Lifestyle, Relationships

The Harsh Reality is, Sometimes You Just Have To Move On. Leaving Behind, The Things That Are Meant To Be Left Behind

To the woman/man who cannot move on from an unhealthy relationship:

Alarm Clock, Coffee Cup, Time Of, Arouse

How long will it take, for you to finally walk away from that emotionally abusive relationship and stop telling yourself that you’re staying for the kids? How long will it take before you scream NO more to the physical abuse and the mental abuse that you claim in the name of generational curses?

How long, before you: Walk Away. Close the door. Stop Chasing. Leave him/her alone. They have shown and proved time and time again that you are not important, they do not love you, he does not want you. She is not interested in a future with you. Stop waiting for signs. There are no more signs. You have received every single sign, that is known to man.

You have exceeded your limit in signs, in that she does not call, he disappears for days, he does not apologize, he continues to hurt you, she continues to dissapoint you, he is unwilling to communicate about anything serious, she does not let you in, he always closes you out. You are a settlement for him. Anytime something that he perceives as better than you, comes along, he will always leave you.

Stop taking him back. Sometimes when the signs stop revealing themselves, it’s because you are beyond the point of a sign. You are headed for the crash. Have you ever seen a sign on a at the bottom of an embankment, after you have fallen off? NO. That’s why you don’t see any signs anymore…. But you know this! Yet, you keep saying, “OK, one more sign then I am done.” Does this sound familiar?

To the Man who won’t let go of an ex-wife:

Divorce, Separation, Marriage Breakup, Split, Argument

How long do you think you can mask the fact that you’re truly unhappy, long as you are still engaging in things that will ultimately affect everything you love and live for? Do you not see how that it has a stronghold over your life?

You have found yourself incapable of living a genuinely happy and healthy life, even though you have all the ingredients; because you can’t let go of the woman who walked out of your life. You can’t let her live her life, without interruption and interference from you- because you can’t stand the sight of her being happy with anyone else or doing anything else that brings happiness to her life.

Yet, you have a woman…you’re in a relationship, you have a phenomenal job, things are going great for you, so the world thinks. And so, you have convinced yourself, that this façade will work for you. When the truth is, behind closed doors, and when your family, friends and girlfriend isn’t looking, you are involved in shenanigans, geared toward bringing pain and suffering to someone else, all because they hurt you several years ago. You are still caught up in the ultimate revenge plot to ruin her life. Stop!

Let her go. Release her. Move on. Give her your blessings. Live your life. Let her be happy. Welcome the new woman and love her to life, giving her everything she deserves, for wanting to love you. Stop self-sabotaging. Stop standing in the way of what your future could have for you. If you continue on holding to a past, by “getting back” at someone, your new relationship will eventually fall apart. She will not stand for it, when she finds out what’s really going on behind her back. If you truly have no concern about the things that your ex is doing, you wouldn’t continue in madness. Show it, by getting off her social media and stop stalking her. Stop looking for ways to ruin her life/career/relationships. Leave her alone, once and for all.

To the woman who won’t let go of her first, who may be the father of her child:

Model, Crying, Woman, Skin, Bra, Lying, Young, Female

How long do you think you can mask your anger toward someone who “left you with a child” after he got the “goodies” long as it’s the same script you keep repeating with him and people that you meet? If that’s your story, fine. But you can always change the end, and in knowing that, you can begin to move away from the part about “what happened.” What you need to realize is, it happened …and now what?

You will never find love, in empty places, or cluttered spaces. You must fill your heart with love, and clean your space of the past and all that has kept you between a rock and a hard place with regards to setting yourself free, from your past. Give yourself back to yourself, and stop allowing the experience from the first relationship or the fact that you have kids together, to keep you in a place of resentment. Stop giving him energy. Get back to being you, the person you were, couple with the blessing that life has given you in the process.

If he has chosen not to be a father to his child, then you just be the best mother that you can be,because your child will appreciate it. Your child needs you to be strong and healthy. You cannot do that, if you’re always trying to teach a man to be a man. You cannot do it, by crying over the choices that someone else has made. You cannot do it by staying in a situation that will hold you down and keep you down. Wish him well, and all the successes that he could ever imagine in life, and just move on.

Let him go. Release him. Move on. Live your life. Pray for him. Don’t’ worry about what he is doing versus what he should be doing. Don’t allow him to steal anymore of your time, by chasing him down and threatening him and the life he lives… it will not bring him back. You have someone who is trying to love you and you need to let them, if you want love. There is life after children. There is life after a troubled relationship, long as you want that life and you are willing to make the steps in the right direction, which start at claiming your happiness.

To people everywhere …

Woman, Girl, Freedom, Happy, Sun, Silhouette, Sunrise

Quit selling yourself short. Where the eff, is your “eff it” switch? When do you finally cut those things off, that are holding you back from a life of fulfilment, with yourself or with someone who wants to relish in the luxurious state of happiness with you?

Article Originally Published Here, at CAFEMOM

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Regrets, And How To Avoid Them

I could end this post right here and say the best way to avoid mistakes are to pay attention to the warning signs,just like you are supposed to do when you are driving. Would you take your car into a danger zone? Would you drive at excess speeds around a corner that’s called “Dead Man’s Curve?” Would you not use traction control on a slippery highway? Would you proceed through a busy intersection on a major highway, while the light is red? Intentionally? Probably not. If you pay attention, these are the same warnings or yield signs you get in life, as it pertains to your career, a job, a relationship, a social position, etc.

There’s an exception. Those things which are un-avoidable, because they truly did fall out of the sky with no visible warning signs, which make being completely caught off guard, a reality.

Even those things that fall out of the sky, they could have been preceded with the faintest signal that was overlooked or looked over and passed off as “not important.” Sometimes we think our car can handle the curve. Sometimes we think the slippery road is no match for our brand-new BF Goodrich Tires. Sometimes, we see signs that say, reduce speed ahead and because we are skilled drivers or even familiar with the road we are traveling; we don’t expect anything out of the norm. As history would have it, we’ve survived that turn before, and we are just a little cocky about taking it when the time comes again.

It may be true, that we have the experience with driving, familiarity with taking that turn and even confidence that all will go as planned. At the same time, we forget that the sign is there for a reason, and that is as a precaution, to us about what is ahead, or what we should not do; like the “No Diving” sign at the local pool. Sure, you can dive, but it’s not recommended. But what do we do? We dive in. “No Running Allowed” in the pool area. But what do we do? We run. We also run back to relationships. We dive back into commitments. We grip our wheels more tightly and take on the road, even when we know that danger is head. We ignore the “No Trespassing” sign. We speed through the yellow Yield sign, with accelerated speeds so that we can miss the red light and before we know it, BOOM! The warning meets you in the crash.

How about the signs that say dead end, or one way, or no outlet, or no passing, or wrong way, or STOP! Why do we proceed? Because the curiosity in a lot of cases. Curiosity has a way of making us do some strange, forbidden and dangerous things. But then we have regrets. Not that we shouldn’t, but why? When there were ample and adequate signs that could have helped us avoid the burden of regrets. This is when I say that we are all human. And just like Adam, and the Eve, the garden, the Apple and the Serpent; our nature rooted in curiosity, leads us to places that we discover “free will” cannot redeem us from, until nature completes her course.

There are a couple of things I have done, in which I have been able to look back on and say, “Dang! I saw that coming.” However, there’s no way to undo it, so I keep it moving. I wouldn’t suggest living in regrets. We are already forced to live with the consequence and arguably, the feeling of regret may be due to the day to day consequence that reminds us of the mistake, but I do know it’s a lot healthier to find ways to cope and move on, since we cannot change the past. Nonetheless, we can change the future. We can change how we process the next warning sign, before we approach the next cliff. We can slow down. We can heed warning signings altogether.

But we can still find rest in: (Corinth 10:12) …11 Now these things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come. 12 So the one who thinks he is standing firm should be careful not to fall. 13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide an escape, so that you can stand up under it.…

Lifestyle, Parenting, Relationships, Travel

The Silver Lining is more like platinum than you know

Seeing the silver lining in a dark cloud, can also be viewed as, an Oasis in the middle of the desert. It’s a matter of perception of course, depending on how you file the inevitable things that happen in life. Do you look at the glass half empty or half full, when it comes down to optimism and pessimism? Do you usually see the impossible in all things, or the possible in all things?

Just a few days ago, I was faced with perhaps the most difficult decision I’ve ever faced, and arguably the most difficult decision that I will ever face in life; in which I had to process the outcome of that decision, on my own. I had to take a route that I personally needed to take, in order to reach a resolve in the feelings that I had, about having an opportunity to wash my hands of what I thought to be a threatening compromise, with regards to how I would continue to live my life. The agony that hung over my head, was there for many years, but the chord was finally cut; when I made the decision for it to play out, the way I needed it to play out.

The decision came with consequences that I see as opportunities instead of hindrances. I say that I processed it on my own because no one but I, made that decision. And no one but I, will have to live with that decision. But I’m positively assured, that anyone else who has to face even the most compact residual of that decision, will find understanding, through time to process, and accept that it was a matter of the limited choices that were made available, by which the decision was made. I had to make my decision, in order to allow everyone else to make the final decision. With that, I move higher.

It will remain my focus to continue to see the oasis, and to consistently operate from the standpoint of what is considered truly the most important thing in my life. I have adopted a mantra that helps me keep it moving: When in an emergency situation, take your Crisis to Christ. Leave it there and move out of the way, so that GOD can handle it. Gather yourself and continue on the journey, knowing that he will never give you more than you can handle. Because I know this, I PRESS ON THROUGH.

I’ve been able to find the silver lining, and revive myself through a spiritually hydrating oasis. I have found the approach that helps me see the glass as half full, more so than half empty. I have been able to carve out and craft the direction of my life from here on out, where I will not be void of the things I need or desire in life. In trusting that process, we have to trust all that comes with it. We have to, I have to…trust that when the road is rocky, and the hills are steep, the conditioning that our bodies endure, prepares us for the rest of the journey. If we want to get to that oasis, we have to keep going. Once we reach that oasis, we must keep moving. Life only stops for death, so as long as you are living, you keep it moving, unless you hear the voice that says, “Be Still and know that I am GOD”

Rest in your stillness. If we want rest for our feet, we have to seek and discern the viable options for rest along the way. Resting is good. Resting should never be looked as a stopping point, where you are not gaining or satisfying progress. Rest is required.

As seen on CafeMoms.com