Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships

A letter one lady wrote to her 30- year old self, that’s worth reading

A letter one lady wrote to her 30- year old self, that’s worth reading
Dear 30-year old self,

It will be the first weekend in November. You are going to be 2 months into the finalization of your divorce, after spending 2-years requesting a divorce and refusing to date anyone until it was final. You are going to put on your little silver dress which will adorn your new and improved size 4, lean, tight, fit and toned body. You are going to step into your fish net stockings and your black alligator stilettos with the chrome heel. You’re rocking your pixie cut and your new carefree attitude as you head off to a fashion show. You’ll sit front row, VIP, with a swag bag and there will only be a few in attendance once you arrive. However, after a few moments, you will meet the gentlemen to your right, who are sitting at the end of the runway. They call themselves photographers and head of a magazine.

After the show, you will have small talk with one of the gentlemen and you will exchange numbers. Amid speaking to the attractive, nearly 7-footer, you’re going to slip, stumble backwards and almost take a fall, in the most literal and figurative way. The same gentleman who sat at the end of the runway, who you are engaged in conversation with, will demonstrate sharp reflexes as he instantly reaches out to save you from the embarrassment of falling while in your tiny silver dress. He will extend his arm and catch you. You will thank him and notice his smile. Pearly whites and broad shoulders will draw you in. While you stay to enjoy the after party, with other friends and make acquaintance with other attendees, you will anticipate the call from the gentleman who reached out to catch you earlier, whom you’ve given your number to.

He will waste no time. He will call you 24- hours later to suggest hanging out and spending time together. You’ll accept his advancements and extend an invitation. You will invite him over for drinks, on the heel of his suggestion that since you’re doing nothing this evening, “Maybe we should do nothing together.”

You’ll open the door and welcome him in, speaking silently to yourself that you made no mistake in giving this one your number, as he looks just like you remember. You will share drinks on the sofa for a few, while watching TV and chatting about the show, the after party and life in general. You’ll share similar background stories, but he will omit one important thing just before you ask him if he wants another drink.

The next morning, he will still be in your home. He will stay for another night. After-which, he will invite you over to his home to continue getting to know each other. You’ll make a run to the gas station, suggesting that the two of you eat breakfast first. That will become the hilarious hallmark conversation for the next 10-years, as to how you had the audacity to recommend eating breakfast at a gas station.

Within that first month of meeting him, you will invite him to your hometown 3-weeks later to meet your family at Thanksgiving. You will share some amazing moments while collecting a lot of memories together. You will take a couple of trips together in which you will determine that something is going on that doesn’t add up. You will be a little gullible and naïve. He will even tell you this at times, as you ignore the obvious, allowing him to get away with things that only a fool would. There will be good times, tough times, explosive times, a lot of secrets, a lot of disappearing on his part and a lot of lies. You will ignore all the flags at first, and long enough to get in too deep. But then, you will begin to see all the writing on the wall that you missed, as it begins to illuminate and emerge from the darkness that covered it, while the lights were off.

After the paint has dried, it begins to peel. That is when you’ll discover that he also has two more children by a third girl. You will ignore that as well, and determine that it happened during a break up, but the mathematics shows that it happened a day or so after the break up. Things are adding up. But you’re already 10 years in.

What I would like you to know is that once you step into the fashion show, it is important for you to know that the handsome, nearly 7-foot gentleman to your right, who says he owns a magazine is also married. He’s separated of course, and he lives apart from his estranged wife, but he has a 16-year old son and a baby on the way by his mistress, that he will not tell you about when you meet him…and you will discover on your own, nearly two years later. Should you engage in conversation, you will become another name in the little black book. Though you will last 10 years in the game, you need to know that this is all it is to him: A game. There are things you will never know about him, even after 10 years. There is a part of his life that he will never bring you into, even after 10 years, because he knows it will expose the rest of the writing on the wall.

You should know that should you decide to have small talk, leave it at that and leave it at the fashion show. I know…he’s attractive and he’s saying all the right things but he’s not saying anything at all. Do not exchange numbers and do not invite him over.

If you feel yourself about to take a fall, reject his advances to catch you and just take your fall gracefully. The embarrassment from the fall in your tiny silver dress will result in everyone seeing your underwear, but will be no match for the embarrassment that you will see in 10 years, should you allow this man to catch you.

Seen On Shesavvy.com

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Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships

When What They Meant For Bad, Turned Out For Your Good, But Now They Mad

Have you ever found yourself in a place where something tragic happened, which turned out to be something as equally good? When it happened, you were devastated on many levels and you could not get your mid around it. You couldn’t not believe the betrayal involved, the dishonesty, the manipulation, the evil and vindictive ways of someone and how their action caused you the friends that were lost, loss of employment, loss of career in which stunted your growth for a while and brought on many hindrances in moving forward in your career by staining your reputation and ultimately demolishing everything you had worked for, achieved and built. Their action caused the loss of your business connections and weakened your opportunities in the process. You couldn’t believe how something so impossible could happen to you. It was downright wrong and no reasonable explanation as to how it could have happened, was in your line of view.

You were in a place that you could not explain it to anyone, and even when you did, they didn’t believe you because it was so impossible that they could not phantom it for themselves. So, in the end, you looked as though you were making it all up. You appeared as though you were leaving something out. You were viewed as the one who was not being honest and forthcoming about all the details of what transpired. This impossible action brought on grave circumstances in which you never thought you would overcome. You were in a place where you could not see the beginning from the end. You were stuck in the middle of just existing in life. It was no way to unravel what had been done.

I bet you never looked at it as GOD’s way of cleaning house. Have you ever heard the expressions, “I asked GOD to protect me from my enemies and I started losing friends?” or “We Plan. GOD Laughs?” “When You Are Down To Nothing, GOD Is Up To Something”

Here’s an example: He got you pregnant and then decided that he didn’t want a child. So, you became a single mom overnight. You still smiled, and it bothered him that you accepted the challenge. After-which, he fought you in court to gain custody and to evade paying child support.

He told you that you would be nothing without him and his money and he added that no man would want (A woman with a kid) He dug deeper into your flesh when he said that you’ve been tarnished because you are now a single mother.

He stood on his title, stability in the workplace and financial status to solidify his claim as the better parent. He won in court.

Now, he has all the responsibilities that you had but he doesn’t like that. He doesn’t want that kind of responsibility. He especially doesn’t want the responsibility if it means more freedom for you.

He told you that he wouldn’t need child support from you if he had custody, because he has all the money- but now he’s not only begging you for child support, but he’s requesting it be raised.

He hated you and called you out for being a single mom, but now he has the burdens that he said no man would want you for; which is that he now dates a woman who has two kids of her own.

He didn’t want to pay child support, but now he see the cost of food, education, entertainment, school, clothes, medical, travel and daily expenses of having a child- but he also has the additional two kids, plus the woman, that he must do for in his new relationship. (way more than he would have paid in child support to you)

He can’t walk away from his relationship, because he used it to show that he had a “stable family at home.” Also, if he walks away or allows her to leave, he will look like a double failure and all the truths will be exposed. So, he must continue to buy/purchase her company to keep her around. He must keep her there to keep up the façade. And he hates it. (This cost money)

He dogged you for being a single mom all to find out that a relationship with a Single Mom, is all that he qualifies for, for himself. SIDEBAR: I am no rocket scientist, but its beginning to look like I am being hated because what he once told me, is happening to him. No woman wants a Single father- unless she’s a single mother herself. So now he has exactly what he criticized me about. And perhaps he has come to the realization that there aren’t many women out there who don’t have kids at our age. Perhaps he realized that those women without kids, aren’t looking for a man with baggage.

He invaded your professional spaces with slanderous statements and libelous actions that caused you to lose your place. He constantly pushed for corruption over your life, so that you would not be able to provide for yourself or your child and he won that battle. But he was not happy to see you smile through it all.

When someone wins everything that they asked for and they still are not happy with the outcome, it is because all that they took from you, was meant to paralyze your faith, steal your smile and cripple your existence. And it may have been the case for a while, but you kept smiling and believing. You found your footing and your bearings in life to do it all over again. You continued to smile and that irked the mess out of those who came to kill, steal and destroy. So, they are unhappy about your happiness and your success and most of all, your existence. Because for them, they know that you get to look at them being unhappy in a situation that was meant to bring you that kind of unhappiness.

You went on to secure a better position in the workforce. You remained grounded in faith and your prayers availed. You realized what the ultimate plan on your life was and how all of this was not in vain. You realized that vindication was not yours. You realized that there’s a reason for everything happening in your life, when all those connections and bridges were cut and burned. You begin to see the path. You went on to find happiness in a relationship with someone who loves your child. You went on to have the freedom and luxury that comes from not having the responsibility of having to look out for a child every moment of the day- While he, inherited the curse that he attempted to place on you.

He ended up with triple the hell from what he stole from you and now he’s drunken with hatred for you. He is feasting on his own insides, as he staggers and slowly fade away.

My advice to you is to remain humble. Forgive him, as you probably have which is why he has no more power over you and you have been able to keep it moving. Keep believing. Never stop smiling. Continue to move forward and trust the slow and steady process. Don’t gloat. Don’t brag. Just wait. Just watch.

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

Here’s The Best Advice That I Can Give To A New Single Mom: It’s Not Going To Be Easy, But It Doesn’t Have To Be Hard

Mommy-hood sprung on you like flowers in the springtime, after the stork dropped a bundle of joy at your door and forgot to leave the dad. Devastating, but not the end of the world.

Here’s what you should know: Being single is not a disease. Being a single mom is not a handicap. To find yourself solely responsible for the health and well-being of a child can be overwhelming, and while being a mother is a life sentence, being a single mom is not a death sentence.

ON LIFE:

There was a time long ago, when it seemed like single moms and women who had children were looked over in the dating and work stream because they were perceived as having too much baggage. Today, they are an asset. Not just as potential wives and life-partners, but as business partners and leaders. They have overcome some of life’s greatest challenges, demonstrating their relentlessness and resilience.

Single moms are proving more and more that they can run lucrative businesses from home and be as productive , working from home as someone on a 9-5. Moms and single mothers are the go to, when looking for the best deals and the latest products to hit the market. For that, they contribute to a substantial portion of brand awarene… being targeted by some of the world’s most notorious companies, who seek to reach moms. Know this: You are useful. You are resourceful. You are valuable.

ON BEING SINGLE:

Being a Single Mom is not what we strive to be. But hey, let’s face it. For some of us, our affirmation is, “I woke up like this” -Niedria

You don’t have to do it alone: This is our biggest fear. The fear of being alone in the process of raising healthy children. The fear of having no one around when we need assistance and guidance, advice, counsel and wisdom.

Utilize your immediate network of family, your friends and organizations My mother was and still is my strongest ally. When you access your immediate network, you remain in a constant state of motivation.

Extended Support: Take advantage of the extended support (available through church or community activities) and opportunities to become involved with people who will assist you in finding programs that provide resources. Even if it’s temporary assistance, don’t be afraid to use it so that you can position yourself to win.

Access local resources: Many libraries list groups where you can meet and have discussions with other moms. Attend seminars, where you can get connected with local moms, parenting groups and others alike.

Everything takes time: Trust the process. This is something that I not only tell you, but it’s something I remind myself of everyday. If you need to tell yourself, over and over, to remind yourself that it’s a process, then do it. Try not to become bogged down in the desire to achieve immediate results. That’s something that I am guilty of. Stand back and look at the whole picture, even when you feel like time is running out. Have a Plan A, B and C, but don’t spread yourself too thin. Give the appropriate amount of time and attention to each plan as you go.

ON BEING MOM: I adopted a “Mother First” mantra. Before I considered anything, I chose to take in account how it would serve my child as well. This boiled down to lifestyle choices. We all live very different lives, in which we must tailor our decis…

GET ORGANIZED: This entails making lists, setting reminders, scheduling things in advance, making appointments for the future. Use a filing system, a planner or a white board to write down important dates to remember.

Focus and Prioritize: Sharply define your center point. (Where am I now?) Start there. Then readjust where needed, for clarity of what’s most important, to properly file and address things accordingly in life.

Plan Ahead For Urgent Situations: Create an emergency list of family and friends, as well as useful numbers for emergency personnel. Place the list in an area where it can be accessed.

Preparation: Making use of free time to prepare for your day. Such as: packing items you may need before leaving home, like for a day at the park, zoo, mall, movies or anywhere else.

ON DATING:

You don’t have to tell everyone that you are single: You don’t have to take every phone number that’s offered and you certainly shouldn’t give yours out to everyone. You’d want to practice discretion in dating and be mindful of the company you keep.

You don’t have to answer all the questions as to why you’re still single: When do you plan on getting married? Don’t feel pressured. Once again, being a single mom is not synonymous with desperate. Take your time choosing a partner. Do not rush to settle. If you have learned anything from the stork who left the bundle at the door, it’s to not open the door for just anyone.

ON LOVE: Single moms have demonstrated what they can bring to the table in providing nourishm… To the mature and distinguished man, these moms are attractive, in that they are independent, responsible, successful and sexy, at the same damn time.

When and if you do find someone, you will wonder when the right time to introduce significant other to your child. This is something that only you can gauge. It’s O.K. to seek advice from close friends who truly have your best interest at heart. Sometimes it’s good to consult with friends. Just be sure that you have overcome all your objectives in the relationship, as to what you want to bring around your child. A general rule of thumb, if you can’t bring him home, leave him alone.

http://redtri.com/best-advice-to-a-newly-single-mom/

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

Dad, Are You and My Mom Going to Get Married Again? A Child’s Plea To Do Things Together With His Parents

Dad, are you and my mom going to get married again? A child’s plea to do things together with his parents

I can tell you off the top that I do not have the solution for this. My question to everyone else is, how do you address these questions? I was not prepared and I don’t know how to get prepared. I was prepared for all the other questions that I knew he would ask someday and I think I knocked those out of the park.

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As I’m about to drive away, after I had just picked up my son for the weekend, I was excited about the time we were about to have. I looked back and noticed that he was getting teary eyed, and his face was that of one holding back the tears. Confused, I told him that is was perfectly OK if he wanted to roll the window down to say bye to his dad.  

“Why are you sad?” I asked. “Because my dad looks sad. I want my dad to come too. I want to be with both of y’all at the same time.” he responded. My son had expressed this on several occasions before, when he asked me if I could come with him to his dad’s house. He’s cried several times upon being dropped back off at his dad’s house, because he wanted me to come too.

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Deep Breath** He took me up on my offer to roll the window down to say good-bye to his dad. However, he didn’t just say good-bye. He asked, “Dad, can you and my mom get married again because I want to be with both of yall?” My head fell… Not sure what his dad said. I began to back away.

Only recently, had my son began to ask me about us getting married again. Almost as if he’d been searching for a resolution and rested on this being the only answer to how we can all be together.

Never did I think he’d ask his dad or me, right there in the presence of one another, if we would get married again so that he can be with both of us, at the same time.

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I knew that it would not be much longer before I would have to ditch the kiddy talk and address the conversation head on. But is this considered something age-appropriate to discuss? He’s only 6. Well, he will be 7- years old in December. He’s a pretty quick-witted, smart and intelligent kid. I recognize that he is a lot more insightful about what is and has been going on. I knew he’d have questions, but not this one.

I did not think his request would be that his dad re-marries his mom. (Internal thoughts: Does he see this as the only possibility for us to do things together? Poor baby, this is his perception) Perhaps he doesn’t know that we can do things together and we don’t have to be married? But how can I drive that point, when we haven’t made it happen? (More internal thoughts) Do I just say to him that we are waiting on his dad to be comfortable with having me in the same room with his girlfriend? No, I can’t say that. Do I say that mommy has been trying to do this for years, but dad is afraid to bring us all together, for some reason? Nope, I definitely can’t say that. I cannot tell my son that it’s his dad that is standing in the way of this happening.

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As I am driving away, looking at my sons’ face, I felt awful! “Your dad can come if he wants to.” I said. Besides, we were just headed for a quick bite to eat at that moment. I stopped when I got to the corner. I asked, “What do you want me to do? Should I invite dad to lunch with us?” He said, “Yes.” My son told me that I would have to be the one to ask, because dad would listen to me. (My inside jokester said, oh boy… you have no idea… no he won’t) But, I escaped from that being my response and I just did the dirty work.

Dialing*** He answered the phone, “What’s up, what do you need?” to which I replied, “Hi. Deon wants to know if you would like to grab lunch with us.” He explained that he had some other appointments and things he needed to do. He thanked me for the invite and that was it. I hung up the phone and my son asked, “Does he really have something to do or is he just saying that?” Geez! I am slapping my forehead at this point. All these questions. LOL.

All I could think to say was, “Well, what would we do with (xyz) dad’s girlfriend? My son responds, “IonKno” followed by a, ‘least of my concern, shoulder Scruggs and facial expression’. I thought that if I threw her into the mix, (reminding my son that xyz may get hurt and he shouldn’t want to hurt her because he already told me he likes her) that my son would consider the fact that his dad has a girlfriend that we all like. (Internal thought: My son told me one day that he was afraid to tell me that he liked xyz, because he did not want to hurt my feelings. Little did he know, but I assured him, this was music to my ears because it was all I was worried about) Man, I wish they knew how much this meant to him.

Little Boy, Child, Son, Play, Outdoors, Toys, Cars

But then I thought that if I used her, it would make it seem as if there was a possibility of his dad and I being together if xyz didn’t exist. And that’s not the case, so I tried to fix it. So, I asked, “Well what will mommy do with her fiancé?” Oops… had to take that back too, because again it sounds like if mommy was not in a relationship, that there was a possibility. Altogether, I didn’t want my son to become hopeful about there ever being a possibility. (Because doesn’t he need to know that there’s no possibility?) Or do I just address and work on the problem that he is having, which is trying to get us in the same room to do things together? Because if I fix that, wouldn’t he stop asking us to get remarried? – Stop me when I start over-thinking this!

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I didn’t want my son to think that the reason that his dad and I were not together, was due to us being committed to other people. Because that’s not the reason. And for all I know, if he thought this, he could begin to resent our partners if he thought they were the reasons for his biological parents not being together. (Furthermore, he doesn’t need to know the real reason we are not together, right?)

Bottom line is this. I want my son to know that his dad and I do not have to be married for us all to do things together. But I am not able to show him this, as I am restricted. I want him to know that we can do things together with both individuals that we are involved with. I want him to know this so that he can abandon the idea of us ever getting married again, with ease.

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I’d be remiss not to say that I notice when my son is happiest and it’s when he sees that his dad and I are in one place at one time, with him. Such as during his Baseball games. I want my son to be happy. With that in mind, there’s always a thought in my head about when the time will come that everyone will be able to blend.

I want my child’s underlying request to be granted, which is for us to have a cohesive relationship where we can have positive interactions as parents, in the presence of my son. I want to blend our families and have the luxury of them joining us for dinner or lunch, so that my son can know and feel that we are all part of one team. 

Lifestyle, Relationships, Uncategorized

Don’t Be The Choice For Him That He Can Not Decide On: Let Go or Be Dragged

This one took a while to write because I was consumed with thoughts about the readers perception of such a post. I was worried about those who may think it was a personal testimony, revelation and tell-all. I pondered on who would assume that I was blasting secrets of their relationship, which they confided in me, when detailing semantics of how their love life was unfolding.

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But then I decided that NOW was time for not allowing things as such, to stand in the way of anything that I wanted to write or share with the world. I don’t think I should have to have a disclaimer following or preceding my post, to ensure the audience knows: “this is not about me.” I think that whomever it hits and sticks to is whomever it’s for. It’s as simple as that.

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I wanted to address how women sometimes allow themselves to be a choice that a man can’t make. And what I mean by that is: He has choices and he hasn’t chose you- but you are still hanging around.

  • Staying in a “situation” with a man who can’t decide if you are “the one”
  • …While knowing that he is entertaining other offers.
  • Remaining there, hoping that he chooses you.
  • Calling yourself fighting for your man, when you are really competing for a man.

When a man will not give you 100, due to giving himself partially to someone else, that’s not your man. IE: My man is my man, is her man, heard that’s her man too” – SZA.  You are “The Weekend.”He’s a man who has options and he cannot make a choice for whatever reason. Most likely it’s because no one has required him to make a choice. Both/all women involved are allowing him to have his cake and eat it too.

No one is saying to that man, that they refuse to be dragged through a relationship… a situation-ship, giving him the kit and the caboodle; while he still runs the streets getting into everything else. He will never make a choice when this is the situation. A man who will do this, is not worth your time.“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”-

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It is impossible to give someone 100, when you are dividing yourself between two or more. You cannot truly determine if you want to be with someone, if you are not giving yourself the time to get to know them without the distractions from others.

A man who finds himself in the battle between two or more women is because he is getting different things from different women. One may be pleasing him more sexually, while the other is stimulating him mentally. Another can be inducing emotions, which cause him to be tied to her. Still, none of the women are saying to him, that she needs and requires his full attention so that she can show him/ or so that he can realize that he can be happy with one woman.

When you reduce his choices by falling back, it will become clear to him what he needs and desires the most. Most importantly, it will also become clear to you. If it wasn’t your mental stimulation, then let him go. If it was only sex, let him go. If he doesn’t care about emotions, let him go. He will only decide when he realizes what he misses/needs the most. But pay attention to the reasons he chose/didn’t choose you in the first place. It may resurface later. Do you want that? You don’t have to stick around to wait on him to choose. He already made his choice when he didn’t choose you. 

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I believe the truth to be that when you walk away from a situation like this, you open the door for the right one by closing the door on the wrong one. You can’t sit around hoping, wishing, praying and expecting for the universe to will you the right one while you are distracted yourself, by the wrong one. You will not see it for yourself. The universe will not send you your perfect, prince charming who may be looking for his life-mate, only to get hurt by you because you can’t let go of your cell-mate: The one who has you held captive to emotions and locked up into feelings that you have yet to settle.

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I get it: You jumped in front of bullets for his love. You walked through greener pastures but dismissed them because you saw something in the unmanned field that was worth harvesting. You hurled your heart at his wall and you broke it down and now you are covered beneath the bricks. He doesn’t even see you and you can’t recognize yourself, as you are marred with hurt and pain. You don’t have to remain there. You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it.

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It may be hard to watch someone that you spent time building up, by breaking down their walls and showing them greater, to take the foundation that you created and build a life of happiness with someone else. However, isn’t that what you want for yourself as well? On another note, don’t confuse you going back to him as him finding his way back to you.

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When you close that door, that book, that chapter, you find new beginnings and a new story. You also give Mr. Wrong, the release that he needs. If you are holding on to something that is not holding on to you, you are essentially holding him back as well. Set him free. I don’t believe the statement: If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours and if not, then it wasn’t meant to me.”

If you had to set free, something that you loved and you did it (first, there was power in the ability to let go. Recognize it) You had a reason. If it comes back it doesn’t mean that its meant to be. It means the universe is conspiring to see if you have truly let it go, before it sends you what you have been waiting for. It is to see if you truly want it. And that’s why I believe there’s more substance in the statement: “When you want something, the whole universe conspires to make it happen.”-Paulo Coelho or the variant, “Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Lifestyle, Relationships, Uncategorized

Has your girl been dropping subtle hints about date night? Here are some suggestions to help prevent a fight

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Has your girl been dropping subtle hints about date night? Here’s what you need to know, to prevent a fight.

1. Date nights with your partner are important to the relationship. It doesn’t matter if you’re courting someone and looking for it to blossom into something more, or if it’s your wife of many years, your girlfriend of a few months. All women want date night.

2. Date nights aren’t exclusive to one idea. Meaning, dinner and a movie aren’t the only two choices for spending time with your partner. Change it up- go to a concert or a play, make it a night at the museum, or a dessert bar instead of a 6-course meal.

3. Date nights are your opportunity to get the fire burning, keep the fire burning, or both; under the discussion of intimacy in the relationship. Intimacy isn’t just sex. Intimacy extends in mental stimulation, touching, holding hands, being affectionate and paying attention to your partners emotional needs.

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4. Try to make your date night happen, with as few distractions as possible. I realize if you’re on call as a medical profession, you may need to keep the pager on your hip. And I realize emergencies happen, where the sitter interrupts for instructions. Aside from emergencies, turn the phone on silent, put it in your purse, get off social media, put down the emails for this special evening with your partner.

5. Date night does not have to be on the weekend: Of course, it depends on schedules. Some couples take advantage of mid-week opportunities to steal away for a few hours and enjoy one another’s company. If you are looking at weekdays or weekend as an impossible solution, you’re only using one side of your brain. Date night is whatever day you make it and the schedule for it can change weekly/monthly. Just make sure it happens.

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6. Date night does not have to entail a fancy evening, which would cost north of$200.00. Especially if you are doing date night once a week, like most women have expressed they want it. It is not always necessary to roll with a white linen table cloth evening, which would also require dressing the part. Date night can consist of fashionable denim apparel or whatever you make it. BBQ, Concert, Special Event, Chipotle, Chili’s or even an exclusive bar for drinks and appetizers.

7. On very rare occasions, should you double date on date night with your significant other. Some couples want the luxury of having that private moment to discuss private affairs, as well as keep the conversation going, on things that matter to them, when it comes to strengthening the relationship. However, some couples consider the double date, because it kills two birds with one stone, when allowing them to spend time with their friends.

8. Do not take your parents on date night. On rare occasions, couples have that kind of relationship with the in-laws. However, in a lot of cases, they don’t. Even if they do, when parents are present, it somewhat limits the topics of discussions, as you may want to maintain privacy in the relationship, as it pertains to intimate affairs, including: finances, health, children, family, sex-life. Then again, some people value the advice they get from their parents. So, use discretion.

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9. Date night is that private moment, where you keep the love alive. It’s dating each other, as you did when you met. Its blowing life into the expression: What you did to get her, you will have to do to keep her. It keeps things fresh. It makes her feel like she’s still wanted and desired, and still worthy of your time to be taken out on a meaningful date, where you are trying to woe ad impress her.

10. If there are serious matters that need to be discussed regarding finances, please do not absorb the entire date time in doing do. Speak on it, get to an understanding and move on, with an understanding. If you can’t, then carve out some time for later in the week, or the next day to discuss if it must be done in private, away from the kids.

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Note: Statistically, one of the number one reasons that marriages end in divorce, is over finances. I remember going out to eat many moons ago, with my boyfriend in college. I remember overhearing the older couple in the booth next to us, argue about finances and who pays for what… so on and so on. They appeared to be around their early 40’s. It was funny to us, at the same time, but it was a glimpse of what life could easily become if these things as such, were not discussed. We vowed that if we were to stay together, we would not do this. We would give attention to the subject and be financially conscious. At the end of the day, we would not find ourselves in a booth at Red Lobster, arguing about who will pay the bill.

All that to say, date night could also be spent in the privacy of your own home, without spending much at all. Be creative. Make it intimate. Keep it fun. A nicely prepared meal, done together, can create the atmosphere for the perfect date; which still ignite/reignite the fire. In other words, don’t break the bank and cause the ship to sank’.

Lifestyle, Relationships, Uncategorized

Can We Keep It All The Way Real For Just A Second? Here are some dating deal breakers

Can we keep it all the way real for just a second? Here are some Dating deal breakers – I am not trying to reinvent the will with this one. I am simply trying to reiterate it, as you have heard it all before. Perhaps if not all on this list, you can agree with at least 3. These are things we notice about a person at first sight.  It’s more accurate to say that we cannot get to the inner beauty of a person, when we cannot see past certain things, such as: the bad breath and body odor.

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It has nothing to be with being vain or shallow. It’s reality. You can be drop dead gorgeous, or handsome as hell, and be dismissed, due to an unpleasant smell. Even when you develop a relationship over the phone, where you establish that the relationship is worth pursuing… once you meet, these things can be a major turn off.

An unhealthy mouth, causes bad breath: It is necessary to brush your teeth after every meal, to maintain a clean mouth and fresh breath. Morning breath is awful enough, and no one should have to smell it at 2pm in the afternoon. Brushing, flossing and keeping those dental appointments for cleaning, are the way. There is nothing cute about built up plaque between the teeth, yellow-stained teeth or cavities. I do know a few people who face challenges with obtaining affordable dental insurance, and are uninsured altogether, who may not be able to repair damaged teeth, for now. However, fresh breath is something that can be maintained in the process and it makes all the difference.

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Special groomingMen, when you have facial hair, such as: Beards, Mustache, Goat-Tee, or when chose to rock braids, dreads, afros, long hair etc., you need to wash it. Keep it washed, conditioned and moisturized. It needs to smell good and look good. It needs to be manicured and landscaped. You need to keep it trimmed, lined and shaped. You look more presentable that way, and you look more professional. You look like you care about yourself and the way you look.

No Musty Zone: Have you ever given someone a hug, and when you pulled away, you felt as though their smell came back with you and is now eternally soiled in your cashmere sweater? Not cool! Or when you go in for a close hug, and your nose is buried in his chest, right next to the curry entree in their underarm? Your underarm should not smell like dinner at Chula’s! There are many products available, which address skin and fragrance sensitivities, as well as products which are natural and organic, non-tested on animals, etc., which would suit your needs. There are many solutions to address body smells even as it relates to your PH Levels/Pheromones. No-Excuse for mustiness. I understand and have a profound respect for cultural differences. It goes without saying, I am speaking of American tradition, with regards to wearing deodorant under the arms.

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Personal Hygiene and Self Care for men and women both: An unpleasant smell can be a total turn off and a complete deal breaker. Women, it is just as imperative that you give close attention to your personal hygiene and care in the southern region, as it is for men.

I have listened to my male besties express that they could not carry on a relationship with the female, because of the smell of her southern region. It’s not something that I am trying to make you self- conscious about- it’s something I am trying to make you aware of and attentive to. Be very selfish, when it comes to grooming yourself and tending to hygienic care. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you in the bathroom, tub or shower, you will feel better, smell better and he/she will show appreciation when they see the appreciation that you show yourself.

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Next level: The following are just a few more things that have created barriers in relationships, and have been the catalyst in inability to move forward. In matter of opinion, it will vary from person to person, on what is important to the individual, when dating up and toward the next level, in the relationship.

Cheap: More than just being economically savvy and financially conscious, there’s rock bottom called cheap. Cheap is someone who refuses to spend money, even on the necessities. Cheap, is a man who would suggest Netflix and chill, not because it’s romantic, or he doesn’t have the money; but because he doesn’t want to spend $32.00 for movie and snacks at the theatre.

Gold Digger: Yes! Men can be Gold Diggers too. There are more men today, than I have ever seen before, who look for a woman who has the fancy house, the fancy car, the lucrative career, money in the bank and money to blow. He’s specifically looking for someone to take care of him and he has no qualms about riding her coattail through life. He wants her to pay for dinner, movies, drinks, trips, activities and his lifestyle in some cases.

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A man who flirts with other women while out on a date– Boy, if you don’t get out of here. This is so disrespectful. When a man is out on a date with you, but he can’t keep his eyes and even hands to himself. He’d ask for another girls phone number, right in your face. No-No.

A lazy man: A man who just sits on his ass. He doesn’t serve any purpose for existing. He doesn’t work, he doesn’t take out trash, he doesn’t cook. He doesn’t do the yard, he makes messes and he doesn’t clean behind himself. He doesn’t contribute. He just eats and sleeps. He’s always tired and complaining, in order to get out of anything that needs to be done! He is a deal breaker.