Here’s why I don’t always post in real time, and a must read, as to why you should think about it

Simply put, I don’t always post to social sites, using real-time images or information. Because, I don’t want to and I don’t like to. This is because I have had the unfortunate pleasure, of being cyber-stalked and harassed beyond belief; in which it carried over into my life, causing an array of problems.

Consequently, I had to abruptly come to the realization, that there are people in the world, who are trolling your social media sites, just to find out where you are and what you are doing, at that very moment. What’s so terribly wrong with that? Especially when that is your line of work. Well, nothing. Except one very important thing. Their intent is not always pure. They are not always there as a sincere and genuine fan of your work, supporter of your work, or someone who wants to “follow” you. It’s to “collect information” a lot of times, and the motives behind doing so, are ill-willed.

Once I realized this, I used it to my advantage. Beginning a few years ago, I decided to give those roaches the run of their life, leading them on a roller coaster of “Where the eff is she really at today.” If I could have just seen their faces, when I’d broadcast 3-4 different events that I would be attending, all of which began at the same time; only for me to never appear at either, but rather, end up somewhere else, altogether. Then I shared it on social media the following day!

It worked in my favor, because I quickly realized that when I did not post anything about what I was about to do, my stalker had no time to strategically and maliciously make phone calls ahead of time, to those establishments, organizations, businesses or companies; for which I was working press or organizing an event. Whereas, prior to me becoming aware of what they had been doing, they were combing my social media daily, to find out where I would be, and what event I had planned. They would make phone calls and in a few cases, send emails to organizers, in an attempt to sabotage my work. They would feed them garbage, to slander my name and assasnate my character.

Fortunately for me, I had a few real ones, who notified me of what was happening. I was perplexed, as to why someone would stoop so low; both being highly educated professionals, with higher degrees of education and licenses for the work they did. One of which was an attorney, Houston based- who was extremely obsessed with everything I did from day to day. He made his life and career at that moment, about what I was doing, daily.

He and his accomplice went so far as to have me “fired” from Examiner.com and Modern Mom Blog, which I wrote for in 2013; by stating that I was a criminal. Did they do any research to find out the truth? Unfortunately, no they didn’t. However, many months later, the truth was revealed to me through an insider. A lot of companies, and in this case, a blog site, will take the word of someone they feel is a “credible source” such as an attorney. GO FIGURE. Arguably, the biggest liars known to man, is somehow seen as credible. But the truth is, when you throw around legal jargon with lay people, making threats to sue them or put them out of business, unless they fire one of their writers for talking about things that are happening, in their personal life ….it works. At least in those two cases it did. You don’t do a criminal background check to write for these blog sites, so how weird would it be for them to suddenly and randomly ask for one, without a reason, right? (which I would have gladly given if asked and informed) So, the easiest thing to do, is for them to just wash their hand and back out of an affiliation with you, when something like this occurs. Especially in the case of Modern Mom, where you have a well-known celebrity, as the owner.

When I began to write for other platforms, I took the smart approach. I decided to get in front of the problem. I went directly to the editors from that point. I informed them as to what was going on, and prepared them for what to expect. I also began to speak-out about it in my blogs. I disclosed to editors and owners, how I was being stalked, harassed, and sabotaged. I detailed exactly what was happening and why, once I realized who was at the core of it. I related that these two obsessed beings, were so enthralled in destroying me, that they were making calls, sending falsified letters, erroneous documents via mail and email to companies etc., using scare tactics to get me fired and to discredit my work.

Two platforms agreed to allow me to show them, with creating false campaigns, just to sit back and wait for the villains to make their move. It worked like a charm. One after the next, we were knocking them down and laughing in the writer’s room. Their efforts were relentless. However, after one last attempt at another site I was writing for (a site I shall not name) they ceased fire. Obviously, the editor did speak about it in a not so tell-all, kind of way, taking a diplomatic approach, I was able to figure out what the conversation was all about. I am happy to still be a writer on their platform today.

Here’s what I want you to take from this: This may be a story about how two extremely boring individuals, equally yoked in bitterness, malice and sadness, who had nothing else better to do, tried to destroy me and perhaps still are. But it can happen to anyone. Perhaps not to this extreme, but I will say that I didn’t think it would be this extreme either in the beginning. So, you just don’t know. I had to think about the fact that I have a small child, and at any moment, he could be with me on any one of my escapades, having an enjoyable time and we could have been ambushed. When people go the lengths that these two individuals went, you can’t trust their next move. It’s also a testament to the fact that, not only street thugs, gangsters and low-life people pull this kind of stuff. In fact, they don’t usually have the means or resources. It takes skill to do what these two individuals did. It took someone knowledgeable enough about the law, the script to use when scaring off these companies and causing them to raise a brow at me.

Fortunately, I found a way to make it work for me early-on. But unfortunately, it took a couple of lost assignments and platforms before it happened. In hindsight, I harbor no feeling of hostility toward those companies, as I know they were in between a rock and a hard place at the time, in trying to maintain confidentiality with their “credible source” and myself. In the case of blogging, we were not bound to any agreement. And that’s just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.

Everyone doesn’t have good intentions, and I consider myself to be very astute to that fact now. Especially, since I have learned of so many others, of which this has also happened to. I’m consciously aware that all people are not good people, so in my line of work and in my day to day, I have found a means to deal with it. I continue to mix it up every now and then, just so that I can keep them guessing, while I keep on moving!

#IamNotReallyHereAtThisMoment #IWasHereInAugust #ThisIsAnOldPic #ImPostingThisSoThatNoOneWillBeAbleToStalkMe #INeverWentToBeverlyHillsHotel #IDidNotEatPizzaLastNight #WheresNiedria #IBetYouAreWonderingWhereIam #IRefuseToLiveInFear

Article was originally published on CafeMom, at Here’s why I don’t always post in real time, and a must read, as to why you should think about it

Would you date a man who’s not over or obsesses over his ex-girlfriend/wife?

Personally, I wouldn’t, but I also know that there are some things, which would bring me to the conclusion that he’s not over his ex, which could be different from someone else’s conclusion. And because of that, I realize that my drift of opinion could be millions of miles away from what someone else’s views, in determining the same thing. To each, his own, and that includes thoughts, ideas, plans, etc.

I respect and value individuals who garner their own understanding of what they want in life and how they will go about getting it. That’s just having a broad sense of understanding and awareness. Which is also why I remain open to hearing what other women have to say about the many things, which involve: love, lust, regrets, relationships, marriage, commitment, loyalty, dating and divorce. All of which, could mean something different to different people.

In my humble opinion, some women don’t have radar for determining cheating, or being in love vs. being loved, and of course, determining if the man she loves, is in love with someone else….or obsessing over someone else.

Some women do have the radar, but it needs to be recalibrated. It hasn’t been used in a while and it’s locked on the car that they’ve been sitting in for a while. It’s locked in on the last target and is unable to work properly. It reads the wrong person. It gages the wrong speed. The light is not on. The power switch doesn’t work or it has been turned off. Their radar is out of date, expired, primitive, barbaric or ancient. They want so badly, so impress upon a man what the last one did or did not do.

Now, while there is profound and nostalgic beauty in the old, the aged and the antique; it’s not exactly the mindset you want when you’re living in the present and burdened with the hindrance of understanding how things work, in back to the future. Modern and New technology doesn’t force you to change, it does often times, aggressively request your participation in new technology, so that you can keep up. Yes, we are still talking about what it takes for you to determine if the man you’re in love with is caught up in his feelings over his ex.

There are some pretty general things that take place when this is the case, which would validate and confirm your suspicion, as they will point directly at the truth about it, where across the board, the consensus would agree that he’s not over his ex. Suffice to say, there are also things that would say the same about you, which wouldn’t be accurate. However, if the radar is working (gut and intuition) you’d come pretty dang close in your conclusion, and the accuracy would be above average. In other words, you’d still be closer to right, than you would be to wrong. It’s like a hypothesis, in a scientific method.

I believe that most women would agree on these blatant and undeniable actions, which can’t be refuted, which tells us that he’s not over his ex. Such as: flirting with the lines of communication, where his ex is concerned. Also walking a tight rope and/or pushing the envelope type of behavior, when it comes to his involvement or engagement with his ex. And then, there’s also the hatred and anger that he has toward her, for no apparent reason. If he does things like, stalk her in real life, stalks her online, stalks her job, repeatedly harasses her, and by use of the power and control wheel used in Domestic Violence diagrams, he complies with the entire wheel. If he’s still holding on to photos, memoirs, keepsakes and tokens that belong to her, like rings, necklaces, her wedding dress, her lotion or soap and other hygiene products…. sorry Hun, he’s not over his ex.

If he spends an inordinate amount of time reading through her post on social media, working with a peon task force to assist him in keeping tabs on his ex, while he’s incognito and sitting behind the computer (like most stalkers do in the movies) while collecting every photo she’s ever taken, all the places she’s been, all the people she’s with…then printing all of this, but covering that up by calling it “investigation” work …Boo, I really hate to tell you that he’s lying. Has he ever shown you all the stuff he’s been keeping? Have you read it all for yourself? Does it say anything that would suggest or imply that there’s a reason to have all that information? Why is she that relevant to him?

Well, just answer me this: Would you be surprised to know that he’s not over something from his past? Would it surprise you to know that he does all these things because he’s angry about the life she has without him? Would it surprise you to know that this is the stuff that pisses his ex off and causes her to have tantrums, because she can’t live her life in peace, as long as this stalker is there? Would I be accurate if I said that this is the reaction that fuels him? But have you asked him why is it that, her throwing a tantrum, excites him? Would I be accurate if I called this, A UNHEALTHY OBSESSION? Would you be surprised to know that stalking is illegal? Digressing. ……Because….

Nonetheless, it is still so, that one thing in the eyes of one person, can be totally different in the eyes of another person.

Some women don’t pick up the signs- others see the signs and they ignore it, because they have their own motives for being with such a man. The same woman will look over red flags, warning signs, stuff that doesn’t look right, lies and stories that don’t add up. They are making a mental note, for sure. But they aren’t taking any action in addressing him, because they are comfortable in this “asis” situation. They are nonchalant about it, because they already have their own set of ulterior motives and they know they won’t be around for the long haul. His behavior doesn’t bother her, because she’s in it for reasons of convenience. Once she gets what she came for, she’s high tailing it out and on to the next.

A woman who:

1. ignores a mans actions, which do not align with the purpose of setting aside differences and does not seem to want to
2. stop committing offenses against his ex and
3. who is not able to solidify his hate, anger and rage,
4. in order to validate why he’s “so mad”

…is a woman who ignores

1. what she likes,
2. what she wants and
3. what she deserves, because
4. SHE is up to something herself.

As seen on CafeMom.com

When your own research produces a TROLL list, rather than an active reader list. Stalkers BEWARE

If you are one who are serious about blogging, branding, expanding an established brand, or selling a product or service, where you use a website and multiple platforms for showcasing; you probably use one that tracts the footprint of your unique monthly visitors, subscribers, active readers, return visitors and conversion where the above is applicable. You come into a lot of information through analytics and so forth about the demographic of your audience.

In further review of that research, and especially if you delve into it with professionals on tracking, codes, coding, HTML, META tags, visibility etc., you will also access the ghost followers, the fake followers and the trolls. Especially when they leave comments. That is through the process of scanning, because everything you do online, has a footprint. This is how many companies get called out for writing their own reviews online and posing as visitors or customers. Companies such as Amazon have mentioned this before.

While that information may not be available to all the readers in this case, it’s available to the website administrator. Just as when I blog on someone else site, I may not privy to the tracking information, but the company is. Whereas, for my own site, I have that information at my fingertips.

If you have not hired, or you are not working with an Intel team or a super sophisticated team of hackers or people who have mastered the art of an untraceable navigation, search and landing; you have been seen by those savvy bloggers, journalist and writers who take their work seriously. Your IP Address is always available, even with a fake (or made up) email, because it still belongs to you. There’s information you will have to provide when setting up that account, which people will not generally know, but it’s still available if and when the time comes for investigation to take place and tract the origin of a comment, email, message etc.

Once this information is known, it’s a matter of time before its completely traced back to the originator or tied to the culprit associated with the delivery of those comments and messages.

In court proceedings, you can suggest a subpoena from the company, but there may be a lot of red tape to go through for it- and it really depends on the weight of the matter and the overall objective, which could be to single in on the person(s) who are involved in the sabotage of a writer or when safety for the journalist is a concerned.

I’ve worked with phenomenal sites in the past, which have taken the extra step in providing and sharing this information with me, so that I could track down and nail the stalker and the persons who were sending anonymous emails to companies I was affiliated with and making disparaging comments that weren’t from real readers or a legitimate source. It was important for me to know and have this information and I was happy to be with sites, which felt the same way.

Currently there are more sophisticated programs underway, which will offer an even more of birds eye view into this information, as it’s collected by the tracking systems. Once these programs become available, I am sure that we’ll be able to crack down on the amount of people who troll- not to reveal their identity for the purpose of violating their right the be anon- but if they are posing a real threat, it will be information that will be easily obtainable, no matter what your right is.

While January is Stalker Awareness Month, it remains a topic of discussion with me weekly, between working with and helping companies and individuals uncover the identity of someone who may just be a troll, with malicious intent, rather than a reader with a genuine interest for the content. It is important to me because I realize the damage that can come from a stalker, a troll and someone with the desire to surf the net for targets to destroy credibility, humiliate, discredit as a professional, seek revenge and retaliation on and ultimately to compromise their position in business.

I would encourage businesses and in individuals who are running their own businesses, whether its from home or an office, to seek proper firewall protection, utilize proper security features, invest in a tracking software and solicit the help from professionals who are experienced with dealing with cyber stalkers and bullies. It has been my saving grace.

AsSeenOn SheSavvy.com