The She-Sheet as to why she is single. The architectural blueprint

I am not speaking for anyone else with this list and I warn you before reading that you are the one who asked me why I am single and / or why I am not dating. And I warn you, the list is long.

2. I have so many idiosyncrasies and most aren’t known until it happens. It often happens because its normal things people do, in which may not present a problem to others whereas I cringe. 

3. Stepping out of the shower with wet feet, I do not like it. I hate stepping on wet surfaces barefoot or with my socks on from water left behind by someone else.

4. Men peeing all around the toilet and on the floor when they use the restroom. At least clean it up before you leave my bathroom.

5. People who do not wash their hands often or at least before eating and after using the restroom.

6. Dirty nails – overgrown hair – no deodorant, musty, bad breath (typical hygiene and grooming things)

7. I do not like it when guys show up and do not present themselves in the best light: You asked me to come see you, but you open the door with a wife beater on, you need a hair cut and you are tipsy/drunk.

8. I do not like to be ASKED OUT to dinner/lunch and be expected to pay not only for myself but them too! Annoying AF!!

9. I do not like it when someone first gets my number in a business setting or as they see me busy and then immediately begin motor texting me about what I am doing or any type of conversation. Relax, give me a few hours to finish up unless we agree to speak immediately following our initial meeting or run in.

10. I am really annoyed when guys talk badly about their children’s mother. Work that out. Set some boundaries and make it happen.

11. I hate when guys meet me and immediately ask me to send them pictures of myself (excuse often used: so that they can add it to my contact) ok whatever.

12. I do not like to be called last minute for anything that takes more than a minute to prepare for (that speaks volumes about where I was on the choice to call list. 

13. I hate to be called late at night, followed with a text “are you awake?” Because if the call didn’t wake me, now the text will. 

14. I hate it when I have mentioned to someone that I am usually up late doing work and they take that as an invitation to call at all sorts of times through the night. 10pm-11-12am Buzz Kill for sure.

15. I generally don’t want to be on the phone talking for hours and hours. And if you call me, please be prepared to talk. I hate dead silence and rambling for conversation. Otherwise, you could have sent a text.

16. I don’t like when people, make plans for me that start after 8pm. (I don’t care if you have been at work) Unless it was planned for.

17. I really don’t like men who smoke cigarettes and black and mild. Cigars are ok. Don’t ask me why!

18. Don’t ask me my favorite food or what I would like to eat and then take me to the opposite. Just go there from the beginning.

19. I really despise the person who goes to the internet for their information about me (that’s not so much a problem as it is when they don’t tell me and act according to something they think they know) and get it ALL WRONG. Just be open, upfront… I don’t have secrets.

20. I do not like sharing food under any circumstances. Please do not eat off my plate. Please do not assume you will try my food when you order something else. Please do not order the family pack/portion for us to share a hot meal at a restaurant.

And these are most of the reasons that I am happily single and don’t mind. And there’s more. OH YOU THOUGHT WE WERE DONE

21. I hate when people make jokes about my idiosyncrasy while doing it. -EX: when I have already said I don’t like something, and you do it just to get a reaction out of me because you think it would be funny. You never know what someone’s trigger could be- just stick to the script.

22. I hate it when people stare at me and do not say anything.

23. I hate to be cut off in conversation/dialogue.

24. I hate non-active listeners.

25. I hate it when someone asks me out and does not have a plan on where we are going or what we are going to do.

26. Random facetime calls are annoying. Do not facetime me.

27. I get off work at 6, does not mean call me at 6 on the dot.

28. Don’t eat on the phone with me at all.

29. Always talking about same thing- every conversation (tony) IE: My house, my house, my maid, my renovation, my house, my stairs, my chandelier

30. I sleep in late most days since I am up late and when I inform someone, but they start texting and calling early in the morning. Leave me alone. Not trying to talk to you on your way to work.

31. People come to my house and help themselves to anything in my refrigerator. I mean, who raised you. Makingyourself at home does not mean this. It means sitting back and relaxing on the sofa, I will offer you something if I have it and if I want to offer it.

31. I send you a text with short info no need to replay, I hate when someone immediately calls me as soon as I send the text.

32. If I’ve never given you my address, never show up. That’s creepy AF

33. If you know my address and I’ve never given it to you, but you went through great lengths to find it, it’s creepy AF.

34. Never show up at my house without an invite ever. That’s reason to call the police.

35. Calling me within 20 minutes of meeting me is annoying AF! Especially when you met me in a setting where you saw that ai was conducting business. Do not motor text me (back to back to back) without getting a response from me in the middle there somewhere. Chances are, I’m busy and you’re being a nuance – such a turn off

36. I absolutely cringe when someone interrupts my workday when I’ve explained my work hours, and have no regard to my time or that I’m working for my living. I don’t date men who don’t value my time when they aren’t paying all of my bills

37. Do not call me when you have a million things going on in the background. That’s not phone etiquette. I can’t hear you and you probably can’t hear me. That’s how important details get missed.

38. Never invite yourself to my house. That’s my call and my call only! insisting on doing so before that time is creepy and weird and cause for a pause, because why??

If “I just don’t want to was a person” 🤣

If “it’s not you it’s me, was a person”😂

What part did you play

By definition, a toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner. … A toxic relationship is characterized by insecurity, self-centeredness, dominance, control.

When you stop believing them and whatever they say and whatever promise they make, when you stop trusting them no matter what they do, when you stop listening to them because you just don’t care what they have to say and chances are it’s something to break you down, when you no longer like them, when they are no longer attractive, when you don’t like being around them because they are loud and wrong and out of control, no etiquette, no discipline, no self awareness, when you discover that you’ve been over looking their over the top selfishness and self-centerdness, their irresponsibility, their unwillingness to be accountable, their uncouth behavior, their controlling and narcissistic behavior, their inability to commit or see your value and worth…. when you begin to discover that they only keep you around for the things that you can offer/give freely to them, when you start to see them as the opportunist that they are, their deceptiveness, their manipulation and when you see no way to make that square fit into your life; it means you have been around way too long and should have put the brakes on before this time came. It’s far too long and shouldn’t have come to this.

If you’re in a toxic relationship, you may recognize some of these signs in yourself, your partner, or the relationship itself.
Lack of support. …
Toxic communication. …
Jealousy. …
Controlling behaviors. …
Resentment. …
Dishonesty. …
Patterns of disrespect. …
Negative financial behaviors.

Stop giving people permission to take you for granted or take advantage of you. Stop giving people permission to disrespect you to the point that you loose respect for them. Stop allowing people to break you down and discount who you are and humiliate you. Stop allowing people to take, take and take from you emotionally, mentally and physically. Stop allowing people to use you until you’re used up and have nothing left to offer yourself or anyone else. When someone doesn’t return the acts of love, to restore your account; drop their ass like the bad habit they are. Cut them out like the cancer they are. Cut them off like the dead branches they are. Take the trash to the dumpster!

And then, most importantly; you must sit back and take inventory on the things you allowed and accept full responsibility. Afterwhich, you arrive at where the problem began. You realize it began when you didn’t set firm boundaries and you didn’t walk away sooner. Accept the part that you played. Don’t stay in a funk over it. The important thing is that you now identify with what toxic looks, sounds and feels like. Don’t beat yourself up. Pick up your pieces and love on yourself. Love alllll over yourself for surviving. You didn’t loose anything that was worth keeping. It was a bad investment at most. But when you start to see, you’ve won half the battle and now you and reinvest into yourself. The return is always greater!

“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.”

https://youtu.be/BKJDpuUfXxA

Subtle Thanks

…. Twas reflecting this morning on the unforgettable memories I created over the years in blogging and influence campaigns as well as providing journalistic coverage for various events/awareness events and campaigns alike. I’ve worked alongside awe-inspiring people, some amazing companies on some to die for assignments and I absolutely loved it! I’ve had the opportunity to build and continue to grow through the assignments with influential people who were instrumental in my success because they saw the passion I had for writing. Today, I say thank you for still riding with me!

Full media kit available upon request at Freelyspeaking3.57@gmail.com

Midnight Advice

When you notice that someone is making a conscious effort to do the things they need to do, by taking action; correcting mistakes and not repeating them over and over and over; it might be worth the time. But when you notice someone making a conscious effort to instead push beyond your boundaries and get you to accept the unacceptable rather than to make the change; Cut Them Off

Great Article on Love Bombing

I came across this article as the term “Love Bombing” was brought to me in the midst of expressing to my girlfriend, an experience and encounter with an individual who seem to have gone from sugar to shit in less than 90-days. It was awkward and weird and quite like nothing I’d seen before. She immediately recognized just based off me reading to her some of the emails and text I’d received as of late in comparison to what had transpired over the duration of the 60-90 days as well as what took place in the very beginning and how it took a drastic turn within the first couple of weeks. I couldn’t have a more accurate detail than what was written in this article. It’s a must read. Absolutely everything on this list from beginning to end is what I experienced. (Except lavish expensive gifts) However, there were small-inexpensive gifts and grand gestures.

https://hellogiggles.com/love-sex/dating/signs-being-love-bombed-toxic-dating-trends/

Provider or Contributor, you don’t say…

The reality is that the blow to the dome or the self-esteem will never be as soft as you need it to be when you don’t want to hear or believe that the check is real. This being said, it doesn’t matter how much solvent I use to deliver the solution, some individuals will be offended by the contents. Mostly the ones which it applies to. The receiver.

I asked myself, why does this even need to be said… Sometimes we want things to go without saying, as they should; but then we run the risk of meeting that fatal encounter with individuals who don’t know. And since it directly affects us or the relationship that we have with them regarding communication and understanding, we end up having to use blunt force delivery. I have also found that it’s not that people do not understand what you are saying sometimes. Its that they are rejecting your view because it’s not suitable for them, whilst their ignorance and arrested development has retarded their ability to accept what you are saying.

When I write, my intent is never to intentionally hurt anyone. However, I do not write to make anyone comfortable either. Sometimes it is what it is, and since there is no way to say a lot of things without just saying it, it will come across abrasive to the receiver. I believe that this mostly happens with those who know deep inside that it is a truth that they do not want to deal with. I would hope that when this is the case, people can either change their mindset or change their situation, so that they can accept what has been spoken, and be ok with their truths.

That being said, the conversation of what it means to be a provider continues to resurface with men and women. It does not matter what definition you “want” to give to this term; the term provider has a definition:

 a person or thing that provides something.

“a leading provider of personal financial services”

synonyms:          supplier, donor, giver, contributor, source

“a service provider”

a breadwinner.

synonyms:          breadwinner, wage earner

“the family’s provider”

When we speak in terms of what a man is to be when referring to himself as a provider in a relationship, marriage…here is the expectation:

• The expectation that a woman has when she hears a man say that he is a provider, is that he provides by doing the above.
• The expectation that a woman has when she hears a man say that he wants to be the provider is that he will meet the criteria in the above definition.

There are no ifs, and or buts about it… And the only exception to this, in which it’s acceptable that he’s no longer the provider only happens way down the line if something terrible and unexpected occurred, which could not have been prevented where his role in being the provider is deeply affected by a change in circumstance. He would still be praised for having once been the provider.

I will acknowledge the fact that even GOOGLE says the term provider is synonymous with the term contributor, and perhaps for this reason, many men call themselves a provider when they really are contributors. So maybe we should examine what it means to be a contributor.

con·trib·u·tor

noun

a person or thing that contributes something, in particular.

So, while others may see these terms as synonymous and closely related, I do not see where they can be interchangeable.

“I want to take care of you by providing you with the things that you need and want vs I will make an equal or lessor contribution toward the things WE need” are two very different statements to me.

And if we are using the definition above, which is what a provider is; then the first statement falls under it more appropriately. (At least to me it does)

Moving on:

If a man makes 20-25k per year, does this mean that he cannot be a “provider”? NO. It does not mean that. Why? Because:

• He can certainly be the provider if the cost of providing does not exceed this amount. If that is the lifestyle he has, and everyone can be provided for with that

and

• He can certainly be the provider if the girl that he’s providing for, does not require more than what he can do on such a salary.

Just a wild guess here: I think men confused what being a provider means with what they provide for themselves, with what they can provide for a woman. He may be the bachelor of the year in his neck of the woods because he has a car that gets him from point A to point B, an apartment that only he would be ok living in, because boys don’t care where they live or what the conditions are and a job pays enough to keep him struggling from month to month. But, since the struggle is real, this becomes his way of life. He feels that he can provide for someone else, simply because he has these things.

Perhaps to some guys, providing for someone just stops there. It just means a place to stay no matter the condition and something to eat, no matter if top ramen. And all I am saying here is that perhaps it is….But only to a certain woman. The one who does not mind a Top Ramen, mattress on the floor, lifestyle.

Perhaps a man should ask himself these questions: What can I provide for her? Will what I am able to provide, meet her standards? Will she be ok with leaving a mansion in the sky to come rock with me in the One-Bedroom apartment I have where she won’t be able to eat like she is accustomed to doing or enjoy the finer things in life like she is accustomed to having? Maybe he should consider this when he makes propositions and pursues her: Should I really take her off the market when I know I cannot afford the maintenance? Should I lie and deceive her about what I can do for her?

 

It does not stop at what he can do for a woman? Many men are providers for families which include children of all ages. Many take on women with children of her own, in which he serves as the provider.

When a man says he is the provider for his family, this can only be true when he is the provider. It’s as simple as that. You are not a provider in your relationship when you cannot provide or if what you can provide, is less than what a woman is providing for herself. At the very least; FOOD! A basic need! You might just call yourself a contributor.  It’s as simple as that. OR, once again- you need to find a woman who does not mind leaving her mansion in the sky to be “provided for” in a less than par situation. When you find her, you’ve found a unicorn, trust me. Show her to me.

Why would a woman leave her mansion in the hills for this though? And if she does, she’s the provider, not you.

When you cannot bring to the table the things that she can bring on her own, what are you really bringing? You are bringing a seat to her table, and a provider you are not! When you are taking away from her, all that she brings and you have brought nothing; how do you call yourself a provider?

If what you bring to the table causes her to be less and do less than what she can do on her own, you need to fall back! How can you call yourself a provider to a woman who pays $3000/month in bills when you can only afford to pay $600.00/month?

If your idea of providing for a woman, lives on the strength of the fact that you have provided something for her to lay on…though you’ve taken her from a California King Sized Sleigh bed that she sleeps on to the Air Mattress that you sleep on; there’s something to be said about the man you are.

My only propose in writing this is to get you away from the term provider and to in the very least understand the term so that when you present yourself to someone and you say you are a provider or have intentions on providing, you need to know what you will have you do and you need to be honest with yourself on what you can do. And then you need to accept the fact that you cannot do it when you know that you can not do it. NO one said that you are a waste, but you may be dating out of your league. No woman is obligated to deal with or accept the fact that you cannot take care of her if that is what you said you could do. It doesn’t make her a terrible woman for having standards that are higher than you can meet.

Lastly.

Should you stumble upon the castle, you will find that a Queen lives there. You will even recognize for yourself that she is a Queen. So, you should also be mindful of that when you are asking to provide for her. And though she wears many hats, she also wears a crown that will not be replaced by a baseball cap.

If I have bruised anyone’s ego in writing any of this, I do not offer apologies. I offer condolences to the old you, because hopefully that part of you can now rest in peace as you address the new you.

ONE-NIGHT-STAND

One-Night-Stand

One-night-stand stood on the other side of my door as I stood anticipating why he was standing in my room. Forget about the why I told myself, a 7ft structure statuesque, his dreads -locked me into his eyes where his arms so gently braided themselves around my shaft. He sat me on top- nail in grove, a sturdy configuration as our anatomy parts together built an unconventional yet vintage masterpiece of nostalgic value.

A perfect component to secure and lock the position. Confound into his cast, my lips compose upon his collar, slightly departed to the redolence of his pheromones displaced all if my inhibitions into a place of outer space and I exhaled.

His fingers located each melody upon my most erogenous zones playing them softly, the tune of heavy, slow breathing played on and on. My neck became weak from the balm that infiltrated my nose which lead my head to a more interesting place to lay upon his chest, the strength in my legs dwindles as they

Enervated and became bound around his waist tightly. A sewing machine motion, threading our garment…needle wove in and out of the fabric of our skin as we make a quilt of love. Up against my nightstand he stood one night. Back against the wall. My Stand is still decoratively standing six-positions and seven carats later…..Would you like breakfast he ask-

-Niedria Kenny aka Freely Speaking @NiedriaKenny

(perception vs perspective)

Waiting and having patience: Don’t act like you don’t already know this

Waiting and having patience: Don’t act like you don’t already know this

I realize that the bidding sometimes starts low when it comes to guys choosing. And because of this, they never make it to the items with substance. When they do, they don’t see the value or worth because they have just placed a bid on something that appears to be the same or flashier in which not much work is required to maintain.

Here’s the deal: We aren’t really talking about auction items here. We are talking about or the difference between two women. Material, if you will…Both cut from the cloth of a woman. One of fine silk, lace trim, articulately crafted and woven to perfection. The other, a piece of cotton that can wash on any cycle. And all I am really saying is that you’ve never seen instructions on cotton that says, Handle With Care. And while you still should, if you want it to last longer, it doesn’t require it, so HE probably wouldn’t.

Women, you need to require that men handle you with the care that you need. If the instructions are not made clear, they won’t. From the time men were boys, they had to be told to take out the trash, clean their room, put their dirty clothes in the hamper instead of sprawled out over the floor. They had to be told to take a bath/shower, put on clean underwear…. You get what I am saying? They need instruction. Once those instructions are given and made clear, they can’t act like they don’t already know this. Only hold a man accountable for what they know. Then, hold yourself accountable for what you accept.

I hear women speak about having patience in dating the guy that they want, but 5, 10, 15 years in they are still waiting and have yet to recognize that it has reached the level of what they tolerate and has it nothing to do with patience. When you begin to accept a certain behavior while telling yourself that you’re just being patient, you’re in denial. There’s nothing wrong with having patience when you are waiting on the right thing. But there is absolutely something wrong with tolerating unruly behavior while you continue to believe that one day he will give you what you want.

We convince ourselves to believe that something good could come out of this. We make ourselves believe that because he gravitates more toward the cheap knock off… to knock off, that maybe our expectations were too high to begin with; thus, our reasoning behind lowering or reducing our standards which lessens and devalues our worth in order to levy ourselves with him.

Guys are probably going to always shop bargains and the lowest price, for long as it’s available but if you know that your merchandise is good, you know that you are worth a man making a substantial gesture in an investment of respect and proper care in you. And you will not settle for less.

Here are some examples of when it’s ok to be patience with the man you are dating

I will wait on a man who is building his net worth so that he can solidify his financial future

I will wait on a man who prioritizes his life in a way, so that it will work for the team in the long run

I will wait on a man who is responsible enough to know that his children should be first on the list

I will wait on a man who is eager to learn and is implementing things that he has learned

I will wait on a man who is consistent in showing by action and word, that he’s committed for the long run

I will wait on a man who speaks marriage and follows up with behavior that demonstrates he wants marriage

I will wait on a man who is diligent in seeking ways to build an empire

I will wait on a man who respects me during the process of my waiting, whom also shows appreciation

Here’s what is not OK to wait on, with the man you are dating:

I will not wait on a man to stop cheating on me.

I will not wait on a man to decide I’m worth it.

I will not wait on a man to decide if I’m enough.

I will not wait on a man who doesn’t realize that there’s something tremendously wrong with supporting another woman in her endeavors but not me in mine.

I will not wait on a man who can’t decide if I’m worth taking home to meet his family and friends.

I will not wait on a man who puts me through rigorous tryouts daily, to compete for him. If he can’t choose, I will choose for him.

I will not wait on a man to decide if I am appealing and desirable enough to keep his attention.

I will not wait on a man to finish laying down with every woman who wants to lay down with him, until no one is left.

I will not wait on a man who does not know the difference between a knock off and authenticity

I will not wait on a man who sees me as his last resort

I will not wait on a man who sees me as an option and not a priority

I will not wait on a man that spreads himself around town and brings me his leftovers

I will not wait on a man who has a revolving door for women

I will not wait on a man who places me last on the list of things to be concerned about

I will not wait on a man who pretends not to know the preliminaries in a relationship, yet knows all of them when it comes to another woman.

I must live by the words I write. Otherwise, I would constantly have to shove down extra servings of crow’s feet. Since I chose a unique way to serve my pallet and one that includes delicacies, I’ll pass on the wooden nickels.

That’s Just My Baby Momma

I would have never understood the things that men go through, with a “baby momma” and “baby momma drama” had I not experienced it first hand, with a male baby momma. Yes, Tupac said it first: Niggas can be Bitches too.

Witnessing for myself first hand, how a man can be as bitter as the infamous baby momma, when it comes to baby momma drama; has given me new perspective on the topic. I can see clearly now, how a man could ultimately arrive at a forced decision to stay away from their child for periods of time. They realize that the other parent will stop at nothing with their games. She makes it extremely hard for the father to be in his child life, and not to mention the things she will do, to make sure that he will suffer more at her hands, if he chooses to be in the child’s life. I have seen this happen myself. The lies they tell are amazing and too much for a normal person to keep up with. It’s exhausting, so those parents reach a point where they simply wait until the child is old enough to understand what is going on.

Some parents have truly come to this decision, only as result of the consequences that they face, when dealing with the other parent. Such as: being accused for things that they did not do, being denied visitation, being denied communication with the child, being denied health and education information, regarding the child. They are excluded from knowing anything about the child and are left off emergency contact lists as well as not added, as a parent who can seek information from the school that the child attends, without the other parents consent. To add insult to injury, they are accused for not caring about the child, and not talking care of the child or having a vested interest in the overall well being of the child; when this has never been the case.

I can now see why the scenario could play out as the truth. When you are not around to hear these things being said, and not able to call that parent to the rug on their shit, you are hung out to dry in a tainted perception and manipulated opinions. The other parent can sabotage you very easily. No one knows what’s going on behind the stage or off the record. People don’t know that, the parent who is perceived to be the deadbeat, does not have access to the child. They don’t know what the proclaimed, deadbeat parent is really doing to have the connection and bond with their child. No one realizes that one parent is putting on an Oscar performance, of pulling strings, at the best ever stage performance of Puppets. They are superior at poking the bear in private, and then stepping back to show their audience, the reaction of the bear. The audience gets to see a “re-action” only, while never seeing the “action” which caused the bear to howl.

The real issue is that one parent, simply does not want to be with the other and because of that, the parent will use children as bait, collateral and leverage- almost like a ransom in a hostage situation. I know some people are saying, there’s no way, no matter what, I would not see my child. However, those same people are not in the same situation. I know that the one thing that is absolute fact is that you don’t know what you would do, unless it was you. So if it has been you, right down to the nature of the circumstance, be honest with yourself about the fact that you absolutely, positively don’t know what you would do.

From where I’m standing, it has nothing to do with their lack of loving a child or being responsible for the child. It has nothing to do with selfishness and neglect, which encompasses all the things, that I used to think about men who tell me that they haven’t seen their child a month of Sunday’s. Once upon a time, I was that girl who told men, that there was no reason at all, to be away or stay away from their child- and I didn’t want to hear anything they had to say about it.

Do I find this new perspective refreshing? No. Not at all. Disgusting? uuuum… maybe a little harsh, but it’s not an overstatement. In keeping with a self provided example, in order to speak from my own experience- I restrict myself from disclosing my full opinion; due to the “reasonable person” concluding that this song is about them or someone they know.

But I digress to say, I apologize to any man, that I spoke ill of, when it came to them being in or out of their child’s life. I am certain that if they are not, it’s because your baby momma, just like my baby momma, makes it very difficult. I realize that you have probably done everything that you can, but you are not here for the games. I truly understand what it feels like to have a “BABY MOMMA”

As seen on CafeMom.com

4 Truly Obvious Ways That She Shows You She’s Just Not That Into You: And the 3 things a woman should stop doing if she’s not interested.

4 Truly Obvious Ways That She Shows You She’s Just Not That Into You: And the 3 things a woman should stop doing if she’s not interested.

1. Does not maintain Contact: She is clearly trying to let you know that she doesn’t want to move you from the friend zone, when she doesn’t respond to your text, she has never called you on the phone, doesn’t talk to you on a regular and doesn’t invite you out- nor to her home and she ignores your advances. Her response to your mushy text is: “awww” plus a “friendship proof” emoji.

2. You never see her: She never makes you a priority. She’s constantly busy or out of town when you ask to see her or meet up or take her out for lunch/dinner etc. she always “has something to do.”

3. When you do see her, several months have passed or maybe even a year. The two of you have never come close to being intimate and she pulls away from you, when you hug her too long. Her conversation with you is on a diet, in that she only talks to you about lite issues, and never gets too heavy or goes too deep with you. She does not share your optimism in a future of being together, when “the time is right.”

4. She said it: She has told you that she doesn’t want to move forward with a relationship with you. She said that she’s too busy and has too much going on in her life, to consider a relationship- Yet you make it hard for her to be honest, so reasons 1,2&3 came to exist, because you just don’t get it. 

Men- please stop trying to move yourself out of friend zone with a woman who has made it very clear that she doesn’t want to move you. If she wants you, she will make time and she will also make that clear to you. She’s not playing hard to get, she truly doesn’t want to be got by you. It’s not really worth the chase, if she makes it tremendously hard for you, just to get a hug from her. You wouldn’t have to force it if she wanted it.

Advice: Aggressiveness seems very thirsty and it’s not attractive. Well, not to someone who is into you. So if she’s not reciprocating that, stop. If she is not embracing that, stop. If she’s not doing anything to invite that, stop. When you come on so aggressive, she puts you even further back in the friend zone, with impactful gestures to let you know- she’s not interested in being more than your friend. Your behavior comes across as uncouth.

Allow me to pause and say this, because some people are backing away from the story and shouting, “The Nerve of Her Siddity Ass!”

No, she shouldn’t be flattered: Personally, I am not someone who feels that I am not deserving of a compliment, which screams, I am so lucky that you are interested in me. I do not believe that I should accept advances, just because someone complimented me. While I humbly accept your compliment, and sincerely appreciate your comment; I don’t have to solidify my thanks, by going out with you. Nor by leading you on, in a reply that says more than Thank-You. No one gets upset at a compliment. It’s when its over-bearing with more gestures to follow up that compliment, about “getting together” “going out” doing something to build on a relationship with you, while you know that she doesn’t want that- its annoying.

So, for the women: (I’m guilty) … And I own my part.

1. Stop accepting his invites and going on outings with him: It doesn’t matter that it was just one time in the last 12 months. If he thinks you’re “The One” and you think he’s just “Another One” you absolutely should not ever go out with him on a special holiday, if you want him to remain in friend-zone. Every time you accept an invitation to go for food, coffee, dinner, drinks… he’s hopeful. Even though its just coffee to you, it’s a date for him. It’s an opportunity to him. It’s a foot in the door to him. When someone is interested in you, and you know that, he doesn’t take your minimal interest in him, into account. That’s because you’re leaving a door open for him, in his eyes. Having heard this reasoning from a male perspective – I can appreciate the reasons why this should STOP.

2. Don’t send what you think are, friendly proof mojos: Because to him it’s still a response. Some men only understand the concept of faith, the size of a mustard seed, when it applies to you responding to his “hello” text. When he’s head over heels, that’s an invitation to him. Everything you do, can be viewed as interest to him- so even though you don’t take calls and ignore text, your response at any point gives him hope when he’s still pursuing more than a friendship with you. He has made his motives clear to you. He has told you what his intentions are. He has made it just a clear to you, that he wants to be with you. So, when you accept any invitation, he assumes that there is some interest. Your actions should line up with what you say, just like his actions line up with what he has said.

3. Discontinue Contact/Contract: He does not adhere to your Friend Zone rules. Therefore, you need to terminate the contact. When nothing you have done, in obvious fashion, has clicked for him; he’s either: 1. Not picking on the clues. 2. Ignoring the clues. 3. Continuing to overstep friendship, then its time to cut him off.

Let me not forget to address the men who are reading this, who may feel that this was an attempt to crush their ego, it’s not! And I realize that the same rules can be reversed and applied to a woman. Neither is this a faux fantasy. It’s all the things that she wants to say, but cant, without hurting your feelings. Salute.

Find complete article here 4 Truly Obvious Ways That She Shows You She’s Just Not That Into You: And the 3 things a woman should stop doing if she