Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships

Make this your response: Dear haters, I still want you to win

I want you to win because I believe in empowering people, women and men. I hope to motivate and inspire you to believe it for yourself too. I want you to win, because I want to see you happy. I want to see you rise above your ways, thrive and flourish into something beautiful. Even when you don’t wish the same for me, I still want to see it for you. I want you to have all that you’ve ever hoped for, wished for and dreamed for. Everything that you think will make your life great or greater, even those things which cause you to envy, or despise who and what you don’t know- I hope that someday soon, that you can have it. I want you to win.

I want your life to be an on-going list of amazing experiences. All the places that you want to go visit, all the luxurious hotel beds that you want to sleep in, all the first-class flights, jets, or private charters and yachts you want to take, the house that you want to live in, the financial situation that you want to have, the emotional state of happiness that you need, and whips that you want to push, I want you to have it all. I want you to have the clothes, the friends, the networks and the support. Even though you don’t support me, I still want you to win. Even though you have not been a friend to me, I still want this for you. I hope that someday, in the near further, that you won’t have to live vicariously through anyone, and that you can have the life that you so desire.

I want you to win. I want you to place every egg that you have in one basket, and I want it to multiply for you. I want you to reap seeds of prosperity and I want you to love yourself. I want you to be able to do all the things in life that will bring you peace and joy, whether it’s to have kids, work a job you love, have the career that you want, the title in life that you want, and I want you to be with someone you love. I want you to have the relationship with family that you want, sip champagne just because it’s Sunday and enjoy brunch every day, with people who wish you well. All this, because I truly want you to win.

It doesn’t matter who you are, I still want you to win: Whether we went to high school together, and you judge your own success in life off who went further, or whether you are an ex, who can’t get over a past of pain, in which I never knew I brought to you. I still want you to win, whether we worked together at some point and you did your best to get me fired, I still want the best for you. I will still put my best, in sincerely wanting you to have everything you took, take or are trying to take from me. Whether you were a girlfriend to an ex, who never wanted to see me with him, whether you were a parent of someone I used to know, who hates me for no reason. Whether you are a teacher who never wanted to see me graduate, whether you came in, 2nd place to me in a competition for a title or position that you wanted, whether you are someone who gets sick at the sound of my name, I still want you to win.

Even though you secretly stalk me, wanting for a moment to swipe my happy moment, I want you to win. Whether you are someone who, with bad intentions and motives, prowls my social media, I want to see you win….Whether you are a church member caught up in the hoopla of lies and deception, games and trickery, with no will to see me come out on top. I still want you to win. If you are an attorney, who took my money, with no intention to help, but all the desire in the world, just to get information and then take it back to those who betrayed me, I STILL want you to win. Whether you have taken my deepest secrets and placed your own verse on them, creating your own rendition, before sharing them with more people, who are just like you, I still want you to win.

I still want you to win, despite the blatant ways you have tried to make me lose. I still want you to win, even though, when you knew the truth, you still sided with wrong, just to see me fail. I still want you to win, even though you take from me and I give to you. I still want you to win, even though we don’t know each other, but you judge me based off things you may have heard. I still want you to win, even though you constantly look for ways to bring me down.

You can have it all, but if your heart is not right and your spirit is corrupt, you’ll never be able to see it. You’ll never feel the joy that comes into your life, long as you’re blocking the door with hatred, spite, anger, envy, jealousness. Wishing Hurt, harm and pain on someone else, or damaging a person, sabotaging a person, destroying someone’s reputation, credibility and life; will never return to you all the things you want. I want you to win so that’s why I’m sharing this pearl.

I want you to win, so that you can stop hoping and wishing it away from other people, and so that you can stop dwelling on what they have, and how you wish they didn’t have it or how you hope they lose it. I want you to win, so that you don’t have to rely on your happiness coming from seeing someone else lose the things they have worked so hard for.

But, here’s the catch: I want you to wake up and decide that you are going to be happy and that you want to win, fair and square. Your win can not come from taking, stealing, lying, or being manipulative, deceiving and dishonest. That’s when you’ll know that you’re WINNING

Then, with intentional purpose, set out to just be happy. I want this for you, that you will be able to do just that- so that you can live again. So that you can shut off that internally redundant behavior of hating on other people; by which you have been gossiping, spreading and perpetuating lies and creating drama. I want you to stop engaging and dealing in acts of hatred toward other people’s happiness and their possessions.

I want you to have a life that is so full of the things you love, that you will no longer concern yourself with me or anyone else that you think is doing better or that may have the things that you want for yourself. I want you to have the luxury of being involved with things that can be positively life altering for you as well as a blessing to the world. I want you to experience a transformation that is so powerful, that you wake up and realize that hating on someone else, will never grant you the happiness that’s required to truly enjoy any of the things above. I am still rooting for you!

Originally published on Cafemom.com. See it here

Lifestyle, Relationships

The Harsh Reality is, Sometimes You Just Have To Move On. Leaving Behind, The Things That Are Meant To Be Left Behind

To the woman/man who cannot move on from an unhealthy relationship:

Alarm Clock, Coffee Cup, Time Of, Arouse

How long will it take, for you to finally walk away from that emotionally abusive relationship and stop telling yourself that you’re staying for the kids? How long will it take before you scream NO more to the physical abuse and the mental abuse that you claim in the name of generational curses?

How long, before you: Walk Away. Close the door. Stop Chasing. Leave him/her alone. They have shown and proved time and time again that you are not important, they do not love you, he does not want you. She is not interested in a future with you. Stop waiting for signs. There are no more signs. You have received every single sign, that is known to man.

You have exceeded your limit in signs, in that she does not call, he disappears for days, he does not apologize, he continues to hurt you, she continues to dissapoint you, he is unwilling to communicate about anything serious, she does not let you in, he always closes you out. You are a settlement for him. Anytime something that he perceives as better than you, comes along, he will always leave you.

Stop taking him back. Sometimes when the signs stop revealing themselves, it’s because you are beyond the point of a sign. You are headed for the crash. Have you ever seen a sign on a at the bottom of an embankment, after you have fallen off? NO. That’s why you don’t see any signs anymore…. But you know this! Yet, you keep saying, “OK, one more sign then I am done.” Does this sound familiar?

To the Man who won’t let go of an ex-wife:

Divorce, Separation, Marriage Breakup, Split, Argument

How long do you think you can mask the fact that you’re truly unhappy, long as you are still engaging in things that will ultimately affect everything you love and live for? Do you not see how that it has a stronghold over your life?

You have found yourself incapable of living a genuinely happy and healthy life, even though you have all the ingredients; because you can’t let go of the woman who walked out of your life. You can’t let her live her life, without interruption and interference from you- because you can’t stand the sight of her being happy with anyone else or doing anything else that brings happiness to her life.

Yet, you have a woman…you’re in a relationship, you have a phenomenal job, things are going great for you, so the world thinks. And so, you have convinced yourself, that this façade will work for you. When the truth is, behind closed doors, and when your family, friends and girlfriend isn’t looking, you are involved in shenanigans, geared toward bringing pain and suffering to someone else, all because they hurt you several years ago. You are still caught up in the ultimate revenge plot to ruin her life. Stop!

Let her go. Release her. Move on. Give her your blessings. Live your life. Let her be happy. Welcome the new woman and love her to life, giving her everything she deserves, for wanting to love you. Stop self-sabotaging. Stop standing in the way of what your future could have for you. If you continue on holding to a past, by “getting back” at someone, your new relationship will eventually fall apart. She will not stand for it, when she finds out what’s really going on behind her back. If you truly have no concern about the things that your ex is doing, you wouldn’t continue in madness. Show it, by getting off her social media and stop stalking her. Stop looking for ways to ruin her life/career/relationships. Leave her alone, once and for all.

To the woman who won’t let go of her first, who may be the father of her child:

Model, Crying, Woman, Skin, Bra, Lying, Young, Female

How long do you think you can mask your anger toward someone who “left you with a child” after he got the “goodies” long as it’s the same script you keep repeating with him and people that you meet? If that’s your story, fine. But you can always change the end, and in knowing that, you can begin to move away from the part about “what happened.” What you need to realize is, it happened …and now what?

You will never find love, in empty places, or cluttered spaces. You must fill your heart with love, and clean your space of the past and all that has kept you between a rock and a hard place with regards to setting yourself free, from your past. Give yourself back to yourself, and stop allowing the experience from the first relationship or the fact that you have kids together, to keep you in a place of resentment. Stop giving him energy. Get back to being you, the person you were, couple with the blessing that life has given you in the process.

If he has chosen not to be a father to his child, then you just be the best mother that you can be,because your child will appreciate it. Your child needs you to be strong and healthy. You cannot do that, if you’re always trying to teach a man to be a man. You cannot do it, by crying over the choices that someone else has made. You cannot do it by staying in a situation that will hold you down and keep you down. Wish him well, and all the successes that he could ever imagine in life, and just move on.

Let him go. Release him. Move on. Live your life. Pray for him. Don’t’ worry about what he is doing versus what he should be doing. Don’t allow him to steal anymore of your time, by chasing him down and threatening him and the life he lives… it will not bring him back. You have someone who is trying to love you and you need to let them, if you want love. There is life after children. There is life after a troubled relationship, long as you want that life and you are willing to make the steps in the right direction, which start at claiming your happiness.

To people everywhere …

Woman, Girl, Freedom, Happy, Sun, Silhouette, Sunrise

Quit selling yourself short. Where the eff, is your “eff it” switch? When do you finally cut those things off, that are holding you back from a life of fulfilment, with yourself or with someone who wants to relish in the luxurious state of happiness with you?

Article Originally Published Here, at CAFEMOM

Lifestyle, Parenting

Here’s 10 Ways to win the heart of this woman, just in case you were wondering

There is no skeleton key for opening my heart. There are some things that may work with some women, which does not work for me. This is due to differences that we may have in our priorities, prioritizing, responsibilities, my age, my culture, my background and upbringings. I do feel that my list of things, fall in line with what a woman should require, but who am I to tell anyone who never asked me, what she should require? There are characteristic requirements that I seek in a gentleman, in which another woman may not require or she may not put the same amount of weight on it, when it comes to doing what it takes to get into her heart. To each his own, and for me… it’s this:

respect

  1. RESPECT: I am coo-coo for coco puffs, over a gentleman who has respect not just for me, but for other women. He can’t degrade any female while in my presence and especially not his mother or the mother of his child. A man should always treat a woman like a queen. She should carry herself as such, but when he sees that she is not, I believe that he should encourage her to do better, rather than to perpetuate her unladylike characteristics. I think he should always hold her to a higher standard, by respecting her. This is demonstrated in the way he is to talk to a woman and the way he treats her overall. Never being a misogynistic A-hole or a male chauvinist.
  2. LOVE for my child: There are many women who choose to date and have a separate life, apart from the one where their child is involved, because the person they date, does not want to be involved in the child’s life- or the woman doesn’t really want him to be around her child. I think when it comes to me, the reason I chose not to do this, is because I am not a serial dater or a casual dater. When I date, it is because I have a real interest in something developing between the person that I give my time to. I don’t care for a man who wants a life with me that does not include my son. Meaning, we can’t play house during the week, but then you disappear when I have my son, because you don’t want to “have anything to do with” children. I have a child. And so, I am a package deal.
  3. MANNERS: A man who has good manners when it comes to sitting at the dinner table in a formal setting breeds a second date. When he knows that there is a time and place for everything, without me having to break it down, it’s less work for me and I don’t feel so much like I have a project or a fixer-upper. When out in public, where the need for etiquette skills to be demonstrated, are done so, with ease… it gives me the sense of comfort that I need to continue entertaining him. I love to see a man treating the waiter and waitress with respect, saying please and thank you. The topper is when I see a man who knows that it is necessary to address my parents as, Maam’ and Sir…. saying Yes and No Sir, when asked a question.
  4. CHILVERY: While the above manners, fall under Chilvery, there are more things that do so as well. Opening doors for his lady, adorning her with cards that read sentiments of his love and respect, honor and commitment to her, in addition to flowers for no reason, are a few simple things that go into the metal ingredients, which makes up the key to my heart. When a man knows these things without me having to tell him or ask him for it, it’s bonus! I do not like when I must tell a man how to treat a lady. I do realize that there are a small society of men who may not truly know or realize and understand that this is what a lady might require, due to what he has been allowed to get away with in other women.
  5. COURTING: Maybe I am just from the South and I am addicted to the ways of the South, where courting a girl first, was a way of life. Courting, I believe goes hand in hands with chivalry. Courting requires getting to know a woman on a deeper level, and showing her that you care, and are around for the long haul. This included “dating” her…taking her out. It’s like a try-out. If you want to be the MVP, you must do the work of an MVP. You must show her the value of having you, show her that you are a man who knows what to and will do what it takes, instead of just being another player. Show her that you want the ball. It’s making your intention clear by treating her like the lady she deserves to be treated as. It’s having a vested interest in taking it beyond dating, and into something serious.

chilvery

To piggy back a little on chivalry, respect, good manners: If a man offers to take me out to dinner, I expect a man to know that he will be picking up the bill, unless I offer and/or insist on paying for my purchase. If a man gets up for a bathroom break when he knows the bill is coming, he should also know that he will never be seeing me again. If a man fumbles his wallet when the check comes, giving any indication that he was not prepared to pay, he can make it the final payment that he will ever have to make when it comes to me.

washed car

  1. Wash my car and take out the trash – without me asking! When a man is around and the trash is still sitting in the garage, the hallway or the kitchen and any other part of the house, I think he’s a lazy boy, off the rip. I should not have to tell any man that he should stop walking by the trash and take it to the garbage outside or to the street for trash pick-up. Lastly, I should not be driving a dirty car, when there’s a man in my life. I expect him to know that he should always make sure that my car is clean and up to date on service. I need a man who knows this.
  2. Converse and listen– I said it before, I love a sociable guy and one that can hold his own in a conversation or in a crowded room, where the need for diversity in communication skills are needed. However, I do not like a man who goes on and on about himself, other people and never takes time for a breath. I do not like a man who does not listen, for the sake of him talking too much. A man who doesn’t listen, is usually holding on to his next thought, and is the reason he did not hear anything that you said. I can’t tell you how annoying it is for me to have to repeat myself- due to someone not listening.

date

This is where the list gets a little shorter, as the last 3 things are that I require, I wouldn’t quite consider to be red flags. It doesn’t make a man a bad person, if he doesn’t possess these qualities. But they are certainly things that I still consider and account for, when taking a closer look at accepting his offer for a relationship.

  1. Take Heed to The Things I Like and Don’t Like: Such as: Niedria prefers carnations over roses. Niedria prefers fresh seafood over frozen. Niedria prefers red wine over white wine. Niedria prefers silver jewelry over gold jewelry. My sister dated a guy once, who kept a list of her likes and don’t likes in his phone. His list grew as he got to know her. When holidays came around, he knew just what to get. When invited to dinner, he knew just what to say. When going out for a night on the town, he knew just where to take her. When she was upset, he knew just what he did.
  2. Sense of humor – He’s got to crack a joke or two, or at least able to take one. A witty and intelligent guy is attractive to me. When he can jump right in, with rebuttal jokes, against my random joking spells, he has what it takes.
  3. TATTOOS: Yes, it’s a little-known fact. It’s not a deal breaker, if the man is of a certain age- but I do love tattoos.  See Full Article on CafeMom
Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized

That’s Just My Baby Momma

I would have never understood the things that men go through, with a “baby momma” and “baby momma drama” had I not experienced it first hand, with a male baby momma. Yes, Tupac said it first: Niggas can be Bitches too.

Witnessing for myself first hand, how a man can be as bitter as the infamous baby momma, when it comes to baby momma drama; has given me new perspective on the topic. I can see clearly now, how a man could ultimately arrive at a forced decision to stay away from their child for periods of time. They realize that the other parent will stop at nothing with their games. She makes it extremely hard for the father to be in his child life, and not to mention the things she will do, to make sure that he will suffer more at her hands, if he chooses to be in the child’s life. I have seen this happen myself. The lies they tell are amazing and too much for a normal person to keep up with. It’s exhausting, so those parents reach a point where they simply wait until the child is old enough to understand what is going on.

Some parents have truly come to this decision, only as result of the consequences that they face, when dealing with the other parent. Such as: being accused for things that they did not do, being denied visitation, being denied communication with the child, being denied health and education information, regarding the child. They are excluded from knowing anything about the child and are left off emergency contact lists as well as not added, as a parent who can seek information from the school that the child attends, without the other parents consent. To add insult to injury, they are accused for not caring about the child, and not talking care of the child or having a vested interest in the overall well being of the child; when this has never been the case.

I can now see why the scenario could play out as the truth. When you are not around to hear these things being said, and not able to call that parent to the rug on their shit, you are hung out to dry in a tainted perception and manipulated opinions. The other parent can sabotage you very easily. No one knows what’s going on behind the stage or off the record. People don’t know that, the parent who is perceived to be the deadbeat, does not have access to the child. They don’t know what the proclaimed, deadbeat parent is really doing to have the connection and bond with their child. No one realizes that one parent is putting on an Oscar performance, of pulling strings, at the best ever stage performance of Puppets. They are superior at poking the bear in private, and then stepping back to show their audience, the reaction of the bear. The audience gets to see a “re-action” only, while never seeing the “action” which caused the bear to howl.

The real issue is that one parent, simply does not want to be with the other and because of that, the parent will use children as bait, collateral and leverage- almost like a ransom in a hostage situation. I know some people are saying, there’s no way, no matter what, I would not see my child. However, those same people are not in the same situation. I know that the one thing that is absolute fact is that you don’t know what you would do, unless it was you. So if it has been you, right down to the nature of the circumstance, be honest with yourself about the fact that you absolutely, positively don’t know what you would do.

From where I’m standing, it has nothing to do with their lack of loving a child or being responsible for the child. It has nothing to do with selfishness and neglect, which encompasses all the things, that I used to think about men who tell me that they haven’t seen their child a month of Sunday’s. Once upon a time, I was that girl who told men, that there was no reason at all, to be away or stay away from their child- and I didn’t want to hear anything they had to say about it.

Do I find this new perspective refreshing? No. Not at all. Disgusting? uuuum… maybe a little harsh, but it’s not an overstatement. In keeping with a self provided example, in order to speak from my own experience- I restrict myself from disclosing my full opinion; due to the “reasonable person” concluding that this song is about them or someone they know.

But I digress to say, I apologize to any man, that I spoke ill of, when it came to them being in or out of their child’s life. I am certain that if they are not, it’s because your baby momma, just like my baby momma, makes it very difficult. I realize that you have probably done everything that you can, but you are not here for the games. I truly understand what it feels like to have a “BABY MOMMA”

As seen on CafeMom.com

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships

Recognizing the season that your relationship is in

While watching one of my guilty, reality show pleasures, among my beloved DVR recordings that I’ve reserved for nights that I suffer from insomnia; I tuned in to Married to Medicine, with Dr. Jackie. I heard her make a remark to her practice manager, while they were going through her calendar and checking dates of availability. Dr. Jackie responded to a date that her practice manager selected by saying, “No, that’s Curtis’ Birthday.” That is when the practice manager said; “You don’t have to celebrate his birthday on his birthday.” And finally, Dr. Jackie responded by saying, “In this season that we are in, we need to celebrate on his birthday.” I thought that was such a BEAUTIFUL response!

Curtis is Dr. Jackie’s husband of many, many years. However, most recently the two of them have struggled in trying to navigate through a rough patch in the marriage. It was inspiring to hear her say this because she was able to recognize the ‘season’ their relationship was in and then to prioritize the marriage, and her husband’s birthday above all. Dr. Jackie knew the significance of doing this, at that moment in time- where she had to show her husband that he is loved, respected and wanted, by acknowledging the importance of doing her part.

Watching the show reminded me of my own mom and dad. I always see my mother making sure that my dad is taken care of, he’s happy and they have a healthy relationship. She constantly makes sacrifices and compromises, to keep the marriage together and strong. She gives with her whole heart. She gives without expectations. She always puts her marriage first and if there was ever a moment that she didn’t, it wasn’t because she wouldn’t, it was because she couldn’t.

This is the balance that most people cannot find. Acknowledging a critical time in the relationship that could possible make or break the union, is extremely necessary. There are many times where you will have to put work first, but in those times where your relationship may suffer, or is already suffering, you may have to make a choice. It’s not all bad though. It’s not a case where you have to truly choose your family first, over being employed. And it’s not a case where this happens everyday. It’s a matter of knowing and being able to discern when those times are, when you do need to put your marriage first.

It is absolutely necessary for a woman and a man, to put each other first, in the relationship or marriage; when the season that you are in yanks on strings of separation and or ultimately a divorce. If you want your marriage or relationship to grow and survive, you have to be willing to do the work in that season.

Think of it in terms of the 4 Seasons: Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. In the colder months, where there’s snowfall, you will have to work a little harder to maintain the yard. You will have to plow streets, shovel your yard, driveway, doorways and pathways into the house. In the months where leaves tend to fall constantly, you will do a lot of manual labor in the lard by racking and disposing of the leaves more than any other time in the season. In the season where the grass grows a lot faster, you will have to work a little harder in those seasons by mowing, cutting and hedging your landscape. And again, before you can do any of this, you have to know what season you are in.

Lastly, have you ever tried to maintain your yard, but the leaves from your neighbors yard blows over into yours? That happens in relationships as well. Which is why it is wise to put up a fence, and shield your relationship, while you are in your critical season, doing the work to clean up your yard. I’ll also add that it’s vital that you keep people out of your business and relationship. Don’t air your problems while you’re still working it out. That is because you’ll find yourself under the pressure of doing what your friends say you should do, and also being influenced to do something your own heart truly doesn’t want to do, but because you’ve told everyone about your problems in the marriage, you feel obligated to take their advice; which may not be the best advice.

In my humble opinion and experience, private relationships last the longest.

As Seen On SheSavvy.com

Lifestyle, Relationships

3 Reasons Single Women have a Love/Hate relationship with Being Mary Jane

Well, for starters, no matter how made up or creative the character can be on television, it’s the reality of knowing that she’s a very real girl. She’s a real woman in a sometimes, exaggerated way, but a real woman nonetheless. We watch and relate to portions of the show, while covering one eye, as if to say we didn’t see it since we were peeking between our fingers.

She’s a smart, pretty, fit, witty, sexy, affluent woman of power. She’s an over- achieving, Single woman who’s free of children, with a gorgeous home, and a fancy car. She dresses like a million bucks, she’s driven, and tough. She’s an opulent boss, who holds it down for executive women everywhere, who have a similar attitude and vested interest in persistently climbing the ladder. For the most part, she’ speaks her mind. When she feels as though she can’t, she comes up with some clever idea that always seems to get her point across. While it has backfired a time or two, the odds have been in her favor.

But with all of that, her success rate of finding and keeping a man is not as in tact as the post-it notes that she keeps on the mirror and around the house. But those are called Affirmations, and we all have them. Some of us write or record them in our cell phone notes, while others write them on the bathroom mirror, or even on the cork-board in our office. Whether you have yours written on a note pad that is stuck to the refrigerator door, in a journal or etched in your head, we have them. They are our mental notes, the things that keep us encouraged or motivated about whatever we are focusing on. They somewhat keep us grounded, so that we don’t forget why we started.

  1. We love to see a single woman doing her thing and making her mark in her profession, while dominating and breaking through barriers. However, we hate to see where her loneliness takes her through silent nights alone, in whom she searches to fill the void and comes off a little harsh at times. We are rooting for her to find love and happiness because that’s what seems to be missing.
  1. We love the aesthetics of her lifestyle. What’s not to love about a glamorous life-style where everything looks really, really good, on this side of luxurious? We love to watch her enjoy the freedom in her life, which provide her the outlet to be able to do some of the risqué things we never did and can’t do. But we don’t necessary care for the woman, whom seems to live life through a series of one-night stands, running from the very thing she wants, and masking it by burying herself in work, while committing to non commitment, and casting that, as a woman who just knows what she wants.
  1. We love to see her pull major stunts at work to get a story heard or to get a view in. But we all know damn well we would be fired, quicker than we could state our opinion, if we march into work and did some of the things she does. But she has taught us to be fearless, and to stand up for the things we believe in. And… while so effectively doing that, we still know the reality of our situations and we know the climate of our workplace probably has no leniency when it comes to breaking the rules.

So, we love Mary Jane for all the things that she is, but at the same time, we hate her for all the things that she is. Such as: A serial dater, a woman who often time engage in one night stands, whether they last or not, they came from a sex on the first night type situation. We especially hated when she took the infamous “hoe bath” on TV. We cringed when we saw her method of storing sperm. And we damn near died when she broke out the vibrator while sitting at her office desk. But we all understood the reason she had to get it out the way lol. And oh yea, her relationship with the married man- and Mary Jane’s revelation to the wife, once she found of who the wife was… Not exactly the woman that we want to relate to. But it happens all the time. And at the end of the day, the new season has brought us closer to wishing we were her, so that we could play the part next to Michael Ealy. But at the same time, we want them to match up this season.

One thing is for sure though, and that is that Mary Jane has always kept us either laughing or guessing. All the things that Mary Jane is and all things she is not, we can find ourselves somewhere in there, because she is so multi-dimensional. But her strengths seem to also be her weaknesses. She tends to prioritize work above the things that she actually wants in life, which is love. Does that sound familiar, anyone? It is kind of nice to watch the things we want to do, actually play out on TV, by a bad ass, gorgeous girl. And that’s why we hate to love Being Mary Jane.

As Seen on Cafemom.com

Lifestyle, Relationships

4 Truly Obvious Ways That She Shows You She’s Just Not That Into You: And the 3 things a woman should stop doing if she’s not interested.

4 Truly Obvious Ways That She Shows You She’s Just Not That Into You: And the 3 things a woman should stop doing if she’s not interested.

  1. Does not maintain Contact: She is clearly trying to let you know that she doesn’t want to move you from the friend zone, when she doesn’t respond to your text, she has never called you on the phone, doesn’t talk to you on a regular and doesn’t invite you out- nor to her home and she ignores your advances. Her response to your mushy text is: “awww” plus a “friendship proof” emoji.
  1. You never see her: She never makes you a priority. She’s constantly busy or out of town when you ask to see her or meet up or take her out for lunch/dinner etc. she always “has something to do.”
  1. When you do see her, several months have passed or maybe even a year. The two of you have never come close to being intimate and she pulls away from you, when you hug her too long. Her conversation with you is on a diet, in that she only talks to you about lite issues, and never gets too heavy or goes too deep with you. She does not share your optimism in a future of being together, when “the time is right.”
  1. She said it: She has told you that she doesn’t want to move forward with a relationship with you. She said that she’s too busy and has too much going on in her life, to consider a relationship- Yet you make it hard for her to be honest, so reasons 1,2&3 came to exist, because you just don’t get it. 

Men- please stop trying to move yourself out of friend zone with a woman who has made it very clear that she doesn’t want to move you. If she wants you, she will make time and she will also make that clear to you. She’s not playing hard to get, she truly doesn’t want to be got by you. It’s not really worth the chase, if she makes it tremendously hard for you, just to get a hug from her. You wouldn’t have to force it if she wanted it.

Advice: Aggressiveness seems very thirsty and it’s not attractive. Well, not to someone who is into you. So if she’s not reciprocating that, stop. If she is not embracing that, stop. If she’s not doing anything to invite that, stop. When you come on so aggressive, she puts you even further back in the friend zone, with impactful gestures to let you know- she’s not interested in being more than your friend. Your behavior comes across as uncouth.

Allow me to pause and say this, because some people are backing away from the story and shouting, “The Nerve of Her Siddity Ass!”

No, she shouldn’t be flattered: Personally, I am not someone who feels that I am not deserving of a compliment, which screams, I am so lucky that you are interested in me. I do not believe that I should accept advances, just because someone complimented me. While I humbly accept your compliment, and sincerely appreciate your comment; I don’t have to solidify my thanks, by going out with you. Nor by leading you on, in a reply that says more than Thank-You. No one gets upset at a compliment. It’s when its over-bearing with more gestures to follow up that compliment, about “getting together” “going out” doing something to build on a relationship with you, while you know that she doesn’t want that- its annoying.

So, for the women: (I’m guilty) … And I own my part.

  1. Stop accepting his invites and going on outings with him: It doesn’t matter that it was just one time in the last 12 months. If he thinks you’re “The One” and you think he’s just “Another One” you absolutely should not ever go out with him on a special holiday, if you want him to remain in friend-zone. Every time you accept an invitation to go for food, coffee, dinner, drinks… he’s hopeful. Even though its just coffee to you, it’s a date for him. It’s an opportunity to him. It’s a foot in the door to him. When someone is interested in you, and you know that, he doesn’t take your minimal interest in him, into account. That’s because you’re leaving a door open for him, in his eyes. Having heard this reasoning from a male perspective – I can appreciate the reasons why this should STOP.
  1. Don’t send what you think are, friendly proof mojos: Because to him it’s still a response. Some men only understand the concept of faith, the size of a mustard seed, when it applies to you responding to his “hello” text. When he’s head over heels, that’s an invitation to him. Everything you do, can be viewed as interest to him- so even though you don’t take calls and ignore text, your response at any point gives him hope when he’s still pursuing more than a friendship with you. He has made his motives clear to you. He has told you what his intentions are. He has made it just a clear to you, that he wants to be with you. So, when you accept any invitation, he assumes that there is some interest. Your actions should line up with what you say, just like his actions line up with what he has said.
  1. Discontinue Contact/Contract: He does not adhere to your Friend Zone rules. Therefore, you need to terminate the contact. When nothing you have done, in obvious fashion, has clicked for him; he’s either: 1. Not picking on the clues. 2. Ignoring the clues. 3. Continuing to overstep friendship, then its time to cut him off.

Let me not forget to address the men who are reading this, who may feel that this was an attempt to crush their ego, it’s not! And I realize that the same rules can be reversed and applied to a woman. Neither is this a faux fantasy. It’s all the things that she wants to say, but cant, without hurting your feelings. Salute.

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