Lifestyle, Relationships

The Harsh Reality is, Sometimes You Just Have To Move On. Leaving Behind, The Things That Are Meant To Be Left Behind

To the woman/man who cannot move on from an unhealthy relationship:

Alarm Clock, Coffee Cup, Time Of, Arouse

How long will it take, for you to finally walk away from that emotionally abusive relationship and stop telling yourself that you’re staying for the kids? How long will it take before you scream NO more to the physical abuse and the mental abuse that you claim in the name of generational curses?

How long, before you: Walk Away. Close the door. Stop Chasing. Leave him/her alone. They have shown and proved time and time again that you are not important, they do not love you, he does not want you. She is not interested in a future with you. Stop waiting for signs. There are no more signs. You have received every single sign, that is known to man.

You have exceeded your limit in signs, in that she does not call, he disappears for days, he does not apologize, he continues to hurt you, she continues to dissapoint you, he is unwilling to communicate about anything serious, she does not let you in, he always closes you out. You are a settlement for him. Anytime something that he perceives as better than you, comes along, he will always leave you.

Stop taking him back. Sometimes when the signs stop revealing themselves, it’s because you are beyond the point of a sign. You are headed for the crash. Have you ever seen a sign on a at the bottom of an embankment, after you have fallen off? NO. That’s why you don’t see any signs anymore…. But you know this! Yet, you keep saying, “OK, one more sign then I am done.” Does this sound familiar?

To the Man who won’t let go of an ex-wife:

Divorce, Separation, Marriage Breakup, Split, Argument

How long do you think you can mask the fact that you’re truly unhappy, long as you are still engaging in things that will ultimately affect everything you love and live for? Do you not see how that it has a stronghold over your life?

You have found yourself incapable of living a genuinely happy and healthy life, even though you have all the ingredients; because you can’t let go of the woman who walked out of your life. You can’t let her live her life, without interruption and interference from you- because you can’t stand the sight of her being happy with anyone else or doing anything else that brings happiness to her life.

Yet, you have a woman…you’re in a relationship, you have a phenomenal job, things are going great for you, so the world thinks. And so, you have convinced yourself, that this façade will work for you. When the truth is, behind closed doors, and when your family, friends and girlfriend isn’t looking, you are involved in shenanigans, geared toward bringing pain and suffering to someone else, all because they hurt you several years ago. You are still caught up in the ultimate revenge plot to ruin her life. Stop!

Let her go. Release her. Move on. Give her your blessings. Live your life. Let her be happy. Welcome the new woman and love her to life, giving her everything she deserves, for wanting to love you. Stop self-sabotaging. Stop standing in the way of what your future could have for you. If you continue on holding to a past, by “getting back” at someone, your new relationship will eventually fall apart. She will not stand for it, when she finds out what’s really going on behind her back. If you truly have no concern about the things that your ex is doing, you wouldn’t continue in madness. Show it, by getting off her social media and stop stalking her. Stop looking for ways to ruin her life/career/relationships. Leave her alone, once and for all.

To the woman who won’t let go of her first, who may be the father of her child:

Model, Crying, Woman, Skin, Bra, Lying, Young, Female

How long do you think you can mask your anger toward someone who “left you with a child” after he got the “goodies” long as it’s the same script you keep repeating with him and people that you meet? If that’s your story, fine. But you can always change the end, and in knowing that, you can begin to move away from the part about “what happened.” What you need to realize is, it happened …and now what?

You will never find love, in empty places, or cluttered spaces. You must fill your heart with love, and clean your space of the past and all that has kept you between a rock and a hard place with regards to setting yourself free, from your past. Give yourself back to yourself, and stop allowing the experience from the first relationship or the fact that you have kids together, to keep you in a place of resentment. Stop giving him energy. Get back to being you, the person you were, couple with the blessing that life has given you in the process.

If he has chosen not to be a father to his child, then you just be the best mother that you can be,because your child will appreciate it. Your child needs you to be strong and healthy. You cannot do that, if you’re always trying to teach a man to be a man. You cannot do it, by crying over the choices that someone else has made. You cannot do it by staying in a situation that will hold you down and keep you down. Wish him well, and all the successes that he could ever imagine in life, and just move on.

Let him go. Release him. Move on. Live your life. Pray for him. Don’t’ worry about what he is doing versus what he should be doing. Don’t allow him to steal anymore of your time, by chasing him down and threatening him and the life he lives… it will not bring him back. You have someone who is trying to love you and you need to let them, if you want love. There is life after children. There is life after a troubled relationship, long as you want that life and you are willing to make the steps in the right direction, which start at claiming your happiness.

To people everywhere …

Woman, Girl, Freedom, Happy, Sun, Silhouette, Sunrise

Quit selling yourself short. Where the eff, is your “eff it” switch? When do you finally cut those things off, that are holding you back from a life of fulfilment, with yourself or with someone who wants to relish in the luxurious state of happiness with you?

Article Originally Published Here, at CAFEMOM

Lifestyle, Relationships

4 Truly Obvious Ways That She Shows You She’s Just Not That Into You: And the 3 things a woman should stop doing if she’s not interested.

4 Truly Obvious Ways That She Shows You She’s Just Not That Into You: And the 3 things a woman should stop doing if she’s not interested.

  1. Does not maintain Contact: She is clearly trying to let you know that she doesn’t want to move you from the friend zone, when she doesn’t respond to your text, she has never called you on the phone, doesn’t talk to you on a regular and doesn’t invite you out- nor to her home and she ignores your advances. Her response to your mushy text is: “awww” plus a “friendship proof” emoji.
  1. You never see her: She never makes you a priority. She’s constantly busy or out of town when you ask to see her or meet up or take her out for lunch/dinner etc. she always “has something to do.”
  1. When you do see her, several months have passed or maybe even a year. The two of you have never come close to being intimate and she pulls away from you, when you hug her too long. Her conversation with you is on a diet, in that she only talks to you about lite issues, and never gets too heavy or goes too deep with you. She does not share your optimism in a future of being together, when “the time is right.”
  1. She said it: She has told you that she doesn’t want to move forward with a relationship with you. She said that she’s too busy and has too much going on in her life, to consider a relationship- Yet you make it hard for her to be honest, so reasons 1,2&3 came to exist, because you just don’t get it. 

Men- please stop trying to move yourself out of friend zone with a woman who has made it very clear that she doesn’t want to move you. If she wants you, she will make time and she will also make that clear to you. She’s not playing hard to get, she truly doesn’t want to be got by you. It’s not really worth the chase, if she makes it tremendously hard for you, just to get a hug from her. You wouldn’t have to force it if she wanted it.

Advice: Aggressiveness seems very thirsty and it’s not attractive. Well, not to someone who is into you. So if she’s not reciprocating that, stop. If she is not embracing that, stop. If she’s not doing anything to invite that, stop. When you come on so aggressive, she puts you even further back in the friend zone, with impactful gestures to let you know- she’s not interested in being more than your friend. Your behavior comes across as uncouth.

Allow me to pause and say this, because some people are backing away from the story and shouting, “The Nerve of Her Siddity Ass!”

No, she shouldn’t be flattered: Personally, I am not someone who feels that I am not deserving of a compliment, which screams, I am so lucky that you are interested in me. I do not believe that I should accept advances, just because someone complimented me. While I humbly accept your compliment, and sincerely appreciate your comment; I don’t have to solidify my thanks, by going out with you. Nor by leading you on, in a reply that says more than Thank-You. No one gets upset at a compliment. It’s when its over-bearing with more gestures to follow up that compliment, about “getting together” “going out” doing something to build on a relationship with you, while you know that she doesn’t want that- its annoying.

So, for the women: (I’m guilty) … And I own my part.

  1. Stop accepting his invites and going on outings with him: It doesn’t matter that it was just one time in the last 12 months. If he thinks you’re “The One” and you think he’s just “Another One” you absolutely should not ever go out with him on a special holiday, if you want him to remain in friend-zone. Every time you accept an invitation to go for food, coffee, dinner, drinks… he’s hopeful. Even though its just coffee to you, it’s a date for him. It’s an opportunity to him. It’s a foot in the door to him. When someone is interested in you, and you know that, he doesn’t take your minimal interest in him, into account. That’s because you’re leaving a door open for him, in his eyes. Having heard this reasoning from a male perspective – I can appreciate the reasons why this should STOP.
  1. Don’t send what you think are, friendly proof mojos: Because to him it’s still a response. Some men only understand the concept of faith, the size of a mustard seed, when it applies to you responding to his “hello” text. When he’s head over heels, that’s an invitation to him. Everything you do, can be viewed as interest to him- so even though you don’t take calls and ignore text, your response at any point gives him hope when he’s still pursuing more than a friendship with you. He has made his motives clear to you. He has told you what his intentions are. He has made it just a clear to you, that he wants to be with you. So, when you accept any invitation, he assumes that there is some interest. Your actions should line up with what you say, just like his actions line up with what he has said.
  1. Discontinue Contact/Contract: He does not adhere to your Friend Zone rules. Therefore, you need to terminate the contact. When nothing you have done, in obvious fashion, has clicked for him; he’s either: 1. Not picking on the clues. 2. Ignoring the clues. 3. Continuing to overstep friendship, then its time to cut him off.

Let me not forget to address the men who are reading this, who may feel that this was an attempt to crush their ego, it’s not! And I realize that the same rules can be reversed and applied to a woman. Neither is this a faux fantasy. It’s all the things that she wants to say, but cant, without hurting your feelings. Salute.

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