her life.

Yet, you have a woman…you’re in a relationship, you have a phenomenal job, things are going great for you, so the world thinks. And so, you have convinced yourself, that this façade will work for you. When the truth is, behind closed doors, and when your family, friends and girlfriend isn’t looking, you are involved in shenanigans, geared toward bringing pain and suffering to someone else, all because they hurt you several years ago. You are still caught up in the ultimate revenge plot to ruin her life. Stop!

Let her go. Release her. Move on. Give her your blessings. Live your life. Let her be happy. Welcome the new woman and love her to life, giving her everything she deserves, for wanting to love you. Stop self-sabotaging. Stop standing in the way of what your future could have for you. If you continue on holding to a past, by “getting back” at someone, your new relationship will eventually fall apart. She will not stand for it, when she finds out what’s really going on behind her back. If you truly have no concern about the things that your ex is doing, you wouldn’t continue in madness. Show it, by getting off her social media and stop stalking her. Stop looking for ways to ruin her life/career/relationships. Leave her alone, once and for all.

To the woman who won’t let go of her first, who may be the father of her child:

Model, Crying, Woman, Skin, Bra, Lying, Young, Female

How long do you think you can mask your anger toward someone who “left you with a child” after he got the “goodies” long as it’s the same script you keep repeating with him and people that you meet? If that’s your story, fine. But you can always change the end, and in knowing that, you can begin to move away from the part about “what happened.” What you need to realize is, it happened …and now what?

You will never find love, in empty places, or cluttered spaces. You must fill your heart with love, and clean your space of the past and all that has kept you between a rock and a hard place with regards to setting yourself free, from your past. Give yourself back to yourself, and stop allowing the experience from the first relationship or the fact that you have kids together, to keep you in a place of resentment. Stop giving him energy. Get back to being you, the person you were, couple with the blessing that life has given you in the process.

If he has chosen not to be a father to his child, then you just be the best mother that you can be,because your child will appreciate it. Your child needs you to be strong and healthy. You cannot do that, if you’re always trying to teach a man to be a man. You cannot do it, by crying over the choices that someone else has made. You cannot do it by staying in a situation that will hold you down and keep you down. Wish him well, and all the successes that he could ever imagine in life, and just move on.

Let him go. Release him. Move on. Live your life. Pray for him. Don’t’ worry about what he is doing versus what he should be doing. Don’t allow him to steal anymore of your time, by chasing him down and threatening him and the life he lives… it will not bring him back. You have someone who is trying to love you and you need to let them, if you want love. There is life after children. There is life after a troubled relationship, long as you want that life and you are willing to make the steps in the right direction, which start at claiming your happiness.

To people everywhere …

Woman, Girl, Freedom, Happy, Sun, Silhouette, Sunrise

Quit selling yourself short. Where the eff, is your “eff it” switch? When do you finally cut those things off, that are holding you back from a life of fulfilment, with yourself or with someone who wants to relish in the luxurious state of happiness with you?

Article Originally Published Here, at CAFEMOM

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Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Travel

5 Ways My Life Has Changed, Since My Son Has Been Living With His Dad: The Pros And The Cons

  1. My schedule is random unless my is visiting on the weekend. When he’s home with me, I provide the stability and the structure as well as discipline that he needs, by following a schedule to keep him on track with bed time, dinner, breakfast, play time, reading etc. It was a schedule that I implemented for him long before he was living with his dad. Now that he’s gone, I sleep in, I eat out, I cook less, and I eat whenever and whatever I want. I take longer naps, make runs to the store at any time throughout the day, no matter how late. I can travel more if I’d like to and not worrying about who would take him to school and pick him up, or even the fact that he would have to miss school. I can take last minute media assignments, make last minute plans, and spare of the moment trips out of town/ in town or even out of the country. Overall, I have free time to pursue many endeavors.
  2. Anxiety: For a while, I had my anxiety under control. I did not experience anxiety on this level at all, prior to having a child. It was not until my child was taken from me, over an accusation, proven to be false; which left me in such a helpless and anxious place. It was because I could not help my child. I could not do anything to give him what he asked for, which was to stay with me. That is when I began to experience anxiety again. The decision on who he would live with, did not rest in my authority. It was not in my hands and no one asked my son where he wanted to be. The reason the anxiety heightened and escalated to the place where I am today, is because over the last 4-years, I became aware of things that were taking place, when my son was not in my care and after hearing so many things, it caused my anxieties to soar through the roof. While most of this, is a thing of the past, it was traumatic for me, and I still live with it, constantly finding ways to cope; reposing in the assurance that everything happens for a reason, and I have seen some of the advantages and blessings come out of it all.

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” ― Mother Teresa

  1. Parks will never be the same: One of my son and I favorite pastime was to go to the park. We discovered just about every park there was, in the city. We settled on two, to call own, which were closest to the house. I spent many flex-days there with him and while he would play, I caught a spot under the tree. Today, it’s hard to drive by those parks. It’s hard to sit in those parks, work out, run around or walk around those trails. It’s a real challenge to be there, if other children are there. I have been in a place, where I couldn’t watch the other kids play, without breaking down. Though I am getting better with regards to seeing other children, I have yet to overcome the anxieties of going to those parks without my Bambino. When I do have him, we still make the most of our time. I found another park to create memories at, until the time comes…
  2. Insomnia: In other words, I cannot sleep at night…. Literally. (due to the anxiety) At times, I have been up 48 hours straight. That had a lot to do with the anxieties as well. Constantly worrying about where my kid was, who he was with and if he was OK. I had been fed some things by the Amicus on our case, in which she thought to be disturbing. Naturally, it disturbed me at that point as well. For 4 years of constantly hearing more and more, I was finding that my nights were getting longer and longer. Time passed like molasses. I would lay down with every intention of sleeping, but couldn’t make it happen. Still, to this very day, I have nightmares, terrible dreams that wake me from my sleep, where I fall to the floor and pray that my child is OK. He may be doing terrific! And that’s what I hope, but until I can get over the thought of anything happening to him, I will be woke.
  1. I have more Me Time: Me time has showed to be my best friend. It’s A time to get back to me, and focus on improvement. There’s always room for improvement, right? And since I do have severe anxiety and insomnia, it gives me the opportunity to work on getting myself back to a place, where I am rested, refreshed and refined. It allows me the time I need to “talk” about why I can sleep, why I have so much anxiety, why I stopped traveling as much, why I don’t leave the house as much, why I can’t sit in the park and watch other children play, or why I cannot do anything about what has transpired, but that I can find ways to cope with it. Me Time, gives me the space and time I need to do my make up again, do my hair again, celebrate myself again, in all that I do. Me Time helps me get back to the business of this empire and to pamper myself, heart, mind, body and soul. Me Time has encouraged me to get out of the house and to get active in the world again.

Article Originally posted Here, On Working Mother

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Travel, Uncategorized

5 Things That Every Super Single Mom Can Appreciate!

When it comes to showing a Super Single Mom, that you care about them, there are so many ways to do it. Vacations out of the country, expensive gifts, which include jewelry, such as: Promise Rings, and the Tiffany Diamond Pendent that she has been looking at, are nice, but are sometimes not affordable at the time and other times, the timing is just all bad.

When thinking about what to give that Super Single Mom, who happens to be a co-worker, your best friend, your relative, or your business partner, the gifts may also vary. You don’t always need to break the bank, to make grand gestures. When they are heart-felt and much needed, they are also appreciated! Here are some universal, fool-proof things, that every Super Single Mom can appreciate.

FROM A MAN:

romantic tripA Romantic Day Trip: (If you’re romantically involved) In which, she may stop calling herself “Single.” As stated, a full-blown vacation may not be possible or even feasible at the time, with regards to work schedules and raising kids. They take time off and proper planning, whereas a day trip is well within reach.

Pick her head on things she would like to do and local places she would like to visit, such as: The Botanical Gardens, The Arts Museum, etc. Plan a picnic, a walk in the park, or a boat ride to follow. For the day, make her feel like she is out of town, and away from the madness, even though it is just 10-30 miles away.

handwritten

A little handwritten note: Notes are perhaps the most sentimental thing you can do for a woman. Here are some ideas. Just tell her something that she has not heard in a while. Remind her of how you feel about her. Let her know how much she means to you. Be willing to be vulnerable. “You’re beautiful” “You are appreciated” “You look great today, as usual” “You are a great mother”

breakfast in bed

Breakfast in Bed: Nothing says, “Good-Morning” like breakfast in bed. Waking up to a home-cooked breakfast, is in the mind of every super single mom. If you are dating, to the point that you are occupying spaces together, the kids are getting along, and they spend an inordinate amount of time together, as the two of you pan out blending the families, whereas things are getting serious; this will earn you major cool points.

lunch

A Surprise Lunch/Brunch or Dinner: Surprise her with a date to one of her favorite restaurants. It shows that you’re interested/still interested in dating her, in that you even remember what her favorite restaurant is. Take care of the arrangements beforehand, so that she doesn’t have to think.

Women who have been working, thinking and making all the decisions at work and at home, all day, just want someone to finally say: “I made reservations for lunch, at The Walnut Cafe. I am picking you up at 1:00 P.M.” Or, “We have dinner reservations. I will meet you at the house, and we can go from there. I have made arrangements for a sitter. The kids will have dinner ready when they get home from school.”

bath and massage

A Massage: Schedule a massage or DIY. But do it good. If massaging is your thing, why not save on the masseuse, crack those knuckles and put those palms into action. Use some lavender, peppermint oil or eucalyptus oil, after she has taken a long, hot bath. She has been running around with the kid(s) all day, and she just wants to come home and relax. You can help her achieve this, by addressing those pressure/stress points in her neck, back and shoulders.

FROM FRIENDS ETC.

spa dayA gift card to the spa: A trip to the Spa, one evening on her way from work, is the best. If it’s coming from the company, it’s all around winning situation for the employee and the employer, when the employer gives her the 2-hour early dismissal from work, so that she can make this possible. If she cannot do it during the week, she will at least have the GC, so that when she carves out enough time or when an impromptu situation arises, where she can break away to use it, she will appreciate it.

family night

A gift card for family night out: Show your friend and Super Single Mom that you have thought about the fact that she does all the picking up and dropping off the children, at school, after school practice, sporting events and gets them ready for school and prepared for bed. Allow her a free night from the kitchen and give her a GC that will take care of dinner for her and the kids for a night.

cleaning service.png

A coupon for a cleaning service: You should have thought of this one before. How many times have you heard a Super Single Mom talk about all the cleaning that she must do when she gets home? How many times have you heard her complain about having to run behind the kids and clean up mess? Take care of one of those times, by giving her the gift of a cleaning service for the day.

bottles of wine

A bottle of Wine: I realize I could just be speaking for a small group of people, as I recognize those who may not drink wine. However, for those who do, and you know who they are (as I raise my hand, really-high) they will appreciate it, more than you know. Contrary to widespread belief, mommies do like wine. Wink-Wink. Working Mothers do like wine and when they have a moment to do so, they do sip. Guilty as charged.

wash car

Wash and Detail her car: That’s right! She doesn’t have time to do this. It needs to be done. She will appreciate it. There are French-Fries every-where, that match the little hand prints all over the windows.

Well, there you have it! Find one thing from the list above, and show a Super Single Mom, that she is appreciated.

Article Originally Published on Working Mother

Lifestyle, Parenting

Here’s 10 Ways to win the heart of this woman, just in case you were wondering

There is no skeleton key for opening my heart. There are some things that may work with some women, which does not work for me. This is due to differences that we may have in our priorities, prioritizing, responsibilities, my age, my culture, my background and upbringings. I do feel that my list of things, fall in line with what a woman should require, but who am I to tell anyone who never asked me, what she should require? There are characteristic requirements that I seek in a gentleman, in which another woman may not require or she may not put the same amount of weight on it, when it comes to doing what it takes to get into her heart. To each his own, and for me… it’s this:

respect

  1. RESPECT: I am coo-coo for coco puffs, over a gentleman who has respect not just for me, but for other women. He can’t degrade any female while in my presence and especially not his mother or the mother of his child. A man should always treat a woman like a queen. She should carry herself as such, but when he sees that she is not, I believe that he should encourage her to do better, rather than to perpetuate her unladylike characteristics. I think he should always hold her to a higher standard, by respecting her. This is demonstrated in the way he is to talk to a woman and the way he treats her overall. Never being a misogynistic A-hole or a male chauvinist.
  2. LOVE for my child: There are many women who choose to date and have a separate life, apart from the one where their child is involved, because the person they date, does not want to be involved in the child’s life- or the woman doesn’t really want him to be around her child. I think when it comes to me, the reason I chose not to do this, is because I am not a serial dater or a casual dater. When I date, it is because I have a real interest in something developing between the person that I give my time to. I don’t care for a man who wants a life with me that does not include my son. Meaning, we can’t play house during the week, but then you disappear when I have my son, because you don’t want to “have anything to do with” children. I have a child. And so, I am a package deal.
  3. MANNERS: A man who has good manners when it comes to sitting at the dinner table in a formal setting breeds a second date. When he knows that there is a time and place for everything, without me having to break it down, it’s less work for me and I don’t feel so much like I have a project or a fixer-upper. When out in public, where the need for etiquette skills to be demonstrated, are done so, with ease… it gives me the sense of comfort that I need to continue entertaining him. I love to see a man treating the waiter and waitress with respect, saying please and thank you. The topper is when I see a man who knows that it is necessary to address my parents as, Maam’ and Sir…. saying Yes and No Sir, when asked a question.
  4. CHILVERY: While the above manners, fall under Chilvery, there are more things that do so as well. Opening doors for his lady, adorning her with cards that read sentiments of his love and respect, honor and commitment to her, in addition to flowers for no reason, are a few simple things that go into the metal ingredients, which makes up the key to my heart. When a man knows these things without me having to tell him or ask him for it, it’s bonus! I do not like when I must tell a man how to treat a lady. I do realize that there are a small society of men who may not truly know or realize and understand that this is what a lady might require, due to what he has been allowed to get away with in other women.
  5. COURTING: Maybe I am just from the South and I am addicted to the ways of the South, where courting a girl first, was a way of life. Courting, I believe goes hand in hands with chivalry. Courting requires getting to know a woman on a deeper level, and showing her that you care, and are around for the long haul. This included “dating” her…taking her out. It’s like a try-out. If you want to be the MVP, you must do the work of an MVP. You must show her the value of having you, show her that you are a man who knows what to and will do what it takes, instead of just being another player. Show her that you want the ball. It’s making your intention clear by treating her like the lady she deserves to be treated as. It’s having a vested interest in taking it beyond dating, and into something serious.

chilvery

To piggy back a little on chivalry, respect, good manners: If a man offers to take me out to dinner, I expect a man to know that he will be picking up the bill, unless I offer and/or insist on paying for my purchase. If a man gets up for a bathroom break when he knows the bill is coming, he should also know that he will never be seeing me again. If a man fumbles his wallet when the check comes, giving any indication that he was not prepared to pay, he can make it the final payment that he will ever have to make when it comes to me.

washed car

  1. Wash my car and take out the trash – without me asking! When a man is around and the trash is still sitting in the garage, the hallway or the kitchen and any other part of the house, I think he’s a lazy boy, off the rip. I should not have to tell any man that he should stop walking by the trash and take it to the garbage outside or to the street for trash pick-up. Lastly, I should not be driving a dirty car, when there’s a man in my life. I expect him to know that he should always make sure that my car is clean and up to date on service. I need a man who knows this.
  2. Converse and listen– I said it before, I love a sociable guy and one that can hold his own in a conversation or in a crowded room, where the need for diversity in communication skills are needed. However, I do not like a man who goes on and on about himself, other people and never takes time for a breath. I do not like a man who does not listen, for the sake of him talking too much. A man who doesn’t listen, is usually holding on to his next thought, and is the reason he did not hear anything that you said. I can’t tell you how annoying it is for me to have to repeat myself- due to someone not listening.

date

This is where the list gets a little shorter, as the last 3 things are that I require, I wouldn’t quite consider to be red flags. It doesn’t make a man a bad person, if he doesn’t possess these qualities. But they are certainly things that I still consider and account for, when taking a closer look at accepting his offer for a relationship.

  1. Take Heed to The Things I Like and Don’t Like: Such as: Niedria prefers carnations over roses. Niedria prefers fresh seafood over frozen. Niedria prefers red wine over white wine. Niedria prefers silver jewelry over gold jewelry. My sister dated a guy once, who kept a list of her likes and don’t likes in his phone. His list grew as he got to know her. When holidays came around, he knew just what to get. When invited to dinner, he knew just what to say. When going out for a night on the town, he knew just where to take her. When she was upset, he knew just what he did.
  2. Sense of humor – He’s got to crack a joke or two, or at least able to take one. A witty and intelligent guy is attractive to me. When he can jump right in, with rebuttal jokes, against my random joking spells, he has what it takes.
  3. TATTOOS: Yes, it’s a little-known fact. It’s not a deal breaker, if the man is of a certain age- but I do love tattoos.  See Full Article on CafeMom
Charity, Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

Would you date a man who’s not over or obsesses over his ex-girlfriend/wife?

Personally, I wouldn’t, but I also know that there are some things, which would bring me to the conclusion that he’s not over his ex, which could be different from someone else’s conclusion. And because of that, I realize that my drift of opinion could be millions of miles away from what someone else’s views, in determining the same thing. To each, his own, and that includes thoughts, ideas, plans, etc.

I respect and value individuals who garner their own understanding of what they want in life and how they will go about getting it. That’s just having a broad sense of understanding and awareness. Which is also why I remain open to hearing what other women have to say about the many things, which involve: love, lust, regrets, relationships, marriage, commitment, loyalty, dating and divorce. All of which, could mean something different to different people.

In my humble opinion, some women don’t have radar for determining cheating, or being in love vs. being loved, and of course, determining if the man she loves, is in love with someone else….or obsessing over someone else.

Some women do have the radar, but it needs to be recalibrated. It hasn’t been used in a while and it’s locked on the car that they’ve been sitting in for a while. It’s locked in on the last target and is unable to work properly. It reads the wrong person. It gages the wrong speed. The light is not on. The power switch doesn’t work or it has been turned off. Their radar is out of date, expired, primitive, barbaric or ancient. They want so badly, so impress upon a man what the last one did or did not do.

Now, while there is profound and nostalgic beauty in the old, the aged and the antique; it’s not exactly the mindset you want when you’re living in the present and burdened with the hindrance of understanding how things work, in back to the future. Modern and New technology doesn’t force you to change, it does often times, aggressively request your participation in new technology, so that you can keep up. Yes, we are still talking about what it takes for you to determine if the man you’re in love with is caught up in his feelings over his ex.

There are some pretty general things that take place when this is the case, which would validate and confirm your suspicion, as they will point directly at the truth about it, where across the board, the consensus would agree that he’s not over his ex. Suffice to say, there are also things that would say the same about you, which wouldn’t be accurate. However, if the radar is working (gut and intuition) you’d come pretty dang close in your conclusion, and the accuracy would be above average. In other words, you’d still be closer to right, than you would be to wrong. It’s like a hypothesis, in a scientific method.

I believe that most women would agree on these blatant and undeniable actions, which can’t be refuted, which tells us that he’s not over his ex. Such as: flirting with the lines of communication, where his ex is concerned. Also walking a tight rope and/or pushing the envelope type of behavior, when it comes to his involvement or engagement with his ex. And then, there’s also the hatred and anger that he has toward her, for no apparent reason. If he does things like, stalk her in real life, stalks her online, stalks her job, repeatedly harasses her, and by use of the power and control wheel used in Domestic Violence diagrams, he complies with the entire wheel. If he’s still holding on to photos, memoirs, keepsakes and tokens that belong to her, like rings, necklaces, her wedding dress, her lotion or soap and other hygiene products…. sorry Hun, he’s not over his ex.

If he spends an inordinate amount of time reading through her post on social media, working with a peon task force to assist him in keeping tabs on his ex, while he’s incognito and sitting behind the computer (like most stalkers do in the movies) while collecting every photo she’s ever taken, all the places she’s been, all the people she’s with…then printing all of this, but covering that up by calling it “investigation” work …Boo, I really hate to tell you that he’s lying. Has he ever shown you all the stuff he’s been keeping? Have you read it all for yourself? Does it say anything that would suggest or imply that there’s a reason to have all that information? Why is she that relevant to him?

Well, just answer me this: Would you be surprised to know that he’s not over something from his past? Would it surprise you to know that he does all these things because he’s angry about the life she has without him? Would it surprise you to know that this is the stuff that pisses his ex off and causes her to have tantrums, because she can’t live her life in peace, as long as this stalker is there? Would I be accurate if I said that this is the reaction that fuels him? But have you asked him why is it that, her throwing a tantrum, excites him? Would I be accurate if I called this, A UNHEALTHY OBSESSION? Would you be surprised to know that stalking is illegal? Digressing. ……Because….

Nonetheless, it is still so, that one thing in the eyes of one person, can be totally different in the eyes of another person.

Some women don’t pick up the signs- others see the signs and they ignore it, because they have their own motives for being with such a man. The same woman will look over red flags, warning signs, stuff that doesn’t look right, lies and stories that don’t add up. They are making a mental note, for sure. But they aren’t taking any action in addressing him, because they are comfortable in this “asis” situation. They are nonchalant about it, because they already have their own set of ulterior motives and they know they won’t be around for the long haul. His behavior doesn’t bother her, because she’s in it for reasons of convenience. Once she gets what she came for, she’s high tailing it out and on to the next.

A woman who:

  1. ignores a mans actions, which do not align with the purpose of setting aside differences and does not seem to want to
  2. stop committing offenses against his ex and
  3. who is not able to solidify his hate, anger and rage,
  4. in order to validate why he’s “so mad”

…is a woman who ignores

  1. what she likes,
  2. what she wants and
  3. what she deserves, because
  4. SHE is up to something herself.

As seen on CafeMom.com

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships

Recognizing the season that your relationship is in

While watching one of my guilty, reality show pleasures, among my beloved DVR recordings that I’ve reserved for nights that I suffer from insomnia; I tuned in to Married to Medicine, with Dr. Jackie. I heard her make a remark to her practice manager, while they were going through her calendar and checking dates of availability. Dr. Jackie responded to a date that her practice manager selected by saying, “No, that’s Curtis’ Birthday.” That is when the practice manager said; “You don’t have to celebrate his birthday on his birthday.” And finally, Dr. Jackie responded by saying, “In this season that we are in, we need to celebrate on his birthday.” I thought that was such a BEAUTIFUL response!

Curtis is Dr. Jackie’s husband of many, many years. However, most recently the two of them have struggled in trying to navigate through a rough patch in the marriage. It was inspiring to hear her say this because she was able to recognize the ‘season’ their relationship was in and then to prioritize the marriage, and her husband’s birthday above all. Dr. Jackie knew the significance of doing this, at that moment in time- where she had to show her husband that he is loved, respected and wanted, by acknowledging the importance of doing her part.

Watching the show reminded me of my own mom and dad. I always see my mother making sure that my dad is taken care of, he’s happy and they have a healthy relationship. She constantly makes sacrifices and compromises, to keep the marriage together and strong. She gives with her whole heart. She gives without expectations. She always puts her marriage first and if there was ever a moment that she didn’t, it wasn’t because she wouldn’t, it was because she couldn’t.

This is the balance that most people cannot find. Acknowledging a critical time in the relationship that could possible make or break the union, is extremely necessary. There are many times where you will have to put work first, but in those times where your relationship may suffer, or is already suffering, you may have to make a choice. It’s not all bad though. It’s not a case where you have to truly choose your family first, over being employed. And it’s not a case where this happens everyday. It’s a matter of knowing and being able to discern when those times are, when you do need to put your marriage first.

It is absolutely necessary for a woman and a man, to put each other first, in the relationship or marriage; when the season that you are in yanks on strings of separation and or ultimately a divorce. If you want your marriage or relationship to grow and survive, you have to be willing to do the work in that season.

Think of it in terms of the 4 Seasons: Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. In the colder months, where there’s snowfall, you will have to work a little harder to maintain the yard. You will have to plow streets, shovel your yard, driveway, doorways and pathways into the house. In the months where leaves tend to fall constantly, you will do a lot of manual labor in the lard by racking and disposing of the leaves more than any other time in the season. In the season where the grass grows a lot faster, you will have to work a little harder in those seasons by mowing, cutting and hedging your landscape. And again, before you can do any of this, you have to know what season you are in.

Lastly, have you ever tried to maintain your yard, but the leaves from your neighbors yard blows over into yours? That happens in relationships as well. Which is why it is wise to put up a fence, and shield your relationship, while you are in your critical season, doing the work to clean up your yard. I’ll also add that it’s vital that you keep people out of your business and relationship. Don’t air your problems while you’re still working it out. That is because you’ll find yourself under the pressure of doing what your friends say you should do, and also being influenced to do something your own heart truly doesn’t want to do, but because you’ve told everyone about your problems in the marriage, you feel obligated to take their advice; which may not be the best advice.

In my humble opinion and experience, private relationships last the longest.

As Seen On SheSavvy.com

Lifestyle, Relationships

3 Reasons Single Women have a Love/Hate relationship with Being Mary Jane

Well, for starters, no matter how made up or creative the character can be on television, it’s the reality of knowing that she’s a very real girl. She’s a real woman in a sometimes, exaggerated way, but a real woman nonetheless. We watch and relate to portions of the show, while covering one eye, as if to say we didn’t see it since we were peeking between our fingers.

She’s a smart, pretty, fit, witty, sexy, affluent woman of power. She’s an over- achieving, Single woman who’s free of children, with a gorgeous home, and a fancy car. She dresses like a million bucks, she’s driven, and tough. She’s an opulent boss, who holds it down for executive women everywhere, who have a similar attitude and vested interest in persistently climbing the ladder. For the most part, she’ speaks her mind. When she feels as though she can’t, she comes up with some clever idea that always seems to get her point across. While it has backfired a time or two, the odds have been in her favor.

But with all of that, her success rate of finding and keeping a man is not as in tact as the post-it notes that she keeps on the mirror and around the house. But those are called Affirmations, and we all have them. Some of us write or record them in our cell phone notes, while others write them on the bathroom mirror, or even on the cork-board in our office. Whether you have yours written on a note pad that is stuck to the refrigerator door, in a journal or etched in your head, we have them. They are our mental notes, the things that keep us encouraged or motivated about whatever we are focusing on. They somewhat keep us grounded, so that we don’t forget why we started.

  1. We love to see a single woman doing her thing and making her mark in her profession, while dominating and breaking through barriers. However, we hate to see where her loneliness takes her through silent nights alone, in whom she searches to fill the void and comes off a little harsh at times. We are rooting for her to find love and happiness because that’s what seems to be missing.
  1. We love the aesthetics of her lifestyle. What’s not to love about a glamorous life-style where everything looks really, really good, on this side of luxurious? We love to watch her enjoy the freedom in her life, which provide her the outlet to be able to do some of the risqué things we never did and can’t do. But we don’t necessary care for the woman, whom seems to live life through a series of one-night stands, running from the very thing she wants, and masking it by burying herself in work, while committing to non commitment, and casting that, as a woman who just knows what she wants.
  1. We love to see her pull major stunts at work to get a story heard or to get a view in. But we all know damn well we would be fired, quicker than we could state our opinion, if we march into work and did some of the things she does. But she has taught us to be fearless, and to stand up for the things we believe in. And… while so effectively doing that, we still know the reality of our situations and we know the climate of our workplace probably has no leniency when it comes to breaking the rules.

So, we love Mary Jane for all the things that she is, but at the same time, we hate her for all the things that she is. Such as: A serial dater, a woman who often time engage in one night stands, whether they last or not, they came from a sex on the first night type situation. We especially hated when she took the infamous “hoe bath” on TV. We cringed when we saw her method of storing sperm. And we damn near died when she broke out the vibrator while sitting at her office desk. But we all understood the reason she had to get it out the way lol. And oh yea, her relationship with the married man- and Mary Jane’s revelation to the wife, once she found of who the wife was… Not exactly the woman that we want to relate to. But it happens all the time. And at the end of the day, the new season has brought us closer to wishing we were her, so that we could play the part next to Michael Ealy. But at the same time, we want them to match up this season.

One thing is for sure though, and that is that Mary Jane has always kept us either laughing or guessing. All the things that Mary Jane is and all things she is not, we can find ourselves somewhere in there, because she is so multi-dimensional. But her strengths seem to also be her weaknesses. She tends to prioritize work above the things that she actually wants in life, which is love. Does that sound familiar, anyone? It is kind of nice to watch the things we want to do, actually play out on TV, by a bad ass, gorgeous girl. And that’s why we hate to love Being Mary Jane.

As Seen on Cafemom.com