Lifestyle, Parenting, Travel, Uncategorized

Here’s 5 Things Anyone Can Do When They Are Bored

Here’s 5 Things Anyone Can Do When They Are Bored

Play Sudoku – Don’t sleep on Sudoku puzzles. It has become one of the games that I play, which makes the time go by fast. It really is a fun game, but I must warn you, you will get hooked.

Sudoku is one of the most popular puzzle games of all time. The goal of Sudoku is to fill a 9×9 grid with numbers so that each row, column and 3×3 section contain all the digits between 1 and 9. As a logic puzzle, Sudoku is also an excellent brain game. If you play Sudoku daily, you will soon start to see improvements in your concentration and overall brain power

The popular Japanese puzzle game Sudoku is based on the logical placement of numbers. An online game of logic, Sudoku doesn’t require any calculation nor special math skills; all that is needed are brains and concentration.

If you have an iPhone, there are three games I would recommend when sitting in hospital waiting areas or hair and nail salons, waiting for your number to be called. 8-Ball, 9-Ball, Anagrams and Word Hunt. For the same reason of jump starting and getting that blood to flow, word hunt and anagram is great.

8-Ball is real entertaining, if you do not really know how to play pool. It’s an uncomplicated way to learn, as its electronic and allows you to line up your cue and bank any shot. Well, with a few misses of course, but after a few games, you’ll get the hang of it.

Send a Post Gram – Who doesn’t love a greeting card, just because. You can download the Postgram App  for convenience, and after creating and customizing a post card to send to family, friends, and/or business associates, to remind them that you are still in business, Post Grams by Sincerely Inc. sends to U.S. Canada and Europe.

I worked as a Realtor for 10 years in Texas. During this time and even today, post cards were the number one seller at the marketing company I worked for. That is because Realtors realized the importance of maintaining contact with prospects, future home buyers and even those whom they have sold a home to before. Postcards remind people of what you do. “I sell houses” “I am an Estate Manager” “I am a Loan Officer” “I am a Chef” “I am a Landscaper” “I’m an Interior Decorator” ETC., Except be creative in how you remind them: “Wanted to wish you a Happy Tuesday, from your local Real Estate Agent” …” Greetings, hope you enjoy the Spring ahead. Don’t forget to Spring forward” …” A little reminder from your local Bake Shop” …

Even if it is not a business that you are running, you can always send a greeting card to people for no reason at all, just to say hello. Postgram is something that you can do right from the comfort of your home, on your cell phone. You never have leave the house. It’s not an email greeting card. It’s an actual plastic post card that will be delivered by mail to the recipient. It takes 5 minutes or less.

Organize and Clean – I used to manage a retail store called Just for Feet, way back when they were opened of course. This was in the late 90’s. I remember overhearing my District Manager tell one of the associates that if there is time to lean, there is time to clean. That stuck with me over the years, and so I made use of all my idle time, just by thinking of him saying that.

If you are home, or work, bored with nothing to do (and you don’t need rest) waiminute, when don’t we need rest as mothers? Ok… anyway, when and if a time comes where you do not need another second of rest, and you need to do something; tackle that junk drawer in the kitchen. We all have one.

Organize the kitchen pantry so that you will stop buying things you already have but just couldn’t find it. Clean out the refrigerator, there’s no use for that 10-day old lasagna that you said you were going to eat, 9 days ago.

Tackle and declutter that closet that you have been telling yourself that you don’t have time to do. You’d be amazed how much you can get done and surprised at the fact that you got it done, once you get started and just take your time. Section it off so that it is not so overwhelming. Focus on one part at a time. It’s not a marathon, so if you get tired just take a break. Pop on some music to get you excited about completing a task around the house.

Fold those clothes that are in the wash room sitting in that basket. You’ve already taken them out of the dryer. Why are they still in the basket?

Wash your car – may be a little hot at hi-noon to do this one. However, if it is in the evening that you find yourself bored, this would be something to do. Even if you’re used to taking it to the car wash, or having the kids do it… try doing it yourself one that when you have nothing to do. If the kids are home, help them with it. It saves you the money of having to drive it to a hand wash and detail center. It’s really a fun thing to do in the summer time with the kids anyway. If you are a single mom, and there isn’t a man around, you’d really enjoy this with the kids. It’s a great bonding moment. My son loves to wash my car, even though he’s just 6- years old. When I help him, it becomes a game to him. We find ourselves in a water war and it has one of your most memorable moments for the scrapbook.

Learn something new – A moment to learn, is time well spent. If you want boredom to take a hike, get back to teaching yourself to be productive in the process. Utilize every moment to get back to yourself. If it is Law that you are interested in, or Baking, or Design, or even learning how to use social media for marketing your brand or product; use this time to get online to find all the answers to your questions. Maybe you have a relative that is facing some health issues. You can get online to research that and become informed on how to deal with it, or find ways of helping them deal with it. Knowledge never plays out.

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Travel

What if The Word Why? Came With A Dollar? I would be rich off my one child alone.

One thing’s for sure, and that is, I am tired of hearing the word Why? So much, that I have considered telling my child that he has a one why maximum on the usage of the word why, per day. Or, if he uses it more than twice in a day, I am entitled to have the exclusive right to say, “I don’t know” even when I really do know. Plus, I should get to say, I don’t know, at least one time per every two why’s. Yea, that sounds like a plan. I think when you are over a certain age, your why’s should come with an Excel spreadsheet and payment on every third why in a day. Maybe, us parents can conduct a WHY Convention, where we answer all the children’s why’s in one day…. Headline: Bring your children on Friday to the Summit Beach House, and don’t ask us why. Boom! That’s it

Truth be told, I love my son’s thirst for knowledge, and the fact that he always asks me; even though it challenges me to channel my inner 6-year-old child, in which most cases, I find out that I am not smarter than a 5th grader. Juuuust kidding. But I really cannot remember anything from 5th grade. Does that make me less smart though? Hummm… I will have to think about that one before fully deflating my ego. At least when he asks why, I am forced to go into those rooms that have laid dormant in my body’s northern hemisphere, in the brain region. So, it’s not all bad. I do get a kick out of seeing if I can beat him to an explanation that will cancel all the following why’s. Just searching for something good enough for him, without having to tell a lie… and of course before resorting to saying that I don’t know. I think we should limit the times we tell our children that we don’t know something, to prevent them from growing up thinking we are dumb as a box of rocks. Or, to prevent them from asking other people and getting the wrong answers all together. I think if we do not know, we should try to find out WHY.

“In learning you will teach, and in teaching you will learn.” ― Phil Collins

As moms, we have all heard the expression that children are like sponges. All to say that they soak up a lot of knowledge as they grow into their personalities over the wonder years. It’s never a terrible thing that our children have so many questions about how things work, what they do and what they are used for. I am happy that my child wants to know if there are people in the back of the television. I am not so happy that he wants to take the TV apart just to find out. I am also happy that he wants to know exactly why he can jump up and down on the bed and bounce high. However, not too pleased when he tests just how high he can bounce, when it’s followed by a big fall off to the side of the bed.

I totally get it, that it’s extremely annoying to hear the word why, when it’s in response to something where the only answer is: Because I said so! Because there may not be an answer other than that to: Mom why can’t I go outside right now. Well, maybe it’s too late in the evening, maybe he’s already had his bath, maybe you are too tired to go outside with him and watch him, maybe you’re too busy to go out at that moment, maybe you don’t feel like getting him dressed appropriately to go out in certain weather conditions…. These reasons will still be responded to, with a why. Therefore, when he asks, why can’t I go outside, the answer is simply, Because I said so.

See, you must be smart about your response to the questions of why, because they have already planned their next why. You need to find ways to beat them to the punch and shut it down or it can go on for hours. Some children, like my own, will sit and deliberate on the answer, and use the Scientific Method without even being taught that in school just yet. He will began thinking it all the way through, forming a hypothesis, making an educated guess. And here we go again. Most recently, he asked to go outside and it was hi-noon in Houston. It was 58 degrees in the shade. It was a dry heat and no wind was blowing. Even your breath blew stifling air. If you saw anyone holding hands, it just made you hot because you are already sweating, shirt sticking to your back, your shades are even hot while they rest on your noses to see someone hugged up, was like scratching a chalk board. Yes, that hot. So, when he asked, I told him that it was ‘fainting weather” He asked what’s fainting weather. I explained and told him that it’s too hot, and it’s the kind of weather that you are liable to pass out in (faint) heat stroke. I told him that we needed to get some water so that we could stay hydrated while out in that kind of weather.

The next day, as a consolation prize for being indoors for the afternoon, on the day before; I took him to the park. It was just as hot. On the way, he asked, “Mom, is this fainting weather.” Me: Yes, baby. 40 Minutes later after silence in the car, he asked, “Mom, why did GOD make the sun so hot? Why would he want to kill the people he created?” I literally felt my mental elevator crash somewhere between my heart and head. I was totally defeated. I answered, He did not do it to kill anyone baby. He made it hot because the trees and grass need it. So, he asks, “Why?” By now, I am in the front seat banging on the dormant doors to my brain. No one would answer. I just told him that the trees and grass can take it. We can’t. But if we stay hydrated, we will be fine. He then asked, “Well, why can’t the trees and the grass stay hydrated?” All I know is, I was so happy to be pulling up to the park right around that time!

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Travel, Uncategorized

Every Single Mother Will Benefit From Hearing This

2016 began a year of transparency for me. It came after recognizing that there was room for a change in the direction I was taking to approach new challenges. In being told out right, that I was not as transparent as people would like, and that because of this, they don’t “know who I am” I decided to delve more into it. Initially I didn’t take to that very well, as I thought I did good at being an open book, if I should say so myself.

However, in this season and along this journey, I’ve come to the realization that being an open book about my life and happenstance, wasn’t exactly the transparency that they were referring to. It’s awesome to show people a strong courageous girl, after detailing some of the things that life throws at you…. but sometimes, it’s even more awesome when people can relate to your testimony, by knowing the tribulation as well, so that they will know that the things they may be burdened with, are also things that someone else has been burdened with. They are then able to seek refuge in knowing that there is a way out. IE: “XYZ happened to me, and I made it out.” V.S. more Transparency: “These are the things I endured, when XYZ happened. And this is what I had to do, to get beyond the things which happened to me. It wasn’t a cake walk, but I made it.

pexels-photo-267569 (1)

…. We breeze right past the hard part because we’re anxious about telling the good part…and we are so happy to share the good news. Or because we do not want to dwell on the bad part, we skip right to how we triumphed, and it comes across as, all good. As women, working mothers, single moms….we make it look so easy sometimes, because no one really hears the part about where we fell down a few times during the trials and on the journey to make it through and out. However, that’s what they need.

For some reason, and one that I am sure will continue to reveal itself to me more over time, as I become familiar with why people want to know about the bad days, I understand that it’s important that you share that you had some hard decisions to make; which came with some pretty hefty consequences from choices or even moves you did or didn’t make when the time was necessary, and that you struggled in the process.

I understand that people want to know about the battle and they want a birds eye view into some of the pain, without hearing the sound of a victim. This takes some crafting, because there’s a tiny little line, in which if crossed, the dynamic and tone of the story will change to reflect bragging or even boasting. On the flip side, someone who’s constantly talking about “what has happened to them” instead of talking about the process of how what happened, brought you to a brighter place, the message tends to get lost in translation. While we should be happy in our own right- and celebrate our victories, as well as be proud of the fact that we made it out of a rough patch, we don’t want the testimony to get trapped in a maze of affirmations about self.

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“With reference to those times that you hear someone say, that someone has put a bad taste in their mouth, think of this: The taste you give someone about yourself, comes from the soil that you mature and grow in.” – Sincerely, Niedria Kenny

When we speak of the victory all the time, without balancing and filtering into the story, the things that make us normal- to show people how they too can overcome something, they don’t believe they can. Such as: How we managed to move through the ranks, what we did in between jobs and we transitioned in careers, what we faced when we were fired from our jobs, what happened to us when we did not get the raise we needed, what we did in the meantime, while we waited on the promotion, how we came to the conclusion to leave a job, in order to create a better life, or how we had to make a life-altering decision to loose in order to win again. If you do not share these things, people begin to see you as super human, and no one wants to be around a super human or someone that makes them feel inferior. If you always make it look easy, you contribute to a person’s sense of failure, in that if they can’t do something that’s being described as so easy… they began to ponder the question of, “what does that make them, what’s wrong with them?”

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Be not mistaken. I’m not standing in the gap for people who constantly need ego stroking or people who are generally always down and looking for someone else to pull them out of the slumps of which they won’t do their part in helping themselves. I am not standing in the gap for those who relish in knowing that someone else is miserable. Both are toxic people and can end up pulling you back into the place that you are so happy to have escaped.

This was also something that I had to learn to decipher between: Someone who wants to know about your fall before success, so that they can encouraged themselves and speak life over themselves to move into a place for change. .v.s. someone who just wants to know that you fell down, just so that they can say, aha!

I would like to encourage Mothers, Single Moms and Work Moms, who are successful or finding success by navigating through the trenches; to not be ashamed of sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. If it is a victory that you want to share, share the trial as well. If you messed up somewhere along the way, or did not get it right the first time, or it took longer than you anticipated, it’s OK. There is someone, somewhere, who will benefit in knowing that seasons change, and they can too..

“You know, I don’t think any mother aims to be a single mom. I didn’t wish for that, but it happened. Charlize Theron

As Seen On Working Mother

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Travel

When Acting Your Age Is Your Shoe Size

I don’t know about you, but the size of my shoe in the U.S., is an 8. That makes it a size 39 in Europe, which is also how old I am and will be, for about 5 more months. I have one son, who’s 6- years old. I have entertained a range of careers. All of which, were opportunities for me to grow and learn from. I have been up and I have been down. I have traveled to many places in my life, in which I was able to see a lot of things, meet and know a lot of people. I attribute the attitude that I have about approaching new things with an open-mind and a fearless attitude, to having been in High and Low places, throughout my life. I can argue that some of those things introduced me to unexpected growth spurts. Coming out of college and having to make a living, required growing up in the moment. An unplanned pregnancy required more growth, overnight. While I was 33 years old when it happened, it still required conforming into a different kind of adult…. A Mother… A Grown Woman. I do my very best to only compete with who I was yesterday, making a concerted effort to be submissive to the idea of growing older and wiser and becoming better, by doing better, but also by acknowledging the need to constantly be evolving. So, what does the idea of, “acting your age” involve? That is the question, as I take a stab at the responsibilities and characteristics of what it means to be a Grown Woman.

There are many daunting tasks and responsibilities, which may require the attention of the woman, who is of a certain age. Such as: Leading a team professionals. This person may be chosen based on the characteristics they possess in their educational background, extensive knowledge and experience, their attitude and personality and their skill level, as well as their proven ability to do the job.

While we often attribute the above to an older woman, like I just did…these same responsibilities and characteristics which may define a grown woman, can fall on a woman of any age, as those task, don’t always belong to a certain age group. I believe that telling someone to act their age, stems from a place of expectation. We expect a woman of a certain age to act a certain way. We expect a woman with certain responsibilities to act a certain way also. That expectation is not an unwarranted expectation, but it has come increasingly clear to me, that its possible to encounter a woman in her late 30’s, who may act more like a grown woman, than someone in their late 50’s.

When a young lady evolves into a woman, perhaps after child birth and marriage, her responsibilities increase in her life and sometimes even in the community of which she resides in and within the society that she lives in. She becomes a woman of distinct character and she continues to unfold the beauty within, as she grows older.

In seeking the counsel of several wise woman, who all agreed to the following, as being a few of the stronger characteristics; which will define your status as a Grown Woman. It was after we determined that age wasn’t anything but a number, and that although women of a certain age could lack the following, they shouldn’t lack the following:

Ability to Prioritize Prioritizing your life, so that the most important thing is addressed and given the attention that it needs. Priorities can vary from woman to woman, as one may have children and another may have a demanding job. When and if they have both, it’s about a balance your priorities and determining when one over another deserves the attention at that moment in time.

Professionalism This can be seen in the way a woman may dress and present herself in a work setting. When conducting business and leading a team at work, a grown woman will always maintain the professional standards of the workplace.

Growth from childlike ways Growing up from childlike ways is growing out of the need to gossip, to be the mean girl, and to not like someone because ‘your friend doesn’t like them and they don’t like your friend’. You’d have to admit, that’s childish, isn’t it?

Discernment When you grow up, you welcome and embrace your naturally ability to discern. You no longer engage in activities that may have occupied your time in your youth. You recognize the difference in healthy chatter and gossip, where family and friends are concerned. You excuse yourself from situations that require you to demote your success.

Make more conscious decisions You have grown into a someone who thinks things through more carefully, before acting. You study and weigh options, so that you can make healthy choices, mentally, emotionally and physically. You analyze to a solution or a remedy, which has the greater value and shelf life.

Distinguished You entertain yourself with Grace, Elegance and Virtue…Which voluntarily reveals itself through your caliber of character. You possess a certain zeal about yourself, in the way that you walk, talk and stand.

Wisdom You know when to do whatever, when to say whatever and you realize that in business, sometimes no move, is a move. You become distinctively clear about your business affairs, family affairs and the affairs of your children.

There’s only one thing in my opinion, that isn’t supposed to get better with age. That is your immaturity level. It may have been in your nature as a young person, but after 30… 40….50… it doesn’t look good on you. Maturity and Immaturity is a universal language that can be understood at any adult age. The two-bit, penny-ante, and pettifogging ways are the things that should be left behind, long before your late 30’s. That is what sets grown women apart from other women.

All of the Above require maturity! So, next time you tell a woman to act her age, and not her shoe size; be mindful, she probably is. Perhaps we should say, “Act Like a Grown Woman.”

See Article on Working Mother

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

Good Sportsmanship Should Be Practiced On And Off The Field

Not too long ago, in fact, about a week or so, I wrote about being prepared for the Little League, by getting it all together at the Pee Wee, Coach Pitch Baseball game. I attended my son’s first practice/training/baseball game with i9 Sports. After-which, he was chosen to receive a value, recognition award. I was impressed that my son walked away with a medal to wear around his neck, to remind him of what happens, when he does good. He was also rewarded with a yard sign, to display his achievement. That also came along with some cool coupons for local use, for his efforts in practicing “good listening” and sportsmanship at his first practice/game.

From week to week, the little ones will have an opportunity to earn a different medal of honor, of Pee Wee Sportsmanship Value, from i9Sports. It was very encouraging to see that another group of people, outside of his family, vested so much in trying to make all the little ones feel good and do better. I overheard the coaches on many occasions at the practice, motivating all the children, while diligently teaching them the how to play and succeed at the game.

Sportsmanship

There are many ways to practice good sportsmanship toward your team and your opponents. It’s “Fair and generous behavior or treatment of others.”

I was overwhelmed by the friendly hospitality that the coaches, the children, and the parents displayed and shower to one another, including myself; extending greetings and making everyone feel included. It truly felt like a family orientated outing, where everyone already knew one another other to attending the game. It was important to me, as a mom, that everyone there, coaches included; would set good examples for the behavior that they expected from the little ones. Meaning, practicing what they were teaching and leading by example, and to be the example of what a team with a cohesive relationship can accomplish together. When everyone works together, to achieve positive results, everyone wins. It was a Lights, Camera… “Action” moment, where the performance was astounding.

Furthermore, it was comforting to me, as a mother raising a boy…to see how well the children got along with the girls, who were on the same team. What I remember most, was how nice it was to see all the children play together, without boundaries. Overall, the most valuable lesson to walk away with from that Saturday, (at least to me) was if you build it, they will come. Establish a foundation, Build a structure on that foundation, which is rooted in and anchored in kindness. The children will come, and so will the coaches, who agree in nurturing the minds of what we refer to as, the future. The Children.

It was also a refreshing update on my child’s growth in social activities, where he emulated everything from having a winning spirit, and playing together, to congratulating and encouraging his opponents. When I think of Sportsmanship, it doesn’t just start and begin with the Pee-Wee league. While you learn the core values there, you should build upon them, as you grow into a teenager and an adult. In learning good sportsmanship as a child, and garnering the lessons that are taught – you learn ways to apply it to any situation, that may call for the need of working together. There are many ways to practice good sportsmanship toward your team and your opponents. It’s “Fair and generous behavior or treatment of others.” With regards to sports, as the term is mostly used, it would not be showing good sportsmanship, to punish someone by acting out against them, if they won a game. In being fair and exercising good sportsmanship, you congratulate the opponent on a well-played game.

Moving forward with the games ahead, and seeing how much interest that my son has taken to the game, it has become priority to me, that he doesn’t miss an opportunity to be there. In being a good sport and practicing what I preach, I will be sure to set the example of practicing good sportsmanship myself. In doing so, I have set aside the things that I want him to do, in exchange for the things that his father wants him to do. In a grand attempt toward working together. Despite the reasons that I feel my sons father may have signed him up to play a sport on weekends that belong to me, I think that when you take one for the team, it’s showing that you want your team to win. See you at the Ball Park.

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships

7 things to make you aware of on National Singles Awareness Day 2017

Every now and then the statement: “That’s why you’re Single” rears it’s ugly head, in the life of a Single Woman and Single Mother. In those times, she takes a step back to analyze and determine if there is a need to address the statement or to ignore it.

“That’s why you’re Single” is usually thrown at a woman, who by relationship status, is single; and it is a comment often intended to be an insult. Personally, when I feel that I am being attacked on the basis of being single, I feel the need to educate the person who make such a statement.

Today, I became aware of the humorous, National Singles Awareness Day, which provides single people an alternative to Valentine’s Day festivities; observed on February 15th and declares to the world, that there’s nothing wrong with being single! I thought it would be a great time to address, rather than to ignore the statement, “That’s why you’re Single”, as it was recently thrown at me (again.)

The first time someone said this to me, it was a man who was clearly upset about me rejecting him. It was the last of his message that made it’s way through, but after a thread of other ones, which defiled my character, to the tunes of being a divorcee and a single mom. None of which were ever validated in his rant, about why I chose not to be involved with him: A man over 40 who’s never been married and do not have kids of his own.

Most recently, “That’s why she’s single” came in the form of a comment in response to my own rant, which had to do with the things I felt were not considerate of a woman to do, with another woman’s child. And so, I decided it was that time again, to delight in spreading some awareness about the subject as well as to enlighten the women and men who throw the “That’s why you’re Single” statement around carelessly. I wrapped it all up in a few statements of my own below:

  1. Single is not a disease, illness or a crippling and disabled condition: It’s a relationship status, just like married or divorced, which can be changed at anytime the woman decided she wants to be with someone. Notice I didn’t say, “when she decided that she no longer wants to be single” Because Single is not a condition. If you decide you don’t want to be single, you can start dating anyone. But when you’re ready to be in a relationship and you’ve found someone you want to be in a relationship with, that’s what you do. Does he make you want to change your relationship status? Are you ready to change your status? Embrace being single until then: You shouldn’t walk around saying that you do not want to be single, because you’d end up with anything, just to not be single.
  1. You don’t have to be married or in a relationship to be complete: Maybe that’s where women go all wrong in the first place. You look for someone to compete you, and when they leave, you fall apart. Or you hold on to something, because you believe that you couldn’t survive without it. You don’t realize that you should come to the table complete, but in the market for an enhancement: Someone who adds value, not someone who makes you valuable. If I marked the price up on a car, I can also mark it down. But luxury comes in a class that cannot be tampered with. Features only enhance it.
  1. You race to find a mate: You treat dating and marriage as if it’s a first and second place competition in life’- where if you don’t have a relationship, you loose. Consequently, you end up with someone you don’t want. Which is probably why the divorce rate is as high, if not higher than the marriage rate? Yes, loving someone and being loved back is a beautiful thing, but it is not the only ingredient to living, which means you are not going to die, just because you are single. The world don’t move to the beat of just one drum, what might be right for you, may not be right for some… It takes different strokes to move the world (and yes, I did just quote the Different Strokes theme song)
  1. Being single is not a real insult and you shouldn’t view it as one: Whether you are the single person, or the idiot ridiculing someone for being single. The fact that you think saying “That’s why you’re single” is an insult, tells me that I should assume that you’re an unhappily married woman, since you felt the need to run and get married, just so that you wouldn’t have to be “single”
  1. Some people are waiting. They are single by choice, not by handicap. What’s wrong with waiting? Stop rushing and don’t be pressured. That same premise was the reason I got married the first time- and we all se the train-wreck that came from it. WAIT! Don’t do it, read some literature on the subject! (Yes, I did just quote the International Players Anthem)
  1. Single doesn’t translate to “can’t find someone.” Perhaps they are not “looking” for someone. Perhaps they have devoted their time, money and energy into other things that they find edifying to them, and the choice to be single came along with that. Being single doesn’t mean lonely, just like being married doesn’t mean happy.
  1. Single doesn’t mean promiscuous: Stop equating single status with a woman who must be sleeping around since she does not have a man. This is just not true. If she’s interested in dating and settling down, help her do that with someone she will be happy with- not just someone to “remedy her of this disease of being single.”

To the women who continue to say, “That’s why you’re single” and mean it in such a negative way, let me say this: No, …for the reasons you feel that some women are single, you are wrong. But since you brought it up:

Maybe you should thank those women who are single, as a lot of them are the reasons that your husband returns home! That is because the woman that you are holding to such a negative light, is the woman that is telling your husband how to go home to you and ignite the fire. She’s telling him that he should remember all the good reasons he married you and to try making it work! She’s the one who’s ignoring his advances to take her on trips that you don’t even get to go on. She’s on the receiving end of flowers, cards, candy and jewelry, that she sent back to him. She’s the one ignoring the offers for vacation and spoils that he told you that he doesn’t have the money for. She’s the one who being offered to spend Valentine’s Day with him, while he tells you that he has to work late. All of which, that single woman turned down.

I am single because I am raising a child, a boy at that, who needs my undivided attention and I am just fine with that. That could be the next woman’s reason as well. (whatever her focal point is in her life right now)

Stop side-eyeing the single woman. They are no more of a threat to your marriage and life, than a married woman is. We know that because of the number of swingers and open marriages and infidelity that exist within marriages. This is not a single woman’s baggage. It’s yours! Deal with it and stop belittling a woman because she has made a choice to be single.

Now you can come up with all the flack you’d like to, about how the above does not matter and how the man doesn’t really want her, she’s just a good time, he’s still going home to you at the end of the night. But damn, does that make you feel better? Does that make it better? Is that your life? Are you really ok with a man who does any of the above, as long as he’s returning home to you at the end of the night? Well, maybe that’s why you’re married and not the single girl. Be careful with your ego. A single woman could ask you the same question: Why are you married? As you say to them “That’s why you’re single” they could reply, “That’s why you’re married.”

Lean in close for this one: Between you and I, you never really know if someone is single or not. You see, some women have figured out how to make their relationship last, and that comes with keeping those intimate details out of the public light….IJS…

Read full article at CAFEMOM – NIEDRIAKENNY

Charity, Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Travel

Girls Day out

A much needed girl’s day out

If you can find two hours to take to yourself, you’d be amazed by the perspectives that can emerge, to refresh you with newfound territory and direction in paths to pursue or consider. You’d be amazed at the liberties that come with just a two-hour moment of pure bliss.

Living in the moment for a couple of hours can be quite an elevating experience. Just like love is considered a cure and laughter, a medicine; me time, is the remedy. At least I’m convinced it is.

It really is. If you find those couple of hours in a day, imagine what it would be like to spread that around over days, weeks and years. Start slow if needed. Start with an amount of time that attainable, considering your schedule. Carve out time for your happiness to live and grow. Slowly adding ingredients of laughter into the recipe for healthy living, take it in doses if you need and increase the dosage as needed.

My girl’s day out was just what I needed. Though it was just two of is, that is all you need sometimes. For the duration of those two hours, it was a non-stop, exchange of conversation along with splinting laughter, almost to tears. We truly enjoyed meeting back up for some Retail Therapy. Now, today we both have buyer’s remorse- but even that, we laughed about. Lol Buyers Remorse because both of us are so used to over extending ourselves and giving of ourselves in the most selfless way, so when it was time for us; we were almost at a loss of words and things to do. It was like looking at an instruction manual on how to make ourselves happy for the day. However, once we connected- the wheels began to spin and in no time, we were feeling what it was like to have that time together as friends. So, we literally just let down our hair, threw caution to the wind and sailed out. In that order.

We talked about my first attempt at taking the high road: being the first to apologize. Being the first to forgive. Being the first to initiate a conversation to open dialogue and discuss the problem. Being the first to take a stab at walking away and leaving things to the universe, or letting sleeping dogs die, I mean lie; literally. And how, almost simultaneously, I experienced the notion of: No good deed goes unpunished. It was nice to revisit those experiences and share between the two of us how we handled those situations in the past, with regard to building or rebuilding relationships with people we come in contact with. (More to come on that later)

We talked about cross roads, the end of the road, and how, when the ferris wheel comes to a stop: in terms of career, relationships with friends, partners, businesses etc. and how to move beyond and let go, in order to make a smooth transition without burning bridges. But not so much burning a bridge, more than recognizing that the particular bridge you’re about to burn- is not the one you should be crossing. So, perhaps it shouldn’t be referred to as burning a bridge maybe it should be avoiding a bridge or passing on a bridge or declining to take that route in that bridge whatever… just perspectives.

Girl chats are healthy. They offer perspective, when you could just be too emotional to think clearly about your own decisions. You may be too vested in feelings, to see clearly. It allows for you to pull back and see inside your own situation with a different set of eyes. Another perspective will free you up from the eternal struggle of internalizing and over analyzing every detail and aspect of a concern; and show you that they aren’t real concerns. Wait, I’ll take that back. All feelings are valid but not all are rational. So, while your feelings and analyzing from those feelings etc., may have a place, it could also steer you down a path of thinking that’s not necessary not to mention not healthy. So, perspective from a close friend or counterpart with a valuable opinion, may give you what you need in those times.

We all come to the pitchfork in the road sometimes, where we must decide: is this best for me and the people I serve? Is this going to make me better? Is this going to allow growth and will this nurture my overall goal? Are the people I’m working with, truly looking out for my best interest? Is the relationship I’m in truly thriving? Is the company I keep for me or against me?

Having a girl’s day out, a free moment in time and safe advice at no cost, may be what you need. (More to come)

As Seen on SheSAVVY.COM