I book marked a page in a book, along with halting the process of finishing the book that I began writing a couple of years ago. I was holding off on publishing, because I wanted to see how the story would play out organically. I didn’t want to release the book to the general public, until I was able to provide the true details of what happened in the end and I did not want any cliff hangers, because I have no intention of writing a, to be continued, type of book. I wanted it to stop at the exact moment, that I had closure and leave it at that.
So in keeping with the truth of the story, there’s the explanation. What good would my book be, which is based on a true story, if the ending were false? I wanted to share an authentic story, with real factual and true information, to be considered. For me, it was the only way I would be willing to share the story – If I could do it from where I am standing, I would have accomplished my feat. What feat is that? It was one that allowed me to share my side of the story, which would lay over the overhead projector, like transparent/tracing paper. It was to get on record, my side, as well as the other side, so that I could have it and make my point when it began to matter. It would seal the deal, of which I went tooth and nail against. Call me crazy if you like, but I trusted the creator, in standing up for myself before giants. I stood with the sword of truth, and trusted what the bible said on standing before authorities in this day in age- giving our sides and allowing them to judge accordingly. It was a decision that had to come from the Judges of today, and not an agreement that I made.
So, in leaving room for the ending to unfold, as it was unfolding in my life, I was able to write it from a less emotional state of mind. I had to have total and complete closure as my frame of reference.
But the whole truth is, I had absolutely no idea how it would end, good or bad…and that’s really the reason I was stuck. I had a pretty good idea about how it would end, and I entertained quite a few variations of scenarios of what the ending might be. However, I couldn’t force myself to write it from a make believe standpoint. At one point in time, while waiting through all the resets, delays, and habitual court attendances, I tried to force the hand, by saying that I would be willing to walk away, without a word spoken, if people would just do what is right. Especially since what I write, seems to be the focal point of everyone’s discomfort. No one likes the truth, especially, when it is about him or her.
I actually meant that with all my heart, but they insisted on dragging me. Perhaps that is why it continued… because at one point in time, I actually said that I don’t care what the outcome will be, as long as the outcome was fair, I would be silenced. They laughed at that and looked down at me, saying, the nerve of you – to suggest that you are giving an “opportunity” to someone, to judge fairly… who do you think you are? Perhaps that wasn’t GOD’s plan for my voice. Perhaps that is why I am still writing, “WRITE” NOW. Because if I shut up, when they told me to, I wouldn’t have satisfied purpose. There were people who tried to discourage me from following through with my insistence of getting my side heard and considered. They knocked me down, stomped on me and tried to force feed an agreement that was supposedly “in my best interest.” And they were sure to mention that it was in my best interest, because if I didn’t shut up and stop writing, and if I went through, I would loose- because the person who was judging me, wore a size 5 shoe.
It was people who were very close to the situation, which knew the details, rallied with me, until they too, became a part of the problem. They told me that I did not stand a chance, even with the truth, because of the influence that certain people had, and because of the things I wrote about them in the past.
They explained it like this: You are going to be judged by someone who hates you and does not care what happens to you, because you deflated their ego in something that you wrote. They read everything you write and have folders and binders, something like a worship room, where they keep everything you’ve written, as well as pictures of you that they have. That person went on to say, you are not going to win this case – not because you’re not right- but because you didn’t adhere to the “chain” of command. There are certain things that you should know about, such as, how privileged some people are. And when you ruffle feathers, their judgments are not from a place of concern or just. It’s from a place of hatred and rage.
Yes, I was discouraged to stand up for myself, but I said NO! Then, they continued to say to me that this is how the system works. If you talk or speak out against injustice, you will suffer.
I’ve heard the expression, “A bird in the hands, is worth two in the bush” But have you heard the expression, “A recording in the hand, confirms everything you’ve said.