Here’s why people share what they share on social media: a message to those who keep asking

I promise to make this short and sweet because I certainly don’t want to spend a whole heap of time talking about it. It was too long for a tweet and too short for a blog, so I had to make it an article. You still here? Good! Let me first point out that at the start of the year, I wrote an article titled: “Take what you need and leave the rest for someone else” (Read it here) That’s kind of a running theme with everything I write because everything I write is not for everyone. At any point that you become aware that this is not for you, leave…. Because it is possible that someone can write for an audience which may not include you.

…. Here’s why people share what they share on social media: a message to those who keep asking.

I am not just speaking for myself as I write this message. I am a voice for the many people whom have taken to social media to vent, release and express themselves for one reason or another. So, I also represent the people who come across post or comments on their own post, which suggest we shouldn’t share certain things on social media. This is where I really need you to listen and learn. Some people have found social media to be the most effective way to make their point when it pertains to matters being resolved. This is because the subject of those comments will “hear about” the comment. And that’s the unfortunate, fortunate. The fact that people run and tell everything they see and hear, works for the writer in these instances. Because of this, the message gets delivered and results are prompt.

We have those lurkers, stalkers, ghost followers and alike, to thank for it. Those who are on your social media for all intent purpose of “reporting back,” we love you. This is just us taking advantage of social medias’ highest and best use. We have found that sharing a message through social media, has the potential to travel faster than a speeding bullet, so why not fire off?

But here’s why we would want that:

Whomever we are calling out sometimes realize that they are being called out on social media, so they are quick to resolve a problem. So, if it strikes you as repulsive it’s not for you, but please understand it is for someone else. A large group of social media users, have come to understand that there is nothing we can do about stalkers and their minions or the issues that ignite through custody battles and divorce, but when we are dealing with people who would rather do what’s right than to have social media know that they are doing wrong; it’s better to just put it out there. We use our tools and resources, such as social media to send a message which in some cases inspire others to also stand up for themselves. I know from experience that it works. A larger scale example is how effectively and efficiently problems have been addresses and resolved when companies receive complaints on Twitter. Those companies/organizations waste no time in getting matters resolved because they understand how powerful an online complaint is and how quickly twitter can circulate a bad complaint.

But back to the more personal matters:

Isn’t it funny how those same people tell you not to share or that you shouldn’t share, or they slight and side eye you for sharing- then the moment someone pisses them off, they run to social media too? But they add disclaimers such as, “Usually I don’t share stuff like this, but”

Newsflash debutante, adding a disclaimer about what you usually wouldn’t do doesn’t make you any better and it is not exemplary of controlling yourself as you’ve suggested other people do. You don’t get to do the same thing that you complain about other people doing or advise against and then add a Disclaimer and then magically it’s ok for you.

For All those “I usually don’t do this” people … Guess what? We, “usually” wouldn’t either.

In your sharing it, you’ve proven that you are not immune to sharing things on social media in the moments you personally thought it was necessary. We all have our reasons for sharing what we share in the way we shared it and you beloved, are no exception for whatever reason you thought social media was an effective avenue when you shared it is likely the same reason someone else did. Doesn’t matter that you “usually don’t.” If you were venting, getting it off your chest, looking for advice, suggestion, feedback, an answer, a solution, a resolution, laughs, perspectives, closure, comments, support or whatever the heck it was… you still shared something that you “usually” wouldn’t.

The internet will be around forever – I bet you thought the same thing about that big portable car phone. Who’s to say it will be? You don’t know jack about what will be around when our toddlers turn 30. Instead of shunning someone who shared matters on the internet that you think they shouldn’t, I think the most important thing is to ask them if it’s something that they would not mind someone reading in 5-10 years. If they can say with certainty that they wouldn’t, then leave them to their vices.

Lastly, what’s crazier than all of this is you’re always talking about how and why people should keep their business off FB- but then you out here in the streets asking people about another person and having discussions about their business. So you can discuss my business, but I can’t? Why can’t the person whose business it is, talk about it themselves?

Just be mindful about the part that you play in every situation that you chime in on and you might find it perfectly reasonable that someone chose the internet as their means of sharing what they shared. That’s all folks… -)

Advertisements

The Best and Most Brutal advice I Can Give To A Wannabe Blogger

First, you must like to write, because that is what blogging entails: While you don’t have to be an author or a novelist, you do have to desire writing to some degree. I have been approached by many people who inquire about getting a blog started, in which they say, “I was thinking about doing some blogging. How do you “get into it?”” The first question I usually ask them is if they love or like to write, because at that point I am happy to meet a fellow writer. However, their response is, “I don’t like to write. I don’t know how to write, I don’t really like to write, I don’t think I am a good writer… I used to hate writing in school, but I think a blog would be cool.” Then, they go on to say that they want to take it up as a “side job” to earn extra income. They talk about how “cool” it is that you can write a blog and make money.

So, you ask them, what is it that you want to write about? To which they respond, “I am not sure yet. I haven’t thought about that.” You try to delve a little deeper by asking more questions. “What do you think you could write about every day?” Their response, “I am not really sure.” So, you have now established that they don’t care for writing and that they don’t have anything that jumps out at them to write about, which means it’s likely that they don’t have interest in anything that could hold their attention long enough to maintain a blog about it.

blue, bright, business

Funny thing is, I get the same thing from people who express interest in writing a book. They approach you and ask, “How do I write a book? …How do I get started?” The only way to write a book and get started, is to get started. An outline would be helpful. Brainstorming ideas of what you would like to share would be helpful. Deciding what your book will be about, will be helpful. But why does anyone need to tell anyone this? When people ask questions about doing something which aren’t more advanced to the process, it shows that they have done absolutely no research to begin with. Therefore, whomever your asking may look at your lack of beginner knowledge as a disinterest. You’re not interested in writing a book or producing a blog, enough for the person you’re seeking advice from to even share their knowledge. You must do the beginner work on your own. Save your life-line for things such as, “What would you recommend I do as far as choosing a publisher?”

Well, what is your book about? “I am not sure, but I think my life would make an interesting story. I have a lot of stories to share” OK. That may be the case, your life may be interesting enough to put into a book. At least you have a start. Now you need to shop that idea. The book title and chapters and content will expand and change once you begin. Don’t worry about the ideas being all over the place, that’s the purpose for a first, second and third draft.

apple, bed, bedroom

Same goes for the blog. Jot down some idea. Browse the internet for ideas. So, the second thing would be for you to find out exactly what you want to talk about. You will need to figure that part out on your own, because it will be your blog. You will also have to make time.

Who will you share this blog with? It’s imperative that you know your target audience. This helps you understand the marketplace for your blog. This helps you understand who you need to send this blog to and who will likely share it for you. You would not want to solicit auto geeks, with a blog about recipes. You need to determine who and where your audience is, so that you can reach them.

I also try to explain to people that blogs don’t just sit and accrue income. For some reason the public thinks that they can write one blog and it will produce income from the time they hit submit. I tell people who are not really interested in writing or blogging or giving attention to a blog daily, that this is not what they want to do and that it will not earn them any money just because it’s on a blog spot, website or word press. They have a warped impression that they can write one blog every five months and just because it’s on their WordPress, its making money. My advice for bloggers who begin without their own website would be to choose the platform that suits you. Find your niche, something you love or like enough to talk about every day. Something you don’t mind doing and being involved in. Something that if it were to consume you, you’d be fulfilled.

analog camera, camera, casual

Every Blogger is not an Influencer: This is where things are misconstrued. Some people create blogs as a hobby, by which they chose to monetize at some point or not. Some bloggers create blogs that showcase a variety of things they do, which is under their niche and fortunately gets noticed once their blogs grow. Some bloggers go on to become influencers, who get paid to list, post and advertise products and business services but only after they have built a following and have shown that they have an audience of people who will read their blog and potentially be influenced by their opinion. Becoming a blogger today, does not automatically guarantee that you will be an influencer by tomorrow. Unless, however, you already have the strong following.

A Bloggers life can appear to be uber fabulous when you get to the top of your game. Their pictures are lovely, they appear to have all the latest and greatest in fashion, accessories and technology. They take trips, are invited to private and exclusive events, they hobnob with the best of the best and they meet fabulous people in the process. The have awesome dining experiences in some of the country’s most luxurious locations along with having a night cap, courtesy of the 5-star hotel that they are staying in as a comp. So, then everyone suddenly wants to be a blogger, but have no idea what it took to build a fan base, a following, a reputation, or the preparation that went into selling themselves to companies to be brand ambassadors or influencers for their product or service. It is a genuine business and one that you must be passionate about doing because you are the engine behind the work.

Don’t be discouraged if you don’t have the following when you start. Very rarely did anyone. You can build your following as you build your brand and your blog. You can increase readership and subscribership through social media sharing tools, platforms and creatives, which help to market your blog. Keep your blog fresh, up to date and current. If you are writing great material that people show interest in reading, you’re on your way. When your audience see that you put a lot into the blog, supplying relevant content, information and solutions related to your niche, they will show appreciation via comments, likes, shares and following.

If you were looking for me— these are the words that would lead you to me: Super Single Mom, Mother, Mommy Moment, Parenting, Love…

If you were looking for me— these are the words that would lead you to me: Super Single Mom, Mother, Mommy Moment, Parenting, Love…

Google is a wonderful tool for not only looking up dates of past, present and future events, or finding the correct answer to some of our health-related questions. It’s a major source for locating people also. It’s as easy as plugging in a name and a few key words about the person, and you are then directed to their blogs, their newspaper clippings and even their company and affiliation with companies in a lot of cases. While google has been under scrutiny for the information that can be found, as it relates to privacy and security; it is not google who releases that information. Googled is like the holding cell, for all public information that was placed on line.

Do you remember the infamous line, “Google Me” said by Model Jessica White …on the once a hit reality show; The T.O. Show? The world fell out laughing, that someone said that out loud. We knew that we could just “Google’ someone, but it was not something that we wanted everyone to know that we were doing. However, the shame in that is a thing of the past. It is no secret that you will possibly be “Googled.” Employers do it now and so do potential suitors. Women have used it as much as Men, and it appears that men are leading the game in “googling” people. I am surprised at the amount of times a guy has mentioned, “Well, I saw on line that…” “I googled her and…such and such” Sorry to bust you guys, but it wasn’t a secret anyway. It’s ok. We know you want to know as well and you deserve to google us, just like we google you. Don’t be ashamed. It’s not really snooping when it’s all out there, right? Hummm…The Jury is still out on that.

Anyway, I became aware of the amount of times my name has been googled, as well as by who in some cases; with the help of sophisticated technology. It’s like LinkedIn. LinkedIn can tell you who’s viewed your profile, and so can Google, when plugged in to these pretty savvy apps and programs that allow for you to see this data. You are also able to gauge which words or phrases have been used to search for you, so that you can determine better usage of the tags you use for anything that you post online, you’re your intent is to drive traffic. It took some trial and error for me to learn all the ins and outs and it was a personal situation that drove me to become interested in finding out exactly how people were locating me and how they were finding certain things online. I had to self-teach myself a lot and it took a lot or reading and researching. It all paid off though, after about a year when I had everything I needed, to show that most of my traffic was driven from my Tumblr.

For no rhyme or reason, maybe the ghost followers thought it was the safest place to search and stay up to date, as Tumble lagged in providing their customers with this data. It’s not that it wasn’t available, it’s just that it had to be requested and there was a lot of red tape involved, for me to collect it from them.

I am a woman of many words and as described by Opposing Counsel once, “You do a great deal of writing, don’t you…” To which, I held my tongue for the sake of remaining in compliant with the court…but I wanted to say, “Yes, and you do a great deal of reading, don’t you?” The fact of the matter is, long as you are reading, I will be writing. I thank people like him, and other cyber bullies, ghost followers and stalkers; for driving traffic to my blogs, so I can’t be mad at him and I can’t help it that he stumbled upon some truths about himself, which he found to be offensive. It was something about the shoes he wore, which seemed to rattle his feathers and put his panties in a wad…I can’t really remember…

I’d say it today if it hadn’t already been said. And because I like to stay current, and avoid repeating the same things, and causing my audience to become board with redundant articles, I just wave at him from afar, as I see that he’s still reading. It’s nice to have fans.

I had to learn that over my 8 years in blogging. It really shouldn’t matter who’s viewing your public blog. That’s what you want, especially if it’s monetized. Views equal $$. So, I encourage you to keep reading. I encourage bloggers to keep blogging. I encourage writers to keep writing, and Journalist should keep reporting. You cannot worry about “being found” because “being found” is your best friend in the world of blogging, writing and reporting. Find your voice, so that they can find you.

With that, it has become ideal that I use the same tags and search words for all post and all articles I post anywhere, for easy finding, navigating and linking from site to site and blog to blog. It’s like a chain linked fence…the more links in your chain, the mo…. When I have special post like say, for Father’s Day, then of course I would add that tag, but I would still use all the other tags that I have been using that helps my audience and potential readers find me at any point online.

And last, the song “Here I go” by Mystikal comes to mind: “You looking for me” Well, some key words that are sure to lead you to my front door will be: Super Single Mom, Mother, Mommy Moment, Parenting and Love…

5 things that will make you cringe to hear your child say, following, “My Momma Said”

There are a lot of revelations that my son has repeated to me, after hearing other people say. I cringe for them, as those individuals would be so humiliated to know that I have that information.

I learned this the hard way myself, when my son repeated something back to me, that I knew for sure I said… It wasn’t just variation of what I said, but verbatim of what I said. All I could think of is, geezus, I hope to GOD he didn’t say this to anyone else.

Thoughts of that cute Disney Cruise Line commercial, comes to mind now. There’s a woman in the elevator with her children, along with others… her child is telling the story about their adventures and he says, “That’s my baby brother. His name is Joe, but my mommy calls him a little souvenir.”

I am included in the group of parents who’ve cringed when running into Ms. Alton, on isle 8 of the community grocery store. I am one of those who have broke out into a sweat, while experiencing slight anxiety, all while praying to GOD, that my son doesn’t repeat something I may have said in his presence, without consideration given to the fact that he was nearby listening. I never know what he’s about to say, when he says “My momma said…” nor how I will explain or clean it up, after it’s said.

I’ve had to clutch my pearls a few times. I have had to force the frog from my throat and turn, to inconspicuously race to another isle in the grocery store, in an attempt to escape a potentially humiliating situation, brought on by an “out of the mouth of a babes” moment.

Here are 5 things that will make you cringe, after hearing, My Momma Said:

  1. My momma said she doesn’t like my dads mom: Even if we once loved or hated our in laws, or if we love or hate them now, what we really don’t want to happen is, for them to ever know if we hated them. No matter what, if you’re still married into the family, this is still top-secret information. It’s one thing if the hatred came after the divorce, but if this is shared while y’all are still married- get ready for hell! Every married woman can tell you, that she’s had her run-ins with her mother -in- law at some point. We know that there are some who have gotten along just fine, but then there are those who had one son, who’s a momma’s boy, who can do no wrong in the sight of his mother. His mother is his biggest fan and cheerleader. She doesn’t want to hear or know anything bad about her beloved son. She will go to hell over ignoring her son’s bad behavior to simply support him in his foolishness, while she’s on this earth. You may have made this comment while chiming in on a discussing with your own mom or even cousins or close friends. Your child happened to hear bits and pieces and concluded that you just don’t like grannie, because “grannie is a pushover.” Haven’t had this to happen to me personally, but that may be because I’d already learned this lesson in the example provided in, number 2.
  1. My momma said she was never attracted to my dad: or when a child says to the new husband (My mom said she wish she met you first) Once again, something we hope our children have never heard us say, because we don’t want to discount his dad in his presence…) and more importantly, never repeated, if heard. When a child repeats something of this nature, the core details and substance to those conversations, are often absent. The child caught the tail end of a conversation or the beginning of a vent session and all else was lost. There’s no way to recover from this once it’s said. The little one could tell dad that you said you aren’t attracted to him, and if you are still married- there’s a possibility that you’d never live this comment down. No matter what the context was, in which you said it. Men have egos that are easily crushed and a comment like this, will take you into a realm of hatred that you didn’t know existed. Men can be pretty foul and extremely petty, when their egos are bruised. They serve malicious, like you’ve never seen. They hit low and below the belt. The phrase “All is fair in love and war”, came from a man, for GOD’s sake. Once you allow a comment of this nature to leak, it blazes into the esteem of a man, and you better be prepared. All of their inner thoughts, belonging to the complex that they have and have had about themselves come rushing into play, such as: (short, dark-skinned, skinny, little, fat, ugly etc.) It all comes out in their response to you, for making the comment that they heard the child repeat.
  1. My momma said our neighbors make her sick: The neighbors that usually make mom sick, are the ones who keep up loud music after 10:00pm, on a weekday- and who crowds the cul-de-sac on the weekends, making it impossible to check mail, if you live in those subdivisions that have community mailboxes. They are the neighbors who don’t keep their lawn cut or manicured and is always the sore spot on the street. They have that old, beat up cutlass 442 that they’ve been working on for the last 10 years. It’s sitting on bricks in the front of the house. They are the neighbor who you feel, are bringing down the property value. They are responsible for the loud, out of control parties on the weekends, where at any moment, their uncle Lou is going to grab some chick on the ass and try to get her number. She calls the police to take a report, after-which, she decides that she doesn’t want to press any charges. These are the neighbors who are always going at it as a couple. The guy can be heard outside, on many nights, banging on the windows and doors, pleading for his wife to answer the door, hollering “just give me one more chance” The wife has also been seen entertaining other men, while her husband was away at work on Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s. Imagine running into either of them, at the neighborhood store and asking the general, “How you been?” to which your child jumps in and ask, “Mom, is this the neighbor that make you sick?”
  1. My momma said I can’t come to your houses that, because y’all are nasty/dirty: This would be the family who allows their dogs to sleep in any bed in the house, lick their owners in the face and on the lips. Their dogs hang around in the kitchen, slobbering around the areas where the food is being prepared for guest. They feed the dog with the same hand that’s being used to prepare dinner, without washing…. This comment is not at all what you intended it to be, but yea it really is. You did say that you don’t want to eat there, because their dog is always in the kitchen or on the counter and sometimes in the hands of the person who’s preparing the meal. However, you didn’t mean it in the most negative way. You simply wanted whomever you were speaking with, to know the reasons that you personally don’t want to eat there. But when a child gets ahold of that comment, it goes full press down the court and there’s no way to rebound it once the child has made such a comment.
  1. My momma said your mother (you) always trying to sell something: One day she’s selling Avon, the next it’s Mary Kay and diet pills at the same time. She’s been known to sell everything from QVC products, to electronics, to spanks, to bibles and self help CD’s. She sells Girl Scout cookies, the newest in healthcare nutrition supplements, a cure for aging, age spots, wrinkles, and skin care. She’s selling a cure for cancer, a cure for headaches, a cure for high blood pressure, a cure for energy, a cure for fatigue and they all help with estrogen levels, mood swings, migraines and depression. And it’s an “opportunity” for a “real forward thinking” entrepreneur, to own business that will earn them “residual” and early retirement from working for someone else. It’s an “opportunity” to take control of your life. You set your own hours and work as much or as little as you’d like, where if you sell enough product, you can make a million dollars in 5 months. It’s an opportunity that you’d be crazy not to buy into. And if you say no, they respond angrily. Their hook is, “So you’re saying you don’t need extra income?” They say that you are missing the deal of a Lifetime and it’s a sign from GOD, that y’all to meet, so that she could bless your life with this product.

At the end of the day, the lesson is to watch what you say in front of the children. Make sure the children are not within earshot of your adult conversation. When you’re with the girls, laying your problems on thick and discussing guilty pleasures over a bottle of wine, cheese and great music; just remember to keep your voice down. Make sure the children are nowhere around, if you do decide to voice an opinion that you have, or a problem that you’re having…

as seen on cafemom.com

When your own research produces a TROLL list, rather than an active reader list. Stalkers BEWARE

If you are one who are serious about blogging, branding, expanding an established brand, or selling a product or service, where you use a website and multiple platforms for showcasing; you probably use one that tracts the footprint of your unique monthly visitors, subscribers, active readers, return visitors and conversion where the above is applicable. You come into a lot of information through analytics and so forth about the demographic of your audience.

In further review of that research, and especially if you delve into it with professionals on tracking, codes, coding, HTML, META tags, visibility etc., you will also access the ghost followers, the fake followers and the trolls. Especially when they leave comments. That is through the process of scanning, because everything you do online, has a footprint. This is how many companies get called out for writing their own reviews online and posing as visitors or customers. Companies such as Amazon have mentioned this before.

While that information may not be available to all the readers in this case, it’s available to the website administrator. Just as when I blog on someone else site, I may not privy to the tracking information, but the company is. Whereas, for my own site, I have that information at my fingertips.

If you have not hired, or you are not working with an Intel team or a super sophisticated team of hackers or people who have mastered the art of an untraceable navigation, search and landing; you have been seen by those savvy bloggers, journalist and writers who take their work seriously. Your IP Address is always available, even with a fake (or made up) email, because it still belongs to you. There’s information you will have to provide when setting up that account, which people will not generally know, but it’s still available if and when the time comes for investigation to take place and tract the origin of a comment, email, message etc.

Once this information is known, it’s a matter of time before its completely traced back to the originator or tied to the culprit associated with the delivery of those comments and messages.

In court proceedings, you can suggest a subpoena from the company, but there may be a lot of red tape to go through for it- and it really depends on the weight of the matter and the overall objective, which could be to single in on the person(s) who are involved in the sabotage of a writer or when safety for the journalist is a concerned.

I’ve worked with phenomenal sites in the past, which have taken the extra step in providing and sharing this information with me, so that I could track down and nail the stalker and the persons who were sending anonymous emails to companies I was affiliated with and making disparaging comments that weren’t from real readers or a legitimate source. It was important for me to know and have this information and I was happy to be with sites, which felt the same way.

Currently there are more sophisticated programs underway, which will offer an even more of birds eye view into this information, as it’s collected by the tracking systems. Once these programs become available, I am sure that we’ll be able to crack down on the amount of people who troll- not to reveal their identity for the purpose of violating their right the be anon- but if they are posing a real threat, it will be information that will be easily obtainable, no matter what your right is.

While January is Stalker Awareness Month, it remains a topic of discussion with me weekly, between working with and helping companies and individuals uncover the identity of someone who may just be a troll, with malicious intent, rather than a reader with a genuine interest for the content. It is important to me because I realize the damage that can come from a stalker, a troll and someone with the desire to surf the net for targets to destroy credibility, humiliate, discredit as a professional, seek revenge and retaliation on and ultimately to compromise their position in business.

I would encourage businesses and in individuals who are running their own businesses, whether its from home or an office, to seek proper firewall protection, utilize proper security features, invest in a tracking software and solicit the help from professionals who are experienced with dealing with cyber stalkers and bullies. It has been my saving grace.

AsSeenOn SheSavvy.com