Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Travel

5 Ways My Life Has Changed, Since My Son Has Been Living With His Dad: The Pros And The Cons

  1. My schedule is random unless my is visiting on the weekend. When he’s home with me, I provide the stability and the structure as well as discipline that he needs, by following a schedule to keep him on track with bed time, dinner, breakfast, play time, reading etc. It was a schedule that I implemented for him long before he was living with his dad. Now that he’s gone, I sleep in, I eat out, I cook less, and I eat whenever and whatever I want. I take longer naps, make runs to the store at any time throughout the day, no matter how late. I can travel more if I’d like to and not worrying about who would take him to school and pick him up, or even the fact that he would have to miss school. I can take last minute media assignments, make last minute plans, and spare of the moment trips out of town/ in town or even out of the country. Overall, I have free time to pursue many endeavors.
  2. Anxiety: For a while, I had my anxiety under control. I did not experience anxiety on this level at all, prior to having a child. It was not until my child was taken from me, over an accusation, proven to be false; which left me in such a helpless and anxious place. It was because I could not help my child. I could not do anything to give him what he asked for, which was to stay with me. That is when I began to experience anxiety again. The decision on who he would live with, did not rest in my authority. It was not in my hands and no one asked my son where he wanted to be. The reason the anxiety heightened and escalated to the place where I am today, is because over the last 4-years, I became aware of things that were taking place, when my son was not in my care and after hearing so many things, it caused my anxieties to soar through the roof. While most of this, is a thing of the past, it was traumatic for me, and I still live with it, constantly finding ways to cope; reposing in the assurance that everything happens for a reason, and I have seen some of the advantages and blessings come out of it all.

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” ― Mother Teresa

  1. Parks will never be the same: One of my son and I favorite pastime was to go to the park. We discovered just about every park there was, in the city. We settled on two, to call own, which were closest to the house. I spent many flex-days there with him and while he would play, I caught a spot under the tree. Today, it’s hard to drive by those parks. It’s hard to sit in those parks, work out, run around or walk around those trails. It’s a real challenge to be there, if other children are there. I have been in a place, where I couldn’t watch the other kids play, without breaking down. Though I am getting better with regards to seeing other children, I have yet to overcome the anxieties of going to those parks without my Bambino. When I do have him, we still make the most of our time. I found another park to create memories at, until the time comes…
  2. Insomnia: In other words, I cannot sleep at night…. Literally. (due to the anxiety) At times, I have been up 48 hours straight. That had a lot to do with the anxieties as well. Constantly worrying about where my kid was, who he was with and if he was OK. I had been fed some things by the Amicus on our case, in which she thought to be disturbing. Naturally, it disturbed me at that point as well. For 4 years of constantly hearing more and more, I was finding that my nights were getting longer and longer. Time passed like molasses. I would lay down with every intention of sleeping, but couldn’t make it happen. Still, to this very day, I have nightmares, terrible dreams that wake me from my sleep, where I fall to the floor and pray that my child is OK. He may be doing terrific! And that’s what I hope, but until I can get over the thought of anything happening to him, I will be woke.
  1. I have more Me Time: Me time has showed to be my best friend. It’s A time to get back to me, and focus on improvement. There’s always room for improvement, right? And since I do have severe anxiety and insomnia, it gives me the opportunity to work on getting myself back to a place, where I am rested, refreshed and refined. It allows me the time I need to “talk” about why I can sleep, why I have so much anxiety, why I stopped traveling as much, why I don’t leave the house as much, why I can’t sit in the park and watch other children play, or why I cannot do anything about what has transpired, but that I can find ways to cope with it. Me Time, gives me the space and time I need to do my make up again, do my hair again, celebrate myself again, in all that I do. Me Time helps me get back to the business of this empire and to pamper myself, heart, mind, body and soul. Me Time has encouraged me to get out of the house and to get active in the world again.

Article Originally posted Here, On Working Mother

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Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Travel, Uncategorized

5 Things That Every Super Single Mom Can Appreciate!

When it comes to showing a Super Single Mom, that you care about them, there are so many ways to do it. Vacations out of the country, expensive gifts, which include jewelry, such as: Promise Rings, and the Tiffany Diamond Pendent that she has been looking at, are nice, but are sometimes not affordable at the time and other times, the timing is just all bad.

When thinking about what to give that Super Single Mom, who happens to be a co-worker, your best friend, your relative, or your business partner, the gifts may also vary. You don’t always need to break the bank, to make grand gestures. When they are heart-felt and much needed, they are also appreciated! Here are some universal, fool-proof things, that every Super Single Mom can appreciate.

FROM A MAN:

romantic tripA Romantic Day Trip: (If you’re romantically involved) In which, she may stop calling herself “Single.” As stated, a full-blown vacation may not be possible or even feasible at the time, with regards to work schedules and raising kids. They take time off and proper planning, whereas a day trip is well within reach.

Pick her head on things she would like to do and local places she would like to visit, such as: The Botanical Gardens, The Arts Museum, etc. Plan a picnic, a walk in the park, or a boat ride to follow. For the day, make her feel like she is out of town, and away from the madness, even though it is just 10-30 miles away.

handwritten

A little handwritten note: Notes are perhaps the most sentimental thing you can do for a woman. Here are some ideas. Just tell her something that she has not heard in a while. Remind her of how you feel about her. Let her know how much she means to you. Be willing to be vulnerable. “You’re beautiful” “You are appreciated” “You look great today, as usual” “You are a great mother”

breakfast in bed

Breakfast in Bed: Nothing says, “Good-Morning” like breakfast in bed. Waking up to a home-cooked breakfast, is in the mind of every super single mom. If you are dating, to the point that you are occupying spaces together, the kids are getting along, and they spend an inordinate amount of time together, as the two of you pan out blending the families, whereas things are getting serious; this will earn you major cool points.

lunch

A Surprise Lunch/Brunch or Dinner: Surprise her with a date to one of her favorite restaurants. It shows that you’re interested/still interested in dating her, in that you even remember what her favorite restaurant is. Take care of the arrangements beforehand, so that she doesn’t have to think.

Women who have been working, thinking and making all the decisions at work and at home, all day, just want someone to finally say: “I made reservations for lunch, at The Walnut Cafe. I am picking you up at 1:00 P.M.” Or, “We have dinner reservations. I will meet you at the house, and we can go from there. I have made arrangements for a sitter. The kids will have dinner ready when they get home from school.”

bath and massage

A Massage: Schedule a massage or DIY. But do it good. If massaging is your thing, why not save on the masseuse, crack those knuckles and put those palms into action. Use some lavender, peppermint oil or eucalyptus oil, after she has taken a long, hot bath. She has been running around with the kid(s) all day, and she just wants to come home and relax. You can help her achieve this, by addressing those pressure/stress points in her neck, back and shoulders.

FROM FRIENDS ETC.

spa dayA gift card to the spa: A trip to the Spa, one evening on her way from work, is the best. If it’s coming from the company, it’s all around winning situation for the employee and the employer, when the employer gives her the 2-hour early dismissal from work, so that she can make this possible. If she cannot do it during the week, she will at least have the GC, so that when she carves out enough time or when an impromptu situation arises, where she can break away to use it, she will appreciate it.

family night

A gift card for family night out: Show your friend and Super Single Mom that you have thought about the fact that she does all the picking up and dropping off the children, at school, after school practice, sporting events and gets them ready for school and prepared for bed. Allow her a free night from the kitchen and give her a GC that will take care of dinner for her and the kids for a night.

cleaning service.png

A coupon for a cleaning service: You should have thought of this one before. How many times have you heard a Super Single Mom talk about all the cleaning that she must do when she gets home? How many times have you heard her complain about having to run behind the kids and clean up mess? Take care of one of those times, by giving her the gift of a cleaning service for the day.

bottles of wine

A bottle of Wine: I realize I could just be speaking for a small group of people, as I recognize those who may not drink wine. However, for those who do, and you know who they are (as I raise my hand, really-high) they will appreciate it, more than you know. Contrary to widespread belief, mommies do like wine. Wink-Wink. Working Mothers do like wine and when they have a moment to do so, they do sip. Guilty as charged.

wash car

Wash and Detail her car: That’s right! She doesn’t have time to do this. It needs to be done. She will appreciate it. There are French-Fries every-where, that match the little hand prints all over the windows.

Well, there you have it! Find one thing from the list above, and show a Super Single Mom, that she is appreciated.

Article Originally Published on Working Mother

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Travel, Uncategorized

A Quick List Of All The Things That Makes This Mom Happy and Things I Enjoy Doing

A list of all the things that makes this mom happy and things I like to spend my time doing

Writing – Writing is my favorite pastime and it was an interest that developed in the 6th grade, while attending Shades Mountain Elementary, in Birmingham, Alabama. I had all these stories in my heart, but did not know what to do with them. They developed from my imagination and ability to turn a house into a mansion or to see the forest spite the trees. I was confused … but I learned that it was simply the mind of a story -teller… and aspiring Author. A novelist. I used to be afraid to keep a journal, however. But when I got used to listening to what my heart had to say, I became more comfortable with writing it down in story form or poetic expressions and essays.

Blogging – Blogging was an interest that stemmed from writing of course. After I’d written a few short stories, ventured through books and poems, as well as harnesses a love for literature, I put it into a book. Then I began writing for a newspaper and supplied content for newsletters and select online publications here and there. After-which, I decided to camp out in the arena of blog life in 2009. It was another way to “report” and combine that with “expression” keeping everything authentic and very close to my style. I could write more freely in a blog, versus a Newspaper, because papers had word limits, and a lot of times you are given a topic and restricted to only articles about that topic.

Researching – Researching kind of goes hand in hand with writing and blogging, in my book. But for me, research did not begin after I began writing and blogging. I had an ardent desire to research things. I loved to get lost in a philosophy or a method, and I wanted to understand theories and thought processes. I had a keen sense to understand the mind over matter concepts and science related to the human brain and psyche. So, when writing and blogging came along, research was already there. I did not mind having to research a topic or having to read more literature on subjects that were interesting to me, to provide the most accurate information about whatever I wrote.

Traveling– Traveling is said to be the sure tell sign of a writer. Writers travel between characters and stories on a daily, allowing them to live in multiple worlds and in many situations. Aside from the mental sense and ability to tap into the psyche of a character they are writing about, writers are usually recluse or travelers, also known as wonderers. We have thoroughly covered the wonders of the world and have traveled to the four corners. If we have yet to do so in our careers thus far, you best believe that it’s on the bucket list. Traveling is something I crave. When I am in one place too long, I feel homesick, because being on the road is where I am most at peace with channeling my thoughts.

Drinking Wine– I am starting to see some stars aligning here, or is it the wine… LOL. J/K… Wine! Being just one more thing that seems to blend with writing and blogging. A glass of wine has been known to get the engine going for me in the writing game. When I am chasing a thought, or can’t quite put my finger on it to tie it down, wine is the triple hitter that drives it on in. In blogging, well…. Haven’t you heard of “blogging events” where wine is consumed? Lol Wine tastings, food and wine festivals, wineries and oh, don’t forget Sip-n-Draw; which is the wonderfully made art studio that allows you to drink while you draw their subject, and then blog about the experience.

Dancing – This must be my destiny! The Wine told me that I could do it. In fact, I have a flask that says, “You can dance”, Sincerely Wine. Oh, wait! I think it says, Sincerely, Vodka. Anyway, all the same. Dancing is something that happy people do. Enough said. When I am in a good mood or a bad mood, music is something that can get me up out of my bed, off the couch, out of a funk and into a dance. Occasionally it will get me out of the house too but into a lot more. So, long as we are not mixing the wine with the dancing, were good. But I won’t deny it…it has happened.

Going to a hole in the wall, private, exclusive after-hours spots with my favorite people –I am not always a recluse. Remember, I said I do love to travel, and even though a lot of that travel is through stories and characters, I do love to get out every once, in a while to enjoy a glass of wine away from the house, with a very tight few. More like one or two. Ok, just one… but then me meet other people while we are out and have a wonderful time. We don’t go out with the intent of finding new friends or having a pow wow, that’s why it’s a hole in the wall, exclusive and very private spot that we end up at. Something quaint and off the beaten path is just enough to call it a great night.

When I am doing none of the above, I am more than likely doing my most favorite thing of all, and that is hanging out with my little Prince Cornelius. The world is endless in his eyes and so are my experiences with him. He is a little prankster and a jokester, with a phenomenal sense of humor, who keeps me laughing. He has some days when he challenges me, so no its not all peaches and cream, but I would not trade it for anything else. Even when it means sleepless nights and early morning cartoons…Which tells me that he is still Numeral Uno on my list of favorite things, and things that make me happy, which are sure to put a smile on my face. This little one has taught me how to practice what I preach when I say, Love Unconditional. My Love

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships

What Makes This Mother’s Day As Special As It Was The Last Six Years

What Makes This Mother’s Day As Special As It Was The Last Six Years

Throwback Thursday, I am in my closet, rummaging through some things and I found a Mother’s Day card that my son made for me last year. I had it hung up on our bedroom wall, until a few weeks ago when I decided to move out of our home. I came to it, while searching through a bag for something else, altogether. I stopped to reflect on the hand print that was within one of the cards, that he documented with finger paint. There was another one where he wrote, “I LOVE YOU” But, Love was in sign-language. On the inside, a special note: Happy Mother’s Day.

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I paused, yielding to a few tears of joy… lending my heart to some more than welcomed memories and thoughts that flickered through my mind, followed by revelations, of how I blessed I am to have someone call me MOM. It is such a wonderfully incredible and indescribable feeling all at once. What an Awe-Amazing place to be at 4 months before I turn 40! I am Mother. I am still Mother. And why in the world am I crying right now? LOL…. Those emotions are something that comes with being a mom. In fact, my best friend witnessed me cry once and I was 34 years old then… He starred at me, without saying a word. Then he finally said, I am trying to figure out what to say, because I have never seen you cry. LOL…. Anyway, in this most precious and beautiful moment of seeing these cards, feelings of joy rush in.

IMG_5167

So, when people ask the question, what do I want for Mother’s Day, I am still stuck in such a place, where my answer is, I already got it. My child. What do you give a woman who has everything she wants and everything she needs, loves and desires, whereas the answer is simply, love, love, love and love? I get it, and I understand that the entire world does not revolve around the happiness and joy that my son brings to me and that some people might argue that it could be unhealthy …. Please understand that I am truly just speaking about the overflowing love I have for my son and the gratefulness that I show to my creator for making it possible. I realize that a woman can find love and joy in many other things…but hey, for the record… I got that covered too – and everything is all good. But I am talking about the bean-misters right now. I don’t praise him, I just love him.

The last 3.5 years have been extremely bumpy…where my child was concerned, as his father and I, were in and out of court of some of the pettiest things you could ever think a pompous narcissistic and controlling father could do to the mother of his child. A 4-year cycle of erroneous motion after erroneous motion, which his father filed, almost made me throw in the towel.  However, when I look back on the fight that I put up, to save my son, I have no regrets. When I look back and see that I truly still came out on top- I am even more thankful that I could have had that kind of love in my heart to go as far as I did for my child. To look at him, is to see a reflection of me… and to know that it was all in the name of love, love, love love, and so, it was all worth it. Love is a language that stretches across barriers, breaking levies, steering through mountains, trudging through treacherous paths and untrodden territory; by which is only understood by people who have experienced motherhood… and people who have experiences true love, and for those who know what unconditional love is.

I was made for this. It only strengthened me and encouraged me, to be strong and to be here for my son. The struggle…It helped me survive. The sleepless nights…they are still here, and from what I hear, they will always be here, so long as I am a loving mother. With that, I rest in knowing that it’s only because I care so much and because I love him so much, that I want to make sure that he is ok, wherever he is and with every breath he takes.

I am happy today. I am happy knowing that I survived some of the worst times of my life. I survived some of the most devastating and heart breaking news, but I am still a Mother and I still have my child and that is the best Mother’s Day gift I could possibly ask for. When someone loves my child, and someone cares for my child and shows a vested interest in his well-being, that is the best gift I could receive as a mother. When someone ask, how my child is doing, and they call him by name or have been around long enough to know the nicknames I have given him (Prince Cornelius, Bambino, Bam-Bam) it makes me feel good all over again. When my friends ask, how’s Lil’ C doing, how’s Big C doing… my heart melts.

It is a pleasure and an honor to have been commissioned with the task of being a Mother. It is a Pleasure and an honor to have been assigned to this little boy. I could not imagine life without him. Even when I think about how much easier it would be, I reflect on the wonderful times we have shared over the years…I think of all the times that he has made me laugh, all the times he made me think outside the box, overcome some of my own fears as well as the times that he made me realize how much he needed me to survive….and nothing, not even peace, could replace that. I live for the chaos that the four- foot tornado brings. And though I cry a lot behind some of the things he does, this is my first stab at this parenting thing, so I can only imagine what he’s going through, taking his first stab at this co-parenting thing…So I have loosened the reigns a little. But what he doesn’t know is, my grip isn’t on the reign anyway. It’s on GOD, and GOD’s promises, to protect him, guide him and keep him safe. I am so fortunate. I am so thankful. And I am so blessed, to be celebrating my 7th Mother’s Day, as the mother to Deon Cornelius Kenny, AKA, Prince Cornelius …. Bam-Bam …My Bambino!

Lifestyle, Parenting, Travel

Momma’s Getting A Brand New Bag For Mother’s Day, and A Chipolo, To Help Her Keep Up With It

Chipolo

Chipolo

Chipolo Mother’s Day Collection

Bluetooth Tracker that mom will love. Available until May 16, 2016.

Someone had my mom and I in mind, when they thought of this “Find your stuff for DUMMIES” Chipolo. O.K., maybe too strong of a word to use, but I am sure you would agree that when you have misplaced your keys in the past, or you simply don’t know if someone moved it, you have called yourself a big dummy when you found it several minutes or even hours later. “Dang, I looked there! It wasn’t there” UmmHummm, sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

If only I had this two months ago, as I packed away items to give to the Salvation Army, in preparation of moving out and relocating. I lost my keys in the process. I thought for sure that I packed them in the SA bag, by mistake. I spent 5 days in the house, without access to everything I needed, while waiting on a new set which was sent overnight- however, did not arrive until 5 days later. Once I got the new set, I found my keys in a suitcase that had been sitting next to the bed the entire time.

Hey, it happens to the best of us! Especially Moms. Mommy Brain is something very real. I have totally experienced it in the last 6 years. Sometimes you simply can’t remember all the stuff that you forgot, because you are sharing your brain with toddlers, preschoolers, kinder-gardeners, or even your husband (don’t tell him dad said that). And in the case of keys and cell phone, the idea of it getting up to walk away by itself is not possible, so you are stuck with your memory lapse until it comes back to you.

Chipolo

MOM BRAIN

When “Mom Brain” has you stuck

How about we reduce that time, by using something that will help us reunite with our lost or misplaced and beloved items, that are usually right under our nose, most of the time. Chipolo offers a unique solution that fuses with the time we live in. A Bluetooth and Wi-Fi world. Now you can be tech-savvy, up to date and fashionably discreet, with this small accessory. Chipolo Plus is the world’s loudest Bluetooth tracker that helps you find them in seconds. Chipolo doubles as a remote shutter for your phone’s camera – so moms can capture their family’s best moments without needing a selfie stick.

So, when was the last time that you sat your Key chain down, which has every key from your house, your car, your safety deposit box or even your storage and file cabinet key attached by a ring? When you lost it the first time, did you really think that it wouldn’t happen again? Of course, you did.

It’s a part of my mother’s weekly routine to misplace her cell phone within the confines of her bedroom. She can also open her car and start it without putting a key into the ignition, so long as the keys are within range. The only problem with this convenience is, it forces her to sit them anywhere near the car, but when it’s time to get out and lock it- she can’t find the keys. We’ve found them under the seat before, in the glove compartment and even in the trunk on one occasion. But in all instances, it was after several minutes of wasted time.

Chipolo

Finding Keys Made Simple

Find your keys and phone much faster

This is how it works: When you’re looking for your lost item that Chipolo is attached to, it will make noise when you signal within the app on your phone that it’s lost and will ring until you find it or mark it as lost.

Attach a Chipolo to your keys, wallet, luggage, or anything else that’s important to you. When your Chipolo tracking, device is up to 200-feet from you, you can enable the device to play a 100db melody until you find it.

If your misplaced items are out of Bluetooth range, you can check the Last Known Location feature on the app for a map that shows you where it was last seen.

If you mark your Chipolo as lost and are out of the 200-foot range, Chipolo Community enables every phone with the app to help you search for the lost item. Select Notify When Found in the app and you will get an alert when your lost item is found. As soon as someone in the community comes within range of your item, you will receive an email with its new location.

If you’ve misplaced your phone, double press your Chipolo to make your phone ring, even if it’s on silent.

Flowers and candy are nice, but not after they both get old and stale. A gift that never gets old, is one that will always be appreciated.

Timeless gifts are what’s in! Therefore, Chipolo has earned its spot on my MOM – APPROVED, Mother’s Day Gift-Guide for 2017. My mother will thoroughly enjoy the fact that she can rest well, knowing that she has a personal assistant, Mother’s Day Edition Chipolo; which will aid her in locating her things, such as, cell phone, laptop, and other necessities… when she misplaces or loses them in the house, garage, backyard, office, or car again. This special edition item is available until May 16, 2017

Benefits that your mom will love: Water resistant Up to IP5 standards. 12 months battery life. Works on Android and Apple Devices. Easy to use App. You can use up to 9 Chipolos on one device.

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships

7 things to make you aware of on National Singles Awareness Day 2017

Every now and then the statement: “That’s why you’re Single” rears it’s ugly head, in the life of a Single Woman and Single Mother. In those times, she takes a step back to analyze and determine if there is a need to address the statement or to ignore it.

“That’s why you’re Single” is usually thrown at a woman, who by relationship status, is single; and it is a comment often intended to be an insult. Personally, when I feel that I am being attacked on the basis of being single, I feel the need to educate the person who make such a statement.

Today, I became aware of the humorous, National Singles Awareness Day, which provides single people an alternative to Valentine’s Day festivities; observed on February 15th and declares to the world, that there’s nothing wrong with being single! I thought it would be a great time to address, rather than to ignore the statement, “That’s why you’re Single”, as it was recently thrown at me (again.)

The first time someone said this to me, it was a man who was clearly upset about me rejecting him. It was the last of his message that made it’s way through, but after a thread of other ones, which defiled my character, to the tunes of being a divorcee and a single mom. None of which were ever validated in his rant, about why I chose not to be involved with him: A man over 40 who’s never been married and do not have kids of his own.

Most recently, “That’s why she’s single” came in the form of a comment in response to my own rant, which had to do with the things I felt were not considerate of a woman to do, with another woman’s child. And so, I decided it was that time again, to delight in spreading some awareness about the subject as well as to enlighten the women and men who throw the “That’s why you’re Single” statement around carelessly. I wrapped it all up in a few statements of my own below:

  1. Single is not a disease, illness or a crippling and disabled condition: It’s a relationship status, just like married or divorced, which can be changed at anytime the woman decided she wants to be with someone. Notice I didn’t say, “when she decided that she no longer wants to be single” Because Single is not a condition. If you decide you don’t want to be single, you can start dating anyone. But when you’re ready to be in a relationship and you’ve found someone you want to be in a relationship with, that’s what you do. Does he make you want to change your relationship status? Are you ready to change your status? Embrace being single until then: You shouldn’t walk around saying that you do not want to be single, because you’d end up with anything, just to not be single.
  1. You don’t have to be married or in a relationship to be complete: Maybe that’s where women go all wrong in the first place. You look for someone to compete you, and when they leave, you fall apart. Or you hold on to something, because you believe that you couldn’t survive without it. You don’t realize that you should come to the table complete, but in the market for an enhancement: Someone who adds value, not someone who makes you valuable. If I marked the price up on a car, I can also mark it down. But luxury comes in a class that cannot be tampered with. Features only enhance it.
  1. You race to find a mate: You treat dating and marriage as if it’s a first and second place competition in life’- where if you don’t have a relationship, you loose. Consequently, you end up with someone you don’t want. Which is probably why the divorce rate is as high, if not higher than the marriage rate? Yes, loving someone and being loved back is a beautiful thing, but it is not the only ingredient to living, which means you are not going to die, just because you are single. The world don’t move to the beat of just one drum, what might be right for you, may not be right for some… It takes different strokes to move the world (and yes, I did just quote the Different Strokes theme song)
  1. Being single is not a real insult and you shouldn’t view it as one: Whether you are the single person, or the idiot ridiculing someone for being single. The fact that you think saying “That’s why you’re single” is an insult, tells me that I should assume that you’re an unhappily married woman, since you felt the need to run and get married, just so that you wouldn’t have to be “single”
  1. Some people are waiting. They are single by choice, not by handicap. What’s wrong with waiting? Stop rushing and don’t be pressured. That same premise was the reason I got married the first time- and we all se the train-wreck that came from it. WAIT! Don’t do it, read some literature on the subject! (Yes, I did just quote the International Players Anthem)
  1. Single doesn’t translate to “can’t find someone.” Perhaps they are not “looking” for someone. Perhaps they have devoted their time, money and energy into other things that they find edifying to them, and the choice to be single came along with that. Being single doesn’t mean lonely, just like being married doesn’t mean happy.
  1. Single doesn’t mean promiscuous: Stop equating single status with a woman who must be sleeping around since she does not have a man. This is just not true. If she’s interested in dating and settling down, help her do that with someone she will be happy with- not just someone to “remedy her of this disease of being single.”

To the women who continue to say, “That’s why you’re single” and mean it in such a negative way, let me say this: No, …for the reasons you feel that some women are single, you are wrong. But since you brought it up:

Maybe you should thank those women who are single, as a lot of them are the reasons that your husband returns home! That is because the woman that you are holding to such a negative light, is the woman that is telling your husband how to go home to you and ignite the fire. She’s telling him that he should remember all the good reasons he married you and to try making it work! She’s the one who’s ignoring his advances to take her on trips that you don’t even get to go on. She’s on the receiving end of flowers, cards, candy and jewelry, that she sent back to him. She’s the one ignoring the offers for vacation and spoils that he told you that he doesn’t have the money for. She’s the one who being offered to spend Valentine’s Day with him, while he tells you that he has to work late. All of which, that single woman turned down.

I am single because I am raising a child, a boy at that, who needs my undivided attention and I am just fine with that. That could be the next woman’s reason as well. (whatever her focal point is in her life right now)

Stop side-eyeing the single woman. They are no more of a threat to your marriage and life, than a married woman is. We know that because of the number of swingers and open marriages and infidelity that exist within marriages. This is not a single woman’s baggage. It’s yours! Deal with it and stop belittling a woman because she has made a choice to be single.

Now you can come up with all the flack you’d like to, about how the above does not matter and how the man doesn’t really want her, she’s just a good time, he’s still going home to you at the end of the night. But damn, does that make you feel better? Does that make it better? Is that your life? Are you really ok with a man who does any of the above, as long as he’s returning home to you at the end of the night? Well, maybe that’s why you’re married and not the single girl. Be careful with your ego. A single woman could ask you the same question: Why are you married? As you say to them “That’s why you’re single” they could reply, “That’s why you’re married.”

Lean in close for this one: Between you and I, you never really know if someone is single or not. You see, some women have figured out how to make their relationship last, and that comes with keeping those intimate details out of the public light….IJS…

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Lifestyle, Uncategorized

Part 1/3 of 9 ICONIC WCW’s that I am crushing over this month

Part 1/3 of 9 ICONIC WCW’s that I am crushing over this month

February is Black History Month

  1. Michelle Obama

Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama (born January 17, 1964) is an American lawyer, writer, and former First Lady of the United States. She is married to the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, and was the first African-American First Lady. Raised on the South Side of Chicago, Illinois, Obama is a graduate of Princeton University and Harvard Law School, and spent her early legal career working at the law firm Sidley Austin, where she met her husband. She subsequently worked as the Associate Dean of Student Services at the University of Chicago and the Vice President for Community and External Affairs of the University of Chicago Medical Center. Barack and Michelle married in 1992 and have two daughters.

Obama campaigned for her husband’s presidential bid throughout 2007 and 2008, delivering a keynote address at the 2008 Democratic National Convention. She returned to speak at the 2012 Democratic National Convention, and again during the 2016 Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, where she delivered a speech in support of the Democratic Presidential nominee, and fellow First Lady, Hillary Clinton.

As First Lady, Obama became a fashion icon, a role model for women, and an advocate for poverty awareness, nutrition, physical activity, and healthy eating (Wikipedia)

  1. bell hooks

Gloria Jean Watkins (born September 25, 1952), better known by her pen name bell hooks, is an American author, feminist, and social activist.

She adopted her grandmother’s name as a pen name because her grandmother “was known for her snappy and bold tongue, which [she] greatly admired”. She put the name in lowercase letters “to distinguish [herself from] her great-grandmother.”

The focus of hooks’s writing has been the intersectionality of race, capitalism, and gender, and what she describes as their ability to produce and perpetuate systems of oppression and class domination.

She taught at several post secondary institutions in the early 1980s. South End Press published her first major work, Ain’t I a Woman?: Black Women and Feminism in 1981, though it was written years earlier, while she was an undergraduate student. In the decades since its publication, Ain’t I a Woman? has gained widespread recognition as an influential contribution to feminist thought.

Ain’t I a Woman? examines several recurring themes in her later work: the historical impact of sexism and racism on black women, devaluation of black womanhood, media roles and portrayal, the education system, the idea of a white-supremacist-capitalist-patriarchy, the marginalization of black women, and the disregard for issues of race and class within feminism.

Since the publication of Ain’t I a Woman?, she has become eminent as a leftist and postmodern political thinker and cultural critic. She targets and appeals to a broad audience by presenting her work in a variety of media using various writing and speaking styles. As well as having written books, she has published in numerous scholarly and mainstream magazines, lectures at widely accessible venues, and appears in various documentaries

She is frequently cited by feminists as having provided the best solution to the difficulty of defining something as diverse as “feminism”, addressing the problem that if feminism can mean everything, it means nothing. She asserts an answer to the question “what is feminism?” that she says is “rooted in neither fear nor fantasy… ‘Feminism is a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation and oppression'”. (Wikipedia) “If any female feels she need anything beyond herself to legitimate and validate her existence, she is already giving away her power to be self-defining, her agency.”

― bell hooks, Feminism is for Everybody: Passionate Politics

  1. Alicia Keys

Alicia Augello Cook (born January 25, 1981), known by her stage name Alicia Keys, is an American singer, songwriter, pianist and actress. Keys released her debut album with J Records, having had previous record deals first with Columbia and then Arista Records. Keys’ debut album, Songs in A Minor was released in 2001, producing her first Billboard Hot 100 number-one single “Fallin'”, and selling over 12 million copies worldwide. The album earned Keys five Grammy Awards in 2002. Her sophomore album, The Diary of Alicia Keys, was released in 2003, spawning successful singles “You Don’t Know My Name”, “If I Ain’t Got You” and “Diary”, and selling eight million copies worldwide. The duet song “My Boo” with Usher, scored her a second number-one single in 2004. The album garnered her an additional four Grammy Awards in 2005. Later that year, she released her first live album, Unplugged, becoming the first woman to have an MTV Unplugged album debut at number one

 Throughout her career, Keys has won numerous awards such as 15 Grammy Awards, and has sold over 35 million albums and 30 million singles worldwide. Billboard magazine named her the top R&B songs artist of the 2000s decade. In 2010, VH1 included Keys on its list of the 100 Greatest Artists of All Time. Billboard magazine placed her number ten on their list of Top 50 R&B/Hip-Hop Artists of the Past 25 Years. In 2012, Keys was ranked 14th on VH1’s 100 Greatest Women in Music list. Keys was ranked at number thirty-three on VH1’s “50 Greatest Women of the Video Era” list, and number 10 on their “100 Sexiest Artists” list. (Wikipedia)

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