Lifestyle, Relationships

The Harsh Reality is, Sometimes You Just Have To Move On. Leaving Behind, The Things That Are Meant To Be Left Behind

To the woman/man who cannot move on from an unhealthy relationship:

Alarm Clock, Coffee Cup, Time Of, Arouse

How long will it take, for you to finally walk away from that emotionally abusive relationship and stop telling yourself that you’re staying for the kids? How long will it take before you scream NO more to the physical abuse and the mental abuse that you claim in the name of generational curses?

How long, before you: Walk Away. Close the door. Stop Chasing. Leave him/her alone. They have shown and proved time and time again that you are not important, they do not love you, he does not want you. She is not interested in a future with you. Stop waiting for signs. There are no more signs. You have received every single sign, that is known to man.

You have exceeded your limit in signs, in that she does not call, he disappears for days, he does not apologize, he continues to hurt you, she continues to dissapoint you, he is unwilling to communicate about anything serious, she does not let you in, he always closes you out. You are a settlement for him. Anytime something that he perceives as better than you, comes along, he will always leave you.

Stop taking him back. Sometimes when the signs stop revealing themselves, it’s because you are beyond the point of a sign. You are headed for the crash. Have you ever seen a sign on a at the bottom of an embankment, after you have fallen off? NO. That’s why you don’t see any signs anymore…. But you know this! Yet, you keep saying, “OK, one more sign then I am done.” Does this sound familiar?

To the Man who won’t let go of an ex-wife:

Divorce, Separation, Marriage Breakup, Split, Argument

How long do you think you can mask the fact that you’re truly unhappy, long as you are still engaging in things that will ultimately affect everything you love and live for? Do you not see how that it has a stronghold over your life?

You have found yourself incapable of living a genuinely happy and healthy life, even though you have all the ingredients; because you can’t let go of the woman who walked out of your life. You can’t let her live her life, without interruption and interference from you- because you can’t stand the sight of her being happy with anyone else or doing anything else that brings happiness to her life.

Yet, you have a woman…you’re in a relationship, you have a phenomenal job, things are going great for you, so the world thinks. And so, you have convinced yourself, that this façade will work for you. When the truth is, behind closed doors, and when your family, friends and girlfriend isn’t looking, you are involved in shenanigans, geared toward bringing pain and suffering to someone else, all because they hurt you several years ago. You are still caught up in the ultimate revenge plot to ruin her life. Stop!

Let her go. Release her. Move on. Give her your blessings. Live your life. Let her be happy. Welcome the new woman and love her to life, giving her everything she deserves, for wanting to love you. Stop self-sabotaging. Stop standing in the way of what your future could have for you. If you continue on holding to a past, by “getting back” at someone, your new relationship will eventually fall apart. She will not stand for it, when she finds out what’s really going on behind her back. If you truly have no concern about the things that your ex is doing, you wouldn’t continue in madness. Show it, by getting off her social media and stop stalking her. Stop looking for ways to ruin her life/career/relationships. Leave her alone, once and for all.

To the woman who won’t let go of her first, who may be the father of her child:

Model, Crying, Woman, Skin, Bra, Lying, Young, Female

How long do you think you can mask your anger toward someone who “left you with a child” after he got the “goodies” long as it’s the same script you keep repeating with him and people that you meet? If that’s your story, fine. But you can always change the end, and in knowing that, you can begin to move away from the part about “what happened.” What you need to realize is, it happened …and now what?

You will never find love, in empty places, or cluttered spaces. You must fill your heart with love, and clean your space of the past and all that has kept you between a rock and a hard place with regards to setting yourself free, from your past. Give yourself back to yourself, and stop allowing the experience from the first relationship or the fact that you have kids together, to keep you in a place of resentment. Stop giving him energy. Get back to being you, the person you were, couple with the blessing that life has given you in the process.

If he has chosen not to be a father to his child, then you just be the best mother that you can be,because your child will appreciate it. Your child needs you to be strong and healthy. You cannot do that, if you’re always trying to teach a man to be a man. You cannot do it, by crying over the choices that someone else has made. You cannot do it by staying in a situation that will hold you down and keep you down. Wish him well, and all the successes that he could ever imagine in life, and just move on.

Let him go. Release him. Move on. Live your life. Pray for him. Don’t’ worry about what he is doing versus what he should be doing. Don’t allow him to steal anymore of your time, by chasing him down and threatening him and the life he lives… it will not bring him back. You have someone who is trying to love you and you need to let them, if you want love. There is life after children. There is life after a troubled relationship, long as you want that life and you are willing to make the steps in the right direction, which start at claiming your happiness.

To people everywhere …

Woman, Girl, Freedom, Happy, Sun, Silhouette, Sunrise

Quit selling yourself short. Where the eff, is your “eff it” switch? When do you finally cut those things off, that are holding you back from a life of fulfilment, with yourself or with someone who wants to relish in the luxurious state of happiness with you?

Article Originally Published Here, at CAFEMOM

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

That’s Just My Baby Momma

I would have never understood the things that men go through, with a “baby momma” and “baby momma drama” had I not experienced it first hand, with a male baby momma. Yes, Tupac said it first: Niggas can be Bitches too.

Witnessing for myself first hand, how a man can be as bitter as the infamous baby momma, when it comes to baby momma drama; has given me new perspective on the topic. I can see clearly now, how a man could ultimately arrive at a forced decision to stay away from their child for periods of time. They realize that the other parent will stop at nothing with their games. She makes it extremely hard for the father to be in his child life, and not to mention the things she will do, to make sure that he will suffer more at her hands, if he chooses to be in the child’s life. I have seen this happen myself. The lies they tell are amazing and too much for a normal person to keep up with. It’s exhausting, so those parents reach a point where they simply wait until the child is old enough to understand what is going on.

Some parents have truly come to this decision, only as result of the consequences that they face, when dealing with the other parent. Such as: being accused for things that they did not do, being denied visitation, being denied communication with the child, being denied health and education information, regarding the child. They are excluded from knowing anything about the child and are left off emergency contact lists as well as not added, as a parent who can seek information from the school that the child attends, without the other parents consent. To add insult to injury, they are accused for not caring about the child, and not talking care of the child or having a vested interest in the overall well being of the child; when this has never been the case.

I can now see why the scenario could play out as the truth. When you are not around to hear these things being said, and not able to call that parent to the rug on their shit, you are hung out to dry in a tainted perception and manipulated opinions. The other parent can sabotage you very easily. No one knows what’s going on behind the stage or off the record. People don’t know that, the parent who is perceived to be the deadbeat, does not have access to the child. They don’t know what the proclaimed, deadbeat parent is really doing to have the connection and bond with their child. No one realizes that one parent is putting on an Oscar performance, of pulling strings, at the best ever stage performance of Puppets. They are superior at poking the bear in private, and then stepping back to show their audience, the reaction of the bear. The audience gets to see a “re-action” only, while never seeing the “action” which caused the bear to howl.

The real issue is that one parent, simply does not want to be with the other and because of that, the parent will use children as bait, collateral and leverage- almost like a ransom in a hostage situation. I know some people are saying, there’s no way, no matter what, I would not see my child. However, those same people are not in the same situation. I know that the one thing that is absolute fact is that you don’t know what you would do, unless it was you. So if it has been you, right down to the nature of the circumstance, be honest with yourself about the fact that you absolutely, positively don’t know what you would do.

From where I’m standing, it has nothing to do with their lack of loving a child or being responsible for the child. It has nothing to do with selfishness and neglect, which encompasses all the things, that I used to think about men who tell me that they haven’t seen their child a month of Sunday’s. Once upon a time, I was that girl who told men, that there was no reason at all, to be away or stay away from their child- and I didn’t want to hear anything they had to say about it.

Do I find this new perspective refreshing? No. Not at all. Disgusting? uuuum… maybe a little harsh, but it’s not an overstatement. In keeping with a self provided example, in order to speak from my own experience- I restrict myself from disclosing my full opinion; due to the “reasonable person” concluding that this song is about them or someone they know.

But I digress to say, I apologize to any man, that I spoke ill of, when it came to them being in or out of their child’s life. I am certain that if they are not, it’s because your baby momma, just like my baby momma, makes it very difficult. I realize that you have probably done everything that you can, but you are not here for the games. I truly understand what it feels like to have a “BABY MOMMA”

As seen on CafeMom.com

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Travel

A ship Anchored in the past, will never sail.

Have you been dating your past? Have you ever thought about that before? Dating a past, can include going back to anything in your life; be it a job that wasn’t suitable the first time, a friendship that wasn’t suitable, a relationship that wasn’t suitable, a business partnership, a business, a way of life period…. that may include things that were to your detriment the first time. It could have been a lifestyle that wasn’t suitable to the direction of life you wanted to live. Dating a past could simply mean, being stuck in the past all together.

The first question you should ask yourself, if you even consider this is: has whatever it is, changed in such a way that it will now serve me? Has that situation become something that is parallel to the things I focus on and will attribute to the success of my overall goal, which may be company ownership, marriage, buying a home, paying off debt, living a healthier life stress free etc. (depending on what part of your past that you are applying this post to) Has it changed in a way that it will allow production and growth not to be stifled in my life? Have I changed in such a way, that makes this decision to go back to whatever it was, that was not for me before; to be good for me now? Am I ready?

You also want to consider with, with discernment: Will the decision to do so, be the biggest mistake that you’d make in your life right now? In that, I mean … if it’s something that you escaped once, why go back. Was it an escape though? Or was it a temporary break, separation, departure from something that was just on hold until it became something worth entertaining, that you could give your time and attention to? Was it a case where the timing just wasn’t good? Ask yourself if this decision would be a present or a problem in your life.

Application: Let’s correct some mistakes – take out all the things in your life that that bring you to your worse. The things that get the worst reaction out of you. If there are things that you can do absolutely nothing about (such as you can not get rid of your child’s mom or dad, even if they stress you out) however, if you have a boyfriend who literally brings your blood to a boil more than 40% of the time you’re together- let it go. This is the difference between things you can change and things you can not change. And then, DO NOT GO BACK. What ever the it, is to you- don’t go back, if it doesn’t move in the direction that your destiny is taking you. That’s the key. Going back, means you have expectations. Which means when your expectations aren’t met, the blow can be more damaging than the first. Or, on the other hand, you end up building up a tolerance for let downs; which is more fatal than a bullet to the heart, when it comes to attacks on your mind, body and soul. Shakespeare wrote, expectation is the root of all heartache.

Sometimes we don’t think about all the things we ask for such as: ridding ourselves of toxic relationships and toxic workplaces, people, in exchange for a more healthy life with all the perks. Then when we are granted that, by the demise of a toxic relationship, for instance, we then go back to that toxic relationship. Stop dating your past.

So in this quest, I’d like for you to really hone in on the things of the past or even present, that bring strife to your life. If they are things of the past, do not bring them back with welcoming arms. Cut the ties and let your ship sail.

The future is uncertain, but the past isn’t. I’d rather take my gamble on an uncertain future than a forsaken past.~Niedria Kenny

https://www.shesavvy.com/ship-anchored-past-will-never-sail/