Here’s why people share what they share on social media: a message to those who keep asking

I promise to make this short and sweet because I certainly don’t want to spend a whole heap of time talking about it. It was too long for a tweet and too short for a blog, so I had to make it an article. You still here? Good! Let me first point out that at the start of the year, I wrote an article titled: “Take what you need and leave the rest for someone else” (Read it here) That’s kind of a running theme with everything I write because everything I write is not for everyone. At any point that you become aware that this is not for you, leave…. Because it is possible that someone can write for an audience which may not include you.

…. Here’s why people share what they share on social media: a message to those who keep asking.

I am not just speaking for myself as I write this message. I am a voice for the many people whom have taken to social media to vent, release and express themselves for one reason or another. So, I also represent the people who come across post or comments on their own post, which suggest we shouldn’t share certain things on social media. This is where I really need you to listen and learn. Some people have found social media to be the most effective way to make their point when it pertains to matters being resolved. This is because the subject of those comments will “hear about” the comment. And that’s the unfortunate, fortunate. The fact that people run and tell everything they see and hear, works for the writer in these instances. Because of this, the message gets delivered and results are prompt.

We have those lurkers, stalkers, ghost followers and alike, to thank for it. Those who are on your social media for all intent purpose of “reporting back,” we love you. This is just us taking advantage of social medias’ highest and best use. We have found that sharing a message through social media, has the potential to travel faster than a speeding bullet, so why not fire off?

But here’s why we would want that:

Whomever we are calling out sometimes realize that they are being called out on social media, so they are quick to resolve a problem. So, if it strikes you as repulsive it’s not for you, but please understand it is for someone else. A large group of social media users, have come to understand that there is nothing we can do about stalkers and their minions or the issues that ignite through custody battles and divorce, but when we are dealing with people who would rather do what’s right than to have social media know that they are doing wrong; it’s better to just put it out there. We use our tools and resources, such as social media to send a message which in some cases inspire others to also stand up for themselves. I know from experience that it works. A larger scale example is how effectively and efficiently problems have been addresses and resolved when companies receive complaints on Twitter. Those companies/organizations waste no time in getting matters resolved because they understand how powerful an online complaint is and how quickly twitter can circulate a bad complaint.

But back to the more personal matters:

Isn’t it funny how those same people tell you not to share or that you shouldn’t share, or they slight and side eye you for sharing- then the moment someone pisses them off, they run to social media too? But they add disclaimers such as, “Usually I don’t share stuff like this, but”

Newsflash debutante, adding a disclaimer about what you usually wouldn’t do doesn’t make you any better and it is not exemplary of controlling yourself as you’ve suggested other people do. You don’t get to do the same thing that you complain about other people doing or advise against and then add a Disclaimer and then magically it’s ok for you.

For All those “I usually don’t do this” people … Guess what? We, “usually” wouldn’t either.

In your sharing it, you’ve proven that you are not immune to sharing things on social media in the moments you personally thought it was necessary. We all have our reasons for sharing what we share in the way we shared it and you beloved, are no exception for whatever reason you thought social media was an effective avenue when you shared it is likely the same reason someone else did. Doesn’t matter that you “usually don’t.” If you were venting, getting it off your chest, looking for advice, suggestion, feedback, an answer, a solution, a resolution, laughs, perspectives, closure, comments, support or whatever the heck it was… you still shared something that you “usually” wouldn’t.

The internet will be around forever – I bet you thought the same thing about that big portable car phone. Who’s to say it will be? You don’t know jack about what will be around when our toddlers turn 30. Instead of shunning someone who shared matters on the internet that you think they shouldn’t, I think the most important thing is to ask them if it’s something that they would not mind someone reading in 5-10 years. If they can say with certainty that they wouldn’t, then leave them to their vices.

Lastly, what’s crazier than all of this is you’re always talking about how and why people should keep their business off FB- but then you out here in the streets asking people about another person and having discussions about their business. So you can discuss my business, but I can’t? Why can’t the person whose business it is, talk about it themselves?

Just be mindful about the part that you play in every situation that you chime in on and you might find it perfectly reasonable that someone chose the internet as their means of sharing what they shared. That’s all folks… -)

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The Best and Most Brutal advice I Can Give To A Wannabe Blogger

First, you must like to write, because that is what blogging entails: While you don’t have to be an author or a novelist, you do have to desire writing to some degree. I have been approached by many people who inquire about getting a blog started, in which they say, “I was thinking about doing some blogging. How do you “get into it?”” The first question I usually ask them is if they love or like to write, because at that point I am happy to meet a fellow writer. However, their response is, “I don’t like to write. I don’t know how to write, I don’t really like to write, I don’t think I am a good writer… I used to hate writing in school, but I think a blog would be cool.” Then, they go on to say that they want to take it up as a “side job” to earn extra income. They talk about how “cool” it is that you can write a blog and make money.

So, you ask them, what is it that you want to write about? To which they respond, “I am not sure yet. I haven’t thought about that.” You try to delve a little deeper by asking more questions. “What do you think you could write about every day?” Their response, “I am not really sure.” So, you have now established that they don’t care for writing and that they don’t have anything that jumps out at them to write about, which means it’s likely that they don’t have interest in anything that could hold their attention long enough to maintain a blog about it.

blue, bright, business

Funny thing is, I get the same thing from people who express interest in writing a book. They approach you and ask, “How do I write a book? …How do I get started?” The only way to write a book and get started, is to get started. An outline would be helpful. Brainstorming ideas of what you would like to share would be helpful. Deciding what your book will be about, will be helpful. But why does anyone need to tell anyone this? When people ask questions about doing something which aren’t more advanced to the process, it shows that they have done absolutely no research to begin with. Therefore, whomever your asking may look at your lack of beginner knowledge as a disinterest. You’re not interested in writing a book or producing a blog, enough for the person you’re seeking advice from to even share their knowledge. You must do the beginner work on your own. Save your life-line for things such as, “What would you recommend I do as far as choosing a publisher?”

Well, what is your book about? “I am not sure, but I think my life would make an interesting story. I have a lot of stories to share” OK. That may be the case, your life may be interesting enough to put into a book. At least you have a start. Now you need to shop that idea. The book title and chapters and content will expand and change once you begin. Don’t worry about the ideas being all over the place, that’s the purpose for a first, second and third draft.

apple, bed, bedroom

Same goes for the blog. Jot down some idea. Browse the internet for ideas. So, the second thing would be for you to find out exactly what you want to talk about. You will need to figure that part out on your own, because it will be your blog. You will also have to make time.

Who will you share this blog with? It’s imperative that you know your target audience. This helps you understand the marketplace for your blog. This helps you understand who you need to send this blog to and who will likely share it for you. You would not want to solicit auto geeks, with a blog about recipes. You need to determine who and where your audience is, so that you can reach them.

I also try to explain to people that blogs don’t just sit and accrue income. For some reason the public thinks that they can write one blog and it will produce income from the time they hit submit. I tell people who are not really interested in writing or blogging or giving attention to a blog daily, that this is not what they want to do and that it will not earn them any money just because it’s on a blog spot, website or word press. They have a warped impression that they can write one blog every five months and just because it’s on their WordPress, its making money. My advice for bloggers who begin without their own website would be to choose the platform that suits you. Find your niche, something you love or like enough to talk about every day. Something you don’t mind doing and being involved in. Something that if it were to consume you, you’d be fulfilled.

analog camera, camera, casual

Every Blogger is not an Influencer: This is where things are misconstrued. Some people create blogs as a hobby, by which they chose to monetize at some point or not. Some bloggers create blogs that showcase a variety of things they do, which is under their niche and fortunately gets noticed once their blogs grow. Some bloggers go on to become influencers, who get paid to list, post and advertise products and business services but only after they have built a following and have shown that they have an audience of people who will read their blog and potentially be influenced by their opinion. Becoming a blogger today, does not automatically guarantee that you will be an influencer by tomorrow. Unless, however, you already have the strong following.

A Bloggers life can appear to be uber fabulous when you get to the top of your game. Their pictures are lovely, they appear to have all the latest and greatest in fashion, accessories and technology. They take trips, are invited to private and exclusive events, they hobnob with the best of the best and they meet fabulous people in the process. The have awesome dining experiences in some of the country’s most luxurious locations along with having a night cap, courtesy of the 5-star hotel that they are staying in as a comp. So, then everyone suddenly wants to be a blogger, but have no idea what it took to build a fan base, a following, a reputation, or the preparation that went into selling themselves to companies to be brand ambassadors or influencers for their product or service. It is a genuine business and one that you must be passionate about doing because you are the engine behind the work.

Don’t be discouraged if you don’t have the following when you start. Very rarely did anyone. You can build your following as you build your brand and your blog. You can increase readership and subscribership through social media sharing tools, platforms and creatives, which help to market your blog. Keep your blog fresh, up to date and current. If you are writing great material that people show interest in reading, you’re on your way. When your audience see that you put a lot into the blog, supplying relevant content, information and solutions related to your niche, they will show appreciation via comments, likes, shares and following.

Take What You Need And Leave The Rest For Someone Else –

Take what you need and leave the rest for someone else

Erykah Badu said it first, “I am an Artist and I am sensitive about my Shit.” With that, I think it’s important that we acknowledge that there are several types of writers from diverse backgrounds with exceptional variances in their style of writing and we should respect the craft even when it’s not our cup of tea. Take what you need and leave the rest for someone else.

Most bloggers blog about things they know or do or have a vested interest in. They have chosen a topic/subject such as: Food, Family/Parenting, Entertainment Fashion etc. They study it and they live and breathe it. At least the successful ones who have monetized and made it into a lucrative career, do.

In blogging, I believe the style of writing can be influenced by subjects and topics. Likewise, topics can be influenced by the style of writing. IE: I like to shed light on poignant issues and give it to you straight, no chaser. Therefore, my style may not come through in a 1-2-3 step How To. The attitude and personality of the writer, then produces tone. My tone will not always be Happy -Go-Flow, but it will be leveled by the content that I am passionately speaking about. Whereas, someone who’s presenting recipes for Sunday afternoon, may come across as fun-loving, energetic and bubbly, all day long.

In other words, it just depends on what is being written. I can’t see how a blog about making tie-dyed tees can go wrong, but if you wrote about domestic violence, the tone may come through more prevalent that it would on a DIY project. So, depending on what’s being written about and by whom it’s being written, can be the difference in one blog post to the next.

I know it may be hard to believe that there are several types of people in the world and because everyone doesn’t want to read about Betty Crocker every day, there are people who write about other things because there is an audience of people who want to read about that.

Without trying to stir the pot, it may be a harder pill to swallow for you to know that this may be the reason there are several different blogging platforms to write for, who cater to several topics, so if you stumble upon one that you don’t personally care for, just take what you need and leave the rest for someone else.

There are 4 different writing styles as follow: expository, persuasive, descriptive, and narrative. However, I am going to give you my non-abridged version LOL.

As for the Writers:

Some teeter with the lines between political correctness and societal acceptance: They push the envelope, but not far enough to create a ripple. Just enough to move the water. They want to remain in a neutral writing state with readers. They don’t want to ruffle feathers, perse’. They want to write something and be as concise as possible, without making a definitive stance on one side or another.

Some writer’s keep it all the way safe: These are the writers whom will write the same across platforms. The tone is the same, the style is the same and more often, the content is the same. Perhaps it’s a blog specifically designed for Food or for Fashion tips. And they are not critical about fashion fopaux. They don’t express opinions, though they make suggestions and recommendations. Expository.

Some keep it all the way positive: Life is all about unicorns and silver linings, cupcakes and sock hops. They have somehow crafted a way to tell a story and always remain positive in what they call a balanced life in their ability to never think negatively and to always turn a negative into a positive without ever mentioning that it was a negative. They talk about things like how to make a doll house out of popsicle sticks, and what to do with your leftover pie crust.

Some writers implore writing techniques, such as use of metaphors and are extremely crafty in telling a story through parallel analogies to get their point across. It’s a story to follow that may exaggerate or soften the blow of a story, while they create a back story or flashbacks, but their point is very clear by the time they conclude. Narrative

Some writers are not as concerned about the feathers that will be ruffled or the heated debates and discussions that may arouse from the racy content. They are opinionated and blatant with their advice. They are those who pull out all the stops and are unapologetic. Some of them are viewed as rude and without tact, by those safe writers; while others admire their fearlessness and shamelessness in putting pen to paper about real life issues, without sugar-coating. It’s another example of straight, no-chaser. They can be narrative and persuasive.

Some are funny and sarcastic: They like to get their point across through means of comedy and it works. They have found that it keeps the reader engaged and entertained as they are learning and enlightening themselves on a subject topic and entertaining an opinion that they likely didn’t know they were entertaining.

Some writers have a mixed-style of writing, where they can seamlessly cross all style barriers, combining every component into a well written blog or a two-part story. If they can’t accomplish it in a 1-3-part blog, you can expect that they will be writing a book!

The take away is that with so much material that hasn’t been scratched, so many markets that are untapped, latest information becoming available daily, new writers emerging by the minute, unusual ways to present information and stories and vehicles for the many ways of expression, you are bound to find something you love and something you hate. Something you like and something you don’t like as much. Just take what you need and leave the rest for someone else.

Here’s why I don’t always post in real time, and a must read, as to why you should think about it

Simply put, I don’t always post to social sites, using real-time images or information. Because, I don’t want to and I don’t like to. This is because I have had the unfortunate pleasure, of being cyber-stalked and harassed beyond belief; in which it carried over into my life, causing an array of problems.

Consequently, I had to abruptly come to the realization, that there are people in the world, who are trolling your social media sites, just to find out where you are and what you are doing, at that very moment. What’s so terribly wrong with that? Especially when that is your line of work. Well, nothing. Except one very important thing. Their intent is not always pure. They are not always there as a sincere and genuine fan of your work, supporter of your work, or someone who wants to “follow” you. It’s to “collect information” a lot of times, and the motives behind doing so, are ill-willed.

Once I realized this, I used it to my advantage. Beginning a few years ago, I decided to give those roaches the run of their life, leading them on a roller coaster of “Where the eff is she really at today.” If I could have just seen their faces, when I’d broadcast 3-4 different events that I would be attending, all of which began at the same time; only for me to never appear at either, but rather, end up somewhere else, altogether. Then I shared it on social media the following day!

It worked in my favor, because I quickly realized that when I did not post anything about what I was about to do, my stalker had no time to strategically and maliciously make phone calls ahead of time, to those establishments, organizations, businesses or companies; for which I was working press or organizing an event. Whereas, prior to me becoming aware of what they had been doing, they were combing my social media daily, to find out where I would be, and what event I had planned. They would make phone calls and in a few cases, send emails to organizers, in an attempt to sabotage my work. They would feed them garbage, to slander my name and assasnate my character.

Fortunately for me, I had a few real ones, who notified me of what was happening. I was perplexed, as to why someone would stoop so low; both being highly educated professionals, with higher degrees of education and licenses for the work they did. One of which was an attorney, Houston based- who was extremely obsessed with everything I did from day to day. He made his life and career at that moment, about what I was doing, daily.

He and his accomplice went so far as to have me “fired” from Examiner.com and Modern Mom Blog, which I wrote for in 2013; by stating that I was a criminal. Did they do any research to find out the truth? Unfortunately, no they didn’t. However, many months later, the truth was revealed to me through an insider. A lot of companies, and in this case, a blog site, will take the word of someone they feel is a “credible source” such as an attorney. GO FIGURE. Arguably, the biggest liars known to man, is somehow seen as credible. But the truth is, when you throw around legal jargon with lay people, making threats to sue them or put them out of business, unless they fire one of their writers for talking about things that are happening, in their personal life ….it works. At least in those two cases it did. You don’t do a criminal background check to write for these blog sites, so how weird would it be for them to suddenly and randomly ask for one, without a reason, right? (which I would have gladly given if asked and informed) So, the easiest thing to do, is for them to just wash their hand and back out of an affiliation with you, when something like this occurs. Especially in the case of Modern Mom, where you have a well-known celebrity, as the owner.

IMG_1637When I began to write for other platforms, I took the smart approach. I decided to get in front of the problem. I went directly to the editors from that point. I informed them as to what was going on, and prepared them for what to expect. I also began to speak-out about it in my blogs. I disclosed to editors and owners, how I was being stalked, harassed, and sabotaged. I detailed exactly what was happening and why, once I realized who was at the core of it. I related that these two obsessed beings, were so enthralled in destroying me, that they were making calls, sending falsified letters, erroneous documents via mail and email to companies etc., using scare tactics to get me fired and to discredit my work.

Two platforms agreed to allow me to show them, with creating false campaigns, just to sit back and wait for the villains to make their move. It worked like a charm. One after the next, we were knocking them down and laughing in the writer’s room. Their efforts were relentless. However, after one last attempt at another site I was writing for (a site I shall not name) they ceased fire. Obviously, the editor did speak about it in a not so tell-all, kind of way, taking a diplomatic approach, I was able to figure out what the conversation was all about. I am happy to still be a writer on their platform today.

Here’s what I want you to take from this: This may be a story about how two extremely boring individuals, equally yoked in bitterness, malice and sadness, who had nothing else better to do, tried to destroy me and perhaps still are. But it can happen to anyone. Perhaps not to this extreme, but I will say that I didn’t think it would be this extreme either in the beginning. So, you just don’t know. I had to think about the fact that I have a small child, and at any moment, he could be with me on any one of my escapades, having an enjoyable time and we could have been ambushed. When people go the lengths that these two individuals went, you can’t trust their next move. It’s also a testament to the fact that, not only street thugs, gangsters and low-life people pull this kind of stuff. In fact, they don’t usually have the means or resources. It takes skill to do what these two individuals did. It took someone knowledgeable enough about the law, the script to use when scaring off these companies and causing them to raise a brow at me.

Fortunately, I found a way to make it work for me early-on. But unfortunately, it took a couple of lost assignments and platforms before it happened. In hindsight, I harbor no feeling of hostility toward those companies, as I know they were in between a rock and a hard place at the time, in trying to maintain confidentiality with their “credible source” and myself. In the case of blogging, we were not bound to any agreement. And that’s just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.

Everyone doesn’t have good intentions, and I consider myself to be very astute to that fact now. Especially, since I have learned of so many others, of which this has also happened to. I’m consciously aware that all people are not good people, so in my line of work and in my day to day, I have found a means to deal with it. I continue to mix it up every now and then, just so that I can keep them guessing, while I keep on moving!

#IamNotReallyHereAtThisMoment #IWasHereInAugust #ThisIsAnOldPic #ImPostingThisSoThatNoOneWillBeAbleToStalkMe #INeverWentToBeverlyHillsHotel #IDidNotEatPizzaLastNight #WheresNiedria #IBetYouAreWonderingWhereIam #IRefuseToLiveInFear

Article was originally published on CafeMom, at Here’s why I don’t always post in real time, and a must read, as to why you should think about it