ONE-NIGHT-STAND

One-Night-Stand

One-night-stand stood on the other side of my door as I stood anticipating why he was standing in my room. Forget about the why I told myself, a 7ft structure statuesque, his dreads -locked me into his eyes where his arms so gently braided themselves around my shaft. He sat me on top- nail in grove, a sturdy configuration as our anatomy parts together built an unconventional yet vintage masterpiece of nostalgic value.

A perfect component to secure and lock the position. Confound into his cast, my lips compose upon his collar, slightly departed to the redolence of his pheromones displaced all if my inhibitions into a place of outer space and I exhaled.

nightstand

His fingers located each melody upon my most erogenous zones playing them softly, the tune of heavy, slow breathing played on and on. My neck became weak from the balm that infiltrated my nose which lead my head to a more interesting place to lay upon his chest, the strength in my legs dwindles as they

Enervated and became bound around his waist tightly. A sewing machine motion, threading our garment…needle wove in and out of the fabric of our skin as we make a quilt of love. Up against my nightstand he stood one night. Back against the wall. My Stand is still decoratively standing six-positions and seven carats later…..Would you like breakfast he ask-

-Niedria Kenny aka Freely Speaking @NiedriaKenny

(perception vs perspective)

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Waiting and having patience: Don’t act like you don’t already know this

Waiting and having patience: Don’t act like you don’t already know this

I realize that the bidding sometimes starts low when it comes to guys choosing. And because of this, they never make it to the items with substance. When they do, they don’t see the value or worth because they have just placed a bid on something that appears to be the same or flashier in which not much work is required to maintain.

Here’s the deal: We aren’t really talking about auction items here. We are talking about or the difference between two women. Material, if you will…Both cut from the cloth of a woman. One of fine silk, lace trim, articulately crafted and woven to perfection. The other, a piece of cotton that can wash on any cycle. And all I am really saying is that you’ve never seen instructions on cotton that says, Handle With Care. And while you still should, if you want it to last longer, it doesn’t require it, so HE probably wouldn’t.

relationship

Women, you need to require that men handle you with the care that you need. If the instructions are not made clear, they won’t. From the time men were boys, they had to be told to take out the trash, clean their room, put their dirty clothes in the hamper instead of sprawled out over the floor. They had to be told to take a bath/shower, put on clean underwear…. You get what I am saying? They need instruction. Once those instructions are given and made clear, they can’t act like they don’t already know this. Only hold a man accountable for what they know. Then, hold yourself accountable for what you accept.

bath

I hear women speak about having patience in dating the guy that they want, but 5, 10, 15 years in they are still waiting and have yet to recognize that it has reached the level of what they tolerate and has it nothing to do with patience. When you begin to accept a certain behavior while telling yourself that you’re just being patient, you’re in denial. There’s nothing wrong with having patience when you are waiting on the right thing. But there is absolutely something wrong with tolerating unruly behavior while you continue to believe that one day he will give you what you want.

We convince ourselves to believe that something good could come out of this. We make ourselves believe that because he gravitates more toward the cheap knock off… to knock off, that maybe our expectations were too high to begin with; thus, our reasoning behind lowering or reducing our standards which lessens and devalues our worth in order to levy ourselves with him.

WORTH

Guys are probably going to always shop bargains and the lowest price, for long as it’s available but if you know that your merchandise is good, you know that you are worth a man making a substantial gesture in an investment of respect and proper care in you. And you will not settle for less.

Here are some examples of when it’s ok to be patience with the man you are dating

engagement

I will wait on a man who is building his net worth so that he can solidify his financial future

I will wait on a man who prioritizes his life in a way, so that it will work for the team in the long run

I will wait on a man who is responsible enough to know that his children should be first on the list

I will wait on a man who is eager to learn and is implementing things that he has learned

I will wait on a man who is consistent in showing by action and word, that he’s committed for the long run

I will wait on a man who speaks marriage and follows up with behavior that demonstrates he wants marriage

I will wait on a man who is diligent in seeking ways to build an empire

I will wait on a man who respects me during the process of my waiting, whom also shows appreciation

Here’s what is not OK to wait on, with the man you are dating:

break up

I will not wait on a man to stop cheating on me.

I will not wait on a man to decide I’m worth it.

I will not wait on a man to decide if I’m enough.

I will not wait on a man who doesn’t realize that there’s something tremendously wrong with supporting another woman in her endeavors but not me in mine.

I will not wait on a man who can’t decide if I’m worth taking home to meet his family and friends.

I will not wait on a man who puts me through rigorous tryouts daily, to compete for him. If he can’t choose, I will choose for him.

I will not wait on a man to decide if I am appealing and desirable enough to keep his attention.

I will not wait on a man to finish laying down with every woman who wants to lay down with him, until no one is left.

I will not wait on a man who does not know the difference between a knock off and authenticity

I will not wait on a man who sees me as his last resort

I will not wait on a man who sees me as an option and not a priority

I will not wait on a man that spreads himself around town and brings me his leftovers

I will not wait on a man who has a revolving door for women

I will not wait on a man who places me last on the list of things to be concerned about

I will not wait on a man who pretends not to know the preliminaries in a relationship, yet knows all of them when it comes to another woman.

I must live by the words I write. Otherwise, I would constantly have to shove down extra servings of crow’s feet. Since I chose a unique way to serve my pallet and one that includes delicacies, I’ll pass on the wooden nickels.

First Order of Business: Learn To Do Things Alone

adult, blur, braided hair

First Order of Business: Learn to do things alone. I know too well, the story of how a person waited to do the things they wanted to do, because they were waiting until other people around them were able do it as well.

I also know about what waiting for the “right person” to do those things with, sound like. Granted, the right person could make, has made, that experience all that we imagined, something more exciting and memorable, but what do you know about having that experience alone if you never do it?

Last year, I wrote an article about getting out of your own way. It spoke to myself as well as to other people whom are the reason for their own life never taking flight and the set-backs that may follow, in the realm of living a life worth living. We wait around and don’t accept opportunities to spread our wings, because we want our friends to go with us. We don’t want to go alone. We don’t want to do it alone. We need someone with us. We are afraid.

Woman in a Window

Our friends weren’t offered the same opportunities, so we rest in our comfort zones until “our friends” get the opportunity. For one reason or another, such as: They don’t have passports to travel abroad, they don’t have money for the flight, they don’t have time off from work, they don’t have someone to watch their kid, they can’t get a ride, they don’t have a car, they don’t have anything to wear, their finances are not in order, they have too many other things that are priority to your big adventure. So, you end up taking on their priorities. You won’t to do the things you want to do, because you put their priorities in front of your own. In turn, you lose your opportunity to do it.

What you must know is that the time may be right for you, when its not for someone else. This is your time. It may not be your time when the opportunity comes around for them. You may have a funeral to attend, a wedding to attend, you may have just had a baby, you may be purchasing a house and need to watch your spending, you may need to catch up on your own bills and you just might have something else altogether that requires your time, money and attention. But what you do know is that you didn’t do it when you could have and when you should have. Sadly, you also learn that the people you waited on, will not be waiting for you.

blonde, boardwalk, girl

Here’s the application process: Start with something small if you’re not used to doing things alone. No one said you must embark on a cruise alone or a girl’s trio with one person. Just start with something like Brunch or Lunch and Dinner at a local restaurant. If you want to go out to eat, don’t wait for someone to take you or miss out on the opportunity to go to the grand opening while waiting for someone to accompanied you. Have a seat at the bar instead of a table, that way it’s not so noticeable and overwhelming. Never mind what you heard about how desperate it must look like for a woman to be seated at the bar alone. That was something a man came up with anyway. Whomever said that a woman sitting at the bar alone is waiting to be picked up, show them that this is not all the way true by changing the narrative. You and you alone can do this, where your life is concerned. If you are not there to be picked up, it’s as simple as that. Shut them down when they approach you. Take some work with you if you need the distraction. Nothing says, I am not interested, better than simply saying, I am not interested. You find all sorts of inspiration for writing when you’re sitting at a restaurant alone and you do meet some amazing people when you’re open to discussions. All I am saying is, it’s your party. You chose your entertainment.

Learn to go to the movies alone. Laugh out loud. There’s a movie you want to see, and no one wants to watch it with you. The ones who do, are not able to because of one of the aforementioned reasons. Those aren’t your reasons. Those aren’t your priorities. Those are not your excuses. If you want to see it and no one can go with you, go alone. There will be another movie at another time that you will be able to watch with someone when the time rolls around.

beautiful, blur, daylight

Be mindful of the excuses people make too. Sometimes they don’t have legit reasons, they have excuses and their excuses for not being able to go, should not become the reason you don’t go.

My good friend, who shall not be named, told me about a movie she wanted to see but didn’t because the guy she wanted to go with was not able to. Weeks went by and the movie became available for internet download. Not only did he download the movie to watch at home, but he invited someone else over to watch it with him and it wasn’t her. Then, in conversation with him later about finally seeing the movie together, he mentioned that he’d already seen the movie. Shortly after, she decided to take a cruise. Once again, she waited for her friend to settle some business where he’d be able to secure a passport. Once he received his passport, he planned a trip with an entirely separate set of friends, which did not include her. Imagine how that made her feel. The very same thing could be happening to you, when you wait for someone to be able to do something with you or for someone to decide that they want to do anything with you.

Young Woman With Luggage Standing on Train in City

Date yourself… and fall in love with yourself. Learn to love being with yourself. Once you’ve done that, you become OK with being with yourself. At that point, you realize you are ready to take that trip by yourself, make that move by yourself, harness that management role by yourself, and finally, render that leap of faith by yourself.

How To Remain Busy In Between Social Seasons

We adore social season! Not just because we get multiple rolling racks of clothes from Designers and Department Stores, tags still in-tact, with recommendations about what to wear to each event and which pair of shoes will go better with the selection of accessories which were also sent over to compliment the wardrobe. Not even because we are gifted the items we choose to wear from the selection that’s sent to us, along with a few others, out of the store’s generosity and compliments of the designer. But because it’s our time to have an enjoyable time.

Woman At Shoe Store

Social Season is to Socialites, what going out every Friday is for everyone else. Because they don’t go out every night, they look forward to these few months to have a drink with friends and meet new friends, while convening for a cause. They sanction the time for being able to socialize with like-minded individuals who have joined the circle and are committed to the mission and vision of awareness campaigns, fundraising events and philanthropic endeavors which they are involved in.

bag, fashion, jewelry

When those months are over, they retreat to their home. Some run small businesses from the home and others have blogs that they tend to, while others still lead non-profit organizations on into the next social season. For some, they have small shops and boutiques which call for their attention to booking and crunching numbers when there is no assistant, or because they just rather be the closest person to their numbers. Believe it or not, some have absolutely nothing to do but twiddle their fingers.

beautiful, eyewear, fashion

I have made a few recommendations below on what you can do during this brief period between social seasons.

Take A Trip: This is probably when travel arrangements are made anyway. Though you may have been just about everywhere you want to go, go again. I am sure there was land untapped and untrodden territory in which you were not able to get to on the last trip. Find a new place to go, somewhere you would have never thought of. Explore the ins and outs of the city in a taxi or on a train. Experience the culture in those cities rather than just the shopping options. Broaden your horizon. You’ll have something to talk about with your new and old friends when the season rolls back around.

Attend a Seminar or take up a class: Education provides an ever-flowing stream of knowledge and no matter how smart you think you are, there is something that you do not know. There is something else to learn. Find a class or seminar that speaks to the ideas you have about creating a more successful fundraising event. Attend a class online for a license or accreditation or certification that pairs with your line of business or a business you would like to open. Share these pearls with your friends or your partner.

Read A Book: Books contain many keys to success. You may find exactly what you are looking for in a book, from an adventure through the visuals to ways to unlock doors in your life which lead to something more fulfilling. Books have been described as the next best thing to traveling. If you don’t want to read a book or have read all the books that you are interested in reading, perhaps you can write one. If you are not into book writing, you can solicit the help of a ghost writer who will be able to take your story and put it into publication.

Learn a new craft: New craft can sound very boring, but that’s because we don’t give full thought to what crafts may include. It’s not just about sewing and knitting, crocheting and making curtains. Crafts can include so much more, such as: You can learn to make wine, cheese, candles, pottery, glass and jewelry. I can guarantee this will be an interesting topic for discussion at your next event and you can also use some of these items as party favors, giveaways and silent auction items.

Spend time with your children: We all know that social season can be demanding of your time, no matter how much fun you end up having when the party comes together. And knowing that, means knowing that you end up spreading yourself thin. Take this down time to spend more time with the children. Give the nanny the day/week/month off. Give the chef the day off and get in the kitchen with the little ones to bake cookies together. Cook dinner for the family. Take a cooking class together. Take your teenager to the movies, or spend time in your home with them watching Netflix. Bond with them (or at least try to) we know how teenagers can be.

Learn an unfamiliar dance: You can use this time to take up a dance class, learn to salsa, tango, belly dance, waltz, jive, ball room dance, hustle, flamenco, samba, mamba, lambada, quick step, east coast swing, swing and tap. This will prepare you for the next social season as well, when there is a theme involved.

analog camera, camera, casual

Other things you can do in the meantime:

Take up photography. Take up an acting class, yoga or Pilates. Use this time to work out, get in shape or stay in shape for the next social season. Explore Bike-riding, spinning class, hiking trails.

Use this time to build better relationships with those new friends you met at the last event. Use this time to get together with new and old friends to work on a project. Schedule a spa date to make it more fun. Plan a Women’s day outing. Take a girls-trip.

Work on something around the house, such as clearing the closet getting rid of items no longer needed, schedule for the salvation army to pick it up items you would like to give away. Rearrange furniture, making for a more inviting space. Decorate the house, adding accents to compliment the new season.

This list can go on and on. There are many things you can do to pass the time between social seasons, in which you can have a wonderful time doing. You must dust off the old thinking cap and get to it.

Get Your Foot Out Of The Doorway And Allow It To Close

Leaving the door cracked, partially closed or propped open is the same as leaving it open. WHO ARE YOU KIDDING? When we leave openings of any kind, small or large it creates a space for people and things to continuously seep in, re-entering our life, to exist and set up residency in our future. This arrangement can bring destruction to the greater things that life may have for us. IE: Remaining in any sort of a relationship that’s not edifying to our spirit, pauses and in some cases, it puts the brakes on any chance for us to find happiness in something else and someone else.

Stop committing sender/receiver error. More so, stop receiving things that break you down, break you apart, tear into your soul and destroy your heart. Revoke those things! Deny it, speak against it and be pro-active in making sure you do not invite it in.

We do it all the time when we send/receive and accept those phone calls from our from the past. We commit this error when we accept those text and then we wonder why our life is in a constant state of rewind, a loop in which we can’t escape. We commit this error when we think an innocent lunch with our ex, or a drink just to catch us, will not leave us with the remorse of opening old wounds. It happens when we think we are strong enough to be in the presence of an old addiction without succumbing to the pressure and temptation that come along with it. When you leave the door open, you cannot question why there are flies in your soup.

This is what happens when we respond to those Happy whatever messages, such as: Happy Birthday, Happy Mother’s Day, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year

Sometimes, all a person needs to hear from you is a response be it good or bad, for them to misinterpret your intentions. For some, a negative reply is better than no reply, so you are continuing to feed their delusions with saying anything at all. When you reply, you then wonder how they came back into your life, but it was you who extended the invitation.

Stop “trying to be nice.” There is nothing mean about ignoring a text or a phone call or a voicemail message from someone in your past that you want to get away from. It’s not rude to close the door on people who have constantly shut it in your face or slammed it on your finger. When you leave the door cracked, you’re essentially sending the message that this is something that you would potentially go back to.

You may think that responding is a show of how you have peacefully moved on with the ability to be cordial. You can achieve this with a no reply. Or perhaps it defines your point of being the bigger person instead of participating in the pettiness of not responding. But why are you even concerned about the interpretation someone may get from you responding or not responding, when you can give two effs about them? Honestly, I just don’t think about unimportant people on such special occasions. I don’t have to display this with a “cordial response.” It does not make you bitter in not responding. It makes you aware of what you need to do in order to fully move out of your past and into your future, if you don’t have intentions on taking the past with you.

Beware of This: “We can still be friends.”

That is them trying to make sure that you have left the door cracked for them. They are periodically checking to see if you’ve left the light on for them.

Here’s your response: Nothing!

Because when you have decided to leave the past in the past, you have said to yourself, “No, we can’t be friends because we have had such a volatile past and an explosive history that has brought more pain than pleasure. You are no good for my future and all you have done and continue to do, is bring misery into my life on multiple levels.

To continue to respond beyond this point is showing yourself powerless to move on from a situation that no longer serves you. Everything does not deserve a response and every person certainly doesn’t deserve your time and attention. Delete the messages and move on.

I used to be the person who thought it was necessary to at least say Happy Father’s Day to men I knew who were Fathers, or Happy New Year to people just to show that there were no hard feelings about the past, but then a time came where I forgot to do so. I forgot that it was someone’s birthday and I became too busy to respond. It wasn’t important anymore. With that change, I realized that the only reason I did it in the past was because they still meant something to me. Whatever it was, they were still holding a place marker in my life, in which they were not worthy of holding- no matter how much I told myself that they didn’t. When you truly move on to a new space in life, this is what happens.

When happiness finds you, you have no time to entertain the past by any account. When you find that which you have been seeking and it brings you joy, you have no desire to revisit the past or any of its reminisces. When you find yourself in a euphoric state of being, the last thing on your mind is coming down from that elevated place of existence and truth be told, you’ll fight anything that tries to bring you out of it.

Sometimes it’s as simple as changing your number, your address, your location. Other times, you may not be able to do so, but you are certainly able to change the way you respond; meaning no response is a good response. This only works when you truly want it to work.

Ask yourself, who do you give two effs about hearing from again?

Are you in a place where you are ready to let go of the past? Are you in a place where you can accept the fact that you may never hear from this person again when you hit them with the no reply?

There are many people whom did not get that scheduled Happy New Year text or Happy Holiday text from me this year, or a reply…and it wasn’t intentional. It’s because I have long moved passed what I thought was a necessity in responding and the space they used to occupy has been filled, to where I whole-heartedly did not think about them. I was too busy with the things that matter to me in life. It was because I TRULY do not give two effs if I ever heard from those people again, and I would go on living either way. Although, I do wish them all the best

Why I have Chosen to remain from using the terms Strong and Weak, when summing up a woman’s ability to handle challenges in her personal life

The title of this article started off as: “I’m so tired of hearing weak women, define what a strong woman is, in such a condemning manner.”

But that would have tremendously defeated the purpose and would have been intensely counter-productive, at making the point that women should be empowering one another, instead of calling them weak, for the way they deal with pain or handle a situation that solely belongs to them; and what you should be doing, is offering support.

If I am honest with myself, I admit I have been guilty calling someone weak. However, in seeing/hearing someone say it, while generalizing, and making this assessment of someone else; I saw how unfair it was, as it pertained to their ability to process pain. In seeing how less than smart that it made this person look, it did cause me to reflect. I was just beside myself, and happy to say that in that regard, it’s something that I have never done. But it still influenced me to make a conscious decision/effort to remove it from my vocab, going forward.

It’s not a good look to make such a statement, when you don’t have details and you assume you know something. Or when you are just that basic, and ridiculously absurd, that you would gauge someone’s strength and weakness by their ability to handle their hardship; or a willingness or even a decision to “walk away” from something that has affected them, without saying a word. In other words, these people were saying that if someone talks about their pain, that they are weak. Or if they talk about the attributing factors, it’s a sign of weakness.  WaiWhat?

Here’s the deal: I would be lying if I said that I do not think situations exist, where someone’s actions, and behavior, may have been a great demonstration of a weak person. For Instance: I do believe that it is weak for a woman to get her 5-year old step daughters ears pierced, just to piss off the biological mother. And I think it’s weak for a business woman to deliberately get a co-worker fired, because she feels threatened by her position/talent and or skills. I think it’s weak for a woman to date a man with a child, and grossly neglect his child because it’s not hers. (He’s weak in that situation too) But…. these are not the things that I am talking about here.

Why is it so easy is it to say, “women are weak, if they have been victimized, and talk about it too much, but they are strong women, if they never mention it, or if they can somehow get over it” But you haven’t the first clue about what their situation entails, aside from a raw opinion of how much time, it should take someone to process their pain? How do you solidify your advice about what strong and weak is, and validate yourself, as “strong”, by calling another woman weak, for the way she processes her life?

How many times have you heard this statement: “She’s a strong woman, you never see her cry”

Strength, IS NOT synonymous with the ability to suppress emotions. That’s just an ability to suppress emotions. The term strong, like a title of the elite, has somehow become immortalized. When you are conditioned to believe that “crying” is weak, you tend to suppress things, just to keep from crying, so that you can appear to be “strong”. I don’t think that because a person can hide their tears, that they are strong. No more than I think that a person who can hide their pain, is strong. I am not saying that a person who does not demonstrate any vulnerabilities through crying, is necessarily “hiding something.” I am saying that it doesn’t make them stronger than someone else who does. And it does not define strength. I think it means that they are greater actors, who may have to face all the things they have suppressed one day, in a big break down. And because they now assign a certain behavior as it pertains to emotions, to strength; I think that they will ultimately have that pain escape their body in a different form, such as: alcoholism, possibly some prescription drugs, loneliness, depression and other things that they now embody, to deal with the pain, that they are “too strong” to show. (some opinion, huh?)

Pointing The Finger: You shouldn’t tell another woman that she’s weak for “pointing fingers” after she’s been victimized. When there’s fingers to point, sometimes it’s necessary to point. In fact, you shouldn’t refer to it as “pointing the finger” rather than, appropriating and being able to assign, so that she can achieve closure for herself and know what she needs to deal with. She could be defined as the stronger one, because she’s not afraid to “speak.” This is the path that she chose, which works for her. She’s not afraid of what someone may say and most importantly, she’s not afraid of being called weak, for speaking up.

Playing The Victim: It used to be called weak when a woman didn’t or wouldn’t speak up. Now when she does, you tell her she’s weak and that she’s playing the victim. Waiwhat?

You can call silence, and holding it all in, an example of putting on your “big girl panties” by walking away and choosing not to talk. But I would call that “a big cover up”

How do you call a woman weak for being a victim, while accusing her of “playing” the victim; when she IS THE VICTIM. How about when you are the victim, you’re not playing anything. It’s not a role. It’s a reality. Sometimes you can’t help but to look like, exactly what you are, and it wouldn’t matter how you tell the story or who told the story.

Society has glorified strength in such a way, that real victims are afraid to be a victim, out of fear of being called weak. If they were the victim, they can’t change that. You can choose to say that you’ve overcome something or that you have not allowed to hold you back, but a victim is a victim.

Is it possible to tell a convicted killer in a murder case, to (Un-Be the killer) stop playing like the killer, when they were, the killer? He is the killer, no matter which way you split it. In both cases, rehabilitation is a viable option, but it’s doesn’t change the fact that for this situation, they were the victim or the killer.

Instead of calling them weak about the facts of life, I would apply encouragement. I would support them, as they grow out of what has happened, by telling them that they don’t have to hold the rest of their life hostage to it. Perhaps that’s what strong women should teach or impress upon their fellow girlfriends.

Do This: Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are strong, because today you did something that you didn’t/’couldn’t do yesterday.

And to other women, I would say: You did something that many women may not be able to do. And you can be happy about that. That’s your joy. But do not tell another woman that she’s less than strong, because this is a challenge for her. We are all strong.  But we are all weak together, when we can’t see that we are all different and cannot be expected to emotionally process life the exact same way.

There are no two situations alike: You can say that you went through something similar, but you must consider all variables, and they must be the same; if you want to make a comparison.  If the situation produced a different outcome, conclusion, consequence, then you can’t compare.

Women aren’t statues made of stone, and even if they were- we’ve seen several buildings fall. Need we reference the World Trade Center. So, don’t judge the strength of anyone off the fact that they can’t stand for a certain amount of time during a trial. Or because they can’t sustain some of the harsh blows that are delivered to them. Or because for a moment, they didn’t withstand the tide. Never at any point, should you take the liberty, to tell her that she’s weak because she couldn’t. You are just as weak, if you cannot help her out. If all you can do is stand by and watch it happen, and do nothing, but tell her how weak she is, then that makes you weak. (In my humble opinion)

Make this your response: Dear haters, I still want you to win

I want you to win because I believe in empowering people, women and men. I hope to motivate and inspire you to believe it for yourself too. I want you to win, because I want to see you happy. I want to see you rise above your ways, thrive and flourish into something beautiful. Even when you don’t wish the same for me, I still want to see it for you. I want you to have all that you’ve ever hoped for, wished for and dreamed for. Everything that you think will make your life great or greater, even those things which cause you to envy, or despise who and what you don’t know- I hope that someday soon, that you can have it. I want you to win.

I want your life to be an on-going list of amazing experiences. All the places that you want to go visit, all the luxurious hotel beds that you want to sleep in, all the first-class flights, jets, or private charters and yachts you want to take, the house that you want to live in, the financial situation that you want to have, the emotional state of happiness that you need, and whips that you want to push, I want you to have it all. I want you to have the clothes, the friends, the networks and the support. Even though you don’t support me, I still want you to win. Even though you have not been a friend to me, I still want this for you. I hope that someday, in the near further, that you won’t have to live vicariously through anyone, and that you can have the life that you so desire.

I want you to win. I want you to place every egg that you have in one basket, and I want it to multiply for you. I want you to reap seeds of prosperity and I want you to love yourself. I want you to be able to do all the things in life that will bring you peace and joy, whether it’s to have kids, work a job you love, have the career that you want, the title in life that you want, and I want you to be with someone you love. I want you to have the relationship with family that you want, sip champagne just because it’s Sunday and enjoy brunch every day, with people who wish you well. All this, because I truly want you to win.

It doesn’t matter who you are, I still want you to win: Whether we went to high school together, and you judge your own success in life off who went further, or whether you are an ex, who can’t get over a past of pain, in which I never knew I brought to you. I still want you to win, whether we worked together at some point and you did your best to get me fired, I still want the best for you. I will still put my best, in sincerely wanting you to have everything you took, take or are trying to take from me. Whether you were a girlfriend to an ex, who never wanted to see me with him, whether you were a parent of someone I used to know, who hates me for no reason. Whether you are a teacher who never wanted to see me graduate, whether you came in, 2nd place to me in a competition for a title or position that you wanted, whether you are someone who gets sick at the sound of my name, I still want you to win.

Even though you secretly stalk me, wanting for a moment to swipe my happy moment, I want you to win. Whether you are someone who, with bad intentions and motives, prowls my social media, I want to see you win….Whether you are a church member caught up in the hoopla of lies and deception, games and trickery, with no will to see me come out on top. I still want you to win. If you are an attorney, who took my money, with no intention to help, but all the desire in the world, just to get information and then take it back to those who betrayed me, I STILL want you to win. Whether you have taken my deepest secrets and placed your own verse on them, creating your own rendition, before sharing them with more people, who are just like you, I still want you to win.

I still want you to win, despite the blatant ways you have tried to make me lose. I still want you to win, even though, when you knew the truth, you still sided with wrong, just to see me fail. I still want you to win, even though you take from me and I give to you. I still want you to win, even though we don’t know each other, but you judge me based off things you may have heard. I still want you to win, even though you constantly look for ways to bring me down.

You can have it all, but if your heart is not right and your spirit is corrupt, you’ll never be able to see it. You’ll never feel the joy that comes into your life, long as you’re blocking the door with hatred, spite, anger, envy, jealousness. Wishing Hurt, harm and pain on someone else, or damaging a person, sabotaging a person, destroying someone’s reputation, credibility and life; will never return to you all the things you want. I want you to win so that’s why I’m sharing this pearl.

I want you to win, so that you can stop hoping and wishing it away from other people, and so that you can stop dwelling on what they have, and how you wish they didn’t have it or how you hope they lose it. I want you to win, so that you don’t have to rely on your happiness coming from seeing someone else lose the things they have worked so hard for.

But, here’s the catch: I want you to wake up and decide that you are going to be happy and that you want to win, fair and square. Your win can not come from taking, stealing, lying, or being manipulative, deceiving and dishonest. That’s when you’ll know that you’re WINNING

Then, with intentional purpose, set out to just be happy. I want this for you, that you will be able to do just that- so that you can live again. So that you can shut off that internally redundant behavior of hating on other people; by which you have been gossiping, spreading and perpetuating lies and creating drama. I want you to stop engaging and dealing in acts of hatred toward other people’s happiness and their possessions.

I want you to have a life that is so full of the things you love, that you will no longer concern yourself with me or anyone else that you think is doing better or that may have the things that you want for yourself. I want you to have the luxury of being involved with things that can be positively life altering for you as well as a blessing to the world. I want you to experience a transformation that is so powerful, that you wake up and realize that hating on someone else, will never grant you the happiness that’s required to truly enjoy any of the things above. I am still rooting for you!

Originally published on Cafemom.com. See it here