Is there ever a time where you say, I need to get away from everything and everyone that I know to get back to myself? Yes. There is. Finding yourself in a place where you’re not allowed to be an adult, because you must follow everyone else’s rules, is the time to get away. Run away, go away, stay away.
Do you feel like you’re fulfilling the life of someone else? By which you must do exactly what they say, or else? Or else meaning that they will cut you off financially, or give you the silent treatment, or dis own you or anything else along these lines, if you don’t do exactly what they say or if you express a difference in opinion?
You don’t get to make your own mistakes, and you don’t get to make your own decisions because you’re following someone else’s rules and demands…. So, then you never know where life could have led you if you followed your own path or submitted to the divine intervention that you feel that you have been subjected to because against your better judgement, you did what someone else demanded you to do because they had control over you. You had to do what they said to do because they felt as though they had all the answers to your life and because they thought they had all the answers- you had to do it, because you’re in no position to not do what they tell you to do.
However, you’re the only person who will suffer from the circumstances/consequences that come on after the demand to do something you didn’t want to do, but only did because someone else demanded that you do it.
The demand comes in several different outfits. It can be that the person who is telling you to do something, will change their demeanor toward you if you don’t do it. It can come in the form of that person discontinuing an affiliation or association with you. It can come in the form of someone treating you differently after you refused to heed their command.
For instance: A parent tells a child to take the trash out on Tuesday afternoon, but the child knows that vicious dogs are out on Tuesday afternoon and insist that they take it out on Tuesday night instead. The parent tells the child, “No, I said take it out right now…” and when you fail to move… the parent spends that time ignoring you or giving you the silent treatment and making you feel that they will no longer be your friend/confidant/parent/mother/father… until you take the trash out like they told you to. Never considering the age of the child being an adult in this instance. Never considering how it may affect their child.
The only principle they are practicing is that if they tell their child to do something, that the child does it. Or, they feel that you should just do it period, because they are the ones who are supporting you. You must do whatever they say, even when you know it’s not good for you. You must heed their command because they are the ones who call the shots. You do not have the right to make your own decisions about what you feel is the right thing to do in life or your situation- because they are looking at you as if you’ve made bad decisions in the past and that’s why you’re in a situation where you need them. And because you don’t want to point the finger or go tic for tac, about details of those decisions, tarrying into the past and opening old wounds, you accept it. That adage which says, “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.” Or the scripture, “Honor thy mother and they father” … you just grin and bear it.
The parent feels as though their instruction is law. The parent feels as though the child should do what they tell them to do, because it’s what they should do. The parent has no regard for what the child may feel is right, because it may be contradictory to their instruction. The parent has no regard for the feeling that the child has about the assignment and they have no regard for the divine instruction that the child says he/she may have received about what should be done, because all they can see is that they have a child who they are taking care of. As if GOD only communicates with the parents and not the child, because the child is not worthy of communication with GOD if he/she is in a position where they need help.
Mom knows best and if mom says do it, you do it. That’s the underlying factor. And even though the parent has witnessed the attacks of the vicious dog on Tuesday afternoon, they still tell you to take the trash out-and they stand on the belief that the dog will not attack you. (because they are uber religious) never-mind the nature of a vicious dog.
So, next week you decide… OK, I am going to take the trash out on Tuesday afternoon because this is what my mom/dad says, and I know that they are the ones who are supporting me, so I better to exactly as they say or else… (because that’s the feeling they give if you go against your better judgement) So, you take the trash out and you get viciously attacked by the dogs.
I pause to say…You can have all the empathy and sympathy in the world for a person who has been viciously attacked by a ruthless dog, but if it wasn’t you who lost an arm, a leg, and you have not been hospitalized for the wounds… or paralyzed from the waist down, you cannot under any circumstance relate to the pain. But the child is stuck with it. So, what now?
Now your child resents you and doesn’t want to take any instruction from you at all. They see you differently, because of the way you move. They cannot trust that you have their best interest at heart. They are not as willing to make information readily available about their life and life choices. They truly want to exclude you from anything that they do, because it seems better that way. They don’t really want your support anymore because your support comes with the caveat of you telling the entire world about their problems with no discretionary discernment. They see that you will deliver them right into the hand of the enemy (the dog) only because you believe that no weapons formed will prosper but you don’t understand that if that was true in totality, that good people would not suffer. (beyond saying that everything happens for a reason. Because the point is that if the dog never had the opportunity to attack, the child would not be a paraplegic.)
Parents, Christian parents especially, sometimes feel that it’s their natural born right to discuss the affairs of their child, with anyone that they feel comfortable with. But sometimes, especially in old age, they put their trust in people who are not deserving. Mostly, the pastor of their church, who they may praise or see as “the good guy” since he’s the pastor…He must be the upright, honest, sinless, perfect, without fault, born again do no wrong man of GOD. They do not do a critical analysis of an individual’s motives and intent, when discussing their child. (Throwing them to the wolves)
Listen: Doing exactly what someone else says to do is not always the best thing to do. Even when is your mother or father, big brother or big sister. And especially when you hear that voice deep within speaking to you about what to do. Some decisions you must make in your own. Being in the position where you feel like you must, knowing it’s not the best, is toxic. Get to a place that’s edifying to your spirit. If you are in a place where you feel that you cannot make your own decisions and you are being told what to do or forced to things you don’t want to do, it’s not a good place by no stretch of the imagination. You will have a deeper battle ahead, in which you will need to create a means of financial stability if this is the strain you’re under, but you can. I don’t want to make it sound easy because I know that it’s not. It’s the hardest thing to do if you ask me. I am just saying that it can be done. Whatever you need to do to get you out of this kind of situation, just do it.
Originally Published on SheSavvy.com